Yesterday was hot. It was over 90° F again. I know. We’re wimps. I am especially guilty. I don’t know why but the heat has been kicking my ass this year. Even with the air conditioner, I was sweating. My mind was willing to play with Lion, but I didn’t want to get close to him. He’s usually a furnace. This morning, it seems cooler. It rained a tiny bit when I was out with the puppy around 5:30. Right now, it’s 72° but still a little warm in parts of the house. With the fan or air conditioner on in the bedroom, I think I’ll be able to get close to Lion tonight.
There hasn’t been anything going on around here lately. We’ve been dealing with stomach issues and tiredness. This morning I fell back to sleep watching TV. Clearly, the puppy is wreaking havoc on us. It’s a good thing she’s so cute. My goal today is to do some chores and then do Lion. He said he was horny, and he was fishing for intimacy last night. I was just too hot. The first thing I have to do, however, is get Lion out of bed. He went back to sleep after his eye drops. I’m telling you, we’re sleep-deprived.
Without promising that we’ll do extensive anal training, I do want to play with him anally. He seemed to have some fun the other night when we did a bit. I can even check to see if we have any ginger. I’m hoping it will get him even hornier, so maybe he’ll get close to the edge tonight. It’s still early in the cycle, but it’s possible. He won’t have an orgasm, but that’s part of the game. I need to get back into doing different things to turn him on. He needs more than just sex. I think I’m up for the task.
We are often asked how to convince a partner to start male chastity. Every so often, we offer some ideas. The other night I had a dream that stuck in my mind. In it, I was a sex therapist meeting with a couple. The husband wanted his wife to be his keyholder. She refused but agreed to talk with me. I have no education as a therapist. My degrees are in hard sciences. That doesn’t stop me from practicing in my dream.
I decided to take an unusual approach to this problem. First, I pointed out that male chastity is a game. The husband was a little offended and said he didn’t think it was. I pointed out that games are often difficult and not necessarily pleasant to play. Male chastity and any other power exchange require consent from both players. If he withdrew consent, the game would end.
The husband reluctantly agreed. The wife relaxed a little. Next, I asked about Masturbation. I asked the wife if she thought her husband masturbates. She smiled and said she did. I asked him if she was right. He blushed a little and agreed. I asked her if she masturbated. She was silent for a while but finally admitted she does. Her husband was surprised. He didn’t think she did.
I asked the wife how she felt about his masturbation. She said that she thought all men did it. I pressed for her feelings about it. She admitted that she wasn’t happy that he did but understood it didn’t have to do with her. I asked if she felt left out. She admitted she did.
I asked the husband why he masturbated when his wife was available for sex, even if nothing else than giving him a handjob. He said he didn’t know. I asked the wife if she would get him off anytime he asked. She said that most of the time, she would. Her husband seemed surprised. I asked his wife if she liked watching her husband masturbate. She said she never saw him do it but was sure she would like it. Again, her husband was surprised.
I told them that they had an assignment for the next week. He was only to masturbate when his wife could watch. If he got turned on by porn, he had to go to where she was and tell her he wanted to jerk off. Then, he could get naked and do it. She could watch if she wants. He objected. He said that was embarrassing. I pointed out that if he wanted her to lock up his penis, the first step would be to eliminate private masturbation. He reluctantly agreed. His wife was smiling broadly.
Of course, this session was imaginary, but it brings out a few critical points when considering a sexual power exchange. The first is that the chaste male is surrendering all sexual control to his keyholder. He can’t privately jerk off if he does that. He also has to get used to the idea that she will be watching every time he ejaculates.
His wife never considered her husband’s masturbation in depth. She acknowledged that he probably does it but chalked it off to male private behavior. It made sense to her that if he wanted her to decide if and when he gets to ejaculate, that she would be much more aware of his sexual behavior. While she had never seen him masturbate before, she was almost certainly going to enjoy watching.
The reason this is important when introducing male chastity is simple. Both partners need to learn that their sexual activity is never private. She is always involved in any sexual pleasure he gets. She could do what Mrs. Lion did when I asked her to lock my penis in a male chastity device. She simply made it a rule that I never masturbate. She will provide any release. The male chastity device would train me to keep my hands off my penis. It worked. The last time I jerked off was in January of 2014 while she watched.
This may be too radical for many. Who makes the male ejaculate isn’t really the issue. It’s that he can never decide for himself that it’s time to orgasm. His partner will always be present when he ejaculates. Most women don’t consider making this change a big deal. Almost all men do. That’s why it’s a good first step. He wants male chastity. He has to make the changes. Make sense?
We are tiny creatures on a small planet in an unfathomably large universe. We do what we can to convince ourselves that we control the world around us. Every so often, we are reminded that control is an illusion. Vast forests burn—the earth beneath our feet trembles and cracks. We think we are in control because we can sometimes predict the next cataclysmic event. Recording isn’t controlling.
It’s easy to forget this. In some ways, there is the comfort of living in a world we can’t control. We start our lives with no control over anything, even our own bodies. As we mature, we make more decisions that affect us. As adults, the cycle repeats as we control our children and help them grow and mature. We never forget the selfish comfort of infancy. We also remember how hard we fought to take over control.
There are two conflicting forces inside us: the desire to lose control and to be in control. They emerge in almost everything we do. When it comes to sex, these forces are particularly visible. I’m a good example. I find comfort and fun in surrendering control–well, having control taken from me. At the same time, I am strongly driven to control my world.
These contradictory needs can be confusing and potentially dangerous. Conflicting needs breed neurosis unless they can be channeled. That’s where kink comes in. Compromise is one of humanity’s superpowers. The ability to negotiate and live by less-than-optimum agreements allows civilization to survive.
On a micro level, the same is true of people in relationships. Finding a sweet spot that meets the needs of both partners allows us to live together as lifelong partners. Sex is one of the most difficult areas to achieve this. I’m very lucky. Mrs. Lion and I are truly mated for life. It isn’t that our needs mesh perfectly. They don’t come close. Our secret sauce is our strong need to make each other happy.
For example, as you know, I want to be spanked because it turns me on to think about it. I want Mrs. Lion to punish me with her paddles. She does. So far, it seems that Mrs. Lion is giving, and I’m taking. That’s true. The secret sauce comes in through my strong need for her to use my kink as a way of teaching me to avoid upsetting her.
Obviously, if spanking is a purely sexual activity, nothing will be in it for her other than to make me hornier. We both understand that. When I’m spanked, it is as far from sexual as it can be. If you’ve read our posts, you’ve seen evidence of the damage her paddles do. I like that. I dread being punished. I do my best to avoid repeating behavior that earned me that spanking.
Recently, we’ve begun “just because” spankings. These are scheduled punishments that don’t have a direct behavioral cause. This puzzles some of our readers. It doesn’t seem to make sense to beat me for no reason. Actually, there are some very good reasons.
We discovered that if I avoid earning punishment for more than a couple of weeks, the disciplinary nature of our marriage tends to fade into the background. I “forget” how much it hurts to be spanked, and Mrs. Lion becomes less attentive to my behavior. Inertia sets in. Since the idea of being spanked is sexually exciting to me, the lack of spanking activity affects my interest in sex.
We decided to try “just because” spankings. The idea is that I probably did something wrong that was missed by my lioness. The “Just Because” spanking covered those undiscovered sins. They also recharge my sexual battery. Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and keeps her focus on my behavior. So far, they are helpful.
Mrs. Lion has a problem punishing me for annoying her. She tends to rationalize my behavior in terms of her mood or things other people have done that pissed her off. In short, I go unpunished. We both agree that one of the most beneficial uses of our disciplinary marriage is educating me on being a better husband.
If Mrs. Lion has a “just because” spanking scheduled and I manage to piss her off, she doesn’t have to work through the difficult process of allowing herself to punish me just for upsetting her. She is going to spank me anyway. She can just tell me that instead of being a “just because” spanking, it is a real punishment for interrupting her. She doesn’t have to feel guilty about being unfair to me.
After a while, the idea is that punishing me for annoying her will be as automatic as spanking me for not setting up the coffee pot. It’s just another routine infraction. I’ll know when she reaches this point when my ten-minute “just because” spanking becomes a fifteen-minute punishment. Mrs. Lion adds five minutes for each additional infraction. The “just because” spanking earns me the first ten minutes. Annoying her adds another five. I hate those extra five minutes!
Domestic discipline is just one marital compromise. We find it very helpful. We have many others. Our goal is to make each other happy. A few extra, possibly unearned sore bottoms is a small price to pay for that.
I fell asleep when I got home from work yesterday. Suddenly it was almost 7. Oops. I guess I really was tired. When I put the puppy in her crate, I reminded her that the goal was to sleep until 6. Yeah, right. She was up at 3 again. And then she was up well before 6. Luckily, she didn’t whine too much and let me sleep a little longer. Lion was up, so I let her out and was able to nod off until 6:30, when the alarm went off. And then I went to work. A two-hour meeting made me incredibly sleepy again. Argh!
The just because spanking for tonight was canceled yesterday. Lion and I have been having stomach issues for the past week or so. We’re at the point that we feel better, but that next meal might send us over the edge again. Part of my problem may be a lack of sleep. Do I have enough energy for normal digestion? I think it’s better to lay low for a while longer to let things work themselves out. Barring any setbacks, we should be good to go for Monday.
Is it inertia or self-preservation? Maybe a bit of both. Obviously, being tired can lead to inertia. By not expending energy to spank him, I’m giving myself a chance to recover. Lion, too. I don’t imagine he’d have too much fun being swatted when his gut is angry. Plus, I think inertia happens unconsciously. I am fully aware that I’m putting off spanking. The problem starts if I don’t spank him Monday without a reason. Believe me, I’m fighting hard against inertia.
We’re also entering the time frame in which Lion starts to be more interested in sex. I’m not saying he’ll be horny necessarily. He’s just thinking about it. Rubbing my weenie will feel very nice but may or may not result in an erection. If he does get one, he may not be able to hold it long. This is the period of time that I don’t think really counts as part of the wait, but I haven’t figured out a way to qualify it. He might say he’s been waiting 14 days, but for the first six, he might not have been horny at all. Doesn’t that mean he’s only been waiting nine days? So far, the only reliable way we have of counting is to start the day after an orgasm. Who’s to say he isn’t super horny on day four?
We’ve been pretty boring lately. Puppy, puppy, puppy, blah, blah, blah. Not much on the sex front. I thank you for your patience.
[Lion — My interest in sex comes back after a day or so. My ability to get hard may or may not return so soon. Today is the 5th day and I have definite sexual thoughts.]