In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion discussed a subject that has confused me for years. She pointed out that I get sexual about being spanked. It is a turn-on to think about a spanking. She said,

“I wondered if punishing him is more for him than me. He keeps saying I should assert my power. Am I really, though? I mean, he likes (the idea of) spanking. I’m not saying he deliberately does things to get punished. I’m just wondering if I’m not rewarding him for being bad…He likes being spanked even if he knows (or maybe because he knows) he won’t be able to sit for a day or two.”

I can understand why she might feel this way. Based on my reading, men who are in disciplinary relationships are sexually attracted to being spanked. I certainly am. Mrs. Lion posited that maybe she should do things I truly hate, like ignoring me or withholding sex. Well, I don’t get enough sex to provide her with many incentives. Instead of waiting for ten days, will I have to wait for twenty? That could be effective but severely limits opportunities to punish me. I’m not saying she shouldn’t do this, but it has obvious limitations.

I wonder if other wives also feel that spanking a naughty husband is more of a reward than a punishment. I think that it can be. That’s why a punishment spanking has to be painful and unpleasant. The reason I asked Mrs. Lion to punish me as needed came from sexual curiosity. The inherent attraction to spanking makes me docilely present my butt for punishment.

We both know that sexual interest helps suppress any defiance I might feel. After all, I want to be spanked since the idea really turns me on. So far, it sounds like Mrs. Lion is right. If Mrs. Lion spanked me for a short time or didn’t try to hurt me, it could be a sexual experience. However, she doesn’t do that. After she warms me up, she makes sure that she is hurting me. I hate it. Yet, the stupid lion that I am, a day later, the memory is a sort of a turn-on.

The question is whether the spanking causes me to change my behavior? To my surprise, it does. One of my first rules was that I have to wait for Mrs. Lion to start eating or give me permission before I begin. In the beginning, I got at least one or two spankings a week when I forgot. I seldom eat first. I think I have been punished once for this in the last three years. Spanking works. It isn’t a permanent solution. Another rule is that I have to set up the coffee pot, ready for Mrs. Lion in the morning. I still forget to do that. When I do, I get punished. The spanking serves as a strong reminder to remember. I need that reminder on a fairly regular basis.

The point is that even though I am sexually attracted to spanking, it still works as an effective punishment. In a sense, a punishment spanking is too much of a good thing. When we first started using spanking to punish me, I suggested that Mrs. Lion could get a guide on how severely to spank me based on how well I changed my behavior. At the time, Mrs. Lion didn’t take that advice. More recently, she’s been very willing to make my spankings more severe. At this point, she follows the DWC guide and spanks me for ten minutes if I break one rule. If there are additional offenses, she adds five more minutes for each one.

Even though I know that a spanking will leave me with a bruised, painful bottom, I still have that sexual connection. The connection is not strong enough to make me actively seek out punishment. However, if I go more than a couple of weeks without a spanking, my interest in sex seems to fall off a bit. Mrs. Lion changes too. If she doesn’t spank me regularly, she seems to forget to notice any rules I might break.

I’m sure that if Mrs. Lion starts punishing me for interrupting her, she will develop the disciplinary habit that will train me to avoid that irritating behavior. I think the reason that spanking works is that it underlines the offense. I remember how unhappy I was because I forgot to set up the coffee pot. So, setting up the coffee pot stays in the front of my mind. If I start to push it back and forget to do it, I get a fresh reminder.

It works. Yes, being spanked provides me with sexual fuel. It also makes me remember to do or not do whatever it was that earned me all that pain. Go figure!

Have you noticed that I write more about sex when the time since my last orgasm starts getting long? The same is true with spanking. I write more posts about being spanked as time since my last spanking gets longer. Is this a way to indirectly ask to ejaculate or get a sore bottom? Perhaps. At the least, it shows that my thoughts are moving in those directions.

There’s a strong connection between writing about being spanked and about ejaculating. Both are sexual. One of the more embarrassing ironies in the way I’m wired is that I get aroused thinking about being spanked. I’m very aware that when Mrs. Lion spanks me, it’s a long, painful, bruising experience. I hate it when she spanks me. Nevertheless, I get turned on thinking about it. If thinking about it didn’t turn me on, it would be more difficult to convince me to get in position and take it.

OK, that’s not entirely true. Once I form the disciplinary habit, I get into position and accept the spanking without any sexual component. Those of us in a disciplinary marriage have learned that we must accept domestic discipline as our wives require. It’s conditioning. It’s well established that the disciplined male initiates domestic discipline. In my case, the sexual excitement of thinking about being spanked drove me to ask Mrs. Lion to spank me. This same sexual energy causes me to encourage her to become stricter, even now.

All this sexual interest doesn’t cause me to disobey my disciplining wife consciously. I work hard to avoid punishment. We both know that I need regular “just because” punishment spankings if I don’t earn any through specific offenses. Mrs. Lion decides when one is needed.

I get very aroused when I think about Mrs. Lion teasing me and not letting me ejaculate. When she gets me to the edge, all I can think about is coming. I want it more than anything. She stops, and I’m left hanging. She does it again and again. When she finally stops, I don’t try to finish myself. I lie there panting. It makes no more sense than getting aroused thinking about being spanked.

We’ve been doing this for years. It’s natural and expected in our marriage. It works for both of us. It may not make sense to other people. It doesn’t have to. We both recognize the ironies. We are happily different.

I know, I know, I resolved to avoid adding to Mrs. Lion’s paddle collection. It was one thing when her spankings were mildly uncomfortable. It’s another now that she can make my butt hurt when I sit for nearly a week. It makes no sense at all for me to help her make things even worse. Guess what? This stupid lion actually bought her a leather paddle. There’s a picture of it on the right. When it arrived, Mrs. Lion put it away without comment. It’s possible that I won’t see, no feel it again.

I bought it not because I feel she needs a new way to make me miserable. It’s that in my wanderings, I’ve noticed that spanked bottoms are generally very red without much visible bruising (see image, left). My last spanking, the fifteen-minute one, was administered using her bloodwood ferrule paddle. This paddle has the same 3-inch diameter striking face as her much-heavier spanking spoon. The result was much redder, along with the expected bruising.

From my perspective on the receiving end, the ferrule also stung a lot more than the spoon. Perhaps red is associated with sting. The spanking spoon definitely delivers much more force than the ferrule. Its weight and long handle assure that. The ferrule delivers more of a very hard slap. I wonder if a thinner paddle with a larger surface area would produce much redder. So, I ordered the leather paddle in the foolish hope of finding out.

Mrs. Lion will not be satisfied with a deep pink bottom. She wants the marks that signal many days of discomfort. I get that. She also seems to favor using only a single paddle for my spankings. I’m pretty sure that the leather paddle won’t give her the marks she wants but is likely to give her a deep red canvas. If she switches to her spoon after developing the red she seeks, I will end up with the bruises and the sting. Stupid Lion! I can’t help it. I’m curious.

Spring is most certainly here. The sun is shining, and we have a preview of summer temperatures. Our area has a peculiar climate. According to the experts, it isn’t affected by global warming. Our temperatures are expected to remain stable for another hundred years. Garrison Keillor said we have spring 9 months of the year and summer the other three. It’s true. With rare exceptions, it’s in the 40s and 50s from November through May. Then we get a dry, sunny summer with temperatures of 80 during the day and 55 at night. People think we get a lot of rain. We don’t. Our annual rainfall in the Seattle area is the same as in New York. We get ours more slowly.

Anyway, We’ve had a warm (for us) week. Our daytime temperatures have hit 80 (yesterday). Nights are still cold and get down into the 30’s. I’ve grown very fond of this climate. If we want some hot weather, we can drive 50 miles across the Cascades, where the summer is more like the rest of the country.

Now that we’ve had the weather report, I can move on to the news. It’s been quiet since my orgasm last week. Apparently, Mrs. Lion has had some BDSM thoughts but hasn’t done anything about them. In her post yesterday, she wrote that she also hadn’t flexed her authority muscles. I commented that it’d been 20 years since anyone tried to put her down for doing that. Maybe her recent thoughts about being dominant with me in the past signals that she wants to flex her muscles on some level. I hope so.

Mrs. Lion isn’t alone when it comes to being challenged by assuming an authoritative marital role. She has no role models to help her. Some people writing on the Internet suggest marital discipline be equated with maternal power. This sends a negative message to women. I don’t think many women want to marry their sons. I don’t mean this in the sexual sense. I can’t imagine a woman wanting to be a mommy to her husband and her kids.

The maternal model is the only one available to women. Men have plenty of models when it comes to male authority. There is no issue with a man taking a paternal role with his wife. Western society is based on this. If a man is paternal, he doesn’t think of his wife as a daughter. He understands that his role extends beyond his kids. Disciplining his wife may look similar to how he treats his children, but he and his wife know it is different. For one thing, he holds her to a much higher standard than his kids. While similar to what he administers to his children, punishment is far more severe, suited to his adult wife.

We don’t offer a model of spousal authority. We badly need it. Mrs. Lion’s power isn’t maternal. It’s spousal. If she chooses to punish me like a child, it doesn’t mean she sees herself as my mother. She uses the best tools at her disposal to help me to be the best husband.  Those of us in female led relationships need to avoid relating what we do to maternal authority. It’s simply not correct.

Mrs. Lion is never going to be a tyrant. She needn’t worry about that. She is a fair and loving wife. She needs to stop worrying about the consequences of expressing her feelings. Her focus belongs on changing my behavior. Spousal discipline carries the obligation to help me to improve consistently. Each time she punishes me, I learn something. Spousal authority isn’t about punishment. It’s about positive change. It’s about building a strong, happy marriage.