It seems that male domestic discipline is an extremely rare practice. That is, the male receives the discipline and the disciplining wife administers it. Still rare, but substantially more popular, is female domestic discipline. Various Christian congregations include this as part of a proper Christian life. The male version has no official sanction, religious or otherwise. Mrs. Lion and I practice the male version. Mrs. Lion spanks me when I break a rule or disobey her. Spanking seems to be the punishment of choice for domestic discipline (DD). However, many couples employ other methods of retribution as well.
There is no social or religious justification for our DD. Our parents or fellow congregants haven’t set examples. You could argue that our DD is just another BDSM practice and not a serious part of our relationship. It’s a fair argument. In my mind, something leaves the realm of BDSM and enters daily life when the practitioners consider the practice a serious part of their normal, daily lives. That doesn’t mean punishments are administered frequently. If anything, frequent punishment would suggest BDSM. It means that the disciplining wife is constantly observing her husband’s behavior and disciplines him when he requires it.
I’ve written a lot about the difference between a BDSM spanking and one for punishment. Some people in the D/S community use disciplinary spanking as part of their scenes. So the intensity and quality of the punishments aren’t truly indicators of the presence of DD. Then, what is? That’s something I have been thinking about lately.
Mrs. Lion and I had a conversation the other night about our female led relationship (FLR) and, by extension, our DD. After over a year, I still handle the finances and we usually operate as a partnership. We never had a goal of transferring the money management to her, but we both imagined that was part of FLR. We also imagined that she would take over almost all decision making in her role. That also hasn’t happened.
Our relationship is peaceful and division of management and chores is very organic. I mentioned to Mrs. Lion that the reason I think we haven’t made more drastic transitions of control is because what we have works for us. She’s shown no desire to assume the ownership of things I manage. Does that mean we can’t have an FLR? I suggested that we can and do. Mrs. Lion makes and enforces rules as she wishes. We do have a FLR, maybe just one in the early stages.
Domestic discipline in our relationship is a little harder to verify. I’ve been practicing BDSM for decades. I’m a switch. In my bottom role, I like to be spanked. You could argue that even though Mrs. Lion administers painful punishment spankings, perhaps on some level I like them. Maybe the rules and punishments for infractions are more of a kinky scene than true DD.
I don’t think the fact I dread these spankings and try to avoid them as an indicator we have DD. It could be part of a D/S game. It could also be true DD. How can we know? For that matter, should we even care?
People who write about DD and claim to be long term practitioners say they have punishment rituals that go beyond a simple, painful spanking. Most say they do use spanking as the primary expression of displeasure. They also claim to use corner time, suspension of privileges, and other forms of punishment used by strict parents. Let’s face it, those activities can also be part of a D/S scene. I know lots of people who use corner time, etc. as part of their play.
It seems to me that the true test of whether a relationship is DD is expressed by intent. If the disciplined husband truly works hard to be “good” and avoid punishment it indicates he is serious. Similarly, if the disciplining wife invests time and energy in observing and promptly correcting her husband’s misbehavior, they have a DD marriage.
I think that definition is the one Mrs. Lion and I agree is the measure of our DD marriage. Most of the work is hers. If she is consistent and strict, I will work hard to be the husband she wants. Over time, all this becomes a natural part of our lives and it stops being work. That’s when I think we can truly say we have a DD marriage. The learning process is painful for me, but even more difficult for Mrs. Lion. She has to learn new patterns of thinking and acting. We’re making progress, but we both have a way to go.