By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Rules

We are spending the night in the camper at our new house. I’m writing this Friday night because tomorrow is move day and I’ve missed posts the past few days. I’ve been too exhausted to think about writing at night. I’m too exhausted right now but enough is enough.

We are not entirely packed. Our plan is to arrive as early as possible to continue packing before the movers show up. I don’t think we’ll be completely done by the time they’re done moving us. I just hope to have as little left as possible that I’ll have to move after our move.

One of the last things we did before we left the old house was to dismantle the mattresses for the bed. We had to let the air out, pull the foam and air bladder, and pack that up. Now the movers can take the frames apart.

To get ready to dismantle the beds, I had to drag the dog’s toys from under the bed. I also pulled out two bins that hold lube and assorted toys. The clear bins obviously show the contents. Unless I want the movers, all about my oldest son’s age, to see the contents I’ll have to get those bins into the car before the movers hit the house.

With any luck, by the time you read this, the truck will be all loaded and will be on it’s way to the new house. With even more luck, the unload will have started. Dare I dream? Speaking of dreaming, we may even be able to sleep in our own bed. True, the camper bed is our bed too. But I mean our house bed, all snuggly in bed with no reason to get up early on Sunday morning. However, it’s a strange place and who knows how well we’ll sleep. Plus, the dog will make sure we’re up early.

All I know is that by Saturday, with the move done, the rules will be back in effect. Punishments will resume. Although it will take a long time to unpack, things will start getting back to normal tomorrow night.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

We spent the last two days packing. The movers are coming this morning. Despite her heroic efforts, Mrs. Lion has a few odds and ends left to pack. I’m concerned that despite getting rid of more than half our stuff, what’s left still is too much to fit into the moving van.

Through this stressful process we have both been in surprisingly good humor. We spent last night in our camper, which is parked in the driveway of our new house. This morning we drive back to the old house to meet the movers.

It goes without saying that Mrs. Lion is exhausted at the end of the days. On Wednesday night she had enough energy to edge me several times. Needless to say, this leaves me super horny. It’s been 8 days since my last ejaculation. Not a lot of time I admit, but still I *really* want to come!

“Too bad,” she says laconically. Too bad, indeed.

This is one of those times that I think back to the good old days of jerking off. They weren’t all that good. The frustration I feel now is part of a very exciting thing we do. In the old days I was frustrated and upset that I wasn’t sexually interesting to my lioness.

In those days I got myself off every three or four days. Sometimes I would wait a week or more. That was rare. I don’t control my sexual rhythm. My lioness owns it now. How badly I want to get off is irrelevant. It’s easy to type that, but even after six years of this, I get just as frustrated as I did in the beginning.

Is it a male thing that no matter how tired we are, we still are readiy for sex? The women I have known are not interested in sex when tired. “Not tonight, Dear, I have a headache.”

I doubt I will get lucky tonight. Moving is just too exhausting.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Keyholder, Male Chastity, Spanking

I’m sitting in our new house on one of our dining room chairs with the computer on our waxing/massage table . Mrs. Lion brought these items over to give me someplace to sit while I wait for our new washing machine to be delivered. (It never arrived. The store changed delivery date at the last minute.) It’s an odd feeling being in an empty, unfamiliar place. It will take a long time before we can make this our home. The movers are scheduled to come on Saturday.that’s when the real fun begins.

I’m writing using my new laptop. It’s one more unfamiliar thing. I’m fully dressed. This is the most unusual sensation. When I’m home or any other place where there is privacy, the rule is that I am naked. I guess I’ve become an involuntary nudist. It’s not exactly involuntary. At this point wearing clothing is what feels unnatural. The nudity-at-home rule has been in effect for the full 17 years Mrs. Lion and I have been together. After all this time, it’s my natural state.

That’s the thing about rules: obey them long enough and they just become part of your nature. For me this is true about masturbation. It’s been six years since I’ve jerked off. No masturbation was Mrs Lion’s first rule when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device. It isn’t the sort of rule you would expect a keyholder to make at the same time she was locking her male into a  chastity device.

Actually, it came about because I told her that one reason that I wanted to be locked up was because I thought it would be an incentive for us to interact sexually more often. I went on to say that over the last several years, I had been masturbating one or two times a week because we were not doing anything sexual together more than once a month.

She was surprised that I masturbated. She had no idea I did that. I was surprised she didn’t realize I was jerking off now and then. She was unhappy that I was getting off on my own. I think that she considers me jerking off is a form of cheating. I was having sex with someone other than her. I never thought of it that way. I just considered it a way of relieving sexual frustration.

That was that. I did point out that I couldn’t masturbate if I wanted to. I was securely locked in a steel cage. There was no way for me to play with myself. Nevertheless, she made it absolutely clear that locked or not I was to never make myself ejaculate. She would be my only source of sexual satisfaction. There were no exceptions. Some keyholders allow their males to masturbate under their direct supervision. Not me. My paws were forever forbidden to get myself off.

Mrs Lion understood that the key to conditioning me to keep my hands off her weenie was to never under any circumstances allow me to satisfy myself. I was surprised that after a few years of continuous lockup, I completely forgot how to get myself off. I don’t even think about it. I know that I could probably make myself come, but I don’t really want to. I do like making myself hard once in a while when I’m wild. Mrs Lion knows I do it and while she didn’t explicitly tell me I could, she never said I couldn’t. I’ve written about this practice several times and she has never said anything either way. [Mrs. Lion – Actually I told him he should watch himself. I don’t want him doing it too often.]

Operative conditioning is the process of instilling nearly-instinctive behavior through learning. This is what happened to me. It happens to anyone who is consistently made to perform or avoid a behavior. This is good news for the power exchange, but it does have a darker side?

Most people, when they read about someone who is conditioned this way, react negatively because they feel person was a victim of a Svengalian manipulation. People like me who welcome control, also have a problem with it. Nudity and hands-off the weenie are now built into my psyche. I don’t get any rush of sexual energy thinking about being naked or about not being allowed to get myself off. Those things are just part of me.

This happens even in casual BDSM situations. In those cases, there isn’t the kind of operative conditioning that changes a behavior permanently. There is a kind of familiarity that sets in and robs the bottom of the little thrill submitting provides. Anyone who has been in a dominant/submissive relationship knows that there is almost constant pressure to escalate the way the dominant partner exhibits power.

I spent decades as a top/dominant practitioner. I had several long term relationships with bottoms. Invariably, their need for escalation would push me to the point that it became too much trouble trying to satisfy their need to restore the submissive thrill.

In our relationship we need to be careful to manage this issue. It’s possible to both condition and keep the thrill alive. We discovered a way accidentally. When we first started our disciplinary relationship, we realized that neither of us had any real experience in the sort of power exchange we were beginning. Mrs Lion knew that we needed a lot of practice to instill the disciplinary habits we needed. She decided that if she made some rules I couldn’t help breaking, there would be legitimate reasons punish me and thereby teach both of us the disciplinary habits we wanted.

This meant that at some point we would have two distinctly different kinds of rules. The first kind, like forbidding me to spill food on my shirt, had no real emotional loading and, given the way I eat, guaranteed to provide plenty of opportunities punish me. It also provided Mrs Lion a very good laboratory in which to learn how to observe my behavior consistently. It’s worked very well. A little surprisingly to me, I actually stopped spilling food on my shirt very often. I recently started again because my eyesight has suffered and I can’t always see where food ends up going. My current backlog of spankings is due to this problem. I don’t mind because we both still need practice.

The second kind of rule is much more difficult to observe and enforce. This is stuff that actually impacts our lives. For example, Mrs Lion hates it when I interrupt her. I suppose everyone hates that. For some time it’s been a punishable offense. She’s never consistently enforced it. In fact, she almost never lets me know when I do it.

It isn’t because Mrs Lion isn’t a terrific disciplining wife. It’s because there is a special kind of fear associated with calling someone out on something that carries the risk of being greeted with defiance or anger. It’s one thing to observe and punish something like getting food on my shirt. On the other hand, calling me out for interrupting can be risky on an emotional level.

Even though I’ve agreed that Mrs Lion has every right to punish me for doing things that annoy her, she knows that when she calls me out I will probably be upset because interrupting is an ingrained, if negative, part of my personality. It’s something I am doing that’s wrong. It isn’t silly or trivial. Actually, the trivial rules were put into place to develop the habit needed to enforce these more serious infractions.

But I digress. My point is that once some demonstration of power, whether it is a rule or some BDSM physical activity, becomes habitual, it loses a lot of its sexual value. You may think that this shouldn’t be a problem. After all, at least in our case, the rules and their enforcement are designed to lubricate our relationship. They aren’t about sexual thrills.

That’s true; they aren’t. It’s perfectly okay to completely disregard whether or not I get turned on thinking about breaking any rule. I’m on board with that. I know that I like those little tingles. I seek them out. Interestingly, one very common activity we practice is spanking. I always get a little aroused when I think about being spanked.

Over the last few years I received hundreds of spankings. Even though this activity is very painful and unpleasant, thinking about being spanked is remains a turn on. Given the way things like masturbation, spilling, and eating first became extinct thanks to consistent enforcement, you’d think that spanking would also become a routine part of my life.

It hasn’t. I still get that tingle when I think about being spanked. I get absolutely no sexual arousal out of the actual act. I hate every second of it. I can’t explain it. For some reason I am immune from becoming sexually indifferent about being spanked. I actively work to avoid spankings. I fear them. Mrs Lion has become a very severe disciplinarian. Yet, I can get an erection thinking about her punishing me this way.

This is relevant because apparently there are some things that never lose their thrill. Since spanking is not something that we do for play very often, it’s almost unfortunate that this activity turns out to be one that’s perennially arousing. It would be much better if I reacted sexually to things that aren’t associated with real punishment. The point is that those of us who are on the bottom crave that kind of sexual arousal. It doesn’t matter if the activity is painful or not. The anticipation and memories of having it happen turn us on.

So, when an activity stops getting my penis hard, it’s a loss. I want to look for other things to replace it.  I do long for the arousal I feel when Mrs Lion lets me know we will do some BDSM activity. She favors cock and ball torture. She enjoys putting Icy Hot on my balls, covering them with clothespins, or doing something else very uncomfortable to my genitals. Occasionally, she will doing anal play as well. I get very turned on thinking about that though I’ve never stayed hard when she’s done things there.

As a top, I disliked the pressure of having to come up with new ways to restore the thrill for my bottom. I know Mrs Lion feels the same way as my top. It comes with the territory. The key is for me to realize how difficult it is to keep that thrill alive and to work hard to make things easier for my lioness. She always has the good old standby of threatening me with a spanking.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

Since we are focusing on our move, sex and discipline have been largely absent. Well, absent from actions not from my mind. We seem to be bedroom-rooted when it comes to both. Mrs. Lion reserves time after dinner for discipline. It’s been a very long time since she’s spanked me before we’ve eaten our dinner. Similarly, sex has been reserved for after 10 PM. Occasionally, we will snuggle and she will edge me or even let me ejaculate before that hour. This is true even on weekends.

I’m sure this isn’t unusual. Logically, it makes some sense to wait until the day has wound down and we are relaxing. I’m not sure that this is the best idea. We’ve integrated enforced male chastity and our disciplinary activities into our marriage. Neither of us consider these things external to our basic relationship. When we’ve had to suspend any of them, we both miss it. At the same time it appears that we’ve compartmentalized these activities into a small, end-of-day block of time.

There isn’t anything inherently wrong with that. From the very beginning this is how things have gone. On the rare occasion I’ve been spanked or masturbated during the day or early evening, it’s felt exotic and a little bit naughty. We are alone in our house and we have no external reason why we can’t do everything and anything whenever we want. It just seems that the current comfort zone lives in the evening.

I would like to change that. It may not be possible because both of us are basically creatures of habit. However, spontaneity is something that I think we should cultivate. Our BDSM play activities are also very limited. There is a good reason for this. Mrs. Lion comes home tired from work and wants to unwind. On the weekends, she also likes to get other things done first. I get that. Months ago, Mrs. Lion set up her Box O’ Fun. As you may recall, this is a small wooden box filled with slips of paper on which Mrs. Lion has written various BDSM activities. She used to take it out and have me pick a slip of paper. She would then do what was written on that slip. The activities ranged from clothespins on my balls to spanking, penetration, etc. It was a way to overcome our sexual inertia.

It was a very good idea. Sadly, that went into disuse as well during the time I had to deal with medical issues. We haven’t resumed. We both are at fault here the very reason we initiated this was to try to overcome our desire to just not move. A lot of the responsibility goes to me because of the medical problems we had to cope with. I’m now much better. However, we are in the middle of moving. We can’t really spare the time to do much of anything. Mrs. Lion is exhausted because she has to do the packing. By the time she gets home from work, makes dinner, and does some packing she isn’t in any shape to do anything with me.

We need to think about the future. Once we move into our new house there are even more reasons not to do anything. We will be occupied with unpacking. This is a challenge most couples face. The easiest way to resolve it is to turn off all the intimate activities. It’s very easy to prioritize “essential” non-sexual activities. It’s also completely understandable. But I’m convinced that this sort of inertia can be destructive.

I think we have to get practical and prioritize sex and our power exchanges high enough so that we can reserve time to pursue them even if other, more pressing vanilla needs are getting in the way. The problem isn’t just time. It would be pretty easy for us, given our penchant for routine to schedule 30 minutes each day for these activities. The hard part is finding the energy to actually do things. I have no easy answer for that. I just know that we need to do something.

I think that the fact we have relegated these activities to hours after we eat dinner, sets us up to skip them. I think we need to consider being more flexible about timing. On weeknights, it’s impractical to expect Mrs. Lion to come home from work, get out of her work clothes, and commence these activities. She needs time to wind down. My suggestion would be to consider doing this after she takes her shower. She usually showers about half an hour after dinner. In the past, pre-medical days, this was when she would spank me if I had a spanking coming. A short time after that, she would initiate any play or other sexual activity for the evening.

I would like to get back to this. I’m not saying we have to start tonight. That would be incredibly unreasonable of me. I do think we need to sit down and do some play. we need an agreement; one that we will not break easily. When we first started enforced male chastity, we had an agreement that I would be teased at least once every other day. Mrs. Lion honored that religiously. We should do something like that now. Perhaps agree that if I have punishment coming, it gets delivered at least every other day. Hopefully, if I have a series of spankings coming it would get executed daily. However, it’s unreasonable to expect that all the time. Maybe we could agree to dig out the Box O’Fun two or three times a week. Of course, if Mrs. Lion is in the mood she could bring it out or just decide for herself what she wants to do to me at any time.

A lot of people wonder why things like contracts and other agreements are necessary for something as organic as sex. We like to think about things as intimate as sex and play as spontaneous activities. Thanks to our male chastity agreements, sex is very much alive and well with us.  Also, because of these agreements as well as our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD), our sexual communications channel is wide open and our sex life is alive and well. Of course, we have bumps like now. We also have tools to get over them. I’m very grateful for that.