It’s very easy to focus on the painful realities we face. I’m an optimist. I look for possibilities, not barriers. Right now, I’m struggling. I’m trying to pivot. I was furloughed last April, and there is no indication I will ever return. My pivot is to try to become a professional writer. My first book was published this past weekend on Amazon. I don’t know what I expected, but so far, one person who gets kindle free books has read 15 pages. That isn’t exactly a runaway hit. It’s too soon to get concerned, but my fantasy was more activity than that.
The second, more worrying issue, at least to me, is my libido. Sex isn’t working all that well for me. On Sunday night Mrs. Lion gave me excellent oral attention. I couldn’t get very close to the edge no matter how long she tried. This has been happening a lot lately. Eventually, I will be able to get to the edge but not reliably. This is a fairly recent development. Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex for herself years ago. She can still have orgasms but doesn’t get pleasure from them. Despite that loss, up until recently, she has been able to get me off reliably. Not now.
I have been trying to be brave and optimistic about this being a temporary issue. I’m very sad about it. Sex has always been essential to me. Arousal and eventual satisfaction are like breathing. It’s a natural part of me that I don’t want to lose. Yet here I am in this bind. I feel a disconnection between being intellectually turned on and feeling my penis react. I’ve never been especially turned on by porn. Beyond looking for images to use here, I avoid it. Yet, occasionally I see an image that stimulates my imagination. I can see myself in it. There’s one that appeared on Twitter from an English female blogger, TheOtherLibby. She posted an image from her blog that mentally stimulated me. My penis didn’t react. Sad.
Can I continue as a sex blogger if physical arousal is failing? I still know what I find mentally exciting. It’s a lot less fun this way. Should I mourn this loss, or should I pivot and find a way to overcome it or at least live with it? Maybe it’s too early for me to resign myself to mental erections. I don’t know. I can get hard. Mrs. Lion has no problem getting me up. But it’s not the same. I know Mrs. Lion will work to help me past this problem. I don’t want it to become like her unwelcome orgasms.