Lion’s I-didn’t-get-what-I-want pouty face

Let me start out by saying I found this on Facebook so take it with a grain of salt. I read an article about a 50 year study on spanking. On children, of course, but it was interesting anyway. Basically what they found is that they have no idea if spanking is good or bad. Some people theorized that it encouraged aggressive behavior, but conceded that the children who were spanked might already have been predisposed to aggressive behavior whether they were spanked or not. And what about children who were spanked and turned out OK? Did they overcome the horrors of spanking to become model citizens? No one knows. I’m sure there are equal numbers of children who were not spanked who turned out to be criminals. So after 50 years of studying, no one has any idea if spanking works or not. No one has any idea if it does harm or not. Way to spend money on a worthless study!

What does this have to do with FLR and domestic discipline? Absolutely nothing. Lion supposes he wants discipline now because he never had attention as a child. I don’t remember being spanked as a child. I’ve heard stories about it. My sister (seven years older than me) insists it was my idea to hide the wooden spoon when I was around four. Why would it be my idea? Methinks it might have been at a certain eleven-year-old’s urging if I, in fact, was the one who hid it.

The reason the article interested me is because it got me thinking about spanking Lion. Does it do him any harm? I doubt, at this point in his life, that he would turn into a criminal because I spank him. Does it do him any good? I think it might. He’s the one who wants the discipline. He wants to know what he’s doing wrong. What two-year-old can say that? Yes, I know. I call Lion a toddler from time to time. But that’s more of a I-didn’t-get-my-way-so-I’m-putting-on-my-pouty-face sort of thing.

Lion wants discipline for at least two reasons. Number one is his fantasy of having someone control him. Naturally the reality isn’t as hot as the fantasy. 2.0 hits hard! Number two is his desire to change his behavior. He wants to be a better person. For me. Ironically, it was me who had to change into 2.0 in order for him to start changing, but that’s a story for another time. So my theory, and I am full of theories, is that spanking is good for Lion. Granted, it’s a one-subject study, done for less than a year, but I think the logic is sound. And how much money did I spend on it? The cost of a few paddles which weren’t really necessary since we have a ton of other paddles.

Thank you. My study will be published, well, here. It was just published here. Just now. This is my study.

bloggers are like authors. they don't always tell the truth
The Web is full of stories that claim to be true. Reader beware!

There are a surprisingly large number of bloggers writing about enforced chastity and female led relationships and marriages (FLR). Two interesting sites aggregate various blogs and display links to their latest posts. They are Keyheld and Sheheld. I regularly check in there to see what people are writing. These blogs fall roughly into three categories: journals of experiences, fantasies, and instruction on how to do FLR or enforced chastity.

The journals are a mix of what seem to be accurate discussions of real life and fantasies couched as actual events. Of course, it is impossible to know exactly which are real, but a little common sense goes a long way in separating the wheat from the chaff. I’m not against fantasies, but a lot of readers are looking at our blogs for help on establishing real-life chastity and FLR.

The sites that annoy me are the ones that give “advice” on how to establish enforced chastity or a female led relationship that are clearly (to me) fantasies that have little hope of succeeding. Frequently these people write “guides” that they sell for very high prices. Often they use their own relationships to illustrate their advice. It lends an air of credibility.

What set me off was one post offering advice to women wanting to start a female led relationship. This advice, supposedly written by a woman, consisted of putting the male in a chastity device and then attaching a chain to it so he can be led around like a doggy. This might be a hot BDSM fantasy, but seriously, is this a change anyone is going to make for life? The writer, who claims to be female, goes on to say her husband is handcuffed if he is naughty or if she takes him out of the device. Show that article to your wife as a way of introducing her to enforced chastity and FLR. I’d love to hear the conversation that follows her reading. This particular post was so ungrammatical that either the guy who wrote it is functionally illiterate or English is not his first language.

The reason I get so upset at this is that men who have a serious interest in trying enforced chastity or FLR might think this stuff is real. The reason otherwise discriminating guys will fall for this crap is that they are so obsessed with the hot fantasies, they suspend disbelief long enough to show their partners these “guides”.

Let me offer a few guidelines that might be helpful when judging the authenticity of advice:

  • If the writer refers to herself as “Mistress xxx” she is either a guy or a woman who makes money dominating men. Often you will find books for sale or “professional” keyholder services on their sites as well. There’s nothing wrong with selling or buying these things. Just be aware that the person who is writing is doing it to make money by telling men things that turn them on.
  • If the writer gives a list of things a keyholder or female head of house must do, chances are very good it is a fantasy. Those of us real-life practitioners know that there are no rules everyone must follow. There is no minimum wait time, protocols, or things a guy has to do.
  • If the “story” seems too fantastic to believe, it probably is. Very few women invite their friends over to dominate their husbands. You get the point.
  • If you have to buy a book or pay money for help, be very sure it is authentic before wasting your money. There are too many sources of free information, like our blog, to make it necessary to pay for what you can easily get for free.
  • The blogger claims to be female and has penis or penis-in-chastity-device pictures. Not many women feel the need to publish penis shots. Some women do publish pictures of naked men submitting to a woman, but penis closeups? Nope.

I am not against blogs that are filled with fantasy and Fetlife adventures. They can be pretty hot. But it is important to understand that they are not real. If you want to introduce your partner to enforced chastity, understand that the more complex and sexual the introduction, the less likely she is to agree to try it.

It’s true that somewhere, someone is actually doing all those fantasy things. Some of those fantastic blogs may describe reality for someone. Who knows? What I know is that you aren’t going to be that lucky, at least in the beginning. Enforced male chastity and female led relationships evolve. They start with very small changes and over years can evolve into adventures that would rival fantasies.

There’s nothing wrong with reading and writing fantasies. I just wish people would label the fiction. I know they won’t. It’s up to you to decide what’s authentic and what is someone’s jerk off fantasy. Enjoy the wild Internet.

paddleLion forgot his collar last night. I didn’t realize it. When he did, he put it on. A little while later he confessed. It was punishment night so I planned to give him swats for it. Then I forgot. I remembered just before bed, but I wasn’t going to do it then since Lion was already snuggled in. I thought of it again this morning on the way to work. And then Lion reminded me in an email.

So as I was thinking about it this morning, I started to wonder if the punishment should be less severe if he self-reports. After all, I’ve missed it too. Plus it may encourage him to continue to self-report. He said last night he considered not saying anything but decided that would be wrong. So he does need some sort of punishment for the offense, but I’m thinking it shouldn’t be as harsh. Maybe that’s 1.0 talking, but it seems right. I mean, think about it. If you caught your kid skipping school, you’d punish him. If your kid came to you and confessed to skipping school, you would be disappointed, but you’d also want to encourage him to feel comfortable coming to you with problems. Maybe you wouldn’t punish him. Maybe you’d give him a lesser punishment. Maybe you’d realize if he confessed he already felt bad enough. Sometimes knowing you’ve disappointed someone is enough punishment. While 2.0 may be jumping up and down yelling, “Whomp his butt!” because she’s just a bitch out for blood, that may not be the answer.

I do think Lion needs some swats for forgetting. He will get those tonight. Ironically, when we were in the kitchen last night, I was fondling Lion’s butt and looking at the kitchen paddle, thinking I should give him a few swats just because. Those very swats could have served as punishment for forgetting the collar. Even though I didn’t realize he needed them at the time. Perhaps I should just give him swats randomly. That way he would have a bank of punishment to withdraw from.

Last night I decided to test out a theory I came up with on the weekend. If you remember, I said Lion’s ass was burning when I tried to peg him. We had no idea why. His theory was that maybe it was the enema he did before we started playing. I thought it might have been the dildo since it had a strange color to it. Something might have gotten on it. So I wanted to try it again to see if it would burn when he hadn’t done an enema.

It went in OK and Lion said it hurt more than burned, but that might have been because it was a larger dildo and it was stretching him. I left it in for a few minutes without moving it so it would stretch him. After I removed it he said there was a slight burning. We can either wash the dildo more carefully, throw a condom on it so we can still have the size while protecting his skin from the surface of the dildo, or toss the dildo altogether. It’s the first one we got that fits on the fucking machine so it’s sort of important. Before I retry that dildo, I’ll find a similar size to see if the burning is only because of the stretching. I never took any science classes after biology but it appears I am enjoying experiments.

chastity device
My Jail Bird male chastity device. It was custom made for me and fits with complete comfort. The base ring is 1 3/4-inches in diameter and is oval-shaped. The cage is 1 1/4-inches in diameter and 1 1/4-inches long.

Some people think that a chastity device should allow room for an erection. So their devices are largely empty most of the time. As a result, peeing is messy and hygiene poor. There are a lot of misunderstandings about how a chastity device should fit.

Yesterday morning I found myself awake over an hour early. I had a morning erection and no sexual thoughts at all. This isn’t unusual. Many guys experience “morning wood”. This phenomenon is the body’s normal way of keeping the equipment tuned and ready. My chastity device doesn’t cause me pain when my penis attempts to get hard. Some devices hurt and will wake their wearers up.

Modern chastity devices have two main parts: the base ring and the penis container. The base ring fits like a classic cock ring. The balls and penis are threaded through the ring. Poorly-sized base rings generate the most discomfort and pain for their wearers. Guys new to enforced chastity will sometimes obsess over the need for “security”. They want a device they can’t escape while locked. They reason that the tighter the base ring, the more difficult escape will be. On the face of it, this is true. However, the tighter the base ring, the more difficult it will be to wear comfortably.

Ill-fitting rings will chafe and bind. Painful irritation follows. During day-t0-day activities, the base ring needs to allow the body to move under it. Friction will cause irritation. Some guys try to lubricate their skin to alleviate the discomfort. This is a temporary fix at best. The ideal base ring will allow the body to move under it and at the same time provide a secure anchor for the penis cage. Plastic base rings are far more likely to “stick” than steel ones. The plastic is wider and tends to adhere to the skin. Stainless steel rings minimize the surface area in contact with the skin, and if not too tight, will allow the body to move without irritation.

The penis tube or “cage” is much more forgiving. I found that for me at least, a diameter about 1/4″ smaller than my flaccid penis and the length about 1/2 to 3/4 inches shorter than my shortest measurement are ideal. When the penis is flaccid, the cage should touch all surfaces of the penis, including the head. It should fit like a glove. Most people can’t find an off-the-shelf device that will fit very well. For long term wear, I found that only a custom device would work for me.

The design of the device itself is a matter of personal taste. However, the more open the design, the easier it will be to stay clean and odor free. My Jail Bird is completely open. I don’t need to do anything special in the shower too keep clean,  and  during the day, my penis stays nice and dry.

I think that a lot of guys let their fantasies control what they buy. I think that most men who have been wearing a device for any length of time will agree that the primary requirement for a chastity device, other than keeping their hands away from their junk, is comfort. My device is on me an average of 23 1/2 hours a day, every day. That’s over 95% of the time. I couldn’t manage it if it hurt.

Lions in the news
On a personal note, Men’s Health magazine interviewed me and is going to feature the interview in either their July/August or September issues. It was exciting to have a chance to share a positive view of enforced male chastity in such a popular forum (over 1.8 million circulation). In case you didn’t see it, Mrs. Lion and I were interviewed by the Huffington Post. You can find the article here. They also included us in this podcast.