Lion has been trying a new masturbation machine. He said it wasn’t as good as I am. Just to be sure he doesn’t forget that, I gave him a blow job. It didn’t require the massage table. I just had him lie across the bed as usual. And then his very own, live masturbation machine went to work.

The machine may have different settings and suction levels, but so do I. The difference is that he doesn’t have to adjust the settings. I do that as I listen to his noises and feel his movements. In all fairness, with the air conditioner on, it was difficult to hear him. I had to rely on movement. I think I did a pretty good job. I got him all the way to an orgasm. I know he hadn’t waited all that long between orgasms, but he doesn’t always have to. I wanted to see if he would give me some cream filling. In addition to having a satisfying orgasm, he did give a little taste of cream filling. Yum!

His past few orgasms have been “weird”. I don’t know exactly what that means. He wasn’t able to explain it. All I know is that it could have been better. Last night’s was. I hope that means he’s back to normal with regard to orgasms. I like his cream filling and I want him to enjoy coming.

Our excessive heat warning is set to expire tonight at 9 pm. However, tomorrow is going to be 86. While it’s true that’s seventeen degrees cooler than the 103 it was yesterday, it’s still pretty hot. I’m not sure it will be cool enough in the pantry to wax Lion. We may have to wait another day. This time around, it will take longer because I want to wax Lion’s legs too. I don’t mind his hairy legs, but they’ve taken on a life of their own. The hair is very thick, and it looks out of place with his naked body. It may even take two days/nights to get done. Normally, his back side doesn’t take long at all. But with the addition of the legs, it will take a lot longer. Legs are a pain in the neck to wax. Let’s tentatively schedule it for Tuesday night and Wednesday night. It will be cooler and both nights mean I don’t have to rush to get it all done.

[Lion — I never cared much about removing my leg hair. My thighs always look a bit unnatural when the hair just starts a short distance from my balls. I agree that I look better with bare legs. What do you think?]

Over the years, I’ve reviewed a few male masturbators, the industry term for devices designed to get a man off. This isn’t your daddy’s vibrator. The Amovibe Albertine actually sucks cock. No kidding, it does. The manufacturer used the technology developed for penis pumps to realistically suck a penis.

Penis pumps are devices that include an airtight container that goes over the penis and a pump to remove air. When some of the air is removed around the penis, it expands. The lower air pressure allows blood to flow into the penis and make it hard. Using a device like this regularly will enlarge the cock, usually making it thicker. The result isn’t very aesthetically pleasing, but it is larger.

Anyway, the Albertine has a small electric vacuum pump and two bullet vibrators. You insert your penis (soft or hard) into the device and start it. The vacuum pump draws the penis in while the vibrators stimulate it. That’s the theory. The device is programmed to suck and release at intervals. The intensity of sucking also changes. The Albertine comes with four vacuum modes and ten vibe modes.

The vibrator patterns are the standard ones that most modern vibrators have. I’m not terribly fond of any of them. But I’m spoiled. The vacuum settings are interesting. My favorite is a steady suck and release pattern. The intensity of the sucking is moderate but enough to draw my cock in. One of the five patterns includes a very powerful suck that drew me in with a good amount of force. It felt good. The other sucking patterns were a bit odd and not too exciting for me.

The device is reasonably priced, $72.99 USD at the time of this writing. Shipping is free. It uses a USB charger, and each charge lasts a long time. It doesn’t come with clear instructions. However, if you scroll through the images on the product webpage, you will find illustrated instructions.

use test

Good instructions would have been helpful. I went back to the Amovibe site to get ideas. I lubed my  cock and poured some into the silicone sleeve. There is a clearly marked power switch on the top of the device. I inserted my soft cock and held the power switch down for three seconds. The vibes started. I didn’t feel any suction.

I fumbled around and felt a rubber strip near the top. Pressing the top of the strip cycled through the vibe patterns. More fumbling and I realized that the suction control was at the bottom of the strip. I pressed it once, and I felt my cock being drawn in and released in a regular rhythm. It felt good, but not great. I pressed the bottom of the strip again, and a different sucking pattern started. The fourth pattern included a very powerful suck. I liked it. It pulled me in and held me for a few seconds.

I finally realized that I had to “help” the device. I pulled it a couple of inches away from my body so that each suck would move my penis in, and each release would let it slip out a bit. That worked well. The vibrations didn’t do much for me. Your experience may vary.

Of all the masturbators I’ve tried, this is the best. I’m including AutoBlow in the list of less exciting devices. The problem I had was that the sucking patterns weren’t quite right for me. I wanted a stronger, faster-sucking action. The ones provided weren’t enough to do the trick. If the device had more control over speed and vacuum, it would be perfect.

The vibrators were too general. All of my penis was stimulated. Vibes only work for me when they focus on my frenum area. General vibration is more annoying than fun. It would be great to let me use the device with suction alone.

The Albertine has great potential. It’s definitely worth the price. If a version could be made that connects to an app that allows better control, it would be perfect. As it is, I had a lot of fun trying it and plan to use it more if Mrs. Lion lets me. I may need more “practice” with it to make it orgasmic.

This device was provided to me at no charge for review.

I finally made it to get bagels. Since there was a Costco not too far away, I went there too. I got gas for the first time in well over a month. Not only does it help to have a hybrid in these situations, it also helps to work from home. We were sick during that time period too. And, of course, COVID has kept us away from public places for the most part. I left about 10:30 when the temperature was almost 80. When I got home at 12:45, it was 94. Ugh. It’s like an oven outside. And as you walk, you hit hotter bands of air. I guess it’s like a pool when there are cooler areas. I was drenched in sweat from just carrying everything in from the car.

On Friday, Lion asked when I was going to wax him. The plan was for this weekend. I decided on Sunday. We were discussing how much the air conditioners have helped with this hot weather, and Lion realized I can’t wax him tomorrow. The pantry and the hall leading to it are the only places the air conditioners can’t reach. It’s not unbearable in there, but waxing will definitely be too uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be cooler on Monday. I can always start the wax melting process midday so we can do it when I’m done with work.

Lion’s stomach was bothering him last night. I set up the massage table while he showered on the off chance he’d feel better. He said he didn’t want to discourage me, but he couldn’t handle any sort of sex. As far as I’m concerned, the only thing that will stop me from setting up the table is if I don’t feel well enough to do it. Otherwise, it goes up until we either use it or decide against using it. Of course, I could always say I’d prefer to give him a blow job on the bed. Somehow, I think Lion would be open to that idea. [Lion — Always!]

Sex is difficult when only one partner wants it. No matter how much goodwill exists, the non-sexual partner is rendering service with no direct reward of its own. This is our situation. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to do things for me. It’s much subtler. She wants me to feel good and be happy. But she doesn’t see the point in acting unless I’m in the mood at the time.

If she got something from the transaction, she would be motivated to put me in the mood. That would increase the chances of fun for both of us. She used to complain that I didn’t do things to turn her on before sex. She was right. I wasn’t very good at it. Now that the tables are turned, she is even worse than me. [Mrs. Lion — I doubt that.]

Mrs. Lion doesn’t innovate. I decided that we needed to try new ways to facilitate play. I suggested and ordered the massage table. In the past, she said that the waxing table was a good place to jerk me off. I agreed. She continued to use the table as a storage area. Making it accessible once every six weeks or so was the limit of activity for that option. I ordered a new table that we could easily set up. Mrs. Lion has set it up three times. Excellent. My point is that she could have thought of this. She’s very inventive. The problem was no incentive.

Over the years, I’ve come up with ideas that would help build continuity. One was to train me to accept pegging. My thought was that if we scheduled sexual activity, we would build habits. It didn’t work. Some of the time, she was not feeling up to it. Other times I didn’t want it. If Mrs. Lion isn’t feeling up to something, that’s a good reason to postpone. Me not being in the mood is a terrible one.

Her position is that if I don’t want something that is being done for/to me, she shouldn’t do it. Well, I can’t decide that I don’t want to be punished. Why do I get to decide about sex? Like it or not, Mrs. Lion has to be the active partner. Lack of innovation or enthusiasm tells me that she isn’t all that interested. Why should she be? There’s nothing in it for her.

The problem is that there’s a lot in it for me. If she liked sex, I could get her turned on and encourage her to be active. There’s no incentive now. I’m her favorite charity.