Lion’s bottom after his spanking last night.

I finally dragged out the spanking bench last night. Lion said he hoped I’d put it off one more night. Nope. Sorry. He was feeling okay. I was tired, but it needed to be done. I’d pushed it off too many times. Sooner or later, it had to be done.

This time I wrestled the dog into her crate before I started whomping. I wasn’t going to let her get me upset again. Lion deserves my full attention, and he needs me to make sure I keep him safe. He still yelped, but this time I knew it was just him yelping and not because I was going too far. The only problem he had toward the end was worrying that blood would drip on the carpet. It did, but it will clean up.

This morning, Lion says his buns are sore but in a different way. Normally, they hurt when he sits. This time around, they hurt when he stands or walks. I don’t know what to make of that. He says the spanking was very effective. I have no idea what I did differently. Did I warm him up well and then hit harder? Did I hit medium strength for longer? I know I used some different paddles. One of them was a plastic/rubber paddle with bumps on it. For fun, I used one that looks like a meat tenderizer, but I didn’t hit hard because I know that makes him bleed. Maybe tenderizing him got him ready for deeper soreness. I’ll probably never be able to recreate what I did since I have no idea what I did. That’s a shame.

When I was getting ready for work this morning, Lion interrupted me a few times. I growled at him that he just needed to let me finish my thought. He wondered if he was in trouble. His buns are safe from more swats unless he continues to interrupt me. I told him he needed to watch his step. Maybe the first two interruptions are free or three strikes, and he’s out—something like that. I’m not unreasonable. Just don’t piss me off.

I’m sure his buns were glad to hear they wouldn’t be swatted again so soon. They need time to sulk too. It’s up to Lion how long they have to recover before being swatted next time.

Empathy can be the best friend or worst enemy of a disciplinary relationship. For example, if Mrs. Lion imagines how it would feel if I punished her the way she punishes me, her spankings would get much milder. That isn’t empathy. It’s identification. She is putting herself in my place. Empathy would understand how what she does makes me feel.

That’s the big catch for many people. There is no question that being punished is extremely unpleasant to me. It’s humiliating and painful. Mrs. Lion has learned that I need her to enforce my rules strictly. She may not know why, but the strict, disciplinary environment nourishes me. I’m calmer and happier when she doesn’t spare the paddle.

What if I’m unhappy and try to avoid that spanking? Does that signal my unhappiness with what she is doing? If I say I don’t want a spanking, Mrs. Lion will refrain or postpone my punishment. During a spanking, I may complain bitterly and beg Mrs. Lion not to hit so hard. She will ease up a bit if I do. Is this what I need?

The answers aren’t simple. If I ask for a spanking to be postponed, I could have a valid reason. I don’t ask unless I’m not feeling well. Mrs. Lion is right to put it off. But, for things to stay in balance, she should only postpone, never cancel. I try not to complain too much when being spanked. When Mrs. Lion approaches the point, I want to run away, telling her that she is hitting too hard. Should she back off? I don’t know. Probably she shouldn’t. She can tell when she may be accelerating the pace of my spanking too quickly. I’m the last person whose opinion she should follow.

This is the most difficult challenge a disciplinarian faces. Over time, Mrs. Lion has learned my reactions and has a good idea about how to spank me. She is learning to ignore most of my feedback. Interestingly, my last spanking followed an annoying encounter with our puppy. Mrs. Lion was upset. Her spanking was much more disciplinary than usual. She was in a no-nonsense mood and set to work with controlled intensity. She was very effective. I wonder if she can duplicate that in the future. Part of me hopes she can. The spanking was very effective. You know which part of me hopes she won’t.

Lion wasn’t feeling well last night. I postponed his punishment yet another night. At what point should I just cancel it? I’ve done that in the past. The truth is, Lion needs to be spanked. He’s probably long overdue. He was probably long overdue when I decided to punish him the other day. I’ve even thought about deducting time when it’s my fault for postponing it. After all, he gets time added for bad behavior. Shouldn’t he get time deducted for my “bad” behavior? I don’t think that would work. His reward for my postponing it is having a non-sore butt for another day. His sigh of relief is his reward.

The other night, Lion had a ruined orgasm. That’s supposed to be a spankable offense. I only agreed to it because Lion wanted me to agree to it. I think it’s a stupid idea. Should I add minutes to his punishment because he wasn’t feeling well last night? It’s not his fault any more than a ruined orgasm is his fault. If anything, a ruined orgasm is my fault. I didn’t stop in time. It doesn’t matter if he gave me a warning or not. If I was feeling particularly mean, I could create a ruined orgasm just to have a reason to spank him. He might have given me a warning, and I just didn’t stop in time – on purpose. Is that fair? I don’t think so.

I also don’t think it’s right to spank him for not getting it up. This is a little bit of a gray area, though. Spanking turns Lion on. Knowing he’s about to get one is sometimes enough to arouse him. Sitting on sore buns might also arouse him. The actual spanking turns him off. It’s difficult to be aroused when someone is blistering your butt. I assume some men have raging hard-ons during a spanking, but Lion is not one of them. I’m still willing to entertain the idea of spanking him for this. I may not use it often, if ever, but it’s a plausible concept.

Where do we stand with the current punishment? I want to say I’ll be whomping him tonight, but I know it’s not that simple. Shit happens. Right now, he’s due for ten minutes. If he does something stupid between now and then, he’ll have time added. He should be on his best behavior if he wants to avoid more time.

By the way, the last time I punished him, I was a bit overzealous. He told me I was hitting too hard. Sometimes he says that, and I’m not. I was the other night. I was annoyed at the dog. I took it out on Lion. This is why I’ve said I don’t want to whomp him when I’m angry at him. I don’t ever want to go overboard. The obvious response to his saying I’m hitting too hard is for me to back off. Is this the right thing to do? It depends on whether he’s just yelping to yelp or yelping because I’m actually hitting too hard. Theoretically, we have built-in rest areas. Lion may think it’s because my arm is tired (sometimes it is) or that I’m admiring my handiwork (and sometimes I am), but occasionally I pause to give his buns a chance to catch their breath, so to speak. I think it might help me if he said “yellow” if I needed to back off because I’m hitting too hard. Not just to get a break, but because I am approaching his limit. I haven’t hit it yet, but I’m redlining. Think of it as a warning light on your dashboard. You better stop what you’re doing when it comes on, or things may go very bad very quickly. If I don’t want to break Lion, I need to pay attention to the warning lights.

[Lion — I am aware of my safewords. I thought of calling “Yellow” last week but decided not to. If I say that Mrs. Lion is hitting too hard, that means I think she is. But, and this is important, it hasn’t reached the point that I would safeword “Yellow.” She can safely consider it just a particularly poignant yelp.]

Sunday night, I had an accidental, ruined orgasm. It snuck up on me. Mrs. Lion apologized even though it was my fault. Have we decided that I get punished for this? I think so, but I’m not sure. If I am, that will add five minutes to my Monday night spanking. Mrs. Lion has been putting off a spanking I am owed for annoying her on Friday. I’m glad that she was too busy to spank me until tonight.

I’m writing this on Monday afternoon. My bottom was still sore from last Wednesday’s spanking on Friday when I got into trouble. For the record, it’s still hot to think about being spanked. It’s absolutely no fun at all when Mrs. Lion paddles me.

I’ve noticed that most people who write about spanking use improvised implements like hair and bath brushes. This conforms to the standard “household” spankings that children receive. Since my background is in the BDSM community, and there was no childhood spanking, almost all of our implements are purpose-built. I realize that some people are turned on by the idea of being spanked with a hairbrush or other implements used on them by their parents. However, I am a strong advocate of investing in tools designed for the purpose.

The way I see it, improvised implements suggest spontaneous punishments. Pick up the nearest implement and swat away. I realize this isn’t the case with adult spankings. Probably the main reason people practicing DD stay with hair and bath brushes is that they have no information on buying spanking paddles. Some also worry about visitors spotting a paddle. You can always explain a bath brush, but not an obvious spanking paddle. If you keep your paddles in a drawer, that worry is eliminated.

Anyway, paddles are relatively inexpensive and easy to buy. They come in plain brown wrappers. Even your mailman won’t know what you purchased. The value of purpose-built spanking tools is that the makers designed them for the express purpose of hurting someone’s bottom. Quality products won’t give you splinters and won’t break under hard use.

Size, weight, and material determine the sensation a given paddle will produce. Dense hardwoods like oak, bloodwood, walnut, and zebrawood provide a lot of bang for each swat. The heavier the wood, the less work it takes to send a message. Paddles with a large surface area are more likely to provide a sting. Smaller striking surfaces concentrate the energy and generate bruises more easily. Longer handles let you deliver more force with less work. Thicker wood thuds more. Thinner wood stings more.

Mrs. Lion experiments with a combination of paddles. She uses larger faces to sting and redden my bottom. She switches to smaller faces to provide sensations I will feel for days. We have a rather large collection, so she has lots of options.

shopping guide

spahing spoon on Lion's butt
Spanking spoon.

One of the best sources of spanking paddles is Etsy.com (Click the link to go to search results for spanking paddles). One Etsy store, Sporkwood, is my favorite. Their paddles are of excellent quality. We have a variety of them. Mrs. Lion is particularly fond of their spanking spoon. It sells for $36.99 in Chechen wood. This is a particularly dense hardwood. If we could only have one paddle, this would be my choice. It can do it all. Mrs. Lion likes to use it for “finishing touches,” those bruises I will feel when I sit.

Ferrule paddle.

Another source for excellent spanking paddles is PaddleWerks. They took over paddle designs by John Hanson. Hanson paddles were always considered the best of the spanking paddles. The range of his designs goes from stingy to maximum thud. The ferrule model in bloodwood is another favorite of ours. It’s not as vicious as the spanking spoon but does an excellent job of making me regret my sins. We have several other Hansons as well.

The best reason for buying purpose-made spanking paddles

Besides the obvious advantages of having tools designed to make a bottom hurt, buying purpose-made spanking implements reflects a commitment to domestic discipline. There’s something about the act of actually buying a paddle that says spanking is part of your life. I’ve heard many people say that they will buy a paddle after trying spanking out for a while. That’s another way of saying that they can pretend that they aren’t doing “it.”

$12 silicone paddle

Once you decide to invest in spanking, bear in mind that with paddles, as with everything else, you get what you pay for. A $10 paddle is likely to be junk. Paddles sold in most adult stores are also imported junk. Some stores carry quality paddles, and most don’t. Similarly, online adult stores offer a range that includes garbage. Even stores like ExtremeRestraints.com carry a lot of junk along with great stuff. You will pay more at stores like this. The advantage is that they offer good service and support. Sometimes you can find surprises there. The $12 silicone slapper, for example, turns out to be perfect for spanking my crack and butthole.

Having the right tools makes it easier to learn to spank effectively. From the receiving end, I can tell you that Mrs. Lion is an expert with her collection of paddles. Her job is easier and my discomfort greater thanks to our investment in professional-grade spanking tools.