I am on a break now and decided to check in. Mrs. Lion is still not feeling well. She has a doctor’s appointment later today. I am writing this on Thursday. I’m glad she decided to go. She’s been taking COVID tests and is negative. She refuses to go to bed. Mrs. Lion says that she isn’t sick enough to miss work. I think this is a problem with working from home. If she had to go to the office, she would be in bed now.

Obviously, nothing is new on the sex or spanking fronts. I’m wearing my new training collar (“An Easy-To-Set-Up, Low-Cost Training Collar“) all day, every day. My lioness hasn’t felt well enough to send me a “hello” vibe, but I know she is aware that I am following my rule. Right now, the only important thing is that she gets better soon.

Meanwhile, she does her best to keep things normal here. I appreciate the effort but would rather she rest.

On Saturday night, Mrs. Lion tried to get me interested in sex. I was unresponsive. She said that it was probably because I fell asleep while we were watching TV. Maybe, but I don’t think so. This has happened before. It seems to coincide with times I am intensely involved with my writing.

I’ve been working on a novel for a while. Progress has been slow but steady. It’s no secret that my confidence has been shaken by the resounding rejections that my first book received (over 200). I took the hint and started a new project.

Since the chances that my work will be published are somewhere between slim and none, I decided to write a story that I would enjoy reading, sort of literary masturbation. I like my new story.

Anyway, I got an ad for a “first 10 pages boot camp.” It’s held by a very reputable writers’ publication. You submit the first ten pages of your manuscript. A legitimate agent reviews them and offers suggestions on how to improve the work.

This is very important for an author. Agents usually ask for the first ten pages when you ask them to represent you. If the agent doesn’t love them, you get rejected.

I asked Mrs. Lion if she was OK with me spending the money for the boot camp. She was. I looked at the credentials of the agents who would be reviewing the work. I requested a very senior agent at a New York agency.

My thought was that if I got less-than-positive feedback, I would seriously consider giving up my attempts to write fiction. I got the feedback early Saturday morning. Here is the first line of her comments:

“This was a very fun read. You have a very strong and engaging voice and that is half the battle. Bravo!”

Wow!

She continued with very useful suggestions on how to improve my book. I sent her a thank-you note and mentioned that I was grateful for her encouragement. She responded and told me to keep going and that “You’re a good writer.”

Prior professional reviews of my first book were anything but encouraging. You can imagine how happy this review made me. I spent Saturday morning revising the first ten pages based on her excellent feedback. I worked the rest of the day on applying what I learned to the rest of my story. I was laser-focused on my story.

I stopped working at about four. I took a shower and relaxed. My mind was in the world  I was creating in my story. I wanted to have sex but couldn’t get aroused. One-track lion. Too bad it wasn’t the fun track that Mrs. Lion was offering.

I’m writing this post on Sunday morning (early!). Mrs. Lion is still asleep. The dog came to my office to say hello and then went back under the bed to go back to sleep. I’m ready to get back to work on my story. I’m only 39,000 words in. The finished novel will be between 70 and 85,000 words.

Wish me luck!

Today is our seventeenth wedding anniversary. We are more in love now than we were last anniversary (if that’s possible). Without getting too mushy, we are mated for life. Neither of us can imagine being without the other. As you know, if you’ve been reading our recent posts, things aren’t perfect. They never are. The reason we remain very happily married is our approach to problems.

Before I go on, I want to say that our solutions aren’t perfect for us, but they work. What we do is probably strange to other people. But they work. Here are the highlights.

Conflict Resolution

Every couple encounters little things that can develop into big problems. Leaving the toilet seat up and squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube are classic examples. Stuff like this can cause domestic wars. Conversations starting with, “You always….” invariably end up in a fight. Mrs. Lion never did that. She let things go. Eventually, something would trigger her, and she would stop talking to me and withdraw. It was horrible.

I realized that sooner or later, this sort of stuff could seriously damage our lives. I wanted a constructive way to handle these issues. That’s how spanking went from BDSM play to real punishment. The concept was simple. If I did one of those things that upset her, she would spank me. I figured that spanking me would be a way for her to let me know I did something she didn’t like. It would also help teach me to be more considerate.

She agreed. It took a few years for her to get comfortable enough with punishing me to deliver spankings that made an appropriate impression on me. She’s still working on punishing me for upsetting her. Most of my spankings are for breaking a rule, like not setting up the coffee pot.

It works. She as a voice. Conflicts are resolved efficiently and effectively. But what about things that she forgets? I can’t spank her if she forgets to do something she needs to do. It doesn’t matter. I’m not a bit submissive. I have no problem letting her know she needs to do something. I’m polite and considerate when I remind her. After all, she can spank me if I piss her off.

We have a power balance. I’m naturally dominant. She’s naturally accepting. She has real power because she can punish me when needed. It’s not BDSM play, and I don’t have any control over when I’m spanked. I take that very seriously and consciously work hard to keep my bottom away from her paddles. We’ve learned that even if I behave, she still needs to spank me once in a while. We both need reminding that she can make me very sorry I did something wrong.

Sex

Another area of potential trouble is sex. When we met twenty years ago, our sex drives matched perfectly. I had a big problem initiating. Mrs. Lion was happy to get my motor going. Over the years, she grew tired of her role and initiated less and less. Sex was a blow job or handjob once a month. I hated it. If I didn’t love her so much, I would have looked for a recreational partner. I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

About five years before I met her, I wrote about sex toys. I tried and reviewed a bunch of early male chastity devices. The idea of wearing one turned me on. The actual wearing was less thrilling. Anyway, it occurred to me that if I was locked in a male chastity device, I couldn’t initiate sex. Mrs. Lion would be in charge, and she could get things going. Maybe that would be fun for her.

She agreed to try it. She was sure I would want out in after a few days. I didn’t. She didn’t mind locking me up. That was in 2013. Ever since then, I haven’t masturbated once, and she has been my only source of release–no lionesses on the side. Is the arrangement perfect? Far from it. I haven’t had vaginal sex in over four years. Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex over five years ago.

I want vaginal sex sometimes. She provides great oral and manual sex. I don’t want to be a brat. We’ve done what we can to manage a problem that causes a large percentage of divorces.

Kismet

We understand how rare a gift we received. From a hookup in a motel to a twenty-year love affair is a story you don’t find very often. Once in a while, we talk about this lucky accident. We can’t explain it. We can’t offer tips on how others can stay in love and together despite serious issues.  I think that we are meant to be together. Death is the only thing that will make us part.

[Mrs. Lion — The best thing I ever did was go on LavaLife. Within days, Lion contacted me. Within days of that, we met in person. The rest, as they say, is history. I hope it lasts for twenty more years.]

A week has gone by since my last orgasm and the last time I got hard. That’s not Mrs. Lion’s fault. We snuggled the last couple of nights, and she fooled around with my penis. Most of that activity was rubbing her thumb over the head. I don’t like that. I guess she does. It didn’t matter. I just wasn’t in the mood for sex. She’s taken to asking me if I want her to set up the massage table. I can’t see myself saying yes. I know she is tired and not all that interested in using her energy that way.

Maybe that’s the real issue. I’m depressed about affection. We don’t kiss unless it’s part of a ritual. A long time ago, she joked that I had to “pay” when she put in my eye drops. The toll was two kisses. Of course, I agreed. I love kissing her. Aside from those kisses, all we do is hold hands. Snuggling is code for sex. That’s purely for my benefit. I can’t remember the last time there was a spontaneous hug or kiss.

She only comes into my office to bring me a 10 AM cup of coffee. We kiss then. This is true even on weekends. We are almost never in the same room. Part of it may be the way she feels about her body. Mrs. Lion has gained quite a bit of weight. It’s enough to interfere with sex, but not prevent it. The weight gain may be due to her depression and the drugs she takes for it.

I get it. If she can’t feel good about herself, she can’t feel that good about us. I’m no help. My vision continues to deteriorate. She has to do almost everything around the house. The only times she laughs is when she finds something funny on Facebook. These changes have been very gradual. Of course, I notice them.

They even show up in her posts. Everything she writes about me are descriptions of what she did to me or will do to me. Or, she writes about how difficult things are for her. I’m the object of her writing, not the subject of her affection. This is getting to me. I have lots of other examples of deterioration in our relationship. No good is served by listing them.

I’m pretty sure that on some level, she feels it too. I think that she feels the same way. Maybe giving me sex is her way of compensating. I’ve long thought it is. Don’t get me wrong. I love the attention. It also makes me sad. I don’t think there are two people in the world who love each other more than we do. That’s what makes it so much harder for me.

This isn’t what you expect to read from a sex blogger. I hesitated to write about such deep feelings here. Maybe it’s a mistake. Thank you for listening.