Lion reacted to yesterday’s post exactly like I thought he would. He says he suggests a lot of play. He does. He says if he has to call the shots, it will be less fun for him. Less fun than no BDSM? I don’t think so. Anyway, we’re back to the same old story. I have to decide what we’re doing, when we’re doing it and then do it. I’m in charge, after all. Yay me.

By the way, I wasn’t suggesting he call all the shots. I just thought it might be nice to know what he’d like once in a while. He maintains he tells me when he suggests things. Fine. I also wasn’t suggesting he’s the only one who can pause the TV. I was merely saying he can signal that I have his full attention by pausing it. No problem. I can always give his balls a quick swat when I want his attention.

Before I went into the kitchen to take care of the dinner dishes, I told Lion I would be setting up the massage table when I came back. Yes, I said I’d do that every night when he went into the shower. Busted. Anyway, I think I surprised him, not only by telling him my plans and setting up the table, but also when I told him I wanted him face down and proceeded to shove my fingers up his ass. It’s been a long time, as he’s stated many, many times. When I was cleaning up on Saturday, I found a candy cane-shaped toy made of glass or acrylic. It’s very pretty. I used that on him too. It’s smooth and not very thick, so I didn’t think it would be a problem for his semi-virgin-again ass to take.

When I told him I was done with him, he grumbled that his front wasn’t getting any attention. Can’t make a Lion happy no matter what. He didn’t know, of course, that he was getting more fun in the bedroom. At first, I forgot about his sore. He said I wasn’t hurting it by sucking him. I don’t know if I really wasn’t hurting him or if the good outweighed the bad. Whatever the case, we didn’t get very far. That’s okay. We’ll try again tonight. Or maybe I’ll have something else in store for him. One never knows.

We’ve been going back and forth about BDSM lately. In her latest post, “Do You Understand?” Mrs. Lion said that it was my fault because I don’t tell her what I want. For example, instead of complaining we don’t use our restraints, I should ask her to use them on me. It sounds like she wants a script of what specific activities I want.

That doesn’t sound like much fun to me. It feels, well, commercial. I’ve been trying to suggest activities indirectly. What does it mean if I say, “We haven’t used our restraints lately,” or “The shock collar is on my desk charging, ” or “we haven’t done anal play in a long time.”

Are those just complaints? Maybe they are hints. I’m trying to signal what might be fun for me. I figured that I’ve been pretty transparent. No one ever accused me of being subtle. My idea is that if I just suggest things that have been neglected, I’m gently reminding my lioness without putting pressure on her to do it now.

I guess that doesn’t work.

We managed to figure out how to handle spanking. We even made it useful. Do we need to create a concrete plan for bondage, butt play, etc. That could be challenging. Actually, we had a way to manage it. Remember the Box O’Fun? When Mrs. Lion used it without consulting me about my mood, we were both having a good time. Maybe using it every day was too much. How about a game to decide if it gets used on a specific night? Flip a coin? I’m sure that my lioness can come up with something.

She brought up one other point: the pause button. For some reason, she seems to believe that I am the only one who can use it. If she wants to make things more than casual, can’t she pause the TV?

There is a much more significant issue under all this. If sex and BDSM are just for me because doing them for me is a chore, then I guess I should be calling the shots. If it’s something she does for me, maybe it makes sense to recognize how important it is for me not to control the action.

Yes, I know that I suggest most of what we do. That’s not topping from the bottom. It’s lion education. Making me decide when and where ro do it, takes a lot of the fun out of it for me.

I think Lion missed the point of my post yesterday. Actually, two points. The first one is that I don’t keep track of things that I don’t get to do anymore. He tells me it’s been X number of days since he’s had any sort of BDSM. Yeah. And? How many episodes am I behind with “Grey’s Anatomy”? He doesn’t like to watch it and it seems stupid to make him sit through it, so I don’t watch it. The second, and more important, point was that Lion can speak up and tell me what he’d like. If I do too much CBT, why can’t he say he’d really like some anal play tonight rather than hoping I’ll stumble across the idea? Yes, he says the restraints haven’t been used. Can’t he say he’d like to be tied up tonight?

Since he was lamenting the loss of BDSM and I said we’ll still do it (I never stopped doing it), I figured he’d be waiting for me to pull out the whips and chains because he brought it up. He always tells me I don’t do things unless he brings it up. I also wanted to see if he’d actually tell me specifically what he wanted. He didn’t. That’s when I figured he must have missed that point. I just decided to swat his balls. I haven’t done it in a long time. Yes, it’s CBT. Yes, I tend to lean toward it.

I didn’t just start out smacking his balls. I checked for the sore spot on his penis to make sure I knew where it was. I wasn’t where I thought it was. Good thing I checked. And I fondled his balls and weenie before I started swatting. I know he doesn’t like it. I also know he wouldn’t have told me to do it initially if he didn’t like it to some extent. I didn’t come up with the idea on my own. Hitting a guy in the nuts is a good way to induce vomiting. Every girl knows that. And that’s why it’s the go-to move when trying to get away from an attacker. Knee to the nuts equals one doubled over guy and an escape route. I never would have thought about hitting his balls without his encouragement.

He did make some purring noises when I hit the sweet spot rubbing his weenie. I don’t know if I was supposed to insist he pause the TV, but the TV didn’t pause. He’ll argue that the remote was near me. I’ll argue that Alexa can pause the TV if he tells her to. I’m just looking for a little give and take. If I start the ball rolling, it would be nice for him to give it a shove to keep it rolling.

We seem lost lately. It’s partially a communication issue. I’m not sure I understand what the other part is.

Mrs. Lion recently expressed interest in penetrative sex (“Drought“). She pointed out that we had a failure when I tried to mount her doggie (lion) style. I couldn’t sustain my erection. We theorized that because all sex had been with me on my back for so long, I lost my ability to have sex in any other position. I did some research on that subject. We may have been close to the truth. As men age, we often have trouble sustaining erections during intercourse.

My lioness tends to believe that since we failed all those years ago, we should never try again. She wrote that she likes anal intercourse. She used to like it. I assumed that if she stopped wanting orgasms, both the front and back doors were closed. Maybe not. Or, perhaps she was just using anal sex as an example of her sense of timing. I don’t know. From my perspective, it’s a bit scary contemplating another sexual failure. I’m reluctant to try. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Another factor that plays into limiting what we do is that Mrs. Lion forgets what’s available. For example, she brought my shock collar and charger into my office on Sunday night. She said that she was out of outlets at her desk. She plugged it in to charge at my desk. Then she went back to what she was doing. It’s after 2 PM on Monday, and I haven’t heard a word about it. Am I expected to wear it? I don’t know.

It isn’t that she is avoiding it. She can be absent-minded. I’ve suggested that she use my method of adding to-dos to my calendar. That way, she could note what she wants to do when she thinks about it and then follow through later. Mrs. Lion commented that I record when things happen. I do for some stuff (orgasms and spankings). It’s because I can forget too. I have a much stronger incentive to find ways to remember what I have to do. If I forget, I get spanked. Hmmm.