If the idea of locking your partner’s penis into a little cage seems strange to you, you aren’t alone. Most of the time, the man discovers male chastity and something about it is very attractive and exciting to him. It may seem odd that forcibly preventing erection and orgasm would be arousing, but to many of us it is. Getting started with this can be difficult. Like a lot on the Internet, there is far more misinformation than fact. In the case of enforced male chastity the simple fact is that the vast majority of men who write about and practice it are actually single and have no partner to lock them up. As a result, most of what you will find on the Web are fantasies written by these lone males. Many women are turned off after reading these complicated and often bizarre scenarios where they are required to spend endless hours “supervising” their partner’s chastity. This is unfortunate. In reality, many couples find that this kink enhances and enriches them both. The practice couldn’t be easier.
Chances are good that your partner spent considerable time reading and dreaming about you caging his penis. This means that he has developed expectations about how it will be when you lock him up. He may have asked you to read this page because of his interest in male chastity play. In any case, the one thing that virtually all male fantasies about this have in common is surrendering some control to his partner or keyholder. Keyholder may be a new term to you. It simply refers to the person who has the key that will unlock the caged penis.
All too often the male will have spent so much time thinking about chastity and surrender that he has confused a big set of fantasies under the chastity umbrella. Most of these fantasies center around what happens after you lock him up. Let’s consider some of the popular scenarios about what happens next:
- By the simple act of locking him up he will become submissive and spend all his waking moments as an obedient, willing puppy who lives for pleasing his keyholder. In the fantasies, something magical happens the moment you cage his penis. Maybe it does for some, but let’s face it, padlocking a penis is not likely to generate an instant personality change. Be that as it may, underlying this fantasy is a desire to surrender enough control to the keyholder so that by pleasing her he can earn her attention and maybe temporary release for some sex. More simply, at the least, this is an expression of a desire for you to take the sexual initiative.
- Being locked up allows him to atone for some sin(s). Whether it was outright cheating or simply some secret masturbation or other domestic infraction, the fantasy has the male caged as atonement for his sin. By surrendering his penis, he is showing his devotion and wish to be forgiven. With his keyholder in control, he can “prove” his devotion. In turn, she can be sure his boy part won’t be going where it shouldn’t. In practice, this can actually work quite well. The key is that you have had to forgive him his transgression before you lock him up. Chastity shouldn’t be revenge, at least in this scenario.
- He gets locked up for being “bad”. In this case, the cage is punishment. He has to wear it continuously to serve out his time. In most of the fantasies around this, the amount of time served can be extended for even the slightest misbehavior. A lot of people actually play this way. A boy who isn’t very careful could end up waiting a very long time to be unlocked.
- His penis is Her toy. The keyholder declares ownership by locking him up. If and when it is unlocked or he gets to ejaculate are up to the whim of his keyholder.
There are other possibilities, but one or more of these probably represents how he was thinking about chastity. Does agreeing to lock him up also mean you are agreeing to play out his fantasies? That is the big question and also the primary reason many women don’t take the step to become keyholders. It’s just too much.
Making it real
Now that you have some idea of the kind of fantasies that may have driven your partner to approach you about male chastity, we can explore the reality. First of all, every chastity scenario involves surrendering sexual control at the least. That means he wants you to call the shots. Your first step should be the chastity conversation. This is where you discuss his wishes and agree on how it will or won’t work at the beginning. Some people go so far to create a chastity contract. This is a written agreement spelling out what chastity means to the relationship; how long between his releases, other things he has to do for you, your obligations as keyholder, etc.
While you may not want to create a document, it is very important that you and he understand each others expectations. It’s critical for your mental health that chastity not take over your relationship. You both have to agree on just how it fits in. Here are a few suggestions:
- Start off gradually. Let him know that you (and he) need time to fit chastity into your lives. A good start might be:
- Shop with him for a chastity device if he doesn’t already have one. This will give you both a chance to select a cage that you both like. Part of this should include measuring him for a good fit. You can learn more about how to measure for a good fit here. When you find the one you both like, you place the order. The device is yours.
Establish boundaries. This is the most critical agreement you will have.
- Discuss how long he will be locked before he gets a release. Many men will just say that they don’t want a release. Your man can’t possibly know that in the very beginning. Agree to some initial no-sex period.
- Discuss what else he must do to earn his orgasm. This is where you can let him know that the more he pleases you (not just in the bedroom) the more inclined you will be to let his little penis out for some exercise.
- Establish a “safeword”. This is a word or phrase that he can use to indicate he is in real distress – his cage may be hurting him badly, he has an emotional issue, anything urgent. If he uses his safeword, you agree to immediately release him, stop any activities and discuss the problem.
- Set limits on “chastity chat”. In the beginning it is very easy for you both to get a bit obsessive about this new activity. For both of your sanity, agree on how much he can discuss his cage. Set fixed times for discussions.
- Draw out his expectations. They will almost certainly be more than you will want, at least at first. This is the time to very explicitly agree on what will happen in the near future.
- Repeat this frequently as you both get more experience.
- Take care of your toy. His penis is under your control. You have the key. He can’t access it without your agreement. Pretty much every chastity cage will cause some physical issues, particularly in the beginning. It’s a good idea to remove the cage every few days and inspect him. Look for sores and redness. If you see any, consider leaving him unlocked to give him a chance to heal. You may need to order a different device or send the one you have back for adjustment. This is a normal part of the process. Once things fit right, you will need to inspect less often and he won’t need to be uncaged unless you want him to be. Being unlocked does not mean he gets an orgasm. You may want to tease him and lock him up without release. Make sure he understands this.
- Take ownership of his penis. Once you lock it up, his penis is yours. One way to think about it is that it is your toy. He doesn’t own it. It’s just parked on his body. It exists for your pleasure and amusement. You can take it out and use it, then put it back safely in its cage whenever you want. If you think of it this way, you will find it much easier to incorporate chastity in your life. You aren’t locking something of his up. You are keeping your toy safe. You’ll be surprised how powerful this concept is.
- Don’t let him push you further than you want to go. If you are not used to being the “boss” that won’t change just because you cage him. The worst thing is to allow him to “top from the bottom”. This means that while you appear to be in control, he is actually manipulating you into doing what he wants. Learn to say “no”. You can do it in the nicest possible way, but you need to stand your ground. Male chastity is his desire to surrender control to you. You don’t have to turn into a dominatrix, but you do need to enforce the boundaries you set. Over time, if he is lucky, your self confidence will grow and you will take more control if you want to.
- Don’t quit too soon. Male chastity may not be easy for you, especially in the beginning. If he becomes difficult or cranky, or if he annoys you with endless chastity talk, the temptation is to just end it. Try not to let pushing your buttons end this prematurely. Remember, even though he wanted it, he has a lot of adjusting to do too. Agree to a minimum trial period. Don’t make it a year or a week, pick something in between. During that time if there are any issues, discuss them as equals.
- Talk, Talk, Talk Men are famous for not wanting to discuss their feelings. We males will try to turn any “feeling” conversation into something more “objective”. Use your authority as keyholder to force him to get to what is really going on. Help him learn to be a better boy. He may love the idea of being punished. That’s a very common fantasy. However, at least in the beginning, you don’t spank or punish him for topping from the bottom or otherwise breaking your agreement. You discuss it and let him know that you will unlock him and disregard chastity if it becomes something you dislike. The real punishment is ending chastity. As for the other kind of punishment, if you are so inclined by all means use it to enforce the behavior you want. Just be very aware of the difference between an infraction inside your chastity world and a real problem that affects you as a woman.
Establishing a male chastity relationship isn’t mysterious or difficult. It does require a firm hold on the realities of the situation and the willingness to manage the keyholder role in a way that is comfortable for you and that at least, begins to satisfy the fantasies that drove him to starting this with you. Most importantly, have fun!