By:
In: CBT

My dream of hibernating this weekend has been dashed. The landlord found someone to fix the rotting deck and he’s supposed to come today. Lion’s car is also scheduled for a maintenance appointment this afternoon. Damn! On the plus side, I think I got some decent sleep last night despite waking up a bunch of times.

More importantly, I punished Lion for forgetting punishment night. I almost got him again for not thanking me. Technically, I should have added swats because he only remembered when I hinted. His sore buns said otherwise but I’m still a pushover for letting him get away with things.

I finally administered the plastic clothespins to his balls. I teased him that the tiny clothespins were plastic. I could have used them. I also have a set of clothespins that are slightly larger than the tiny ones and don’t pack as much punch. That’s not to say they don’t hurt. Strategically placed, they all hurt. I only had about seven regular size plastic clothespins in my bedroom bag of tricks. That’s plenty. I didn’t even put all of them on him.

I edged Lion a few times, sucked him a bit and then left him hanging. He said he was dripping long afterwards. I wish he would have given me some of that pre-cum when I was sucking him. He was frustrated and hornier than ever. He was horny before, but it was worse afterwards. Good. That’s how it should be.

Now I’m realizing I forgot to have him choose another torture from the Box O’Fun. I’ll have to fix that when I’m done writing. He’ll still have plenty of time to think about what’s coming. I can’t really remember but I think there are some good things in the box. Lion just hasn’t chosen them so far.

By:
In: Spanking, Lion's Journal
travel spanking paddle
We made this paddle to hang by the door in our camper. Mrs. Lion always makes a point of hanging this up as soon as we reach a campsite. She likes to paddle me.

Mrs. Lion surprised me again. On Thursday I forgot to remind her it was punishment day. I had no punishments coming, but I am required to remind her anyway. I forgot. Here’s our email conversation on Friday morning:

Me: I don’t know if I told you that yesterday was punishment day. I don’t remember.

Mrs. Lion:  You did not. And I was waiting and then forgot myself. I’ll have to bring up some paddles now that we don’t have company coming anymore.

Me: You seem happy about it.

Mrs. Lion: Well I was waiting to see if you’d remember last night and as it gets closer to 8:30 I find myself hoping you won’t remember because then I “win”. I guess it’s more correct that you lose than me winning.

Me: You like paddling me, don’t you?

Mrs. Lion: I think, like you, I like thinking about it but when it comes down to it, I don’t think I like it as much.

Me: Fair enough. I’m sure I like it less than you when you are doing it. You seem to be working up to longer and harder spankings.

Mrs. Lion: I’ve been trying. I’ll keep working on it.

I was a bit surprised by her comment about hoping I would forget and that she looks forward to spanking me. I don’t think she articulated this before. In prior conversations, she’s been ambivalent. Until yesterday, I didn’t connect the dots. When we travel, we keep our “camper paddle” (Photo above)  in a drawer. We have a hook for it across from the entrance to the camper. It’s the first thing anyone will see when they come in. We can’t leave it on the hook when we travel. It will bounce around too much.

small paddle on lion's butt
Mrs. Lion has an undecorated version of the paddle in the kitchen. This little paddle is very painful. It’s thick oak.
(Click Image to enlarge.)

As soon as we arrive at a campsite, hanging the paddle on its hook is one of the first things Mrs. Lion does. I’ve noticed that she consistently does this. I smile when I see it. Hanging the paddle by the door is a subtle-but-obvious declaration of our disciplinary relationship. Some might see it as a humorous expression of who’s the boss. Little do they know that the “HIS” end of the paddle is actually applied to my bottom.

It shows that spanking is something we think about in a positive way. A long time ago, I read a piece on the Web about disciplinary spanking of husbands. Most of what was in it was the standard fantasy stuff you find all over. There was one excellent insight. The writer claimed that the reason men will voluntarily allow themselves to be spanked is that the idea turns them on. They are aroused when told to assume the position. By the time they realize that they will really be hurt, it’s too late.

This is true of me. I get turned on thinking about being spanked. It’s hot to me to think about Mrs. Lion becoming more severe, even though I hate the beatings I get. Apparently, Mrs. Lion has the spanker’s version of this arousal. She looks forward to me earning a spanking. She likes the idea of spanking me. It’s that enjoyment that helps to motivate her to do it. Like me, once she realizes that she is punishing me and that I will be hurt, it isn’t as much fun. At least that’s true for now.

Based on my own experience as a top and discussions with other spankers, I believe her enjoyment will grow.  It’s not simple, sadistic pleasure at giving me pain. There’s a sense of accomplishment; doing a job well. When the spankings become severe enough to bring tears (not necessarily crying), there is the satisfaction of bringing me to a cathartic moment.  While not exactly fun, there is pleasure in the ability to get me there.

the hanson ferule paddle in bloodwood. ouch!
The Hanson ferule paddle in bloodwood. Ouch!
(Click image to view largerj

This isn’t necessarily a conscious process. Mrs. Lion has been working for years to build up the severity of her spankings. She still hasn’t brought me to tears. It’s not easy to wield that paddle that severely. I have no doubt that she will reach that point. For my part, once she makes it clear that she needs tears before she will consider stopping, I will require less beating to reach that point. That doesn’t mean she will stop when I do. To do that would encourage me to tear up to avoid more spanking. It does mean that the spanking will become more meaningful to me once I surrender and the tears flow.

From all accounts, once tears are reached, there is an attitude change. The punishment is accepted as deserved and the spankee’s attitude is more submissive. Since I haven’t experienced it myself, I can’t say how this affects the educational process the spanking supports. I imagine it makes the lesson better learned.

It’s odd that a serious process like punishment can be anticipated with pleasure. Maybe the positive feelings toward initiating it provide a way to make it easier to punish when no longer angry. Some behaviors that result in punishment anger Mrs. Lion. She refuses to punish when angry. That means she has to wait until she is over her negative feelings before beating me.

Without some motivation, she would be unlikely to perform such a distasteful task. If I’m not aroused at the thought of being spanked, I would be less likely to voluntarily submit to a beating that could bring me to tears. Fortunately, we both have mechanisms that help us follow through. When Mrs. Lion hangs that paddle in front of the camper door, she is enjoying the positive feelings that let her be an effective disciplining wife.

I have a rule that further reinforces Mrs. Lion’s role: I have to thank her for spanking me when she is done. Failure to do that earns me another spanking. I still tend to forget, but Mrs. Lion reminds me. I’m grateful she does. Thanking her is important. At the end of the beating, the good feelings that got her started have faded. I’m no longer aroused. My expression of gratitude is an excellent reminder to us both that we are doing the right thing for our marriage.

The more Mrs. Lion anticipates punishing me, the more likely that she will grow as my disciplining wife. The stricter she becomes, the more quickly I will learn to do as she wishes. We both want this. Fortunately, we each have the necessary, almost-unconscious motivation to continue.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

We didn’t do anything again last night. Lion snoozed a bit and then we snuggled. When I tried to rouse my weenie, he wasn’t interested. I don’t think it’s a case of the doldrums. I think we’re both just too damn tired. We’ve lapsed into the gray of our fall/winter here in the Northwest. It will be this way until at least June. We will have clear days off and on but the rain and clouds are here to stay. It will take us a little while to get used to it again.

Lion forgot to remind me of punishment night yesterday. I owe him some swats. I also owe him plastic clothespins from his Box O’Fun selection the other day. If it were up to me, I’d do both tonight and then hibernate till spring. Technically it is up to me but I worry about our ability to stay awake long enough. I was ready for a nap before I decided I should write a post for today. I don’t see anything wrong with taking another sleep-in weekend. Obviously we both need it. I’m sure we can wake up long enough one of the days for punishment and play. We just need to catch up on sleep.

I know this must be very boring to read. Blah, blah, blah, sleep. Blah, blah, blah, tired. It’s not any more interesting to live it. I know Lion wants attention. And then he snoozes. I’d like to give him some. And then I’m napping. I think maybe it might be a mistake to force ourselves to play when we’re not in the mood. Lion will feel broken if he’s too tired to get excited. I know I’ll be annoyed if I have to edge him when all I want to do is rest. This is when we have to step back and take care of ourselves. I apologize if it make for dull reading.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline

Some people consider femdom a lifestyle. They also think that the world would be better if all wives lock up their husbands and take total control of their lives. Like most generalizations, this idea is fatally flawed. For one thing, sexual control — that’s what femdom is about — doesn’t address any of the real issues that affect the world. It doesn’t really address relationship issues. It’s a very engaging sexual adventure; nothing more.

That may sound odd coming from me. I’m the male half of a female led relationship with discipline (FLRD). I’ve been one for about four years. We practice male chastity. I’ve had a lot of time to consider exactly what’s going on with us. I admit that when we started, I was driven by hot, sexual fantasies of control and female domination. Mrs. Lion agreed to try it because she saw how much it meant to me.

The BDSM-style domination I dreamed about didn’t work in real life. Rather than drop it, Mrs. Lion made it her own. Gradually, things changed. We wrote lots of posts about how we were adjusting. If you are interested, look back at what we wrote over the last three or four years.

We learned the difference between BDSM and real exercise of power. I still like bottoming to Mrs. Lion. She regularly plays with me. I get clothespins on my balls, Icy Hot there too. She favors CBT for play. She exercises absolute control over when and how I get to ejaculate. We have a successful male chastity relationship. We are both happy with it.

I think the reason it works for us is that we both clearly understand it is sexual. We don’t confuse male chastity with Mrs. Lion’s authority. That may not seem logical, but it is. No matter how much we may protest, we males are not controlled by our penises. Yes, we may make bad decisions when in heat, but we understand what we are doing. Once we ejaculate, our judgement is likely to improve.

Yes, we can be manipulated by the promise of sex. Romcoms are usually about that weakness. In real life, that manipulation is going to fail eventually. This is one reason that relationships formed because of BDSM (dominant/submissive) compatibility are likely to fail. Sexual control isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.

I need to bottom. I get frustrated and unhappy if I don’t get regular attention. That doesn’t mean my life should be a 24/7 femdom experience. I hate that idea. When I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge in a real 24/7 FLRD, I visualized a sort of BDSM scene that ran full time. Mrs. Lion gamely tried, but it made us both unhappy when she did.

It was obvious that BDSM isn’t a lifestyle for us. It is a set of activities we like to practice. Mrs. Lion is the top and I am the bottom. I’m not submissive other times; just when I bottom to her. On the other hand, our FLRD is full time and is totally unrelated to our play.

Yesterday, my post was about the way punishment is integrated into our relationship. There are no BDSM trappings; no kneeling, worship, or pledging obedience. That stuff can be part of a BDSM scene, but not our FLRD. It turns out that this separation is likely to be the reason we continue to practice both.

That doesn’t mean our FLRD is deadly serious; far from it. How serious can you be about punishment for spilling food on my shirt? We both know that this rule is a sort of practice exercise for more serious disciplinary issues. Mrs. Lion smiles when she catches me. However, when it comes time for punishment, she spanks me just as hard as she does for “real” offenses. The pain isn’t funny. We both understand why it is important to do this.

FLRD is something we both have to learn. We knew this from the beginning. Mrs. Lion’s initial rules are designed to give us frequent opportunities to experience her power. That’s the other reason we are succeeding.

Our formula is very simple:

  1. We work hard to separate sexual control (BDSM) from our FLRD. That doesn’t mean I don’t get aroused when I think about being punished. That’s just how I am wired. It does mean that the actual rules have nothing to do with sex and the punishments have no sexual component. Spankings are as impersonal as they would be if my mother were punishing me.
  2. We understand that FLRD has to be learned. We recognize that we have to start slowly and evolve into a true female led relationship. We are doing this because we see real value in this power exchange. It isn’t because I want to bottom or submit. She isn’t a femdom goddess.

Our FLRD has different value for each of us. I am an aggressive, often dominant male. My lion nickname fits. I need to learn to be more aware of how I affect Mrs. Lion, and by extension, others. FLRD is a perfect way to train me. Mrs. Lion is a very accepting soul. She is unlikely to assert her needs and wishes. Being the disciplinary wife in our FLRD, she is learning to express her feelings and assert her will.

It’s working. No, we are nowhere near reaching our goals. We are on our way. Mrs. Lion has learned to observe and punish infractions. Occasionally, she will let me know when I upset her. That’s progress. It won’t be long before she will punish me for doing things that upset her. That’s what we both want.