Things are still not back to normal around here. If anything, they are worse. We’re both snapping at each other. Lion keeps pointing out chores that need to be done like he doesn’t think I see them. And no matter what I try to do, I seem to be wrong.

I brought out the yoga pillow so we could try it out. Lion annoyed me earlier in the day by saying I hadn’t specifically invited him to my son’s wedding. The only thing I said was whether it would be better for him to go with me or stay home – which was less of a problem. Stupid me. I assumed he realized when the invitation came that it was for both of us. It might have been addressed to me, but he hasn’t really had much contact with my kids over the years.

Anyway, it took a bit to figure out how Lion should position himself on the pillow and then I was hitting too hard and in the wrong spots. The pillow didn’t open his ass like I’d hoped but maybe there’s another position we should try. I don’t think his buns were even a little pink when we stopped. There’s always tonight. [Lion — The position I took on the pillow had me kneeling on the bed with my chest on the pillow. I’m not exactly sure why, but that position intensifies the pain in ways I find very hard to handle. When I am more stretched out with my legs straight, it is easier for me to take the pain.]

We snuggled for a bit and I don’t remember why I moved but Lion asked if we could snuggle again like we hadn’t snuggled at all. In both cases, I was rubbing his chest and he was watching TV. I think we’re both feeling so far apart that we don’t quite know how to get back together. Our marriage is not in trouble. We’re just not communicating very well. It’s not a case of one person giving in first. Maybe we’re both caught up in how the other one is snapping that we can’t see past that.

Julie gave me a nice comment about massaging each other with no expectation of sex. It would be a good way to be close without pressure. We can certainly give that a try. Neither of us would say no to a nice massage.

Beyond that, I think the television has got to go. I don’t mean physically ripping it off the wall. For a long time, I’ve said one of the problems is the TV. We use the bedroom for everything. The TV is usually on. Lion is quick to point out that we can pause or mute it at any time. Since he’s said we need more kissing and hugging, I’ve seen no evidence of the TV being paused or muted. If I’m snuggling with him, trying to get my weenie’s attention and he doesn’t pause the TV, then I assume he doesn’t really want attention. [Lion — Itisn’t just the TV. Mrs. Lion immediately picks up her iPad and begins playing games. If the TV is off, she is still playing with her iPad.}

At this point, though, I think the biggest hurdle is Lion thinking he’s a chore and that we’re not really having sex if it’s all for him. If we have to wait until I’m “fixed” then we might be in for a long dry spell. I’m hoping he’ll take pity on me and let me give him attention again. [Lion — It isn’t that I’m not letting Mrs. Lion give me attention. I just find it hard to react to the standard routine we have.]

I have spent the past few days digesting Lion’s post Sexual Charity. As it is in most cases, you see what you want to see. I was checking back through our posts and the earliest mention of my libido being gone is in April 2014. That’s over a year after Lion started wearing a chastity device. And, I still wanted sex for a while after I locked him away. His sexual desert was largely because I got tired of always initiating. I knew he was bad at it, but come on, why was I doing all the work? Yes, sex can be work. If I’m charged with getting him turned on, it stands to reason that I don’t have time or energy to get myself turned on. [Lion — That’s my job. Once I’m turned on, I can be pretty good at getting her motor running.]

Maybe that’s the real reason I don’t want sex anymore. It’s not because Lion is a chore. Maybe my body took the cue that sex for him was more important and flipped the off switch. I don’t know. Changing medications doesn’t seem to have worked. I’m going to the doctor again next week to talk about weaning myself off of the anxiety meds. I guess we’ll find out if I’m completely off of them when I feel the need to beat Lion’s butt for breathing too loud. Assuming it’s a medication issue, I should regain my libido at some point thereafter. If my body flipped the off switch, that’s more of a problem. How do you reset the circuit breaker on your brain? It may take therapy to undo it.

The other thing that has me scratching my head is Lion saying we need to hug and kiss more. The intimacy is gone. Okay. I agree that we may have become a bit more distant lately. But we really never had much foreplay. It was mostly “You ready?” “Sure. Let’s go.” A few months ago, Lion said he wasn’t a piece of meat (not his words), he needed some buildup to sex. I was rushing him. His reasoning is that I wanted to be done with the chore. Nope. It’s just the way we always did it.

The night before his post was published, (we normally read each other’s post before it’s published), I moved over to snuggle with Lion. He remained under the blankets, watching TV. Did he move over to hug or kiss? Nope. I tried to wake up my weenie and Lion, if I remember correctly, fell asleep. Not exactly intimate. Last night, I moved over to snuggle again. He continued to watch TV. I played with my weenie until the uncomfortable position I was in started to get to me. I had to move.

I can’t do it all. I can initiate. I can give Lion sex even if I don’t want sex myself. (And I do like doing it for him. It’s not a chore. He’s not a chore.) But I can’t hug and kiss myself. Well, I guess I could, but it wouldn’t have the effect Lion is looking for. I don’t think I caused the problems we’re having. Of course, if my brain flipped that switch, maybe I did. I didn’t mean to and I’ll do whatever I can to unflip it. By the way, because I guess I have to state things emphatically, I don’t think Lion caused the problems we’re having either. But I can only get halfway to intimacy. He has to meet me in the middle.

The yoga pillow arrived yesterday. It was vacuum packed and looked like it would never get to the right size. I left it alone while I made dinner. Lion was snoozing so there was no rush to show him. By the time I was done with the dinner dishes it was fully “inflated”. It’s fairly firm so it may actually do what we need it to do. Next time Lion has to be spanked, we’ll check it out.

After my shower, I snuggled in close to Lion. As I rubbed my weenie, I heard the unmistakable sound of Lion snoozing. His eyes were closed and then he started snoring. I moved away from him to get in a more comfortable position. He woke up a few minutes later and said he wasn’t sleeping. It must have been the dog being a ventriloquist.

The way I figure it, and I may be wrong, is that if he falls asleep while I’m trying to get him excited, he must not be interested. Of course, if he’s really tired then it’s understandable. He was snoozing when I walked in from work. He was snoozing while I made dinner. I don’t think he was really tired. He’s said in the past that he falls asleep because he’s bored. I get that. In general. But if I’m trying to get him excited he shouldn’t be bored. And if he’s bored then he’s really not interested.

I think maybe we have to determine why he falls asleep so easily, especially since he’s not aware he’s even doing it. Maybe it’s worth a trip to the doctor. He may have sleep apnea, although I was diagnosed with it and I woke up more with the mask on than without it and I felt exactly the same. It seemed ridiculous to be woken up more by the “cure” so I stopped using it. I don’t want to add another malady to Lion’s list but it might be something serious.

Tonight we’re heading to Costco. We’ll get back late and I don’t think either of us will be in the mood for love. Perhaps tomorrow we’ll try the yoga pillow. I hope it works.

For some reason, I was really tired yesterday. I brought lunch home with me and both of us snoozed after we ate. I wrote my post and messed around on my computer before heading into the bedroom with Lion. We discussed what to have for dinner before snoozing again.

It was the day after Lion’s orgasm so I took the night off. I didn’t think he really needed another spanking. I’ll look him over and see if he’s bruised before I decide if he’s ready for more practice. I doubt he’s ready for any sexual activity but we can try that too. We might wind up just snuggling.

There’s also the matter of anal training. Lion bought the glass anal toy. Perhaps, if he’s not ready for more spanking, we can try another type of butt fun. I think this toy might be better than a regular butt plug because the differences between the bumps is less severe. Even a small butt plug can have a large shoulder. Pushing it in and taking it out is how to train him, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult. He hasn’t had training in a long time. His ass is almost a virgin again. That said, I’m pretty sure Lion will be able to handle a few bumps in. His ass isn’t quite that virginal. The first few bumps are less than two of my fingers. I’m sure he can easily handle two fingers. If he’s worried, I can start with fingers.

The other thing I’ve been trying to figure out is how to keep Lion’s ass positioned while I spank him. We have a wedge spanking pillow and that keeps his skin fairly taut. The problem is that it does nothing to open him up so I can get to his crack. We have a bolster pillow but I think it’s too soft. I may be on the right track with the shape. I just need to find one with a little more support. It has to be somewhat comfortable for Lion to stay in position long enough to make him uncomfortable from the swats. Now that I’m back to working in the office again, I can’t very well search during the day. I suspect I can have a short list this weekend. Lion can help me narrow it down and I can order it. With any luck, it will arrive by next weekend.

When I gave Lion his orgasm the other night, the fur at the base of his cock was tickling my nose. I’ve known for a few weeks that he needed to be waxed. Last weekend was a fiasco between power outages and the furnace not working well. I hoped to relax this weekend, but now I have to get the pantry turned back into a waxing room. I’d really like to have more room to navigate around the waxing table. So much for a relaxing weekend.