I’m filling in for Mrs. Lion this afternoon. She’s swamped ferrying boxes from our old house to our new one. It’s the home stretch in terms of making the transfer. I don’t know whether she’ll get a post in any day this week. She’s just too busy.

All too frequently I read posts by allegedly female writers who perpetuate a myth about men and orgasm denial. The party line, as stated by these people, is that men don’t necessarily crave ejaculation, instead they just want sexual activity.

It’s true that our male instincts keep us in constant heat. We want sex. Most men associate sexual activity with orgasm and ejaculation. The story goes that if his female partner lets him have sex but doesn’t let him finish, it will increase his interest in sex and decreases interest in ejaculating.

This is a rehash of the myth that if you lock up a man’s penis, he will want to give his partner more sex than he would if left in his wild state. It goes on to claim that because of this, his partner will want to keep him locked up.

The first premise that claims a man will have increased interest in sex if he is not allowed to ejaculate has a reasonable basis in fact. Most of us do want more sex if we are allowed sexual activity, but not allowed to ejaculate. That’s certainly true of me. However, that doesn’t mean he will transfer his sexual desire into giving altruistic sexual pleasure to his partner.

It is possible to train him to use his frustration as a way to provide more sexual pleasure to his partner. It’s a simple form of conditioning. Most guys who are willing to surrender orgasm control, probably enjoy sexual games. Even if they’ve never played one, they are almost certainly going to enjoy learning one and then playing it.

The game is very simple. He can earn an orgasm for himself if he provides excellent service to his partner. I know that the myth claims that this is  unnecessary. Male sexual frustration is supposed to be instantly transferable to providing sex for his partner. I don’t believe that. But if you play the game, he will become a happy contestant trying to win a chance to ejaculate.

A lot of women won’t like this idea. They consider sex an emotional experience, not a transaction. I can’t argue with that, I agree. However, the objective is to convert his frustration into the constructive sexual outlet of providing you, his partner, with additional sexual fun. The “Win an Orgasm” game is excellent training.

Here’s how it goes: First, give him a goal, say 10 orgasms for you. When he reaches this goal, you allow him to ejaculate. The goal should be relatively easy to attain. He’ll love it. You probably need to establish some ground rules that prevent him from trying to give you all 10 orgasms in a single session. The obvious way to prevent this is to only count each session when you have one or more orgasms as a single point. You also retain the right to refuse to let him please you if you’re not in the mood.

This way things don’t get out of hand and he is not incentivized to push you too far in terms of multiple orgasms. Obviously, this isn’t the optimum way to have sex. Hopefully, within a relatively short time, the game will be unnecessary. Your orgasms will not be counted and he will unselfishly provide you with pleasure without expecting his reward.

The key value of this is that you are teaching him that sex and ejaculation are not tightly bound together. He will learn that sex is an activity you can both enjoy. Most often each session will end with you having one or more orgasms. They will not end with him ejaculating.

Sessions when he gets come are special. For the sake of his learning, it might be a good idea let him know at the start that this time he may have a chance to have his own orgasm. This doesn’t mean he will, but unlike the other sessions, he has a chance.

Turning sex into a game is an excellent way to make changes in the way both of you approach it. In this case, he wants you to control his orgasms. He wants to wait and feel the delicious frustration of arousal without ejaculation.

The reason that I am unhappy with the idea that all this should be automatic is that the assumption implies that somehow it’s a problem if he’s allowed to ejaculate during sex. After all, it implies that he needs the incentive of postponed orgasm in order to most enthusiastically supply you with pleasure.

By using the game, there is no suggestion that there was anything wrong with sex in the past. The game just changes the rules because it’s something he wants.

naked lion outdoors
This is the only socially accepted view of a naked male body. Unlike the frontal view further into the post, this picture can appear almost anywhere without drawing negative comments, other than not liking my body.

There is a very clear double standard when it comes to nudity in the media, movies, television, and even services like Facebook and Twitter. Even digital or cable programming displays the same bias. I’m talking about the fact that all these media will show full frontal female bodies. They also show rear ends of both men and women. Still off-limits are frontal views of males.

I’m not complaining that there is a more liberal view toward showing pussies. It does seem odd that penises, even flaccid penises are off-limits. I don’t get it. This is a clear double standard. I could see avoiding erections because an erection represents sex. A flaccid penis is no more pornography than an external view of a vagina.

Since this blog is about enforced male chastity, specifically our experience with it, the only sex organs we’ve shown so far are male; almost always mine. These are pictures that usually accompany posts that I write, though Mrs. Lion’s posts frequently show my penis as well. Most of the views show me flaccid or locked in a chastity device.

I don’t consider this pornography. You might argue that the pictures including my erection border on being X-rated. They still don’t show sexual activity, just an alternate state of my penis.

Is there something threatening about the penis that makes it objectionable to reveal? I suspect that the bias against showing male reproductive organs is a throwback to the double standard of male sexual dominance. I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that the penis is more sexually provocative than a vagina. I don’t get turned on seeing pictures of naked men, even close-ups of their penises. I definitely enjoy seeing naked women including close-ups of their sexual organ.

I imagine this is true of almost all heterosexual males. I’m pretty sure that modern women enjoy seeing a penis if the context is something they welcome. I know that few women enjoy random cock shots, but they are neutral or positive to penis pictures associated with something they are reading. For example, a picture of my penis in this post may not turn on our female readers, but it won’t shock them or feel unwelcome. This blog is mostly about my penis in one way or another.

It seems unfair that there is a visual bias against naked male frontal views. I can’t believe that many women consider penises threatening. They might have been in earlier, less liberal times. I hope that members of both sexes don’t find male genitals disgusting. That would be an antiquated perspective. It’s unlikely that anyone reading this would feel this way.

lion naked on his deck
Okay, so it isnt a work of art. But my flaccid penis is no more offensive than a similar shot of a naked female. Mrs. Lion prefers to see my erection.You can see her favorite view further down the post.

Still there is an obvious bias against male genitalia in the media. It even overflows into the social media. I’ll follow a bunch of people on twitter. Some show naked pictures, like people into nudism. At least 80% of the nude pictures that cross the feeds I monitor are of women. Of the 20% male images, at least 75% of them are rear views. Less than half the female nudes, way less than half are taken from the rear.

Apparently, since we all have them, naked butts are much more socially acceptable. R-rated movies can show extensive rear nudity, and show very brief frontal female nudity, but no penises.

I’m not on a crusade for penis equality in the media. Well, maybe I am. From my perspective, I am much happier seeing naked women than naked men. On the other hand, it does affect me that my reproductive organ is a social outcast and must remain hidden from view.

I don’t think it’s a matter of aesthetics. It could be partly due to the fact that the majority of the people who produce pictures, TV shows, and movies that we watch our men; heterosexual men. They would be much more inclined to show naked women of course. Nowadays, there are a lot of female content providers and they also tend to show female nudity.

I think that even I’m affected by this bias. I feel a little reluctance each time I publish a penis picture, even mine. I don’t feel any hesitation when on publishing a female image.

lion's erect penis
Here I am in all my glory. I’m lying on my back with a full erection. Mrs. Lion is particularly fond of this view. I can’t see why this is more offensive than a similar picture of a naked female.
(Click to view larger)

Perhaps, sex bloggers like us could make a point of showing male genitalia. We could begin a little movement to desensitize people about any negative bias they have when they see a penis. I’m not suggesting we publish gratuitous close-ups of naked cock, anymore than I think it is in good taste to publish gratuitous pussy pictures. Showing full frontal naked male pictures, flaccid or erect would be reasonable in many contexts.

It doesn’t matter whether or not I particularly like seeing penises, I think it’s important that we males feel good about revealing our junk. I know that Mrs. Lion likes to see my weenie as she calls it. She also said that she prefers seeing erect penises to flaccid ones. Okay, Mrs. Lion picture to the left is for you. For the record, it’s me.

We haven’t had energy to do anything sexual. I’m feeling the pressure more and more every day.  Wanting to come and having the energy to actually do it is my current situation. As of yesterday it’s been 10 days. I realize that’s not much to most guys who are into enforced male chastity. Go tell my penis! He is ready now.

We are still sleeping in our camper. Maybe we will get the bedroom unpacked enough to stay there tonight. It’s a good thing that camper is very large and well appointed. It feels like a hotel suite. Nevertheless, we can’t make full use of the bathroom because wastewater and sewage go into storage tanks under the camper. If we attempt to shower or use the toilet too much, we will have to take the trailer to a dump station to empty the tanks. That would be a bit much. I suspect we will have to do it regardless.

heavy slapper destined for lion's bare bottom
She found this hanging under her robe.

(Sunday afternoon)Mrs. Lion is at our old house packing up the last of our stuff. She sent me a text, “Look what I found hanging in the closet under my robe. It was our old heavy leather slapper. This toy is about 2 feet long and 3 inches wide. It has a nicely weighted braided leather handle with two extremely thick, heavy, well-oiled pieces of leather. It weighs in at about 3 pounds. Needless to say, it makes a very strong impression and a very loud noise when it strikes its target. Nowadays my bottom is its target.

She’s there with a friend of hers who is helping out. This friend has no idea about anything we do. I imagine that Mrs. Lion quickly wrapped slapper in a towel or something and slipped it into a box. If her friend happened to see it, I wonder what Mrs. Lion would say about it.

We’ve been careful to sequester our large collection of BDSM toys and Mrs. Lion’s punishment paddles. I guess it was inevitable that we would miss something. I don’t think either of us have given the thought about this slapper for years. The rope that was covering it was last used over five years ago when we had a hot tub. Neither of us wears a robe around the house. I am always naked and Mrs. Lion generally follow suit.

I think it would be easier to explain our spanking toys then it would talking about male chastity. Most everyone has spanking fantasies. Explaining our play (not our FLRD punishment) might be met by a headshake, but trying to explain orgasm control would almost certainly generate a much less pleasant reaction.

I don’t think that the problem is the orgasm control, by the way. It’s the general reluctance to discuss explicitly sexual activities. Most of us adults are okay talking about sex in an impersonal, someone-else-is-doing-it context. When we talk about what we do, it’s too intensely personal to share with almost anyone.

It might not be too shocking to say that Mrs. Lion gave me a blow job, for example. After all, this is something most couples do. It would be a completely different story to talk in any detail about our edging sessions where Mrs. Lion leaves me intensely frustrated. This would probably lower sexual fuse if introduced in conversation.

It would be very embarrassing for me to describe how our version of male chat works. It would be even more difficult to explain wearing a male chastity device.

Way back in the mid-90s when I first discovered male chastity, wife found the idea sexually exciting, but I didn’t think I would enjoy having my penis taken away from me. At the time I was publishing a now-defunct sex toy a review site. Manufacturers sent me quite a few chastity devices. I would dutifully wear each one for no more than a day. It just didn’t do anything for me.

I didn’t have anyone to be my keyholder. At the time I was in top mode and had a full-time live-in submissive. She certainly couldn’t take on the keyholder role. Anyway, I wore them, checked the security, comfort, and feel, then wrote a review. Most of the devices I tested were impractical for 24/7 wear. They were either impossible to hide under clothing or uncomfortable as hell.

It didn’t seem to me back then that enforced chastity would be something that was a regular part of my life. By 1997 I was done reviewing chastity devices. I didn’t give them another thought until 2013. I happened to stumble across inexpensive chastity devices on Amazon.com.

My curiosity was piqued. I ordered a couple of them. When they arrived, eagerly tried them on. Neither was particularly comfortable. But the experience got me thinking. At this time Mrs. Lion was about a year or so into her loss of sexual interest. Any kind of sex between us, almost always hand jobs, were few and far between. I was feeling frustrated and unhappy about this. I took care of myself two or three times a week. It didn’t feel very good to me.

My bright idea was last Mrs. Lion lock me in a chastity device, assuming I could find one I could tolerate. Once locked up, she could agree to unlock me on a regular basis for some sexual activity. At that time I had been reading some of the chastity blogs and forums. I had an idea how the game was played in retrospect I can say that they weren’t very good ideas since they were based on the popular chastity myths.

I learned about the existence of dhgate.com, a site filled with little stores owned by Chinese merchants offering almost anything you might want. There were quite a few chastity devices available there (there still are!). Prices were about 50% lower than the same devices on Amazon.com. I shopped some more and found a few that could work. I ordered them and they arrived about 10 days later.

One of the devices felt pretty good. I only work for a few hours since at that time, Mrs. Lion was completely unaware of my newfound interest. One evening in December 2013 I told Mrs. Lion about enforced male chastity. I asked her if she would consider being my keyholder. She almost immediately agreed. I brought out the device that I thought would fit well, and she locked it on me.

One of the things I talked about with her at that first meeting was the idea of having an explicit agreement; a chastity contract. We decided that we didn’t need a formal document, but Mrs. Lion thought it would be a good idea for us to have an understanding of what we were up to.

Initial agreement said that I would remain locked in a male chastity device or a minimum of six months. At the end of that time either of us could call it off. We decided that we would not call it off before then. We knew that it would take some time for us to get used to the concept and the experience.

Part of the agreement was that Mrs. Lion would unlock my penis and play with it at least every other day. That did not mean she would get me off each time. She would tease me and perhaps edge me and then lock me up again. I was delighted that she was willing to do this. It meant that I would get sexual attention several times a week even if the result was not an orgasm.

That first device turned out to be very painful to wear after a couple of days. The base ring was hinged on the bottom and it opened and closed to lock. There was a piece of rubber tubing covering the hinge. Even so, that hinge caused me a lot of pain. I had to remove it for a while and since our short experience was, how shall I say, interesting, we agreed we would invest in a custom-made Mature Metal Jail Bird.

Once it arrived, comfort was no longer an issue. The device stayed on full-time. My experience suggests that the real fun for me had less to do with the device and more with the deal Mrs. Lion and I made. I know that there are a lot of guys who like to use chastity devices without a partner. I’m not suggesting that their experiences are less valid than mine. After all, modern chastity devices were invented as part of a kind of game where guys would build or buy a device, lock it on, put the key away, and have to do without sex until they could escape.

To each his own. For me, enforced male chastity is about orgasm denial, teasing and edging, most of all about control.

Yesterday, the movers spent nine hours getting most of our stuff from our old house to our new one. Today, Mrs. lion is renting a truck and she and a friend will be picking up the rest. I am in the new house waiting for the satellite TV installer. It’s a maze of stacked boxes here now. It’s hard to believe that we will ever get this stuff unpacked and find a place to put it all.

I suppose this is a normal reaction to changing homes. We really have an enormous amount of stuff. It’s all baggage. At least it’s not the emotional kind. We’ve been getting on exceptionally well through this process. I firmly believe that our success in be largely credited to the things we’ve learned about each other and about our roles.

I’m not claiming that our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) is the reason. Mrs. lion suspended her rules through the move. They are in effect again starting today. Even without rules a lot about our communication as a couple retains the very distinct flavor of our FLRD.

Changes are sometimes very subtle. For example, Mrs. lion has learned that she doesn’t have to stuff any negative feelings. If I do something she doesn’t like, she’s much more likely to let me know. True, while the rules are in effect she not only lets me know by telling me, I get spanked to help me learn. I’m not claiming that we no longer need the punishments. We do. For whatever reason, that physical translation of emotional communication is very important to us both. However, even without a paddle, we’ve both learned to be much more sensitive to things that could develop into conflict. I’ve been thinking about why this is so.

Anger is generally an expression of frustration. Occasionally, it’s the reaction to being hurt. In the context of a relationship is usually frustration. The frustration is generally poor communication. Failing to listen or disregarding what Mrs. lion says is generally the root.

The benefit of FLRD is that it’s taught us to have a healthy channel for those feelings of frustration. This isn’t just the obvious practice of punishment when I frustrate her. It’s more subtle than that. We are both acutely aware of our agreement to follow this power exchange. Mrs. lion knows that she not only should respond to things that I do that annoy her, she has made a commitment to respond in a very specific way. For my part, I’ve agreed to unconditionally accept her decisions to punish me. This is true whether or not I agree that I did something wrong.

If I get frustrated it doesn’t look like I have a way to channel this frustration in a positive way. But I do. Mrs. Lion is learned to be very observant of my behavior. If I am frustrated and I show it by being angry, her role requires her to remind me that I’m not allowed to growl at her or express my frustration in an indirect way.

At that point, if I’m smart, I will calmly tell her what’s frustrating me and she will help me work it out. If I’m angry or petulant, she will use her paddle to remind me that I am not communicating appropriately. The net outcome is khat one way or another my frustration will be dealt with in a positive way. I can hear some of our readers grumbling. No, the spanking does not cure the source of my frustration. It simply reminds me that I am not communicating appropriately. It does this in two ways: It distracts me. It’s impossible for me to feel grumpy or upset while I’m dealing with a painful spanking. My mind is fully occupied by the intense sensations. It also gives me a chance to think about what I really need to say. It’s a forced timeout.

Mrs. Lion can choose just give me a timeout without the spanking. I’m not sure if that would be effective in the beginning. However, if she chooses this strategy, she can begin by telling me to take a timeout and if I don’t respond appropriately, her paddle will remind me listen next time.

It really doesn’t matter which partner in a relationship holds the paddle. It doesn’t have to be woman. The reason this sort of power exchange works is because there is a clear understanding of who is in charge. The partner who is in charge has to understand and fully accept the role. Mrs. Lion does an amazingly good job in her role as my disciplining wife.

FLRD is not about oppression. It’s about communication. It eliminates the most problematic source of frustration in the relationship. Mrs. Lion has absolute control. She has it because I asked her to take it and she accepted. We both live by the consequences this implies.

This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s taken us over three years to get where we are now. We still have a long way to go. Even in our imperfect state, there is sufficient acceptance on a very deep level to lubricate situations as stressful as moving. I consider myself very lucky that my mate is worked so hard to perfect her role.

Now that rules are back in effect, there is a backlog of seven days of spanking I am owed. Mrs. Lion may not begin tonight. She’s been exhausted dealing with all the physical work she’s had to do. I know that she wants to begin again. She will as soon as she is able.

This amazes me. It’s easy to understand why I might miss getting my punishments. After all, there is a sexual component thinking about spanking. There isn’t anything like that for Mrs. Lion. I think for her, punishments have become an important component in her communication with me. It’s not that she wants to spank me, it’s more that physical punishment is part of the language she uses to communicate with me. I can’t put it into words. What I can say is that for us, discipline lubricates our relationship. Yes, we can have a happy marriage without it, but we both acutely miss it when we have to suspend it.

Call us crazy. Maybe we are. I don’t think so. I think that we restored a practice that people have been using from time immemorial. We have a clear and well understood set of roles. My role is not being submissive. I am as independent and headstrong as ever. It’s one of the things Mrs. Lion likes about me. However, I can’t do anything I want without risking consequences. I acknowledge that Mrs. Lion is in charge and will punish me if I get carried away.

I am in charge of many things in our life together. Mrs. Lion happily accepts my lead in many areas. FLRD for us is not some sort of female dictatorship. It’s just that anything I do is ultimately at her pleasure. I don’t know if you can see the difference between this and submission. In my mind there is a very profound distinction: I can do whatever I want. I don’t need permission in most cases. However, if my lioness doesn’t like something I do or say, she can stop me or correct me as she wishes. Most often my corrections are reinforced by a spanking. I’m absolutely fine with that. More importantly, so is Mrs. Lion.