Fridge magnet that Lion created and ordered. It’s 2×2 inches. I can put it on Lion’s whiteboard to remind me to spank him. That’s his bottom!

The locking cock ring may solve our sex problem. I forgot we had it. Lion did too. He remembered yesterday afternoon. It will allow him to pee without spraying all over the place. I’m less likely to pinch him when I put it on him. I can still frustrate him a little while it’s on, but I do need to take it off to really play with him. I’ll put it on him tonight after I tease him a bit.

A week or so ago, Lion suggested a few tweaks to his rules. After I made closing the shower door a rule, he said I should punish him as soon as I realize he forgot. He also said that setting up the coffee pot should have a time limit. Rather than being able to sneak into the kitchen before I make breakfast, he has to do it before 5 pm. If he hasn’t done it by then, whammo. He forgot the shower door once, but I didn’t punish him right away. I think I was achy from messing with the dog. This morning, he wondered if there was some way to remind me to spank him without annoying me by reminding me. We have a whiteboard that shows how many days since his last orgasm. He thought maybe we could put a reminder on the board. I thought we could put a flag of some sort on the spanking bench which is right under the board. He decided the white board made more sense and ordered a magnet with a picture of me swatting his butt. We’ll see how that works. I forget to look at the board until I’m trying to decide whether to give him an orgasm or not. I don’t know how well I’ll do with the punishment indicator.

The takeaway here is that we’re moving in the right direction again. Things may not work perfectly, but we’ll adjust and move on. Neither one of us is willing to give up. We’re two hard-headed fools.

This is my locking cock ring. It allows erections and easy peeing.

Over the last few posts, we’ve been discussing possible ways to restart sex on a regular basis. I admit that I introduced the idea of using a male chastity device again. Mrs. Lion seems to agree that is the best alternative (“No Other Idea”). There is one huge drawback: It becomes nearly impossible to pee neatly. No, sitting down to pee isn’t a viable alternative for me. I have too much difficulty getting up from the toilet to sit every time I pee.

Only one of my chastity devices keeps my urethra reliably aligned. That one is the Evotion Orion. Every time I’ve tried to wear that one, within a few days, I develop a nasty sore under the head of my penis. It appears to be caused by the very mechanism that keeps my urethra in place. There is a ring that fits just under the head that prevents it from slipping back into the device’s body. We tried changing the measurements of the shaft with no luck.

The least reliable for keeping my urethra in position is the Jail Bird. It’s also the most comfortable. Even the one-inch-long version still allows my urethra to wander. I’m not ruling it out as a possibility if Mrs. Lion wants to use it. The Evotion is out because it injures me.

There is one other possibility. We have a locking cock ring. This device doesn’t prevent erection or masturbation. Since I don’t masturbate, that isn’t an issue. It does lock on and is visible if Mrs. Lion cares to look. Taking it off and putting it on is no different than managing the Jail Bird.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t like putting any device on my penis. She hates fiddling with the locking mechanisms. We both agree that I shouldn’t do it myself. The act of removing and putting on a device is an essential component of control. Also, I am much less likely to get a device on successfully.

The reason a male chastity device was so good at getting us back on track had very little to do with its primary function. In the beginning, it trained me not to masturbate. It did its job very well. The act of removing and putting on the device added an element of necessary ritual to sex. It was impossible to look at my genitals and miss that something was locked on. If Mrs. Lion groped me, she would feel the device instead of skin.

I think that’s what made it work for her. The device focused attention on my cock and balls. It was an unsubtle reminder of unfinished business. Maybe we don’t need the full-on chastity device to achieve the same effect.

jail bird chastity device
This was the original reset button for our sex life over eight years ago. Do we need to use it again?

After I read Lion’s post for today, I tried to come up with something along the lines of the cage that would signal the fun was about to begin. The only thing I could think of was having him in frilly panties all the time and telling him to take them off would do it. Neither of us like that idea. I don’t really want to (that can be read as “I really don’t want to” as well) go back to the cage. It’s a pain to put back on and the thought of putting it back on almost makes me not want to take him out of it. I won’t say I dread it, but why would I want to impose that on either of us?

From time to time, Lion asks to be locked up again. Within a day or two, he regrets it. It pinches. It makes peeing without making a mess difficult. He doesn’t have the freedom to touch himself. Sometimes it creates sore spots. It seems the bad outweighs the good. Or does it? I don’t know. I guess if it can get us back on track, maybe it has its advantages. If I commit to unlocking him at least every other day, he can anticipate it. When he sees me coming with the key, he knows he’ll get some attention. He still doesn’t know if he’ll get an orgasm, but he will have some sort of fun. All I have to do, (I still hate that phrase) is lock him up when I’m done.

As I’m writing this, I realize I have to retract my previous statement. I will say I’m dreading having to lock him up every time. I’m sitting here trying to figure out any other way of resetting our sex life without using the cage. There must be something. The sad part is the cage was the first reset button. All those years ago, Lion suggested the cage as a way of jumpstarting things. Is it possible we’ve come full circle? I don’t think so, but Lion seems to.

I’ll stipulate that the past few months, maybe longer, have been more difficult. I don’t know why. We haven’t been on the same page. I think he doesn’t want sex when he does. I try to give him sex when he doesn’t want it. But we’ve been going for a long time without the cage, and it’s worked. It hasn’t been a completely rosy picture. We’ve had ups and downs, hits and misses. So what happened? I don’t know. I guess the easiest thing to do is to agree to lock Lion back up and we’ll see if he gets what he needs before he’s tired of it.

1-inch long jail bird

I never did very well sustaining traditional romantic moves. I wasn’t all that good in the first place. Maybe there is something wrong with me that prevents me from initiating sex. It isn’t that I don’t want it. I do. I’ve always been horny. I just can’t seem to make the first move.

Over the years, I learned to warn potential partners of this defect. That helped, at least for a while. Sooner or later, the reality of this issue would get in the way of my relationships. Mrs. Lion is struggling with it now. Is she feeling the same sort of fear of rejection that plagues me? It seems that way based on her post yesterday (“Awkward“). After nearly twenty years, you would think that we would have worked out the sex stuff.

It’s true that Mrs. Lion didn’t take to BDSM and spanking the way some women do. One partner of mine considered spanking me as excellent foreplay. She got wet by tying me to the bed and then spanking me. After a while, she needed to turn me loose and “be an attack lion.” I was turned on and ready to mount her. The act of topping me turned her on. Unfortunately, other more serious relationship issues got in our way.

Mrs. Lion and I are perfect for each other in almost every way. Sex seems to be one way we aren’t. I believe that for something to work, both partners need to benefit from the transaction. A good example is a woman getting aroused by topping. It neatly solves the problem of initiation. That isn’t our situation. That may not mean all is lost.

The challenge is to find ways to make sex a win-win. That’s tricky since Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex. The easiest solution is for me not to be interested either. Problem solved. Oh, wait, I am interested. Let’s put a pin in this problem right now. We solved a similar problem not too long ago.

I wanted a disciplinary relationship. That required Mrs. Lion to create rules and enforce them. She isn’t a very proactive person. See, it relates to sex as well. So, how can she make and enforce rules when she isn’t inclined to take action on anything? It took a lot of time and effort. At first, the rules were trivial and thinly veiled excuses to spank me.

That worked very well. Mrs. Lion learned to effectively spank me without feeling guilty for hurting me. In that case, practice made perfect. Now, she is completely happy to bruise my bottom and make me yelp in pain. It isn’t fun for her. It’s more like a chore. Emotion isn’t an issue.

Interestingly, enforcing rules is sort of fun for her. She likes games, and it is a sort of a game to catch me breaking a rule. This is only true if the rule is a concrete, observable offense, like not closing the shower door. If the offense is subjective, like annoying her, she rarely enforces it. Many disciplinary wives have the same issue. Our current challenge is to find more concrete rules to enforce. Suggestions?

OK, back to sex. We are presented with the same sort of challenge we have with discipline. Sex is more difficult. Mrs. Lion doesn’t get turned on. Nothing we can do will make her want sex. The trick is finding something that will be enough fun for her that she will want to do it often. Hopefully, it will also turn me on and lead her to edge me or get me off.

When I was locked in a chastity device, the ritual of unlocking me at least every other day presented a concrete activity that started things going down “there.” It was similar to spanking me because it was a clearly defined activity that she didn’t mind doing. She never grew to like it, and she didn’t enjoy locking me up again. Fiddling with the locking mechanism annoyed her.

I think that it worked because the activity of unlocking me was an expected, clearly-defined activity. She didn’t have to wonder if she should tie up my balls, fondle me, snuggle, or just hold hands. We agreed that the cage came off for teasing and other sexual activities, at least every other day. It was the same as spanking.

We had agreed on discipline, and we both understand what it means. I’m not shocked or upset when the spanking bench comes out. Mrs. Lion knows exactly what to do. There is no ambiguity. Similarly, we both knew that I would be locked in a chastity device and let out every day or two. No ambiguity. We both understood that once unlocked, sexual activity would occur. Mrs. Lion got to choose. Usually, she masturbated me.

I am not saying that I should be locked up again, though it is fine with me if Mrs. Lion decides to do it. My point is that we both do better with clearly understood plans. Ambiguity is the enemy. Whatever Mrs. Lion decides to try as a way to start sex, it has to be followed religiously. She does it when she agreed she should–daily, every other day, etc. I don’t get to say no–just as with spanking. I suppose I could end up in the Jail Bird if Mrs. Lion can’t think of anything else.