The problem with emails and texts is that you can’t hear the tone. In Lion’s email yesterday, I heard a sarcastic, what-the-hell’s-the-matter-with-you tone. Of course, I don’t think Lion has ever actually used that tone with me, but that’s what I heard. On the plus side, I was able to find his contact lens when I got home. It seems to be fine after a night in the cleaning solution. He was very upset at losing it so I’m glad it was just hiding from us and not lost for good.
We took a trip to Walmart last night for Lion to get a pair of glasses for when he isn’t wearing his contacts. I always liked Walmart for my son’s glasses because they have very cheap packages and they seemed to hold up well. They even took Lion’s insurance so there was very little out of pocket. That’s a good thing in this economy and with Lion still on furlough.
Since we went after I got home from work, it was around 7 when I started dinner. Lion snoozed for a bit and it seemed like neither of us was interested in playing. At least, it seemed that way. Around 10:30, Lion said he guessed it wasn’t a sex night. I guess it could have been. I tend to let extraneous things sabotage play. Anything off the normal path of an evening and I’m thrown off. It’s not like it was that late when we got home. I need to do a better job.
I wish I could promise we’ll play tonight. I’m working from home today and tomorrow. And tomorrow is only a half-day. You’d think that would be a no-brainer. Work is less stressful from home. I don’t have a commute unless you count the twenty feet from my desk to the bed as a commute. We should be able to figure out what’s for dinner with a minimum of thought since we’re both right here. I don’t think there are any planned excursions. And yet, I can’t promise. I don’t want to promise. Promising means the potential for disappointment. Of course, not promising doesn’t eliminate disappointment. All it eliminates, really, is the “but you promised!” lament. (This really is what goes on in my mind on a daily basis.)
Here’s what I will say: It is my hope that we will play tonight. I will not raise taxes. I will attempt to raise a weenie. I approve of this message. Lioness for President 2020
Mrs. Lion and I have agreed to a female-led relationship with discipline. We signed up for it several years ago. So far, her authority is expressed by making and enforcing a few rules. They are:
- Set up the coffee maker every day
- Do not spill food on my shirt
- Make sure Mrs. Lion eats first unless she gives me permission to eat before her
- Update the Days-Since-My-Last-Orgasm whiteboard every day
- Don’t interrupt or act like a know-it-all (very rarely enforced)
That’s it. If I break any of the rules 1 – 4, I get spanked. Mrs. Lion is absolutely consistent. She almost never enforces rule 5. We’ve struggled with why it’s so difficult to move beyond those first four rules. I’ve believed Mrs. Lion has trouble enforcing corrections to my behavior when it affects her. She agrees. But that isn’t all.
No matter how you talk about it, FLR is essentially maternal authority. A male-led relationship is paternal. As I see it, authority can either be parental or judicial. We want spousal authority, but there aren’t any models of it that Mrs. Lion and I have seen or experienced. We resist the idea that Mrs. Lion has a maternal role.
We both feel a bit squicked at the maternal concept. It’s true that Mrs. Lion jokes that I am her oldest child. Like most women, she likes to think of her husband as strong and protective. She doesn’t want the pressure of having to be accountable for every aspect of our lives. She may reason that if she has a maternal role in our marriage, then I would be a dependant child. That’s unappealing to both of us.
In a male-led relationship, the husband is a sort of father figure. His wife isn’t a child to him. She is accountable to him and expected to be obedient. That model feels acceptable and easy to understand. Why does the same power exchange cause us trouble when the woman is in charge? In the paternal model, the woman isn’t expected to be a mouse with no thoughts of her own. She is a smart, independent woman. The only difference from a vanilla situation is that she has agreed to be obedient and accept punishment as needed.
I am sexually aroused when Mrs. Lion exercises her authority. Her consistent enforcement of my rules has effectively trained me. I like that. I’m not sure she agrees. Accepting that she trains me is difficult for her. It may be the idea that training is a maternal duty, not one appropriate for a wife. I think embracing the idea that maternal authority is just as valid as the more-generally-accepted paternal spousal authority is important for us to succeed.
A paternal leader/husband doesn’t think of his wife as a daughter. He sees himself continuing the authority her father had over her. She left her father’s domain and now is in his. There is no implication that she remains a child. In the paternal model, the woman remains under the loving, paternal authority of her husband.
Why can’t we accept this in the maternal model of our FLR? My obedience and acceptance of Mrs. Lion’s authority don’t imply that I am a child. She is just resuming the maternal authority I should have lived under as a child. I suppose the most child-like aspect of this for me is my desire to have boundaries that Mrs. Lion enforces. If she maintains strict control in areas of my life that would benefit from it, I will feel it as love and will benefit from the stability it offers me.
Maybe thinking of our FLR this way will help Mrs. Lion expand her control. She’s already exercising this authority when she enforces my small set of rules. She has no trouble paddling me when needed to enforce them. I think that once she (and I) embrace the maternal authority model, my boundaries will become clearer and my bottom redder.
Sometimes taking care of Lion gets to me. It’s usually a little thing that sends me off the rails. Obviously, it’s a combination of things and that last straw really does break the camel’s back.
Since I’ve gotten contacts, I’ve been using Lion’s mirror in the bathroom. I use the higher magnification side and I try to remember to flip it back over to Lion’s side when I’m done. This morning, I flipped it but I didn’t get it into the correct position. When Lion went to put his contacts in, the case fell off the mirror and he lost a lens. He said, “I would appreciate it if you could put it back flat when you’re done with it.” For some reason, this hit a nerve.
It’s trivial. What’s the big deal? Why can’t I just make sure the mirror is flat? Why can’t he just make sure the mirror is flat? Is the toilet seat up or down? Does the toilet paper roll go over or under? Who cares? It’s just a nit picky thing that pushes all the wrong buttons.
Again, I think it’s in addition to other nit picky things that aren’t worth mentioning at the time. There’s something in front of the coffee pot so he couldn’t put it together for tomorrow. Could he move the “something” out of the way? That’s happened a few times and when I look it’s been things he bought that have no home yet. A few times it’s been dishes. But the way he says it makes it sound like it’s my stuff. How dare I put something on a counter. The nerve!
No. This has nothing to do with sex. But it does have something to do with our power exchange. Lion is right that I hold onto things rather than make waves. But, in this case, I think I’m right too. There’s no reason to punish Lion for not setting up the coffee pot if he can’t get to it, even if I think he should be able to move it. It’s a little thing. There’s no reason to punish him for asking that the mirror be left in a certain position, even if I think he should be able to move it. It’s also a little thing.
The problem, of course, is when the little things add up. Do I punish him because this one tiny thing, added to the list of other tiny things, pushed me over the edge? I say no. Lion will undoubtedly say yes. Whatever he did that annoyed me should be punished. Period. I’m still grappling with that. It’s been very difficult for me.
[Lion — I know this is tough for my lioness. I’m sorry]
We didn’t play Spankardy last night. Lion had been snoozing during Wheel of Fortune and I told him I could give him a play spanking any time he liked. We didn’t even wind up doing a spanking. It wasn’t necessary. After I’d gotten him a little excited I moved down to lick him and then asked if he wanted some real oral action. That’s always a silly question.
I wasn’t sure if he’d get to the edge or not, but I figured it was worth a try. I’ve missed sucking him. He’s missed it too. He was hard almost immediately. I got him pretty close if not to the edge. I could feel the sore spot as I sucked him. I guess it’s a scar now. Lion says it doesn’t hurt which is good. I would have sucked him longer but my sinuses felt like they were trying to drown me. As it was, I thought it was a very good first try in a long time. And now we know he will get excited even if he doesn’t think he’s in the mood.
Tonight, I’ll make sure I can suck him longer. Maybe we’ll even give a play spanking a go. Barring that, maybe I’ll bring out the rope or clothespins. I have many toys at my disposal to help get him super excited. It sounds like we can get back on track again. Lion will be frustrated in no time. Then it’s just a matter of keeping him frustrated until I decide it’s time for his orgasm. Now the question is whether I should start the clock from last night or back when he had his orgasm. This is absolutely an instance when he didn’t care about waiting for the first week or so. Since he hasn’t suffered yet, does it really count?
I guess I can answer right away. It absolutely doesn’t matter how long he’s been frustrated or even how long he’s been waiting. I just have to make sure he waits long enough and I get to determine that. If I say he’s waited long enough, I can give him an orgasm tonight. Spoiler alert: he hasn’t waited long enough. I will say that, when I decided he should have a short wait thrown in, I hadn’t foreseen his not caring about any sexual contact at all. With that monkey wrench thrown in, I don’t see how it could possibly be a short wait. It will take time to build him up to the level of frustration I require. Nope. He’s in for the long haul again. It may not be 20 days, but it won’t be 4 either. [Lion comments — Today is day 9, FYI in case you wanted to know.]