GMC commercial with the rude, possessive gesture.

Last holiday season GMC ran a commercial where a husband bought two trucks: one for him and one for his wife. He got her a smaller, red version and a larger, black one for himself. She decided the black one was hers and demonstrated her ownership by leaning against it with her hands pressed into the truck door. I found that commercial offensive because of the ungrateful, childish behavior of the woman. I was surprised at my emotional response to her possessive gesture. I don’t think I ever saw anyone do that before. I reacted on a visceral level.

Gently holding balls sends a strong possessive message.

I had no idea that a simple gesture would affect me so strongly. Then I saw another image (left) of a woman cupping a man’s balls. She was dressed and he was naked. I liked that gesture of possession. Obviously, the fact he was bare and she was dressed communicated her dominant role. Even disregarding that, her hand on his balls sends a primal and powerful message.

Of course, I like my genitals handled. That won’t shock anyone. There is a big difference between touching in order to arouse me and using a hand to demonstrate ownership. Just as the woman leaning against the truck with her hands flat on it sends an unmistakable message that she is staking a claim, a woman firmly holding a man’s balls sends the same message.

This is true whether or not he is naked. Firmly cupping the balls through thick jeans says the same thing. Anyone seeing this action immediately understands that she has sexual possession of him. Such overt displays aren’t considered polite in public. However, taking advantage of occasional opportunities when no one is looking, can be a lot of fun.

Given a choice, I would normally prefer to be sexually stimulated if Mrs. Lion had a hand between my legs. However, the ball grasp is good too. It tells me that she is proud I am hers. It makes me feel secure that she likes to demonstrate her sexual possession.

Most women, including Mrs. Lion, don’t even think of this. Too bad. I’ve experienced it a few times, both clothed and naked. Each time it sends an electric shock through me. The women who did it weren’t my partners at the time. They were having fun and reminding me of their roles. It worked.

One time I was at a BDSM play party. I was there as a top. I was wearing my leather chaps (Yes, straight men wear them too.). I had on black spandex tights underneath to cover my genitals and ass. A female friend of mine, also a top, came up to me to chat. She noticed the tights and cupped my balls. I was blown away. I instantly got hard, which she ignored. She just smiled, still cupping my balls, and said, “Nice pants.”

It was a small invisible-to-anyone-else gesture. I was deeply affected. I never looked at her the same again. She knew what she was doing. Even though I reacted sexually, it wasn’t a sexual gesture. I knew she wasn’t inviting sexual contact. It was far more profound.

lion spanked by heart paddle

Things are a little different around here. I’m not claiming that Mrs. Lion has morphed into lioness 4.0. It’s nothing that drastic. But there is a change that I sense. It’s subtle and I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion is even consciously aware of it. Let me explain. Most every night, Mrs. Lion will come over and snuggle with me and will tease me sexually. Until recently, she teased me until I reached the edge of orgasm several times. In the last few weeks, it’s been very difficult to get me to the edge. I can’t explain it, but it’s been very difficult. In the last week or so, she stopped trying. Essentially, she played with my penis, or should I say her weenie, for a while until she decided she was done.

She stopped worrying about whether or not I reached the edge. Her recent program of oral stimulation follows the same pattern. She gets me very excited and stops whenever she decides she’s done enough. The big change is that she doesn’t worry about my reaction.

At the same time, she’s been taking a more matter-of-fact view of discipline. Most recently, I forgot to do one of my chores: I didn’t get the coffeepot set up for the next morning. I also forgot to remind her that Saturday was a punishment day. In a very ordinary, routine way, after her shower on Sunday night, Mrs. Lion told me to get into position to be spanked. She got her paddle and proceeded. She stopped for a bit because there was some blood. It turned out it was just a couple of tiny spots, so she continued.

Before she started, she moved my punishment stool into a corner near the bedroom. After my spanking she told me to go sit on my stool facing the corner. She was kind this time because she removed the coir welcome mat from the stool. I just had to sit on rough, stair tread tape. She made me stay there for a very uncomfortable 10 minutes. When I got up she commented that my butt was very red. I could feel the heat.

My point is that she treats this is a routine part of her day. It gives me a sense that she has internalized her disciplinary role. Additionally, as you may have noticed in a recent post, she told me I was a bad boy. In an email yesterday, I referenced the fact that it hurt to sit down. She replied that was because I was a bad boy. I wrote back that I would try hard to be good.

I like this change. I don’t think Mrs. Lion perceives me differently. I just think that she’s more fully into her role. All of us play different roles in life. These roles aren’t fake the way actors create characters in a play. They are the way we relate to each other and to different situations. For example, in terms of my relationship with Mrs. Lion, she is my disciplining wife. That means wherever she chooses to impose rules, I must follow them. Failing to follow them results in punishment. At other times I am her husband and partner.

These roles exist in parallel. I can be offering my opinion and acting as Mrs. Lion’s partner and then, I say something that crosses a line. At that point Mrs. Lion’s disciplining wife role surfaces and she disciplines me. It’s not very complex at all. It just takes time, patience and a lot of love to make it work.

Mrs. Lion and I were talking about spanking on Sunday night. She had patted my bottom gently and commented that was probably harder than my first spanking from her. I asked her why she was so gentle that first time. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt me. It’s taken a lot of years for her to change her approach. Now, when she spanks me she wants to hurt me. She knows that it’s necessary for me to feel her displeasure. Her focus is on the technique to most effectively give me a sore bottom that will continue hurting for a day or two afterward.

It’s not that she likes to hurt me. She’s learned that she has to spank me with enough intensity to deter me from future infractions. A good example of this is my continuing problem with remembering Saturday punishment day. Normally, forgetting that I should remind her would get me one of those little funishments. However, I have forgotten at least three out of the last five weeks. She felt that a more meaningful punishment was called for. So, I got spanked.

That spanking made a real impression on me. I can tell you that I made a special point of reminding her that Monday was punishment day and first thing Monday morning I set up the coffee pot for Tuesday. I consider this very fair. After all, I’ve been asking Mrs. Lion to be completely consistent in terms of helping me improve my behavior. She has worked hard to do this. Shouldn’t I work equally hard to do the things she wishes? I think so. My penalty for failing is physically painful. Hers is probably more severe; she feels guilty for not doing what she knows I need.

We both have very positive incentives as well. She lets me know she’s pleased when I’m a good boy. I know she feels good when she sees how happy she makes me in her role as my disciplining wife.

The biggest change is that all of this used to be more artificial like a BDSM scene. It didn’t feel to me like it was a normal part of our lives. It was something that Mrs. Lion did because she knew I wanted it. Her role felt divided from her normal day-to-day behavior. Now, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. She’s my disciplining wife all the time as well as being my partner and lover. Just as sexual control has become a natural part of our lives, I think that our disciplinary relationship has reached that level as well.

I’m not claiming that we’ve arrived. Mrs. Lion still has to work on letting me know when I say things that annoy her. We still have to integrate administration of punishment more smoothly into our lives. Right now, it’s a sort of event that happens many hours after the offense. I think eventually we will reach the point when Mrs. Lion will just lead me into the bedroom after I say something or do something wrong, tell me to assume the position, and administer my punishment. I don’t know how far we are from that step. I think when she does that, we’ve reached lioness 4.0. I think that will be when she has completely integrated her role as disciplining wife into her day to day activities.

There are two steps before she reaches that point. The first is becoming aware of and reacting to things that annoy her. Up until now, she simply growls a little if she has any reaction at all. When she begins letting me know what I’ve been doing in a more disciplinary way, I believe that we will both experience another change. This change will be very positive for me. Just as I learned to keep assigned chores top of mind, I will become much more consciously aware of the way I speak to her. I think it will overflow into the way I speak to others as well. I will learn to be much more respectful and polite. I’m not going to like it in the beginning, but I believe it will make me a better person.

jockstrap with points
This is the leather prickly jock that now lives in the Land of Lost Toys.

I’m very lucky. Santa brought me many early gifts this Christmas. Well, I ordered most of them for myself. Mrs. Lion suggested some, and others just looked interesting. For some reason, new toys seem exciting when we order them, and after they arrive, they disappear into the Land of Lost Toys.

One recent example is my spiked jockstrap. It languished for a week or two after it arrived. I noticed it sitting on a box in our bedroom. I asked Mrs. Lion to try it. She strapped me into it and I spent about an hour watching TV with the little spikes prickling my tender area. After it came off, it disappeared into the Land of Lost Toys. That jockstrap was one of the lucky toys. It was used once.

Mrs. Lion noticed a fairly large vibrating butt plug on sale from Extreme Restraints. I ordered it and it arrived about a week ago. It went immediately to the Land of Lost Toys. [Mrs. Lion– It, along with a finger vibrator I bought, needed to be charged. And we’ve been concentrating on our oral play for most of the week. They are ready to go when I’m done with my oral torture.] On Thursday, a rather daunting, large butt plug arrived from another dealer. I unpacked it and showed it to Mrs. Lion. Currently, it’s sitting on our kitchen table. [Mrs. Lion — Actually it’s right beside me on my desk.] I expect it will join its friends in the Land of Lost Toys.

I could go on and on about other toys that we never used. In fact, we have a large trunk filled with them. You’d think that we would stop wasting money on toys that never find their way into our sex life. I guess I’m like a little kid; ever hopeful wishing for the next shiny object. The objects that attract me, and to a lesser extent Mrs. Lion, tend to be uncomfortable if they are ever used. I’m picturing that large butt plug as I write this. That will certainly be uncomfortable as it travels in and out. Of course, there’s a very good chance it may never visit my nether regions.

Another lost toy that never touched my body is a spiked pouch, similar to the jockstrap, but instead of fastening around my waist it straps on like a cock ring. I’ve been aware of these prickly toys for many years. I never seriously wanted to experience them until recently. I have no idea what made me decide it would be a good idea to let Mrs. Lion have these new ways to make me uncomfortable. I just thought she would enjoy seeing me struggle with them.

Spiked pouch

Those particular lost toys are notable because, unlike every other toy we’ve bought, I am the source of my own discomfort. Everything else, from Icy Hot to butt-busting plugs and dildos require Mrs. Lion’s direct management. Perhaps she doesn’t like toys that she can’t enjoy along with me. More realistically, perhaps she just doesn’t enjoy playing with toys.

You might wonder why I am claiming that Mrs. Lion is the one who sends toys to the Land of Lost Toys. That’s because it isn’t particularly sensible for me to suggest she use toys that I know I won’t enjoy. One of the reasons I think that I like to buy devices that I won’t enjoy being used, is that I imagine Mrs. Lion will enjoy watching me suffer through something I discovered and ordered. It’s just another example of me being the architect of my own demise.

All this could be explained as an example of “out of sight out of mind”. It could be that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think about what she will do to or with me. She likes to be spontaneous. Of course, the downside of that is new things tend to be forgotten. I do wonder what that vibrating butt plug we ordered feels like. Will it stimulate my prostate? If it does, what happens?

Over the years, we’ve had a lot of discussions about things Mrs. Lion might try to improve her memory and the variety of things we do. I’m not complaining. Over the last week or so, Mrs. Lion has been focusing on using her mouth. It feels amazing! I am absolutely delighted and would be very happy if this continues forever. Sooner or later I will ejaculate. For now, I am absolutely delighted with the sensations she delivers.

Having said that, I realize that we don’t get around (well, it isn’t exactly “we”) to doing sexual things until 9 or 10 PM. At that point, both of us are getting tired and the thought of doing more than the basics seems unreasonable. If you’ve been following our lives for long, you know we continuously resolve to move sex earlier in the day so that we will have more energy to do stuff.

These resolutions don’t seem to do much good. Similarly, Mrs. Lion has resolved to try various memory aids. We have a house full of smart speakers. There is at least one in every room. These devices, Amazon Echoes in our case, are perfectly capable of storing reminders and delivering them on time. I’ve suggested Mrs. Lion consider taking a few minutes and recording a bunch of reminders for various activities.

For example, “Alexa, at 8:30 PM remind me to lock Lion into his spiked jockstrap.” This is no guarantee she will actually do it, but it is a concrete, written-in-the-ether message that will, hopefully be translated into action.

On weeknights, Mrs. Lion takes her shower after Jeopardy. On nights that she does some sort of play, she generally starts it almost immediately after she gets dried off. If she spends any amount of time on the bed playing with her iPad, chances are very good she won’t think of playing. By 10 PM she may decide to tease me, but she will be too tired to consider using any toys.

It’s too bad there isn’t a kinky “Toys for Tots” (grown-up tots, of course) that accepts new, unused toys. At one point, a few years ago, we donated more than $1000 worth of toys to a local BDSM/sex organization. They happily received them. There was no follow-up; not even a thank-you email. Too bad. We were prepared to give them even more.

Maybe we should just face the fact that we don’t use toys. I don’t think either of us wants to admit that. We are spending a lot of money to needlessly increase the population of the Island of Lost Toys. It feels uncomfortable to make that choice. I enjoy visualizing a new toy in use and then ordering it. I like when it arrives and it’s fun to unpack. I’m a little disappointed we don’t use it right away. After a while, I forget that we even bought it.

I wonder if we aren’t getting into a very kinky rut. Certainly, there’s comfort in habit. Based on our experience, when we stop experimenting, a lot of the fun drains out of our lives. For example, when Mrs. Lion was doing anal training on me every night, everything seemed a little brighter and more fun. The intimacy and sharing the play provided, extended into all aspects of our relationship. When the training stopped earlier this week, it felt like things went back to the lower-energy, less-dynamic relationship mode.

When I was a kid, my parents sent me to sleep-away camp. The camp director always started each summer with a little pep talk. The theme was a simple aphorism: “You only get out of something what you put into it.” It seems odd that spending 20 minutes working various objects in and out of my ass would be input for a happier marriage, but it is. Even painful spankings given as punishment provide energy that charges the emotional and psychic battery that Mrs. Lion and I share.

I think this is a significant realization. Some of our readers have wondered why we would engage in such unpleasant activities. Is Mrs. Lion a closet sadist who enjoys bruising my rear end? She isn’t. The very act of observing and punishing behavioral problems is extremely intimate. I am accepting very painful punishment without complaint. Mrs. Lion is taking the giant risk of alienating me by hurting me when she spanks me. This is a kind of emotional polarity that causes current to flow between us. The current is extremely pleasant and positive.

To a lesser extent, our play activities work the same way. We’ve discovered that our BDSM play and our domestic discipline energize us to be more loving and relate more directly. I don’t know if she’s noticed, but when Mrs. Lion is actively enforcing rules or practicing some consistent play, she spends less time playing with her iPad and more time relating directly to me. We become much more active doing normal couple things when we regularly practice domestic discipline and BDSM play. [Mrs. Lion–Or, am I consciously spending less time on my iPad in order to spend more time relating directly to Lion? Hmmm?]

By extension, each time we send a toy to the Land of Lost Toys, we lose a little bit of the energy using that toy would have given us. I can’t explain it, but being locked into a spiked jockstrap, pegged by a large butt plug, or spanked until I’m bruised, improves our intimacy and brings us closer. During times when we stop sending new emigrants to the Land of Lost Toys and actively play or punish, our lives are better.

I’m sitting in our new house on one of our dining room chairs with the computer on our waxing/massage table . Mrs. Lion brought these items over to give me someplace to sit while I wait for our new washing machine to be delivered. (It never arrived. The store changed delivery date at the last minute.) It’s an odd feeling being in an empty, unfamiliar place. It will take a long time before we can make this our home. The movers are scheduled to come on Saturday.that’s when the real fun begins.

I’m writing using my new laptop. It’s one more unfamiliar thing. I’m fully dressed. This is the most unusual sensation. When I’m home or any other place where there is privacy, the rule is that I am naked. I guess I’ve become an involuntary nudist. It’s not exactly involuntary. At this point wearing clothing is what feels unnatural. The nudity-at-home rule has been in effect for the full 17 years Mrs. Lion and I have been together. After all this time, it’s my natural state.

That’s the thing about rules: obey them long enough and they just become part of your nature. For me this is true about masturbation. It’s been six years since I’ve jerked off. No masturbation was Mrs Lion’s first rule when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device. It isn’t the sort of rule you would expect a keyholder to make at the same time she was locking her male into a  chastity device.

Actually, it came about because I told her that one reason that I wanted to be locked up was because I thought it would be an incentive for us to interact sexually more often. I went on to say that over the last several years, I had been masturbating one or two times a week because we were not doing anything sexual together more than once a month.

She was surprised that I masturbated. She had no idea I did that. I was surprised she didn’t realize I was jerking off now and then. She was unhappy that I was getting off on my own. I think that she considers me jerking off is a form of cheating. I was having sex with someone other than her. I never thought of it that way. I just considered it a way of relieving sexual frustration.

That was that. I did point out that I couldn’t masturbate if I wanted to. I was securely locked in a steel cage. There was no way for me to play with myself. Nevertheless, she made it absolutely clear that locked or not I was to never make myself ejaculate. She would be my only source of sexual satisfaction. There were no exceptions. Some keyholders allow their males to masturbate under their direct supervision. Not me. My paws were forever forbidden to get myself off.

Mrs Lion understood that the key to conditioning me to keep my hands off her weenie was to never under any circumstances allow me to satisfy myself. I was surprised that after a few years of continuous lockup, I completely forgot how to get myself off. I don’t even think about it. I know that I could probably make myself come, but I don’t really want to. I do like making myself hard once in a while when I’m wild. Mrs Lion knows I do it and while she didn’t explicitly tell me I could, she never said I couldn’t. I’ve written about this practice several times and she has never said anything either way. [Mrs. Lion – Actually I told him he should watch himself. I don’t want him doing it too often.]

Operative conditioning is the process of instilling nearly-instinctive behavior through learning. This is what happened to me. It happens to anyone who is consistently made to perform or avoid a behavior. This is good news for the power exchange, but it does have a darker side?

Most people, when they read about someone who is conditioned this way, react negatively because they feel person was a victim of a Svengalian manipulation. People like me who welcome control, also have a problem with it. Nudity and hands-off the weenie are now built into my psyche. I don’t get any rush of sexual energy thinking about being naked or about not being allowed to get myself off. Those things are just part of me.

This happens even in casual BDSM situations. In those cases, there isn’t the kind of operative conditioning that changes a behavior permanently. There is a kind of familiarity that sets in and robs the bottom of the little thrill submitting provides. Anyone who has been in a dominant/submissive relationship knows that there is almost constant pressure to escalate the way the dominant partner exhibits power.

I spent decades as a top/dominant practitioner. I had several long term relationships with bottoms. Invariably, their need for escalation would push me to the point that it became too much trouble trying to satisfy their need to restore the submissive thrill.

In our relationship we need to be careful to manage this issue. It’s possible to both condition and keep the thrill alive. We discovered a way accidentally. When we first started our disciplinary relationship, we realized that neither of us had any real experience in the sort of power exchange we were beginning. Mrs Lion knew that we needed a lot of practice to instill the disciplinary habits we needed. She decided that if she made some rules I couldn’t help breaking, there would be legitimate reasons punish me and thereby teach both of us the disciplinary habits we wanted.

This meant that at some point we would have two distinctly different kinds of rules. The first kind, like forbidding me to spill food on my shirt, had no real emotional loading and, given the way I eat, guaranteed to provide plenty of opportunities punish me. It also provided Mrs Lion a very good laboratory in which to learn how to observe my behavior consistently. It’s worked very well. A little surprisingly to me, I actually stopped spilling food on my shirt very often. I recently started again because my eyesight has suffered and I can’t always see where food ends up going. My current backlog of spankings is due to this problem. I don’t mind because we both still need practice.

The second kind of rule is much more difficult to observe and enforce. This is stuff that actually impacts our lives. For example, Mrs Lion hates it when I interrupt her. I suppose everyone hates that. For some time it’s been a punishable offense. She’s never consistently enforced it. In fact, she almost never lets me know when I do it.

It isn’t because Mrs Lion isn’t a terrific disciplining wife. It’s because there is a special kind of fear associated with calling someone out on something that carries the risk of being greeted with defiance or anger. It’s one thing to observe and punish something like getting food on my shirt. On the other hand, calling me out for interrupting can be risky on an emotional level.

Even though I’ve agreed that Mrs Lion has every right to punish me for doing things that annoy her, she knows that when she calls me out I will probably be upset because interrupting is an ingrained, if negative, part of my personality. It’s something I am doing that’s wrong. It isn’t silly or trivial. Actually, the trivial rules were put into place to develop the habit needed to enforce these more serious infractions.

But I digress. My point is that once some demonstration of power, whether it is a rule or some BDSM physical activity, becomes habitual, it loses a lot of its sexual value. You may think that this shouldn’t be a problem. After all, at least in our case, the rules and their enforcement are designed to lubricate our relationship. They aren’t about sexual thrills.

That’s true; they aren’t. It’s perfectly okay to completely disregard whether or not I get turned on thinking about breaking any rule. I’m on board with that. I know that I like those little tingles. I seek them out. Interestingly, one very common activity we practice is spanking. I always get a little aroused when I think about being spanked.

Over the last few years I received hundreds of spankings. Even though this activity is very painful and unpleasant, thinking about being spanked is remains a turn on. Given the way things like masturbation, spilling, and eating first became extinct thanks to consistent enforcement, you’d think that spanking would also become a routine part of my life.

It hasn’t. I still get that tingle when I think about being spanked. I get absolutely no sexual arousal out of the actual act. I hate every second of it. I can’t explain it. For some reason I am immune from becoming sexually indifferent about being spanked. I actively work to avoid spankings. I fear them. Mrs Lion has become a very severe disciplinarian. Yet, I can get an erection thinking about her punishing me this way.

This is relevant because apparently there are some things that never lose their thrill. Since spanking is not something that we do for play very often, it’s almost unfortunate that this activity turns out to be one that’s perennially arousing. It would be much better if I reacted sexually to things that aren’t associated with real punishment. The point is that those of us who are on the bottom crave that kind of sexual arousal. It doesn’t matter if the activity is painful or not. The anticipation and memories of having it happen turn us on.

So, when an activity stops getting my penis hard, it’s a loss. I want to look for other things to replace it.  I do long for the arousal I feel when Mrs Lion lets me know we will do some BDSM activity. She favors cock and ball torture. She enjoys putting Icy Hot on my balls, covering them with clothespins, or doing something else very uncomfortable to my genitals. Occasionally, she will doing anal play as well. I get very turned on thinking about that though I’ve never stayed hard when she’s done things there.

As a top, I disliked the pressure of having to come up with new ways to restore the thrill for my bottom. I know Mrs Lion feels the same way as my top. It comes with the territory. The key is for me to realize how difficult it is to keep that thrill alive and to work hard to make things easier for my lioness. She always has the good old standby of threatening me with a spanking.