Last week, I had a meeting at work. Toward the end, someone from HR’s well-being crew spoke about meditation and stress release. The company is very big on hippy dippy stuff like that. However, this time he said something that made a lot of sense. It’s normal to feel stress. You deal with it and it goes away. But there are times when you can’t/don’t deal with it. He gave the example of the pandemic. Some people got very stressed and had no way to deal with things because their normal outlets (going to the gym, meeting friends for coffee, etc.) weren’t available. The usual stress-release pattern became stress-stress. Too much of that can cause burnout. Aha!

For a while, I’ve felt burnt out. I couldn’t figure out why my reaction to things around here was to get snippy with Lion. He needs help. The bed needs to be changed. When is the last time I did laundry. He’s hungry. The dog needs a bath. Argh! I’m not dealing with stress well.

Of course, realizing what the problem is and solving it are two different things. “All I have to do is” learn how to meditate. Cool. Another thing on my plate. “All I have to do is” find a nice quiet spot to decompress. Yeah. Sure. I have laundry to do and a bed to change. And I’m not sure there is such a thing as a quiet spot around here. The TV is usually on and the dog has no boundaries. If I’m sitting somewhere, she has to be with me, usually petting her or playing.

I know what you’re thinking: spanking Lion is a good stress reliever. I guess if I didn’t have to pay so much attention to hitting him in the right spot or how hard I’m hitting, it might be. If it was second nature, maybe I could go on auto-pilot and get in the zone. [Lion — I don’t think Mrs. Lion needs to worry so much about where and how hard she hits. She’s been doing it for years. Maybe try strapping me down and just “doing it” without worrying about technique. I’m up for it. Another thing. When people get good at a sport that is demanding, it still becomes a stress reliever because there is satisfaction in doing a good job.]

I do have to spank him. Not to take out my frustrations, but because I said I’d do it more often. It might help him in the orgasm department. He has an appointment with the urologist tomorrow. Maybe she can shed some light on what’s going on with my weenie.

woman spanking man with an erection.
Many men are hard when they are about to get spanked. Almost all lose the erection soon after the spanking starts.

Domestic discipline is very controversial. Most people are repelled by the idea of one adult spanking another for disobedience or failure to perform an assigned duty. Some, like us, find domestic discipline a positive force in our marriage.

There is enormous dissent among the people who subscribe to the practice. Some consider it a similar practice to how parents discipline their children. They insist there is nothing sexual about it. Yet, they love to discuss situations when they are punished. They talk about having others know about or witness their spankings. Almost none of the writing is about the behavior that earned them sore bottoms. The majority of their attention is focused on their spankings.

At the other end of the spectrum are the people who find domestic discipline very sexual. A great example of this is my friend Julie of Strict Julie Spanked. She finds being punished by her husband very sexual. She loves going into great detail about her punishments. She is very clear that her spankings hurt and is felt for days, but getting punished arouses her.

The “serious” domestic discipline crowd doesn’t consider what Julie does as real DD. They say it’s just a BDSM scene. They resist seeing any sexual connection in the practice. Based on my experience and on what I’ve read, I think it makes absolutely no difference whether sexual feelings are involved or not. I think there is clear evidence of this.

Most significant to me is that none of us deliberately provokes punishment. Even Julie, who gets nearly orgasmic during a severe spanking, deliberately provokes punishment. I never do. I know that I’m turned on when I think about being spanked. I also know that when I earn punishment, I dread it. I also hate the pain of the spanking and the sore bottom afterward.

At the same time, I’m aroused by the process. It’s exciting to think about. I know that I’m not alone. I can’t understand how something I hate is also something I need in more than one way. Sure, I recognize that by giving Mrs. Lion the right to punish me, I’m giving her a strong voice in our marriage. I’m asking her to be accountable for my behavior.

At the same time, my sexual batteries are recharged every time she spanks me. The sexual aspect is important, but not important enough to let me provoke punishment. It’s this apparently contradictory behavior that convinces me that it doesn’t matter if the punishment is sexual or not. It works regardless.

I’ve read posts written by wives that spank their husbands who recognize the sexual side of it. They write that the arousal a pending spanking provokes acts like a magnet that draws their husbands across their knees for a spanking. They point out that any arousal displayed before the punishment, is gone within the first minute or two of the spanking.

The point is that domestic discipline is unconcerned with whether or not being spanked is sexually arousing. I think it works regardless. I think the reason it works has nothing to do with the spankings used for punishment. It works because the disciplined spouse actively agrees to let the disciplinary spouse set the rules and enforce them. The spankings may be a turn-on on one level, but they’re painful and humiliating on another.

The human mind can process two reactions to an experience. I’m evidence of that. I need the spanking and power exchange. If Mrs. Lion stops, my libido suffers, and I feel disconnected from her. The stricter her use of domestic discipline, the more secure and sexually active I become. When she consistently punishes me for breaking a rule, I learn not to break it. We have numerous examples of my behavior changing as a result strict discipline.

It seems to me that domestic discipline works for people who accept the roles they play. Behavioral improvement isn’t based on sex or the lack of it. It’s the direct result of loving-but-strict authority. Depending on how you want to think about it, the sexual part is either a bonus or it’s irrelevant. Domestic disciplne works for us.

The Trump Republicans spend a lot of time condemning electric cars as the devil’s work. They point to the ungodly rate that electric cars catch fire–they don’t. Hybrids and gas cars catch fire more frequently. They claim that global warming is a myth perpetrated by billionaires like Elon Musk to make more money selling their electric vehicles. They point out that electric cars are inconvenient and need more maintenance than gas-powered cars (they don’t). Electric cars are evil. (rolling eyes)

I’m amused that many global warming deniers live in Texas and other hot states. The climate is changing, and we are contributing to it. The steady increase in average temps has coincided with the use of fossil fuels. It also maps to the increase in our farming of beef and other meats. One thing about climate change, it doesn’t care if you believe in it or not. I do.

All the politics aside, gasoline sells for over five bucks a gallon here in the Pacific Northwest. That’s due to the high refining/crude oil costs and our very high gas tax. There is no state income tax in Washington. Road maintenance and construction are funded largely by gas tax and vehicle license fees. People who live in and near Seattle pay over $400 a year to license their cars.

I’ve been buying hybrids for many years, except for a delightful interlude when I had a 370Z and a Mustang GT. I took the Z to the track. It was big fun. Anyway, I had two Priuses–one had runaway acceleration–a hybrid RAV4, and most recently, a new Hyundai Tucson plug-in hybrid. The hybrids are boring to drive but very easy on gas. The RAV4 got 35 mpg.

Our new car has opened a new world for us. We’ve driven it about 1,200 miles. Because it’s a plug-in hybrid, almost all of them were under electric power. We’ve bought about ten gallons of gas since we’ve owned the car. We installed a charger for the car. We get about thirty miles per charge; then the gasoline engine takes over. At the price we pay for electricity (eleven cents a kilowatt hour), it costs $1.25 per charge. If I want to be conservative and estimate the car’s gasoline mpg at thirty, I’m getting the equivilent of a gallon’s worth of gas for $1.25. Cool.

I can hear the Republicans scream,”Wait! The power plants that make your electricity are burning oil, gas, or coal and are putting CO2 into the air.”

Nope. Wrong. 85 percent of our power is from renewable sources: hydroelectric, wind, and solar. Additionally, when we burn gas, we get proportionately better mileage than gas-powered versions of the same model car.

I wish we could own an electric car, but I don’t think the world is quite ready yet. There are a lot of charging stations around here, but it takes a long time to charge an electric car. I would be a nervous wreck if my charge started running low when we were far from our destination. I don’t want to spend four hours waiting for my car to recharge. That’s why we have the plug-in hybrid. When we run out of electrics, gas takes over. Easy, peasy.

I’m not kidding myself that I’m actually saving real money by owning the plug-in hybrid, or for that matter, any hybrid. They cost a lot more than their gasoline siblings. We had to pay an 0ver-sticker premium for our Tucson. If we own the car for ten years, we will probably break even when we balance the fuel savings with the extra cost of the car.

But that’s not the point. We’re doing the right thing. Even if climate change is a fraud as the skinheads claim, we can all agree that reducing our carbon footprint is good for the planet. Using less petroleum is also a good thing. Our car puts out almost no pollutants. Even fascists can get behind clean air. Caring for the environment isn’t political. It’s just good sense. Besides, I love not having to buy five-dollar gas.

I was spanked again on Thursday evening. It was a mild (for Mrs. Lion) spanking. I think she is intentionally starting off slowly to help us both get comfortable/uncomfortable with domestic discipline again. Sex isn’t working out quite as well. I think that the problem may be our approach.

When Mrs. Lion wants to spank me, she takes out the spanking bench and tells me to mount it. There is no ambiguity about what is going to happen. We are both focused on one thing. There are no distractions. Sex is very different. Mrs. Lion will approach me while we are watching TV. We are on our bed.. She will begin by fondling my penis and balls. My attention isn’t entirely focused on what she is doing.

This isn’t her fault. It’s a combination of the situation and our expectations. Mrs. Lion isn’t sure that she will find me receptive. Her actions are exploratory. My reaction is almost certainly hurt by the ambiguity of the way we go about this. I’m worried that I won’t be able to perform. I’m not focused on sex. It’s this problem of mine that prompted me to get the second massage table. My theory was that if we relocated to another place, just as we do with spanking, our focus would be on what we would be doing.

It’s true that Mrs. Lion would have a hard time giving oral sex when I am on the massage table. At least she thinks so. We haven’t tried it. It is, however, ideal for CBT and handjobs. More importantly, it focuses me on what is happening. I may be wrong, but I think that any conditioning I can get to signal that i should be sexually aroused will be helpful.

It doesn’t have to be the massage table. It just has to be a change that informs me to get aroused. Mrs. Lion approaches spanking as a no-nonsense, let’s-get-down-to-business activity. Sex is tentative. She tests the waters to see if I’m interested. She’s right that sex won’t work if I’m not interested, but that doesn’t mean the best approach is to ask me if I want sex.

We both know that I’m more than a little gun-shy. I’ve been failing at getting hard and getting off for months. I hate that I’m failing at something so important. I’m my own worst enemy at this point. I need to do more. If we combine using the Trimix with the same sort of structure we use for spanking, it might help me. If I’m getting in my own way, then perhaps Mrs. Lion should take my ability to choose out of the picture for a while.

It was the way we worked when I wore a male chastity device. I was unlocked when Mrs. Lion decided I should get some sexual attention. She didn’t always ask me if I wanted fun. Well, sometimes she did, and then told me it was too bad I had to wait. The point is that I felt she was in charge. Sure, it’s way easier to deny sex than to demand it. But it still fits our power exchange. When I was desperate for sex, denying me was a fun way to demonstrate lioness power. Now that sex is difficult for me, isn’t requiring it the other side of the same coin?

i was forced to come every half hour

More correctly, enforced male chastity isn’t orgasm denial. It’s orgasm control. For most couples, the idea of enforced orgasm is a lot kinkier than enforced chastity. There were a few times in the past when I was in an enforced orgasm situation. One afternoon, my partner told me I would have an orgasm every half hour. I didn’t believe I could do it. I was over forty at the time.

She had me undress and led me into the bedroom, and jerked me off. I liked that a lot. After I came, she set a 30-minute timer. When it went off, she took my hand and led me back to the bed. It took a lot longer for me to come. She didn’t care. She switched hands when one got tired. When I finished, she set the timer. After the third orgasm, I was a little sore and not in the mood for more sex. Too bad. The timer went off, back to bed. She used lube since I was getting sore. I think it took a half hour for me to come. She wouldn’t quit.

After the sixth orgasm, she took mercy on me. I had been shooting blanks since the third orgasm. I was dry and done. She was tired too. It was an unforgettable afternoon. I was surprised she could get me off when I was drained and tired of being jerked off. Determination won out.

I don’t think this could happen now. But that experience suggests I’m not the best judge of my ability to respond sexually. Determination wins out every time.