It occurs to me that the concept of male marital punishment outside of BDSM is not particularly well documented. What I’ve found is there is more sexual fantasy than working reality. It’s not surprising that’s the case. Despite what some bloggers write, the vast majority of men aren’t going to voluntarily submit to real punishments. For that matter, women won’t either.
Does that mean our female led relationship with discipline (FLRD) is a sexual game? In some respects it is. My submission is complex. There is a strong sexual component. I am aroused thinking about being controlled physically by my lioness. It’s a very hot fantasy. I believe that fantasy is a big part of the motivation to expose my bare bottom to Mrs. Lion for painful spanking. Once the spanking gets going, the fantasy fades. But, by then it’s too late and I endure a painful punishment.
When we started out, it was this arousal that drove my desire to submit. I suspect this is true of other guys. Over time, I learned that punishment is now a normal part of my life. The repeated spankings conditioned me to expose my bottom when told and accept my medicine. That expanded to docilely standing in the corner and allowing my mouth to be washed out with soap.
The sexual component is still there for me. But I don’t need to feel it in order to accept punishment. There have been times I absolutely didn’t want to be spanked. But I exposed my bottom and allowed it to be beaten anyway. It was those times that taught me that my real-life role included being punished when Mrs. Lion wanted.
For her part, I think it took time for her to accept her role as my disciplinarian. Just as my initial motivation was sexual, hers was providing a service to me. The idea that she could spank me beyond the BDSM fun to teach me a lesson has taken years to take root. At this point, I think she accepts her role at least as far as enforcing explicit rules. She may be working out dealing with the less explicit behavioral offenses I commit. She routinely beats me for spilling or eating first. It isn’t an emotional effort for her. I’m sure she will learn to deal with other behaviors the same way.
Many people who accept and enjoy recreational spanking don’t understand our disciplinary version. In fact, many of the spanking hobbyists are far more severe than Mrs. Lion is with me. The problem for them, I think, is that I am spanked for a reason, not because I like being spanked.
I do like being spanked. I don’t like being punished. The difference is that a punishment spanking is designed to hurt without turning me on. There’s no fondling or pacing the swats to keep up with my ability to enjoy them. When I’m punished, Mrs. Lion builds up intensity gradually, not for my pleasure, but to help me stay in position until she is finished. It hurts and keeps hurting. When I start to roll away, she lets me know I can’t do that. I return to position and the spanking goes on and on.
The real difference between play and punishment may not be the intensity but the duration. I never imagine that I’m being paddled because I like spanking. I know that I don’t control how much I will get. Since I do like to be spanked, punishments need to be more intense to help me understand that we aren’t playing. This is critical if I am to change.
Another big objection to our FLRD is that my role makes me less of a man. It doesn’t. My role is still husband and we partner in almost everything. The main difference is that Mrs. Lion has the authority to have the last say. She also helps me become a better man. This is very positive and not all that weird. Things get strange in some people’s minds when we add punishment to the equation.
Once Mrs. Lion got the ability to punish me, her authority became absolutely explicit. Even though I usually get a vote, when she wishes, her word is law. She has the power and will to enforce her law. That’s the big difference. I will be punished if I fail to obey it.
I’m convinced this clear, enforceable authority helps us avoid many relationship pitfalls. Mrs. Lion never has to manipulate me or cajole me into doing what she wants. There is no passive-aggressive behavior. She has no need for it. If I act that way, she will punish me. Power transactions are direct.
Physical punishment is humiliating in a way. That’s good, I think. It further reinforces her authority. More importantly, once administered, there’s no reason for further hard feelings. Mrs. Lion knows that if I fail to learn my lesson, she will simply spank me again. The fact that punishment is the inevitable consequence of displeasing her, I’ve learned to change quickly. If I slip back, the paddle reminds me to be more attentive.
This isn’t tyranny. Mrs. Lion isn’t arbitrary. She’s learned to be strict and consistent. If I do something she doesn’t like, I get spanked. That painfully teaches me a valuable lesson. If I don’t learn it, I get spanked again. I would have to be very stubborn and stupid to keep challenging her. Eventually, she will win and I will change.
I hope she will continue to grow as my disciplining wife. Painful as it is to be punished, the effect of our FLRD has been a closer and cleaner relationship. As Mrs. Lion learns to punish me for upsetting her, she has less reason to hold in any bad feelings. It’s all out on the table. The stricter she becomes, the better I feel.
Believe it or not, the net effect of this is that she is more loving to me and works hard to make me happy. I suppose that if roles were reversed and I was her disciplining husband, the same balance would result. The well-defined authority truly benefits us both.
I’m very happy with our FLRD. It’s helped me and us to be better.