I can understand why our brand of domestic discipline can seem confusing. It’s based on my need to be spanked. That need is sexual. I’m turned on thinking about getting a spanking. I’m not turned on by role-playing. I can’t get into it. I find that pretending to be a naughty schoolboy or an employee always late to work to be silly. Before domestic discipline, spanking was a sort of foreplay. It was hot and worked. Generally, I would get spanked and then wanked. It was fun. Mrs. Lion did that for me after we started BDSM play.

It didn’t happen very often. Mrs. Lion never really got into it. Beating my bottom never did anything for her. She did it because I wanted it. After we started male chastity, I experienced real control. Mrs. Lion had absolute control over when I could ejaculate. She could edge me day after day without relief. That obviously turned me on.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that the teasing wasn’t the main attraction of male chastity. It was surrendering sexual control. It was a stomach-fluttering feeling knowing that I had absolutely no ability to orgasm regardless of how horny I got. She would bring me to the edge over and over and then tell me that was all I was going to get.

Once I understood the power her control had over me, I wondered what would happen if that power went beyond sex. I fantasized about Mrs. Lion spanking me for breaking the rules. They weren’t BDSM spankings that were foreplay to jerking off. They were bottom-blistering spankings intended to make me regret my transgression. I got hard thinking about it.

Now, Mrs. Lion thinks nothing of blistering my bottom

I asked Mrs. Lion to extend her control. She agreed. It took a while before her spankings were sufficient to make me regret my sins. Once they passed that threshold, things changed for me. I actually thought about my actions in terms of being spanked. Setting up the coffee pot and eating neatly became priorities. I was Mrs. Lion’s disciplined husband. I am anything but excited when she lets me know I earned punishment. There is no sexual rush.

That doesn’t mean I don’t break the rules. I do. It isn’t willful. I sometimes forget. When I am informed that I forgot, I get an “Oh shit” feeling. I know that very soon, I will be hurting. Over time, I forget less often. Strict punishment is a good teacher. Mrs. Lion is working on expanding into times I interrupt or act like a know-it-all. I’ve been forbidden to act that way for a long time. Mrs. Lion rarely punishes me when I slip. She’s informed me that it is changing now.

The most confusing discovery we have made about domestic discipline is that it starts to stop working if I go too long without being punished. When that happens, Mrs. Lion starts to allow me to go unpunished for offenses. I forget how much I dislike being punished and get sloppy. Mrs. Lion has instituted “just because” spankings. If I go more than a couple of weeks without a punishment, Mrs. Lion will spank me “just because” I must have done something wrong she didn’t see.

The real reason for this unearned punishment is to keep the dislike of how a spanking feels fresh in my mind. It also reminds both of us that we are in a disciplinary marriage. Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and gets practice beating my butt. It works! I almost earned a punishment on Saturday when I nearly forgot to set up the coffee pot. Fortunately, I remembered before we went to bed. I try to be good.

It isn’t a secret that men initiate male chastity and domestic discipline relationships. All of the fantasy stories about these practices feature strong women who take power and control their male partners. Some guys search for these women in the real world. Unless you pay to play, you won’t find them. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I’m married to one.

The biggest rookie mistake a guy can make is to try to get his partner to turn into one of those fantasy tops. Simply telling your wife you want her to lock you into a chastity device and become your cruel sex mistress is pretty much destined not to work. The same is true with domestic discipline. Chances are very good that she isn’t interested in becoming a micro-managing mommy.

Look at it from her side. One evening you tell her that you’ve been reading about spanking. You ask her to spank you. She’s wondering what you really want. She probably won’t ask you. Maybe she’s interested. The next sentences are crucial. If you go on to give her various femdom fantasy plots as the explanation for your request, it’s game over. Initially, I asked Mrs. Lion to spank me because it turns me on to be spanked. She thought it was odd but agreed to try.

There was no discussion of reasons to spank me beyond me wanting to be spanked. I usually had to ask her for a spanking. She almost always agreed. I encouraged her to spank me harder and longer. It took a lot of time until I started to regret being so encouraging. Before I go further, let me say that I didn’t have a master plan to suck Mrs. Lion into a disciplinary lifestyle. What we have has evolved organically.

I was happy that my sexual need for spanking was being met. I imagined Mrs. Lion spanking me if I broke the rules. I didn’t have a sharp fantasy about how that would work for us. Sure, I read all I could on the subject, but I couldn’t see us fitting into those extreme plots. So, with honesty being the best policy, I told Mrs. Lion what I was thinking about. I asked her to spank me if I broke a rule. “What rules?” she asked.

Good question. We both started thinking (and writing here) about it. She came up with the best ideas. She understood that if we were really going to have a disciplinary marriage, she needed to learn to observe infractions and punish them. She created some simple rules that would be extremely easy for me to break. The idea was that we would both get practice that way. Eventually, she would make more serious rules that impacted her more.

Over three years later, she still spanks me for breaking any of those simple rules. In fact, only one other rule is consistently enforced: I have to set up the coffee pot every day so she can just push a button for our morning coffee. Absolutely every time I forget, I get spanked. The spankings are meant to impress upon me the importance of obeying that rule. It works. Yes, I need regular “reminders.” Mrs. Lion is happy to provide them. She has made some other, more important rules. They include real behavioral issues like not interrupting her. However, she hasn’t enforced them yet. I think she will ultimately be happier once she treats them as consistently as my forgetting to set up the coffee pot.

We started male chastity the same way. I have long had an interest in male chastity. In 2013 I decided to ask her to lock me into a chastity device. Mrs. Lion agreed. It took a while to work out how she would manage my sexual desires. She has been very consistent in her sexual control of me. The first time she locked me up, she told me I couldn’t masturbate. It’s over seven years later, and I haven’t.

With or without a chastity device, I never take things into my own hand. I get sex when Mrs. Lion decides to give it to me. She regularly teases me and, when the time is right, she makes me come. No-fuss, no muss, no bother. It’s her game and her rules. In a recent post, she said she was thinking of making me jerk off under her supervision. So far, she hasn’t. The idea holds some fascination for me. It’s been a lot of years since I made myself ejaculate. I don’t think that I would become a sneak masturbator if she made me do it. It would certainly be a novelty for both of us. The only other sexual activity I haven’t enjoyed in a long time is vaginal intercourse. The last time we did that was March 2018. Anal was many years before that. Of these activities, supervised masturbation is the most likely.

The key takeaway from all this is that Mrs. Lion has most of the control when it comes to our evolution. I may have introduced male chastity and domestic discipline. I may also offer way too many suggestions on how I want them to go. It doesn’t matter anymore.  Mrs. Lion listens (or reads) but chooses what to try and what to ignore. Sometimes that frustrates the hell out of me. But that’s just a lion problem.

Spring is most certainly here. The sun is shining, and we have a preview of summer temperatures. Our area has a peculiar climate. According to the experts, it isn’t affected by global warming. Our temperatures are expected to remain stable for another hundred years. Garrison Keillor said we have spring 9 months of the year and summer the other three. It’s true. With rare exceptions, it’s in the 40s and 50s from November through May. Then we get a dry, sunny summer with temperatures of 80 during the day and 55 at night. People think we get a lot of rain. We don’t. Our annual rainfall in the Seattle area is the same as in New York. We get ours more slowly.

Anyway, We’ve had a warm (for us) week. Our daytime temperatures have hit 80 (yesterday). Nights are still cold and get down into the 30’s. I’ve grown very fond of this climate. If we want some hot weather, we can drive 50 miles across the Cascades, where the summer is more like the rest of the country.

Now that we’ve had the weather report, I can move on to the news. It’s been quiet since my orgasm last week. Apparently, Mrs. Lion has had some BDSM thoughts but hasn’t done anything about them. In her post yesterday, she wrote that she also hadn’t flexed her authority muscles. I commented that it’d been 20 years since anyone tried to put her down for doing that. Maybe her recent thoughts about being dominant with me in the past signals that she wants to flex her muscles on some level. I hope so.

Mrs. Lion isn’t alone when it comes to being challenged by assuming an authoritative marital role. She has no role models to help her. Some people writing on the Internet suggest marital discipline be equated with maternal power. This sends a negative message to women. I don’t think many women want to marry their sons. I don’t mean this in the sexual sense. I can’t imagine a woman wanting to be a mommy to her husband and her kids.

The maternal model is the only one available to women. Men have plenty of models when it comes to male authority. There is no issue with a man taking a paternal role with his wife. Western society is based on this. If a man is paternal, he doesn’t think of his wife as a daughter. He understands that his role extends beyond his kids. Disciplining his wife may look similar to how he treats his children, but he and his wife know it is different. For one thing, he holds her to a much higher standard than his kids. While similar to what he administers to his children, punishment is far more severe, suited to his adult wife.

We don’t offer a model of spousal authority. We badly need it. Mrs. Lion’s power isn’t maternal. It’s spousal. If she chooses to punish me like a child, it doesn’t mean she sees herself as my mother. She uses the best tools at her disposal to help me to be the best husband.  Those of us in female led relationships need to avoid relating what we do to maternal authority. It’s simply not correct.

Mrs. Lion is never going to be a tyrant. She needn’t worry about that. She is a fair and loving wife. She needs to stop worrying about the consequences of expressing her feelings. Her focus belongs on changing my behavior. Spousal discipline carries the obligation to help me to improve consistently. Each time she punishes me, I learn something. Spousal authority isn’t about punishment. It’s about positive change. It’s about building a strong, happy marriage.

I checked my book’s listing on Amazon this morning and discovered there are four reviews. All are five stars! Wow! Two of them are from Europe. I’m an international author. All that sounds great. Sales are horrible. I need more exposure. Just because I can write, it doesn’t mean I can promote. I can’t afford to pay a PR firm or buy extensive advertising. It’s always something. Meanwhile, I’m working on my second book. Practice makes perfect, I hope.

There is a theory that if you do something 10,000 hours, you will be an expert. I think there is a certain amount of truth. Practice can make perfect. Mrs. Lion’s spanking skill has improved geometrically over the years that she has been beating my butt. Blogging may be an exception. You can become a better writer by doing a lot of writing if you have the benefit of critical readers. Otherwise, nothing changes. That’s why I want an editor so badly.

This same thinking applies to sex. Quality improvement requires critical review and notes on how to improve. This goes two ways. Feedback is critical. I’ve been guilty of not letting Mrs. Lion know what feels best to me. I don’t want to discourage her by implying she isn’t doing something right. When I write about my new ideas on spanking or other activities we do, Mrs. Lion told me that she sees that as me telling her she is doing it wrong.

Most recently, I wrote about a DWC spanking. I thought I was suggesting a new approach to disciplinary spankings. Mrs. Lion told me that she thought she was doing a good job and was unhappy that I didn’t think so. I’m glad she told me. It gave me a chance to explain what I was thinking. I view these learnings as a way to provide input into our evolution. When I read about techniques that seem useful, I write about them as a form of coaching. Without reading that piece about a DWC spanking, I would have never known about this approach.

My problem is that all of my training and experience was doing BDSM scenes. Sensitivity to the bottom and how she reacts to the activity are key. The objective is sexual pleasure. A disciplinary spanking isn’t about providing me with sexual enjoyment. It’s about sending a strong message without doing real damage to my body. I’m supposed to hate being spanked. There are very few resources on the web on how to deliver this sort of thing. After we discussed it, my next spanking was a true DWC spanking that lasted more than ten minutes. I was spanked last Saturday, and I still had a sore spot on Wednesday. This is the desired result of a proper DWC punishment.

Since then, Mrs. Lion had mentioned punishment frequently. Often it is a playful reference. I like this a lot. It may seem that we aren’t taking domestic discipline seriously, but we are. The references, even in jest, keeps our disciplinary relationship top of mind. In the past, we have slipped due to inertia. Mrs. Lion’s references to punishing me mean she is thinking about her role, which makes me remember mine.