We are often asked how to convince a partner to start male chastity. Every so often, we offer some ideas. The other night I had a dream that stuck in my mind. In it, I was a sex therapist meeting with a couple. The husband wanted his wife to be his keyholder. She refused but agreed to talk with me. I have no education as a therapist. My degrees are in hard sciences. That doesn’t stop me from practicing in my dream.
I decided to take an unusual approach to this problem. First, I pointed out that male chastity is a game. The husband was a little offended and said he didn’t think it was. I pointed out that games are often difficult and not necessarily pleasant to play. Male chastity and any other power exchange require consent from both players. If he withdrew consent, the game would end.
The husband reluctantly agreed. The wife relaxed a little. Next, I asked about Masturbation. I asked the wife if she thought her husband masturbates. She smiled and said she did. I asked him if she was right. He blushed a little and agreed. I asked her if she masturbated. She was silent for a while but finally admitted she does. Her husband was surprised. He didn’t think she did.
I asked the wife how she felt about his masturbation. She said that she thought all men did it. I pressed for her feelings about it. She admitted that she wasn’t happy that he did but understood it didn’t have to do with her. I asked if she felt left out. She admitted she did.
I asked the husband why he masturbated when his wife was available for sex, even if nothing else than giving him a handjob. He said he didn’t know. I asked the wife if she would get him off anytime he asked. She said that most of the time, she would. Her husband seemed surprised. I asked his wife if she liked watching her husband masturbate. She said she never saw him do it but was sure she would like it. Again, her husband was surprised.
I told them that they had an assignment for the next week. He was only to masturbate when his wife could watch. If he got turned on by porn, he had to go to where she was and tell her he wanted to jerk off. Then, he could get naked and do it. She could watch if she wants. He objected. He said that was embarrassing. I pointed out that if he wanted her to lock up his penis, the first step would be to eliminate private masturbation. He reluctantly agreed. His wife was smiling broadly.
Of course, this session was imaginary, but it brings out a few critical points when considering a sexual power exchange. The first is that the chaste male is surrendering all sexual control to his keyholder. He can’t privately jerk off if he does that. He also has to get used to the idea that she will be watching every time he ejaculates.
His wife never considered her husband’s masturbation in depth. She acknowledged that he probably does it but chalked it off to male private behavior. It made sense to her that if he wanted her to decide if and when he gets to ejaculate, that she would be much more aware of his sexual behavior. While she had never seen him masturbate before, she was almost certainly going to enjoy watching.
The reason this is important when introducing male chastity is simple. Both partners need to learn that their sexual activity is never private. She is always involved in any sexual pleasure he gets. She could do what Mrs. Lion did when I asked her to lock my penis in a male chastity device. She simply made it a rule that I never masturbate. She will provide any release. The male chastity device would train me to keep my hands off my penis. It worked. The last time I jerked off was in January of 2014 while she watched.
This may be too radical for many. Who makes the male ejaculate isn’t really the issue. It’s that he can never decide for himself that it’s time to orgasm. His partner will always be present when he ejaculates. Most women don’t consider making this change a big deal. Almost all men do. That’s why it’s a good first step. He wants male chastity. He has to make the changes. Make sense?