Things are still not back to normal around here. If anything, they are worse. We’re both snapping at each other. Lion keeps pointing out chores that need to be done like he doesn’t think I see them. And no matter what I try to do, I seem to be wrong.
I brought out the yoga pillow so we could try it out. Lion annoyed me earlier in the day by saying I hadn’t specifically invited him to my son’s wedding. The only thing I said was whether it would be better for him to go with me or stay home – which was less of a problem. Stupid me. I assumed he realized when the invitation came that it was for both of us. It might have been addressed to me, but he hasn’t really had much contact with my kids over the years.
Anyway, it took a bit to figure out how Lion should position himself on the pillow and then I was hitting too hard and in the wrong spots. The pillow didn’t open his ass like I’d hoped but maybe there’s another position we should try. I don’t think his buns were even a little pink when we stopped. There’s always tonight. [Lion — The position I took on the pillow had me kneeling on the bed with my chest on the pillow. I’m not exactly sure why, but that position intensifies the pain in ways I find very hard to handle. When I am more stretched out with my legs straight, it is easier for me to take the pain.]
We snuggled for a bit and I don’t remember why I moved but Lion asked if we could snuggle again like we hadn’t snuggled at all. In both cases, I was rubbing his chest and he was watching TV. I think we’re both feeling so far apart that we don’t quite know how to get back together. Our marriage is not in trouble. We’re just not communicating very well. It’s not a case of one person giving in first. Maybe we’re both caught up in how the other one is snapping that we can’t see past that.
Julie gave me a nice comment about massaging each other with no expectation of sex. It would be a good way to be close without pressure. We can certainly give that a try. Neither of us would say no to a nice massage.
Beyond that, I think the television has got to go. I don’t mean physically ripping it off the wall. For a long time, I’ve said one of the problems is the TV. We use the bedroom for everything. The TV is usually on. Lion is quick to point out that we can pause or mute it at any time. Since he’s said we need more kissing and hugging, I’ve seen no evidence of the TV being paused or muted. If I’m snuggling with him, trying to get my weenie’s attention and he doesn’t pause the TV, then I assume he doesn’t really want attention. [Lion — Itisn’t just the TV. Mrs. Lion immediately picks up her iPad and begins playing games. If the TV is off, she is still playing with her iPad.}
At this point, though, I think the biggest hurdle is Lion thinking he’s a chore and that we’re not really having sex if it’s all for him. If we have to wait until I’m “fixed” then we might be in for a long dry spell. I’m hoping he’ll take pity on me and let me give him attention again. [Lion — It isn’t that I’m not letting Mrs. Lion give me attention. I just find it hard to react to the standard routine we have.]