woman talking with dog

I have been thinking about why I ordered a bunch of women’s panties (most still haven’t arrived) and a male G-string. I don’t have an underwear fetish, and Mrs. Lion has never shown any real interest in putting me into panties. Something deeper is going on.

I wrote a post asking for suggestions for ways Mrs. Lion can assert her power other than by spanking me. One reader, Kerry Walker, suggested that she have me wear an anklet or male necklace as signs of her ownership. I don’t know if that resonates with her at all.

Women in FLR’s have often marked their male partners to demonstrate their power. Collars, ankle bracelets, tattoos, and male chastity devices are the most common. The idea is to provide a constant reminder to both people that there is something special happening.

Vanilla couples display commitment visually as well. They display everything except male chastity devices as signs of their devotion. The challenge is to find something that works for both members of the relationship. For whatever reason, spanking works for us. When Mrs. Lion spanks me, we both feel our power exchange. It would be hard for me not to feel it then. Mrs. Lion feels it, too. I’m sure of that. She may not get a sexual charge or a power rush out of spanking me, but it seems to focus her on her role. The more time that goes by between spankings, the less actively in charge she gets.

Right now, it is at a low point. She has been writing about playful ways to assert herself but has made no move to act. Other than spanking, nothing else seems to interest her. This can mean a couple of things. The most obvious is that discipline (spanking) is all that works for her. Seeing me wearing something that signifies her control may not do anything to reinforce our FLR.

Maybe I bore her. Something’s not working. I don’t know what it is. I know there is a problem when she talks to the dog more than she talks to me.

Over the years, I’ve seen many ideas on how to automate a power exchange. They range from random number generators to determine time locked in a male chastity device to mechanical spinners that point to specific punishments or penalties. Games are invented that provide penalties for the submissive partner. We have played a few (Spankardy, Zapardy, and our NFL spanking game).

The reason for this is to provide frequent reminders of the power exchange. Most couples aren’t hardwired to maintain the female-led model. Both partners need frequent reminders of their roles. Unfortunately, almost all ideas on how to do this come from the male partner. It isn’t a case of topping from the bottom, as it is a cry for help.

I feel it myself. Unless I break one of my very few rules, there is no demonstration of Mrs. Lion’s power. Neither of us wants to have her micromanage my life. She doesn’t have the time or inclination. So, how can she remind me of her role without expending too much energy?

One way is the obvious one that got us started in all this: locking me in a male chastity device. That takes little energy on her part and reminds me constantly of who is in charge. The problem with that is it’s a passive solution. Mrs. Lion isn’t reinforced in her role by me being locked in a male chastity device. She isn’t interested in sex, and I know she doesn’t pay much attention to my penis. I spent years locked up, so the impact of wearing a male chastity device isn’t very powerful for me, either.

Passive domination like male chastity devices or forced feminization (panties) is useful only if both partners are actively involved in the process. For example, if Mrs. Lion selects and presents panties for me to wear, it is active domination. Our roles are being reinforced. If, on the other hand, I’m just told to wear panties, the effect is minimal on her and not very powerful to me either. It’s her active control that matters.

That’s why behavioral rules only work when there is active supervision and enforcement. If something is intended to be a bit humiliating, then comments to reinforce that humiliation are needed. Unless Mrs. Lion points them out to me, I’ll forget if I’m put in panties because after a while they feel like any other underwear I might wear. It’s only when I’m reminded of the fact that I’m forced to wear female undies is the exercise useful.

Spanking has turned out to be the only powerful reminder of our relative roles. Nothing else has remained a regular part of our lives. That’s not to say that something else couldn’t,k but at this point it’s the go-to activity in our FLR lifestyle. I’m OK with that. It works for both of us. The more frequently Mrs. Lion paddles me, the more aware we are of our roles.

spanking paddle on refrigerator

Obviously, if Mrs. Lion is going to spank me much more frequently, she may need to consider some alternatives to our ten-minute full-scale punishments. In the past, she made use of the kitchen paddle. She would have me bend over the counter for some painful swats. That’s just one example. We have enough paddles for her always to have one within easy reach.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that spanking is the best choice for us. It’s humiliating and lets both of us know who is in charge. It has a lasting effect to remind me of Mrs. Lion’s power over me. That’s not to say that other, less painful choices aren’t useful too. I think we have to look for as many opportunities for Mrs. Lion to actively express her power as we can.

The key for us to keep a healthy FLR is active domination. Authority that isn’t exercised disappears rapidly. It’s too easy to let things slip. Domination is like vegetables It’s easy to make dinner with just meat, but it’s not healthy to ignore the greens. The same thing is true with a power exchange. It’s easy to acknowledge that we have one and occasionally bring out the paddle for punishment. That works, but doing that neglects the emotional and sexual nurishment that an active power exchange provides. I really need a more balanced diet.

wife spanking husband cartoon

I asked Mrs. Lion what pain-free expressions of her power she had in mind when she wrote her post the other day. I asked her this while she was putting painful plastic clothespins on my balls.

“This is an expression of my power,” she said, then paused. “Well, it isn’t painless.”

I grunted in agreement. It hurt a lot. Then, she continued, “I don’t know.” There wasn’t further conversation as she continued alternating the application of clothespins and jerking me off. She removed them one at a time. It hurts more when they come off, and the blood rushes to the pinched spot on my scrotum. When the last pin came off, she invited me to lie across the bed for a blow job. I had a great orgasm.

Our conversation remains unfinished. Mrs. Lion is at a loss for ideas on how she can exercise her power and punish me without spanking me. Don’t get me wrong, spanking isn’t going anywhere. She announced a long time ago that infractions would always be punished with a spanking. She left room for other activities to add on as further incentives to correct my behavior.

What Mrs. Lion suggested that she wants are more ways to assert power when I don’t break a rule. She has also been searching for additional, non-serious, easy-for-me-to-break rules. We both miss her Catch And Spank game.

There’s a more serious side to these activities. When Mrs. Lion is active with Catch And Spank, she’s also much more likely to use her paddles to deal with times I annoy her. She’s always been challenged when it comes to creating and sustaining activities that reinforce our female-led relationship.

I have faith in my lioness. She will almost certainly find ways to make this work. She could use your help. iWhat works in your FLR? Is it just more “Just Because” spankings? Is it mouth-soaping and other childhood punishments? How do other women remind their husbands who is in charge? Your thoughts are most welcome.

We are strange critters. Our lives often veer off in unpredictable directions. Occasionally, I get an email from someone who found our writing useful on their path to male chastity or an FLR. That’s gratifying to learn. Very often, the correspondent describes a lifestyle way beyond anything Mrs. Lion or I considered. Usually, those emails talk about cuckoldry as a natural offshoot of male chastity.

The story usually goes like this: After years of yearning for female domination, the husband finally broaches the subject to his wife. She reluctantly agrees, and they start with BDSM. She discovers that she likes topping. Usually, she also finds other women with similar inclinations. Meanwhile, her husband reads about male chastity and decides that would be something he would like to pursue.

His wife agrees, and she locks him in a male chastity device. Time passes, and he gets fewer chances to ejaculate. As the story goes, she learns to enjoy denying him orgasms. She discovers that her libido is getting stronger. She decides to take on younger lovers. Her husband never gets to have sex with her. She tells him she likes dominating him but no longer wants sex with him. He loves his new role.

I receive a story like this on a regular basis. Maybe they’re true accounts. I have known couples who were fine with outside sexual partners. I suppose some men might get off in the cuckold role. I remain skeptical. I absolutely believe that there are many couples who are comfortable sharing sex with others. I know some. But I’ve never known a couple who can sustain a long-term BDSM cuckold relationship.

It isn’t that it’s difficult to accept unbalanced sexual activity. It has more to do with the energy flow in the relationship. People who want to be submissive will often spiral into a nearly toddler-like personality, demanding more and more of their fantasies to become real. That’s what I think is happening with the emails I get. They represent the next step in the minds of the men craving female control.

In my mind, it isn’t so much that they lack the ability to accept what they wish for. It’s that establishing a stable relationship in this context is too stressful to last. Sex, BDSM, FLR, domination, etc., are all spices that make life interesting. If they become the central interest, the ensuing relationship will be one-dimensional.

I don’t think submissives understand the stress they put on the person they expect to dominate them. Being purely dominant is lonely work. The submissive might revel in being objectified and humiliated. His dominant partner is isolated and feels badly if she wants to let down her guard and get held. Sooner or later, the dominant member of the couple will grow weary. She’ll feel guilty if she wants to ask her partner to love her.

I think the reason our relationship works is that first and foremost Mrs. Lion and I are best friends. It’s my pleasure to hold her and protect her. Yes, she can spank me. I have to do what she says or I will be punished. But that doesn’t mean that she gives me constant orders. I don’t expect her to be some sort of BDSM Mistress. We’ve found our own sort of balance.

I’m sure that the disciplinary purists would say we aren’t serious about our FLR. I make too many of the decisions for us to join their club. Maybe so. But then, being in a disciplinary relationship was my idea, and it wasn’t some sort of fantasy FLR. I saw my asking Mrs. Lion to spank me as a way to solve two issues that I observed in our relationship. The first was selfish. I need spanking. I don’t know why, but I do. I don’t need punishment, just spankings. BDSM would be fine for that.

However, I feel that Mrs. Lion needs a strong voice. She is way too easily pushed around. She stuffs her feelings until they boil over. I consider that dangerous for our well-being as a couple. I reasoned that if I could teach Mrs. Lion to use her paddles to let me know when I’ve displeased her, we could defuse potential feeling-stuffing, and at the same time, satisfy my need for some FLR and spanking. Win/win, right?

So far (over more than five years), it hasn’t quite worked out that way. Mrs. Lion almost never spanks me for annoying her. Most of my punishments are for breaking rules like not doing a chore. OK, fair enough. It works for me and she feels fine about bruising my butt. Still, it would be better for both of us if she could growl and then spank me when I annoy her. It will help validate her feelings and will teach me to be better behaved.

We may never get to that point. Mrs. Lion does snarl at me more often. That’s progress. In the mean time we have a nice balance that keeps us both happy. This balance is 90 percent being a normal married couple, and ten percent FLR, male-chastity kinky. We can keep this up forever.