We are tiny creatures on a small planet in an unfathomably large universe. We do what we can to convince ourselves that we control the world around us. Every so often, we are reminded that control is an illusion. Vast forests burn—the earth beneath our feet trembles and cracks. We think we are in control because we can sometimes predict the next cataclysmic event. Recording isn’t controlling.

It’s easy to forget this. In some ways, there is the comfort of living in a world we can’t control. We start our lives with no control over anything, even our own bodies. As we mature, we make more decisions that affect us. As adults, the cycle repeats as we control our children and help them grow and mature. We never forget the selfish comfort of infancy. We also remember how hard we fought to take over control.

There are two conflicting forces inside us: the desire to lose control and to be in control. They emerge in almost everything we do. When it comes to sex, these forces are particularly visible. I’m a good example. I find comfort and fun in surrendering control–well, having control taken from me. At the same time, I am strongly driven to control my world.

These contradictory needs can be confusing and potentially dangerous. Conflicting needs breed neurosis unless they can be channeled. That’s where kink comes in. Compromise is one of humanity’s superpowers. The ability to negotiate and live by less-than-optimum agreements allows civilization to survive.

On a micro level, the same is true of people in relationships. Finding a sweet spot that meets the needs of both partners allows us to live together as lifelong partners. Sex is one of the most difficult areas to achieve this. I’m very lucky. Mrs. Lion and I are truly mated for life. It isn’t that our needs mesh perfectly. They don’t come close. Our secret sauce is our strong need to make each other happy.

For example, as you know, I want to be spanked because it turns me on to think about it. I want Mrs. Lion to punish me with her paddles. She does. So far, it seems that Mrs. Lion is giving, and I’m taking. That’s true. The secret sauce comes in through my strong need for her to use my kink as a way of teaching me to avoid upsetting her.

Obviously, if spanking is a purely sexual activity, nothing will be in it for her other than to make me hornier. We both understand that. When I’m spanked, it is as far from sexual as it can be. If you’ve read our posts, you’ve seen evidence of the damage her paddles do. I like that. I dread being punished. I do my best to avoid repeating behavior that earned me that spanking.

Recently, we’ve begun “just because” spankings. These are scheduled punishments that don’t have a direct behavioral cause. This puzzles some of our readers. It doesn’t seem to make sense to beat me for no reason. Actually, there are some very good reasons.

We discovered that if I avoid earning punishment for more than a couple of weeks, the disciplinary nature of our marriage tends to fade into the background. I “forget” how much it hurts to be spanked, and Mrs. Lion becomes less attentive to my behavior. Inertia sets in. Since the idea of being spanked is sexually exciting to me, the lack of spanking activity affects my interest in sex.

We decided to try “just because” spankings. The idea is that I probably did something wrong that was missed by my lioness. The “Just Because” spanking covered those undiscovered sins. They also recharge my sexual battery. Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and keeps her focus on my behavior. So far, they are helpful.

Mrs. Lion has a problem punishing me for annoying her. She tends to rationalize my behavior in terms of her mood or things other people have done that pissed her off. In short, I go unpunished. We both agree that one of the most beneficial uses of our disciplinary marriage is educating me on being a better husband.

If Mrs. Lion has a “just because” spanking scheduled and I manage to piss her off, she doesn’t have to work through the difficult process of allowing herself to punish me just for upsetting her. She is going to spank me anyway. She can just tell me that instead of being a “just because” spanking, it is a real punishment for interrupting her. She doesn’t have to feel guilty about being unfair to me.

After a while, the idea is that punishing me for annoying her will be as automatic as spanking me for not setting up the coffee pot. It’s just another routine infraction. I’ll know when she reaches this point when my ten-minute “just because” spanking becomes a fifteen-minute punishment. Mrs. Lion adds five minutes for each additional infraction. The “just because” spanking earns me the first ten minutes. Annoying her adds another five. I hate those extra five minutes!

Domestic discipline is just one marital compromise. We find it very helpful. We have many others. Our goal is to make each other happy. A few extra, possibly unearned sore bottoms is a small price to pay for that.

I fell asleep when I got home from work yesterday. Suddenly it was almost 7. Oops. I guess I really was tired. When I put the puppy in her crate, I reminded her that the goal was to sleep until 6. Yeah, right. She was up at 3 again. And then she was up well before 6. Luckily, she didn’t whine too much and let me sleep a little longer. Lion was up, so I let her out and was able to nod off until 6:30, when the alarm went off. And then I went to work. A two-hour meeting made me incredibly sleepy again. Argh!

The just because spanking for tonight was canceled yesterday. Lion and I have been having stomach issues for the past week or so. We’re at the point that we feel better, but that next meal might send us over the edge again. Part of my problem may be a lack of sleep. Do I have enough energy for normal digestion? I think it’s better to lay low for a while longer to let things work themselves out. Barring any setbacks, we should be good to go for Monday.

Is it inertia or self-preservation? Maybe a bit of both. Obviously, being tired can lead to inertia. By not expending energy to spank him, I’m giving myself a chance to recover. Lion, too. I don’t imagine he’d have too much fun being swatted when his gut is angry. Plus, I think inertia happens unconsciously. I am fully aware that I’m putting off spanking. The problem starts if I don’t spank him Monday without a reason. Believe me, I’m fighting hard against inertia.

We’re also entering the time frame in which Lion starts to be more interested in sex. I’m not saying he’ll be horny necessarily. He’s just thinking about it. Rubbing my weenie will feel very nice but may or may not result in an erection. If he does get one, he may not be able to hold it long. This is the period of time that I don’t think really counts as part of the wait, but I haven’t figured out a way to qualify it. He might say he’s been waiting 14 days, but for the first six, he might not have been horny at all. Doesn’t that mean he’s only been waiting nine days? So far, the only reliable way we have of counting is to start the day after an orgasm. Who’s to say he isn’t super horny on day four?

We’ve been pretty boring lately. Puppy, puppy, puppy, blah, blah, blah. Not much on the sex front. I thank you for your patience.

[Lion — My interest in sex comes back after a day or so. My ability to get hard may or may not return so soon. Today is the 5th day and I have definite sexual thoughts.]

I admit that before I started writing this blog, I never read other bloggers. The reason was that I didn’t understand what I was reading. The websites I usually read were about specific topics. Articles began and ended. If I wanted to learn about sous vide cooking, I found material that explained what I wanted to know. On the other hand, Blogs seemed to expect that I had been reading posts for a while. The writers seemed to have less direction.

My decision to write The Male Chastity Journal was to let me provide information (see top menu) and journal my sexual adventures. I figured the informational pages would attract readers. I had no idea whether or not people would read the blog posts. Now, in our ninth year, I know. People read both. I suspect that the people who read the articles are different from folks reading our posts. I find myself avidly reading blogs that appeal to me.

What I needed to know before I began blogging is that bloggers have endless reasons they take the time to post. Creating and maintaining a good blog requires a lot of work. It’s not just about creating an online diary. Web design and site maintenance are tasks a blogger faces. It’s true that there are ISPs who do most of that work, but a really good blog is very individual and requires technical ability to make it work.

One assumption I made when Mrs. Lion and I started was that we would go back to review our past. I thought the blog would be a useful reference for us. I was wrong. Neither of us reads earlier posts. We always read current posts, but we don’t go back in time. I thought the ability to see our progress would be very useful. It isn’t. I should have realized that we are recording our lives. Our memories provide all the rewinding we need.

I also assumed that our readers were looking for insights that would help them explore their own kinks. I went out of my way to try to provide instructions. It seems that was a useful choice. What surprises me is that our regular readers enjoy hearing about our day-to-day adventures, even if they are completely off-topic.

Go figure.

Whether or not Mrs. Lion and I read back, we have provided a record of our lives since January 2014. Every single orgasm either of us has experienced is documented. Life events, good and bad, are also in our posts. We’ve strayed wildly. I suppose we would have more readers if we stuck to male submission and orgasm control. We consistently practice both. However, those practices don’t consume us. They are part of our marriage.

Our kinks don’t consume us. We don’t spend our days and nights in heat. Yes, I get spanked. The paddles come out quite often. When they do, I suffer a ten or fifteen-minute spanking. Then it’s over. It’s the same with sex. Mrs. Lion may spend a half-hour edging me. She may shove things up my ass and do other BDSM things to me. When she is done, it leaves 23 1/2 hours to fill with other stuff.

We spend that time doing what vanilla people do. We work and play in non-sexual ways. Surprised? Of course not! Our posts tend to center on the kinky, sexy stuff. That’s our charter. I think that once in a while, we need to remind our readers that we aren’t all about sex and paddles. I’m trying to write a novel. Mrs. Lion goes to work every morning. We have a young puppy who draws blood a lot more often than Mrs. Lion. We laugh and snuggle. We watch TV. And we keep you in the loop. That’s what makes this a blog and not another kind of website.

Willow is ten weeks old today. Lion says he thinks she’s teething. Ya think? I have bruises and tooth holes all over my hands and arms. She has also chomped down on my nipples, to Lion’s delight. Who knew we had a BDSM puppy? I’d put up with all the finger chewing if she would just sleep longer. I’m tired of the middle of the night pee runs and 5 or 5:30 “I’m awake, Mom!” This morning as I was getting ready for work and she was snoozing, I nudged her a few times to interrupt her sleep. Of course, she ignored me.

Lion was still feeling under the weather yesterday. I had my doctor’s appointment, went to Costco, had several months of dirt washed off the car, picked up prescriptions, and headed home with a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. He was hungry, so he ate it all. Only afterward did he tell me he hadn’t been feeling well. I figured if he couldn’t handle the chicken, we could always save it for tonight, but he was excited about it. Anyway, as he was dealing with another round of tummy blahs, I started feeling tummy blahs. I have no idea what caused mine. Aside from being tired, I was fine all day. Maybe we both need to go on one of those cleansing regimens. If there’s nothing in there, it can’t cause any problems.

Needless to say, with both of us feeling gross at one point or another, there hasn’t been any thoughts of sex. We’ve been holding hands while we watch TV. We’ve both been snoozing off and on. Aside from being chewed on and chasing the puppy from things she gets into, we’ve been pretty boring lately. Oh well. Things will pick up again soon, I’m sure.

I forgot Monday’s “just because” spanking entirely. I had so many other things to do when I got home, and it didn’t even cross my mind. I may even have had to move the spanking bench during my chores, and it didn’t jog my memory. It’s just as well. We weren’t feeling all that great, and it would make no sense to spank a sick Lion. Talk about kicking a man while he down. At this point, I think I’ll cancel Thursday’s. Even if Lion feels better, will he really be 100%? Will I? It makes more sense to cancel it. Besides, if I don’t cancel it, I’ll likely forget again. Although it’s basically the same thing, I think canceling is better than forgetting. I don’t know. It feels like I’m actively taking charge by canceling. Forgetting just feels like inertia is taking over. Unless we still feel yucky, the beatings will resume on Monday.