There are times when Mrs. Lion and I are out of sync. I’m tired and she’s wide-awake, or she’s tired and not feeling particularly frisky while I’m raring to go. It isn’t very often that we are that polarized. More often then not, I may not be completely ready for fun or she may be thinking about something else and not very interested in being disturbed. This doesn’t bother me. It happens with everyone. The only problem is the side effects of these differences. We aren’t very touchy-feely people. We don’t like to be wrapped around one another when we sleep. However, we do like to hold hands even in our sleep.

We both feel better when we have more physical contact. It doesn’t have to be sexual, but it generally is. Somehow we seem to have gotten out of the habit of hugging and kissing and touching when sex isn’t part of the equation. We are both extremely confident and secure in our relationship. Strictly speaking, physical contact isn’t necessary to sustain that. That doesn’t mean we don’t want or need it.

As you may have discovered, we aren’t particularly social critters. We are completely happy in our own little world. We barely noticed the shelter-in-place requirement because that’s what we do anyway. We don’t have a lot of interests in common. I like classical music and opera. Mrs. Lion likes alt-rock. I like watching television, she likes playing games on her iPad. The result of this is that when we are together, I’ll be watching TV and she’ll be playing on her iPad. In the car, we don’t turn on music because we can’t agree on a genre we both like. On the surface, it sounds like we are very poorly matched.

Even when it comes to sex, our interests were quite different when we first got together. Fortunately, right from the start, we were very attracted to one another. We were able to sexually satisfy each other easily. Over a relatively short time, we fell in love. It wasn’t one of those symbols-crashing, violins-playing moments when we discovered how much we care for one another. Instead, we both realized it was getting harder and harder to say goodbye. We didn’t want to be apart.

You’d have to agree that we are a very unlikely couple to have so completely adopted a female-led relationship, domestic discipline, and male chastity. I don’t think you’d have trouble believing that I would be part of this. I had been a member of the BDSM community for many years. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, led a very vanilla suburban life until she had the misfortune of meeting me.

I introduced her to all this stuff. I taught her how to do most of it. It’s remarkable that she not only learned, but adopted as her own all of these exotic, kinky practices. In the beginning, when I first introduced her to the things I like, she agreed to try them with no particular commitment to go beyond that. A perfect example of this is spanking. When I first asked her to try, I could barely feel her hand touching my bottom. It took a long time, but she learned to be a very effective disciplinary spanker.

Okay, you might say that she picked up the skill because she knows it’s something I like, but shouldn’t she acquire a taste for it as well? That’s a hard question to answer. She’s never found spanking me to be sexually exciting. I don’t think she’s ever considered it fun. She has learned that it’s a useful marital skill. She can give me a “play” spanking that I find sexually arousing. She can also give me a disciplinary spanking that will make me think twice before repeating whatever it is I’m being spanked for doing. She’s perfectly comfortable providing either.

Essentially the same is true of orgasm control and male chastity as well as her role as my disciplinary wife. You could argue that she’s learned to do this because she knows I need it. I can’t argue with that. Only recently, we learned that she actually misses these things if we can’t do them. It’s taken a while to understand, but the fact is that she actually does enjoy her role. She just enjoys it in a way differently than I might have expected.

For example, spanking me isn’t necessarily fun for her. However, catching me breaking a rule is something she likes. Even those times when I do something that annoys her when she realizes that I need to be punished for it, she gets a little smile and lets me know. Mrs. Lion has always enjoyed finding inconsistencies. She gets a kick out of discovering continuity errors in movies and television shows. I think that one of the reasons she enjoys some of her iPod games is that they let her discover little things that get her to the solution. In that same sense, it’s fun for her to catch me doing something that will earn me a spanking.

The thought of being spanked is what turns me on. I’m not terribly fond of being caught doing something wrong. However, I understand it’s part of what has to happen. Similarly, I think that orgasm control interests her because she can test herself to see just how far she can push me without letting me ejaculate. Unfortunately, she really likes making me ejaculate. As a result, she doesn’t play the game quite as strongly as I might like. I’ve talked about this with her a few times and she is very noncommittal about whether or not she wants to change her approach. Fair enough.

There are probably many other things that she likes about what we do that are very different from the things I like about them. The activities may be the same, but what we get from them can be entirely different. It’s taken a while for me to understand this. Part of me wants her to get aroused by beating my butt. That’s just silly. I realize that she doesn’t mind spanking me. She has fun catching me and seeing my reaction when she does. My reaction has become stronger over time because the punishments she gives me are more meaningful. That gives her an incentive to become a stricter spanker. Somehow everything fits together in the end.

The other day Mrs. Lion posed the question as the title of her post, Is He Looking for Another Spanking? She was referring to some things I said that bothered her. She appeared to be trying to figure out where the threshold is between a little snarky and spankable behavior. She wondered if I would earn a spanking two days in a row.

I appreciate her thoughtful approach. But I think at this early stage in disciplining me for behavior that upsets her, this may be a way to avoid the inevitable confrontation that punishing me creates. It’s not that I resist her demand that I get into position for a spanking. I don’t. I don’t even ask why she is spanking me. Usually, she tells me. Sometimes, she will tell me that I will be spanked but doesn’t explain why at that moment. I’m fine with that.

In the cold morning light, I think that if I do something that makes her wonder if it is sufficiently annoying to warrant punishment, almost by definition it is. At least in the beginning, it seems to me that if the thought of punishing me goes through her mind after I do something, that is sufficient grounds to spank me.

Mrs. Lion wants to be fair. Her strong desire to treat me fairly seems to be getting in the way of taking the next step in our disciplinary relationship. It’s not that she is unwilling to punish me for upsetting her. She demonstrated that last week. She bruised my buns to let me know she was unhappy with my behavior. That was a great start.

I think the next step is for Mrs. Lion to turn off that filter. If she starts thinking about whether or not something I’ve done deserves punishment, the filter is on. I’m proposing that for the foreseeable future, the simple act of asking herself that question automatically earns the answer, “Yes, he needs to be spanked.”

There is no doubt that for a while until I learn better communication skills, I might be getting several spankings a week. I certainly won’t like this. That’s not the point. We both agree that I need to be more careful in the way I speak to her. I need to think about what am about to say in terms of whether or not it might upset her. I don’t intentionally try to make her angry or sad. I can be thoughtless.

For example, Mrs. Lion gave me a haircut on Saturday. She’s getting quite good at it. However, she made a little slip in a very visible spot. I commented on it because I worried that people might see it and think I look silly. This hurt her feelings. After all, she worked hard to cut my hair and she rightly believed I should be grateful for her effort. She’s right. I’m very grateful that she does this for me. The fact that she didn’t do it perfectly doesn’t change my gratitude at all. I was thoughtless being critical.

Mrs. Lion was quiet after dinner on Saturday night. I finally asked her what was wrong. She told me that she felt badly about my comment regarding my haircut. Was that comment a spankable offense? The fact that she reacted so strongly and felt bad tells me it is.

I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion didn’t think spanking me would make her feel better about my thoughtless remark. She might be right. However, given our disciplinary relationship, I think I need to learn to be careful about saying things like that. We’ve established that consistent spankings for misbehavior of any sort condition me to behave the way she wants.

The challenge is for her to consciously decide to consistently respond to any thoughtlessness or other behaviors that cause her upset with punishment. Until she has developed the same level of consistency she has when I spill food on my shirt or forget to do a chore, it seems to me that she has to always err on the side of punishing for very minor offenses. It worked for us before in terms of chores and rules. It should work equally well for upsetting behavior.

I admire Mrs. Lion for her fairness filter. I just think it’s a little broken. That haircut comment was seriously upsetting. Based on our agreement, that certainly earned me a spanking. I know it’s going to be difficult for her to work through feeling bad and focus instead on educating me. I think she needs to turn the filter off for my sake.

Guess what? She spanked me!

We pick up a lot of sayings from TV shows. On “Mom”, they talk about one of the supporting characters making a disappointed sheep face. Lion did that to me yesterday. Well, let’s just say I was trying to avoid his disappointed sheep face.

I cleaned up quite a bit. I still have a lot to do, but I did make a dent. When Lion was getting ready to make dinner, he noticed that the bottom part if the blender was where it shouldn’t be. He started to say something and then thought better of it. He’s already on thin ice when it comes to saying the house is messy. He went to take a shower and, to avoid his disappointed sheep face, I put the blender parts back together (I was waiting for the container to dry after making doggie ice cream) and put it away. I also cleaned off the entire window seat. I don’t think we’ve seen it since we moved in a year ago.

In the past, when Lion has complained about the kitchen table being full of junk, I’ve cleaned up my part of the mess and left his for him to do. It’s been mostly his stuff. I think that’s still true, but he’s less able to clean it up himself now. I never really thought it was fair for him to complain if it was mostly his stuff or if it was our stuff that he put there. We’re both bad about putting things on flat surfaces.

Anyway, the window seat is clean. The table is cleaner. And the stack of recipes I set aside for Lion to go through is back on the table. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. Maybe we need a five second rule for flat surfaces. Maybe if it doesn’t belong there, it needs to be put away within a day. I’ll probably be the one moving it even if it isn’t mine, but I need to know where it goes if it’s Lion’s.

This isn’t Lion’s problem alone. He’s just more vocal about things being messy. I’m a slob. I don’t care if that bag of vitamins we bought at Costco is still in the bag on the floor of the kitchen two weeks later. I don’t expect Lion to clean up my mess though. I only left his kitchen table mess because he always made it seem like the whole mess was mine. We both need to do better.

So it looks like we have a new rule. Anything on the bed, kitchen counter, table, window seat, etc. that doesn’t belong there has to be moved within one day. If it doesn’t have a home, why did we buy it? “I don’t know where we want to put it” shouldn’t be a thing. Find a home for it, even if it winds up in the pantry. (It’s the catch all and is looking like it needs to be cleaned again. Guess whose job that is.)

Obviously, I’m not going to get punished for leaving crap around. But I do think it’s fair for Lion to be able to nag me about it. If it’s my widget, then I need to take care of it. If I brought home X, I need to put X away. And Lion shouldn’t be punished for nagging me about it. He will, however, be punished if he orders “this really cool thing I thought we could try” and it languishes where it doesn’t belong.

This time it’s a rule for both of us. Maybe a day isn’t realistic so we can tweak it as we go, but for now it’s a day. What do you think, Lion? Fair?

[Lion replies — Let me see if I understand this. I’m allowed to nag to get things put away if they are Mrs. Lion’s or general household stuff. If I don’t put away things I buy or order as well as my possessions within 24 hours, I get spanked. Ok, that sounds about as fair as things get around here.]

We had a busy weekend. We made pickles and jam. I waxed Lion. I repaired the freezer. And then, in my spare time, I did other chores. I got a lot done but there’s always more to do.

One thing I didn’t do is Lion. Around 5 Lion was busy on his computer. Apparently it takes a lot of work to make our posts talk to you. He’s always looking for ways to improve the site. I see the necessity if you’re visually impaired, but otherwise I don’t like it. I know there have been amazing advances in text to speech software, but the voices distract me from what they’re saying. Maybe that’s just because when I write, it’s my voice in my head saying everything. But you don’t know my voice, so the computer voice is fine. (I know. I’m weird.)

Anyway, for whatever reason, and he doesn’t need to give me one, Lion was not in the mood for play. I know he was tired because he snoozed a lot while watching television. As he snoozed, I was on my iPad. From time to time, he’d wake up and look at me. I’m never sure if he’s looking to verify that I’m there or if he’s trying to see what I’m doing. He tells me I’m on my iPad too much and I don’t pay attention to him, but if he’s snoozing isn’t he ignoring me too? I don’t mind if he sleeps. The only thing that concerns me is that he might be up all night. And if he’s up all night, he’ll be watching TV and then I’ll be up too even if it is only for a minute at a time. I don’t think he was up last night. I took a sleeping pill and some Tylenol so I was out. I don’t think I woke up until the alarm went off.

Lion has suggested maintenance spankings again. I thought we already decided they don’t work. However, we can get around that. If he insists on maintenance spankings, I’ll get annoyed and alakazam! he’s earned himself a spanking. It’s magic. I can’t see doing a spanking just for the sake of doing a spanking. I’m talking punishment, of course. If Lion wants a play spanking he can always ask. But he wants to keep us in practice for punishments. Sort of like batting practice, I guess.

On the other hand, if I add up all the annoyances in any given day, I bet I could come up with enough for a punishment. Waxing the lion. Check. Being the one who actually makes the pickles because Lion can’t see. Check. (This sounds mean. I don’t intend it that way. It’s an annoyance because Lion starts out saying, “I’m going to make pickles” and then I wind up doing most of it. Semantics. It’s a given that I’ll help but it would be better if he said, “Let’s make pickles” and then took a supervisory role when he needed to.) Fixing the freezer. Check.

It definitely depends on how much I have on my plate. Lots of chores and then the extras thrown in are bound to annoy me. If I have to revisit things over and over again, I’ll be annoyed. I made many trips to the camper trying to figure out the fridge issue. I had an idea of how to diagnose it, but Lion didn’t like it so I had to make more trips. In the end, we did what I suggested. Annoying.

So I really don’t know if maintenance spankings will work. I don’t really want to keep a tally of when Lion annoys me to add them up. Yes, he can do it for me. I find that idea annoying. Does that count?