It’s hard to believe someone can go from well to gone in so short a time. He was feeling okay on Saturday morning. He even seemed okay after his first two falls. He was unsteady, but that was sort of his normal. Once he got to the hospital, he was joking around with the nurses. He went from being in and out of it all day Sunday and most of Monday. Toward the afternoon on Monday, he was having more trouble. They started dialysis and he seemed to do better. Monday into Tuesday, they needed to intubate him. He seemed to be stable most of the day Tuesday. Then things went downhill fast. Dialysis wasn’t working anymore. He was maxed out on his medications. He was technically alive, but he wasn’t the Lion I knew and loved. I asked them to stop the machines and he slowly stopped breathing. I was assured he wasn’t in any pain. He was not grimacing. He just wasn’t there anymore.

I know he wanted this page to continue on, but I never bothered to learn how to do that. Come back, Lion, and I promise I’ll pay attention to whatever you want me to learn. The site will continue until I can no longer pay for it or it crashes. I want to thank everyone for their support over the years. I know Lion appreciated it as well.

Again, I’m sorry for not posting in a while. The news is not good. On Saturday, Lion was weak and fell three times. I’m assuming the first fall caused a huge bruise. He complained of his back hurting, but we got him back to bed. A few hours later, he fell going into the bathroom. We got him up and onto the toilet. Unfortunately, he fell again. This time he broke his foot and bumped his head. He was too weak to make it back to bed, so I called 911.

The original plan was for the medics to get him into bed. However, it became apparent that wasn’t going to happen. His blood pressure was 40/25. I’m not sure how he was still alive and as coherent as he was. We thought he was dehydrated. In the ambulance he was given fluid and seemed to perk up. By the time I met him in the ER, he was himself again. He was admitted so they could continue to work on his blood pressure.

Sunday, his blood pressure was up and down. They kept adding new drugs and he was responding, but his pressure was still up and down. At about 3 am Monday, I received a call that they wanted to do a blood transfusion, which Lion originally agreed to, but then rescinded. I told them to do it and headed to the hospital. He was coherent enough when I got there to ask why I approved the transfusion. His blood was getting too acidic, and they postulated that his bruise was still bleeding. He understood why I did what I did. By afternoon Monday, they were starting dialysis. He hadn’t eaten anything since dinner Saturday and drinking anything, even water, made him vomit. His kidneys were not getting rid of the toxins.

With the dialysis going and several different drugs pumping into him, he was still in and out of it. Even when he was out of it, he seemed to know I was there for him. He was sleeping when I left this afternoon to let the dog out. Around 11 pm, the doctor called and said they needed to intubate him. He’d stop breathing and not start right up. He’s not on a mechanical ventilator and I’ve been assured they’ll wake him up from time to time to see if he’s able to be de-intubated.

Today was rough. Between his being out of it more often and the need for transfusions and dialysis, I was right on the edge of losing it myself. I was operating on only a few hours sleep and hoped to get more tonight. After the intubation phone call, all thoughts of sleep went out the window. I’m very scared for him. The past few days, I’ve been telling him to hang on and get better. Now I’m afraid he’s in more pain than ever. I don’t want him to suffer. When I see him in the morning, I think I’ll have to have the letting go talk.

This is not to say I want him to go. I just don’t want him in pain. I also don’t want him to keep getting worse and worse. If he can’t battle back, I want him to let go.

It’s horrible how fast life can change for the worst. I wish he was in his own bed like he wants and yelling at the stupid people on Wheel of Fortune who can’t figure out the obvious puzzle.

Please keep him in your thoughts.

He can see! It’s very blurry, but yesterday’s surgery was a success. We’re hoping things will get less blurry as time goes on. Apparently, the industrial strength medicine they use to dilate your eye for surgery keeping working for about a week after. That’s partially the cause of the blurriness.

I was trying to help him set his computer up to read things for him. It doesn’t help when the instructions say, “Click the start button.” If I can’t see well, how do I know where the start button is? Oh well. He can figure it out as he sees better.

To be fair, this week from hell started with an extra day off, so how bad could it really be? Ha! Tuesday started out with a long doctor appointment. The pressure in his eye was too high. We had to sit in the office until some eye drops brought the pressure down to a more acceptable level. Wednesday was an appointment with the retinal specialist. She decided it was time for surgery to clean out the debris from behind the lens and stabilize the retina. Thursday is surgery day. For the third week in a row, it’s surgery day.

We’re off to the hospital in a little while. The hope is that once the debris is cleared out, his vision should return. At the very least, they should be able to see into the eye better to see what else might be wrong. Do I see another Thursday surgery next week? I really hope not.

Lion goes from being depressed about not being able to see, to angry, to wanting to learn to live without being able to see, and back to depressed. He says I can’t understand what he’s going through. It’s true. Sure, I can close my eyes and pretend not to be able to see, but it’s not the same. The best I can do is be here to help him.