My head still feels foggy. I didn’t feel well enough to play with Lion last night. Today, I’ve taken Tylenol and sinus pills in an attempt to be ready for him tonight. The heat doesn’t seem to be helping me either. The best we can do is stay in front of the fans and air conditioners. The biggest problem right now is that Lion is cold with the air conditioner on. He burrows under the blankets and asks if he can turn it off. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m having hot flashes again. This is true whether I have clothes on or not. It’s the same in the winter too. Lion is cold and I’m warm, regardless of how many clothes either of us is wearing. We are truly opposites.

As long as my head doesn’t actually hurt tonight, we should be good to go. I can work through fog. I just spent all morning working through fog. I can certainly tie up some balls and suck on my weenie. If I don’t make any sudden movements, I’ll make it.

Regardless of whether Lion wants to choose his own activity tonight, I’m going to put all the cards back in the Box O’Fun. Clearly we don’t want to deal with the anal stuff that’s left. If it’s all just mixed up with the rest, we might be more likely to do it. It’s perfectly fine for us to go on the way we have for the past week or so. Either Lion or I can choose what we’ll do. When we run out of ideas, we have the box to fall back on. That seems reasonable to me. Anything to keep us moving forward.

In a few weeks, (I can’t believe it’s August already) we’ll have our fifteenth wedding anniversary. We both agree it feels simultaneously like we’ve been together forever and the time has gone by in the blink of an eye. I guess that’s a testimony to how well we fit together. It still doesn’t make sense on paper. He likes classical music and I like alt rock. He’s cold and I’m hot. He likes fine food and I like Twinkies. But somehow it all works out.

Mrs. Lion has been wonderful about daily sexual activity. She has done CBT followed by oral teasing almost every night. I’m horny nearly all the time. It’s big fun. On Wednesday night she created a “racing stripe” of sandpaper-lined clothespins from the bottom of my perineum to the top of my balls. Some of them really hurt.

As she put them on, she kept masturbating me. I was fully erect the entire time. Worse than when she puts them on, it really hurts when she takes them off. My state of arousal reduced the discomfort. Sweet lioness!

Lioness 3.0 is indifferent to my discomfort. In fact, she is proud and happy when she finds a spot that is particularly tender. I may have created a monster. She is equally unconcerned when she spanks me. My reaction doesn’t particularly interest her, though I think she enjoys it when I scream. She gauges her progress by the color of my skin. She gets a little annoyed when I bleed. Her paddle spreads the blood around and makes it difficult for her to see the skin below.

She isn’t being particularly cruel when she draws blood. For some reason, I tend to bleed after she hits an area on the right side of my bottom. When she wipes up the blood, there is no trace of a cut or sore. Apparently, a tiny crack in my skin opens up. It closes almost as fast as it opens. I don’t bleed much. The paddle spreads the drops of blood around as it goes about spanking me. Since she knows that the bleeding is very minor, Lioness 3.0 doesn’t even pause when it happens.

I’ve tried using skin cream to keep my bottom soft and supple. That doesn’t seem to help. Perhaps if I change my position to stretch the skin more, it will stop this from happening. Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem to feel that is necessary.

The entire spanking process is completely out of my control. My only job is to present my bare bottom and stay in position. When I loudly complain and tell her I want her to stop, she ignores me. It’s become very clear to me that spanking isn’t for my entertainment. It’s the punishment that I am supposed to hate. I do.

For the longest time, I had trouble reconciling the fact that spanking, at least the idea of it, turns me on. I can get hard thinking about being spanked. Yet spanking is how Mrs. Lion punishes me. It seemed wrong to get any pleasure out of something designed to make me unhappy.

I finally understand what’s going on. Yes, I’ve always liked the idea of being spanked. Before our domestic discipline, I looked forward to Mrs. Lion spanking me. I would often be hard when I got into position for a spanking.

Once Mrs. Lion learned to spank hard enough to hurt, I would quickly lose my erection once she got going. I didn’t like how it felt to be spanked. Yet, I got aroused at the prospect of getting my butt swatted. This isn’t too different from my reaction to other BDSM play. It was very hot to anticipate and remember, but not while it was happening.

I worried that if Mrs. Lion used spanking to punish me, I would feel the same way about a punishment spanking as a play spanking. For a long time, I did. Things changed when Lioness 2.0 began spanking me harder and longer. It hurt like hell. I wanted her to stop. It was definitely not a play spanking.

3.0 is even tougher. Her spankings are ferocious. I think she is still turning up the volume. I truly hate punishment spankings. Even though I like, even need to be spanked, I would never purposely do something to earn one. They are just too painful to do that.

This, of course, is exactly what we need. We both know that when Mrs. Lion punishes me, it is real. There is no play BDSM element at all. If I happen to get hard thinking about one of her spankings, once she starts I will remember that there is nothing sexy or fun going on. I don’t care what paddle she is using. Frankly, I can’t tell and have no time or energy to try to guess. I am way too busy trying to get through this horrible experience. All I think about is how I could be so stupid to earn this spanking.

Lately, on nights that I get spanked, there is no sex play. Mrs. Lion explains that it isn’t because she wants to withhold sex as part of the punishment. She knows that for some time after I get spanked, the last thing on my mind is sex. She’s right.

Mrs. Lion has mentioned that going to the trouble of spanking me after I annoy her is almost like adding insult to injury. She says that she usually doesn’t feel like expending the energy to punish me. I can understand that. However, we both know it is necessary if I am to learn. I don’t think she has bought into this yet. It’s probably time to bite that bullet. 3.0 knows that. It isn’t easy being Lioness 3.0. It’s also not that easy to be her lion.

I had a headache Tuesday night and another on Wednesday night. This morning I woke up with one. It quickly morphed into a migraine. I’d say Lion doesn’t have a hope in hell for play tonight, but it might feel better later. I never know. Last night I asked what he wanted to do. He said he doesn’t get a choice. Hello? I’ve been asking the past few days. If I didn’t want him to have a say, I wouldn’t have asked. He said he could always go for clothespins and then quickly added that he meant regular wood clothespins. Bummer. Well, he might get his choice but I can put a twist on it.

I wasn’t going to swing all the way to the nasty dollhouse clothespins. I’m not that mean. However, we just did the regular clothespins not too long ago. I put a bunch on him the other day and avoided the stripe up the middle. This time I grabbed the clothespins with the grip tape on them. They’re mean too, but nowhere near as mean as the little ones. And I put them straight up the stripe. There are some spots that really hurt. I made sure I was at least close to them if I didn’t entirely hit them. My weenie was very excited. It’s interesting how the weenie enjoys himself even though the surrounding area is hurting. Of course, when the tiny clothespins are on the head, the weenie still enjoys himself. He’s a strange little being.

I still sucked Lion after I was done with the clothespins. He got close and had a very good time, but he still ended rather abruptly. I’m not sure why. As long as he’s enjoying himself along the way, I won’t get too concerned that he can’t last long. But when I decide it’s time for an orgasm, he better look like being ready. (I talk a good game but what can I really do if he’s not ready. Even if I spank him, it probably won’t change anything.) All I can do is keep at it until I get him off. Poor me, having to suck him more. Good thing I love doing it.

When I was a prepubescent boy living in the suburbs of New York City there was very little information available to me about sex. In fact, I had no idea why my little penis would stick out straight every so often. I liked how it felt, but no idea what was going on.

I wondered about girls. I knew that men and women had sex. I had no idea exactly what that meant, but I knew it was supposed to be fun. Based on my conversations with other equally ignorant boys, I knew that boys wanted to have sex with girls. One guy told me that his older brother said that girls actually want to have sex too. That was unbelievable to us. It was a legend we wanted to believe but in our hearts of hearts knew it couldn’t be true.

I don’t know why I thought back to those innocent days. In case you wonder, I subsequently learned that girls do, indeed, want sex. In my experience, most of them didn’t want it as much as me. Even through adulthood and marriage, though not with Mrs. Lion, I got the feeling that most of the sex I experienced was due to my need for it, not my partner’s. Since my sweet lioness lost her interest in sex, I’m back to being accommodated.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, my preference would be something mutual, but Mrs. Lion finds pleasure, albeit not sexual pleasure, doing things she knows I want. It’s taken time for her to find some sweet spots for her in our one-way sex life.

She’s always liked making me ejaculate. For reasons she hasn’t been able to fully articulate, it’s fun for her. It doesn’t hurt that she really likes the taste of semen. Go figure! More recently, she discovered that bringing me to the edge over and over and then leaving me wanting is fun too. I know that she has never minded teasing me, now I can see that she actively enjoys it when she can make me believe I’m going to ejaculate and then stops just short.

Orgasm isn’t the goal

I’m sure that part of her pleasure is that I also enjoy this as well, though maybe not the same way she likes it. It’s a little like spanking. I get excited thinking about being edged by her. It’s arousing remembering the last session. While she’s doing it, it feels good but leaves me extremely frustrated.

The more intense my experience, the more we both like it: she at the time, me the next day. I think that her pleasure turned a corner just a few days ago. She’s written in her posts and has told me, that she makes me wait because she knows I like it. Most recently, she said that it’s much more fun for her when I’m really horny and panting to ejaculate.

I know she wants me to be happy. That desire got in the way for a very long time when it came to our disciplinary relationship. She spanked me because she knew I wanted to be spanked. Only recently did she decide to spank me because I need it. It’s punishment now. I’m very glad she feels that way.

Making me wait for an orgasm isn’t necessarily easy for her. Aside from the fact she likes getting me off, I think she also wants me to be happy and she knows I’m happy when I get to ejaculate. She also knows the longer she makes me wait while edging me on a nearly daily basis, the more frustrated I get.

If she can focus on the fun she has, I think the number of orgasms I get will go down considerably. I’m in favor of this. For whatever reason, I’m not particularly interested in sex for a couple of days after I ejaculate. For the next few days after that, I can be aroused and enjoy stimulation. I don’t seem to be able to get to the edge, at least without incredible effort. Mrs. Lion seems happy to simply get me as excited as she can.

Her real fun, and mine as well, begins when she can bring me to the edge. This can take four or five days after an orgasm. Given that, if I get another orgasm a week after the last, she only has two or three days when it’s really fun to tease me.

We both seemed to become more aware of this after my last orgasm. Perhaps we’ve both been too goal-oriented. Maybe the goal isn’t ejaculation anymore. Perhaps it’s intense edging instead. Maybe Mrs. Lion’s 7 to 10 day spacing between orgasms should be changed to 7 to 10 days of intense edging. Maybe it should be more.

I don’t think that completely eliminating ejaculation in favor of edging would work. I may be wrong, but I think that deep down inside I need to know that at some point she will take me over that edge. It’s the belief that maybe this time is the one, that makes it so exciting for me and allows me to try to help her get me off. If I knew that I simply wasn’t going to get off, I might not be so cooperative.

If Mrs. Lion agrees, we are going to need to find a new balance. Because she is so kindhearted, she is almost guaranteed to not push things very far. I suppose the only way to get some idea how long I need to wait is to make me wait until it’s clear that my responsiveness is diminishing. Just a day or two of not being able to get the kind of edging exercise Mrs. Lion likes is probably not sufficient to signal I need an orgasm. Several days of reduced interest, probably means it’s time for me to recharge my batteries.

Instead of orgasm and ejaculation being a desperately sought goal, it becomes a biological necessity to keep me able to get edged. The goal for her more than I is to sustain me at that level. Occasional ejaculations support this.

I’m not sure that I’ll ever think about orgasms this way. After all, they’ve been a goal for my entire life. However, I have to admit that making edging the goal is a lot more reasonable. It’s an evolutionary step for both of us.