Lion's tied balls
One of Mrs. Lion’s favorites. She loves to tie my balls tightly and separated.

Six days since my last orgasm isn’t a very long time. It is when I begin seriously missing sex. In the past, at around the one-week mark I am fairly easy to edge. Then, for no apparent reason, I have trouble getting close after ten days. If Mrs. Lion follows through with our new policy of spanking me when I can’t get to the edge, I’m in for a sore bottom pretty soon.

No doubt about it, I’m horny. The lion weather is very tropical today. I’m writing this post on my laptop (on the bed) because my office is still off limits. Stanley Steemer came back for a second (free) try at getting the dog pee smell out of the carpet. I hope it worked. Mrs. Lion will vacuum when she comes home from work. I hope the smell will be gone.

Our doggy adventures continue. After I booted the laptop, she jumped up and stole my mouse.Being a good retriever, she brought it back–after she killed it. I don’t do well with touch pads. It’s an adventure. We are both getting very frustrated with our puppy. It’s a good thing that she’s so cute.

I just realized that today is TIESday. I wonder if I will be spread-eagle on the bed. If I am tied face up, I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion will want to torture my balls. My cock and balls are her favorite torture targets. I’m sure there will be a picture for you if she decides to do it.

Perhaps Mrs. Lion will work on my ability to reach the edge with her hand. Her oil massage after she waxed me, was very exciting.It didn’t last very long, but was truly excellent while it lasted. Don’t get me wrong. I’m perfectly happy with oral attention. Mrs. Lion is magical with her mouth. I can’t wait to feel it again!

a good starter paddle for her

I think that men don’t write much about how they feel about things. We write about what turns us on, or at least what we think turns us on. We rarely discuss how we feel about what happens to us. Years ago, I had a relationship with two women. I’ve written about it before. One liked to top me, and the other was a bottom. Convenient for a switch like me.

Anyway, the top would attach my cuffs to a chain hanging from the ceiling and then paddle my bottom and flog me. She did a great job, and my endorphins went wild. One Saturday afternoon, she asked me to top her. I fastened her wrists to the chain and flogged and paddled her. She was having a good time. I could tell because she was dripping wet. After I finished, we snuggled in bed. She asked, “Do I hit you that hard?”

I answered, “Yes. Usually harder.”

She got quiet. The next time I bottomed, she was considerably more gentle. She imagined how she felt when I beat her. She couldn’t bring herself to do what she did before. I broke my top. Afterward, I mentioned it to her. She admitted that she imagined how it felt when she was hitting me. I explained that lion hide is considerably thicker. She laughed. It took a while for her to get back in the swing of things.

That experience taught me two things: I learned it wasn’t a good idea to switch with someone who hadn’t bottomed before. It wasn’t that she would be traumatized. She would back off because she imagined my experience was like hers. The second lesson was to be careful what I shared about my experience.

For example, I’m very unhappy when Mrs. Lion spanks me. You’ve seen the results. She gives me a serious, adult spanking. I absolutely hate the experience. If I shared how unhappy she made me when she did it when she was first starting out, I guarantee that she would back off. Now, after years of experience, she is glad when I hate my spanking. I’m supposed to, and she knows it. She also knows I need regular spankings to keep me on track behaviorally and sexually. I’m probably overdue now.

My reactions to BDSM and discipline are complex. If I share the discomfort and dislike for some things my lioness does to me, she might take that as a signal to back off. If I write about my fantasies where even meaner things are done to me, it’s unlikely she would connect them to my reality.

This is why I don’t share detailed accounts of how I feel about things that are done to me. They will almost certainly be interpreted as signals to change those activities. For example, unsurprisingly, it burns like hell when Mrs. Lion slathers my balls with IcyHot. I will be in a lot of pain and will complain to her. Without fail, she will let me go wash off the nasty stuff. On the other hand, if I complain and yelp during a spanking, she ignores me and continues beating me. What’s the difference?

We’ve spent hundreds of hours discussing and experiencing spanking. Mrs. Lion wants me to feel the results of my bad behavior. It’s a mark of her ability to see me squirm and hear me yelp. Tying me down and slathering my balls with IcyHot is BDSM play. I don’t think she has a clear idea of just how uncomfortable she is willing to make me. She lets me decide. That’s a mistake. If I’m bottoming, the last thing I want to do is decide when things should stop. I have a safeword if I need the scene to end. Short of that, it’s up to her. Sharing how I am feeling results in the scene ending.

Is that right? Maybe Mrs. Lion forgets I have a safeword. Painfully burning balls is her intended result when she uses that stuff on me. When I report that’s what is happening, shouldn’t she be happy with her success? Or, should I grit my teeth and shut up because any complaint will end the scene? Mrs. Lion is a careful top. She tries new things gradually to gauge my reaction.  If she overdoes it a bit, I’ll live. I do remember my safeword if I need to use it.

Lion was still sneezing and stuffy last night. For some reason, my sinuses were hurting too. Maybe it was sympathy pains. I decided to push off his spanking another day. I want all his attention focused on his rear end, not his nose. Besides, as Lion just reminded me, today is punishment day.

In his post yesterday, Lion says he doesn’t normally feel like doing anything sexual after a punishment spanking. I thought it was fine as long as there was some time in between. We don’t have to play after punishment. It makes more sense to have him stew in his own juices, so to speak. Rather than distract him from the pain, I’ll leave him to consider each movement and how much it hurts then and ponder how much it will hurt the next day. That’s a much more valuable use of his time. We can play the next day.

On that note, I will give Lion something to look forward to. On Sunday, I will tie him to the bed again. This time it will be face up. I haven’t decide what evil thing I will do to him once he’s in that position, but he has very little say in it anyway. It might be something he’ll enjoy. It might be something he won’t. I know he’ll like being tied up and from there he might be sorry I ever got new restraints.

He knows the things he won’t like. I’m talking about those tiny clothespins, IcyHot, ball swats, etc. While he will stay still if I use them when he’s not restrained, he obviously has no choice when he is. Then there’s the irony. He wants me to tie him up even though it means I can do the evil things to him. Of course, the larger irony is that he wants painful things done to him but insists he doesn’t like it while it’s happening. He maintains that it turns him on thinking about it before and after, but not during. I still don’t get it. Good thing I don’t need to get it to do it.

Mrs. Lion and I have a couple of disconnects. They both involve taking action. That’s where the superficial similarities end. They are our difficulty initiating BDSM activities and difficulty punishing subjective offenses. One is sexual and mostly fun. The other is punishment.

Opposites, right?

I don’t think so.

Both require Mrs. Lion to initiate activities. OK, so what? She initiates punishments for not setting up the coffee pot. She initiates sexual activities. She comes to my side of the bed and plays with my penis. How is tying me up or spanking me for interrupting her any different?

Consider this. The coffee pot rule was made and discussed. I tacitly agreed to it. No, I didn’t get asked if I would obey it. But it was discussed, and I accepted. Observing infractions is easy and not subject to interpretation. The coffee pot is either set up, or it isn’t. Binary. The same is true of basic sex. Mrs. Lion agreed to tease me and get me off every so often. I suggested it.

In both situations, I had an equal role in initiating. There is no ambiguity.

Wouldn’t tying me to the bed be the same? On the surface, it’s no different than scooching over and playing with my penis. However, there is an important difference. The scooching isn’t initiating sex. It’s being available to provide teasing or release. My reactions govern whether or not she plays with my cock. It’s a sort of passive initiation on my part. It’s not negative at all, but Mrs. Lion is letting me control what happens.

The same is true of domestic discipline. I asked for it. Mrs. Lion agreed to provide it. She’s learned to be an effective spanker. She enjoys catching me break the few binary rules we have–spilling on my shirt, not setting up the coffee pot. Spanking me is part of the game. Again, my agreement is explicit. I can’t argue with stains on my shirt or the coffee pot not ready in the morning. Binary.

When it comes to tying me to the bed or other non-CBT BDSM, Mrs. Lion is in complete charge. She initiates the activity. The same is true of spanking me for interrupting her or annoying her. She and she alone determines if I committed an offense. It isn’t binary. She decides without physical evidence of my guilt.

Maybe the challenge is learning to take full charge. Even though sex is just for me and Mrs. Lion claims that I should be able to decide if I want it or not, it might be better to take that choice away from me. Even if sometimes I’m not going to be aroused by getting Icy Hot on my balls or tied to the bed, doing it anyway might be the best thing to do.

I have a well-known problem with initiating sex. It may be that problem that caused Mrs. Lion to lose her libido. I feel very guilty about that. She’s never been happy about initiating either. The discussion about this always centered around sex. I’m horrible about initiating it. Now that we agreed that I don’t initiate anymore, it doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion will have an easy time taking on that role.

I don’t know the answer. Under our current arrangement, Mrs. Lion is in charge. If I’m going to be tied to the bed, she will have to initiate it. If I’m going to learn not to interrupt, she will have to be just as binary as she is about the damn coffee pot.  It’s always easier to find reasons not to do something. We both have that problem. It isn’t really fair for me to expect her to do what I can’t. I get that. I’m just not sure what we can do.