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In: BDSM, Body Waxing, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

Day three in the captivity of my CPAP showed no real improvement. Lion says I haven’t snored since I started using it. It’s no wonder since it blows air up my nose. I know it will take some time to get used to, but so far I’m just as tired as I was without it. I was looking forward to an a-ha moment after which I’d be ready for anything. Oh well.

I thought I’d take last night off from play because I was tired. Lion even took a short nap. He wondered if a CPAP would help him sleep. It might. I’m usually more tolerant of being uncomfortable though. Anyway, we only snuggled last night. I don’t know if Lion was really in the mood or if he just wanted to be close. Either way, it worked out for both of us. Tonight I’ll make sure he gets his plastic clothespins, which is what he selected from the Box O’Fun the other night. I know he’s been looking forward to it. (Not so much.)

Lion says he’s getting furry again. I’ve noticed some stubble. He thinks it’s time for another waxing session. I’m wondering of the hair is long enough for the wax to grab. He says it is. I say we’ll see how we both feel this weekend. We may need to catch up on sleep. We also may have to catch up on some chores. Clearly there isn’t an issue if we put off waxing for another week. The hair won’t be too long for waxing at any point.

The main thing I need to guard against for all activities – BDSM, punishment and waxing – is complacency. Yes, we may need to catch up on sleep, but not to the detriment of our relationship. There’s a fine line between being too tired to play and being too lazy to play. I do tend to get a bit lax when it comes to playing. I’ve forgotten to punish Lion because I don’t make it a priority in my mind. Left to me, we’d never do waxing anymore. It’s not because I want Lion to be hairy. It’s just that I can think of a bunch of other things I’d rather expend my energy on. Or, more correctly, not expend my energy on.

I’m determined to make this stupid CPAP work for me, but I’m more determined to make our relationship continue to work. If I get less sleep with the machine then out it goes. But I’m not there yet.

By:
In: Punishment, Lion's Journal

Late Tuesday night Mrs. Lion got around to punishing me for spilling food on my shirt the day before. She found her wooden spoon (very heavy commercial spoon) and told me to roll over. She asked me to tell her why I was being punished. I told her. Then she began spanking me.

The wooden spoon was applied in quick strokes. It wasn’t very painful at first. After a little while, Mrs. Lion asked me if I was warmed up. I said that I was. The quick strokes continued with more force. It was starting to hurt. The swats continued, getting harder and harder. I began kicking my feet and yelping. At one point I tried to roll away. Mrs. Lion told me to get back. After I did, she resumed harder than before.

Eventually, she stopped and told me that I had enough. She put the spoon away and lay down on her side of the bed,. I rolled over. There were several painful spots. I think they were bruises. Mrs. Lion didn’t say another word. She went back to her iPad and resumed the game she was playing before she punished me.

This is her standard pattern. Sometimes, she has me stand in the corner for a while. But that’s it. There is no ritual attached to my punishment. I think this is significant. Unlike BDSM, that generally includes some role playing and sexy discussion, my punishments are impersonally administered. I earned it and I have to pay. When done, life continues. If it hurts a lot, so what? That’s the point. Mrs. Lion doesn’t discuss this with me. It’s my problem. If I don’t want the pain, I shouldn’t break the rules. She doesn’t bother to say that to me. She knows I understand.

The fact that punishment is just another routine part of our lives demonstrates how well integrated it is into our relationship. Punishment is inevitable when I break a rule. Mrs. Lion doesn’t need to follow any rituals. Her job is to observe the infraction and punish me. It’s  no different than any other chore she performs.

This straightforward, impersonal punishment has a profound impact on me. The fact that punishment is routine contributes to it feeling inevitable. Break a rule, get spanked. That’s it; no drama, no ritualistic scolding, just painful spanking and what may follow. There is no negotiation or discussion; just present my bare bottom and get spanked.

This sucks any possibility of sexual arousal out of the experience. It graphically underlines our respective roles. Rituals are a symbolic form of giving permission to be punished. The spankee has to voluntarily do something prior to or after being punished. While that sort of stuff is exciting, it also makes the person being punished a participant in the process. In our case, I am required to present my bottom. That’s it. If I resist, I will get a worse beating.

This is very similar to how disciplinary spankings are traditionally performed. There is nothing more than exposing the area to be beaten immediately followed by the punishment. The purpose is to help me associate breaking that rule with a painful experience. Nothing more.

It works. When I think of breaking a rule, I remember the painful spanking. There are no erections, no explicit humiliation, just the pain that is inevitable if I do something wrong.. I can’t really eroticize the punishment. I just have to endure it. Spill food on my shirt, get beaten. It’s as simple as that; just part of my day-to-day life.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm, Punishment, Spanking

I think I bruised Lion’s buns a little last night. Coming on the heals of the football swats, his punishment swats added insult to injury. Or, depending on how you look at it, injury to insult. I wasn’t looking to bruise him. I just wanted to make sure I got my point across. Spilling food, no matter how little, needs to be taken seriously. I can’t have a messy Lion. How would that reflect on me? (Nevermind that I spill on myself and look like a slob sometimes.)

I thought maybe I’d take the night off from playing with him. He’s been in the mood but not so easy to edge lately. Monday night’s oral ministrations took a bit out of me. When Lion suggested snuggling I figured it would truly be snuggling. However, as I rubbed the lion tummy, he started purring as I got closer to the area of interest. I decided to see what I could do to get him excited.

Of course, I knew I could get him excited. The question really was if I could get him to the edge. In fact, I’d been trying to give him an orgasm since Sunday night. He could only get so far and then he’d lose it. I knew he wasn’t broken. I was contemplating getting the Magic Wand but I didn’t really want to stop in the middle. We soldiered on and finally Lion had his orgasm.

He said it wasn’t really the most pleasant orgasm. I apologized. I thought maybe I should have done more to get him excited. Maybe tying his balls or using the Magic Wand would have been better. He didn’t think it would have helped. It might just have been one of those fluke things where the orgasm needed to be muscled out. Once that blockade was broken, more orgasms will be easier. I hope so.

Despite it being the night after an orgasm and there’s little chance he’ll be in any mood to play, I had Lion choose from the Box O’Fun. He selected plastic clothespins. We don’t have to use them tonight. They’re not going anywhere. They’ll be waiting for him when Lion decides he’s ready for fun.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Punishment

It occurs to me that the concept of male marital punishment outside of BDSM is not particularly well documented. What I’ve found is there is more sexual fantasy than working reality. It’s not surprising that’s the case. Despite what some bloggers write, the vast majority of men aren’t going to voluntarily submit to real punishments. For that matter, women won’t either.

Does that mean our female led relationship with discipline (FLRD) is a sexual game? In some respects it is. My submission is complex. There is a strong sexual component. I am aroused thinking about being controlled physically by my lioness. It’s a very hot fantasy. I believe that fantasy is a big part of the motivation to expose my bare bottom to Mrs. Lion for painful spanking. Once the spanking gets going, the fantasy fades. But, by then it’s too late and I endure a painful punishment.

When we started out, it was this arousal that drove my desire to submit. I suspect this is true of other guys. Over time, I learned that punishment is now a normal part of my life. The repeated spankings conditioned me to expose my bottom when told and accept my medicine. That expanded to docilely standing in the corner and allowing my mouth to be washed out with soap.

The sexual component is still there for me. But I don’t need to feel it in order to accept punishment. There have been times I absolutely didn’t want to be spanked. But I exposed my bottom and allowed it to be beaten anyway. It was those times that taught me that my real-life role included being punished when Mrs. Lion wanted.

For her part, I think it took time for her to accept her role as my disciplinarian. Just as my initial motivation was sexual, hers was providing a service to me. The idea that she could spank me beyond the BDSM fun to teach me a lesson has taken years to take root. At this point, I think she accepts her role at least as far as enforcing explicit rules. She may be working out dealing with the less explicit behavioral offenses I commit. She routinely beats me for spilling or eating first. It isn’t an emotional effort for her. I’m sure she will learn to deal with other behaviors the same way.

Many people who accept and enjoy recreational spanking don’t understand our disciplinary version. In fact, many of the spanking hobbyists are far more severe than Mrs. Lion is with me. The problem for them, I think, is that I am spanked for a reason, not because I like being spanked.

I do like being spanked. I don’t like being punished. The difference is that a punishment spanking is designed to hurt without turning me on. There’s no fondling or pacing the swats to keep up with my ability to enjoy them. When I’m punished, Mrs. Lion builds up intensity gradually, not for my pleasure, but to help me stay in position until she is finished. It hurts and keeps hurting. When I start to roll away, she lets me know I can’t do that. I return to position and the spanking goes on and on.

The real difference between play and punishment may not be the intensity but the duration. I never imagine that I’m being paddled because I like spanking. I know that I don’t control how much I will get. Since I do like to be spanked, punishments need to be more intense to help me understand that we aren’t playing. This is critical if I am to change.

Another big objection to our FLRD is that my role makes me less of a man. It doesn’t. My role is still husband and we partner in almost everything. The main difference is that Mrs. Lion has the authority to have the last say. She also helps me become a better man. This is very positive and not all that weird. Things get strange in some people’s minds when we add punishment to the equation.

Once Mrs. Lion got the ability to punish me, her authority became absolutely explicit. Even though I usually get a vote, when she wishes, her word is law. She has the power and will to enforce her law. That’s the big difference. I will be punished if I fail to obey it.

I’m convinced this clear, enforceable authority helps us avoid many relationship pitfalls. Mrs. Lion never has to manipulate me or cajole me into doing what she wants. There is no passive-aggressive behavior. She has no need for it. If I act that way, she will punish me. Power transactions are direct.

Physical punishment is humiliating in a way. That’s good, I think. It further reinforces her authority. More importantly, once administered, there’s no reason for further hard feelings. Mrs. Lion knows that if I fail to learn my lesson, she will simply spank me again. The fact that punishment is the inevitable consequence of displeasing her, I’ve learned to change quickly. If I slip back, the paddle reminds me to be more attentive.

This isn’t tyranny. Mrs. Lion isn’t arbitrary. She’s learned to be strict and consistent. If I do something she doesn’t like, I get spanked. That painfully teaches me a valuable lesson. If I don’t learn it, I get spanked again. I would have to be very stubborn and stupid to keep challenging her. Eventually, she will win and I will change.

I hope she will continue to grow as my disciplining wife. Painful as it is to be punished, the effect of our FLRD has been a closer and cleaner relationship. As Mrs. Lion learns to punish me for upsetting her, she has less reason to hold in any bad feelings. It’s all out on the table. The stricter she becomes, the better I feel.

Believe it or not, the net effect of this is that she is more loving to me and works hard to make me happy. I suppose that if roles were reversed and I was her disciplining husband, the same balance would result. The well-defined authority truly benefits us both.

I’m very happy with our FLRD. It’s helped me and us to be better.