By:
In: Edging, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

Yesterday, my post discussed possible ways to determine minimum and maximum wait times. Mrs. Lion in her post mentioned that I offered so many different opinions that it’s a good thing she does the picking of wait times. My intention yesterday wasn’t to offer her a smorgasbord of wait times I want. It was to suggest logical options. None of what I wrote is about what would work for me, just some ideas about setting enforced chastity waits. I think that each male reacts differently to enforced waits between orgasms. A lot has to do with age. But based on my reading, we are quite similar.

In my case, I’ve observed that starting with the third day of waiting I get much hornier. This peaks on the fifth or sixth day. My interest remains very strong until the seventh day. After that it drops slowly. By the fifteenth day I don’t think much about sex during the day. If Mrs. Lion teases me nightly, she can easily get me erect and excited no matter how long the wait. If she skips a day, even early in the cycle, it takes more work to get me hard. She observed that yesterday. In the past she commented that I get hard very quickly between the fifth and seventh days.  On the day she edged me twice I was super interested in coming. Apparently the frequency of edging has the expected effect on me. What I find interesting is that now that I am at my 15th day of waiting, even writing about all this isn’t arousing me. I’ve read that others also find waiting much easier after about ten days.

I’m not sure that any of this should influence how long I wait, but it does influence the lion “weather report”. This loss of interest when not being stimulated doesn’t mean I am less interested in an orgasm, at least for now. Instead of biological pressure to come, I find myself missing the opportunities to come. It’s hard to put into words. It’s like the feeling you get after a great vacation. You really wanted it to last longer or happen again very soon. It’s a longing. Is this emotional horniness? I think that in situations where the keyholder allows the caged male to give her frequent orgasms, there is much less longing. On an emotional level it must be quite satisfying to provide all that sexual pleasure to the keyholder. Even in vanilla sex, I’ve noticed that my satisfaction is much greater when my partner had a good orgasm.

Our case, at least at present, is different. Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in orgasms for herself. We are both focused on my orgasms exclusively. I think this is why I can observe so easily my change from physical sexual need to emotional longing. As a practical matter, it shouldn’t affect how Mrs. Lion sets my waits. It just means that the lion weather report changes as my wait lengthens. It also means that if time between edging sessions is increased, she can expect it to take longer, maybe much longer to get me aroused and close to orgasm.

There’s one other thing I have observed: After a long wait (for me), the orgasm can sometimes actually hurt and not be very pleasurable. Other guys have observed this as well. My theory is that my body needs “priming” before actually going for an orgasm. That doesn’t mean edging me in the same session as I get to come. That didn’t help in the past. I think it means an edging session the same day that doesn’t end in orgasm, then some time later the session that includes preliminary edging and the orgasm. That’s just a theory. I don’t have any real evidence to support it. I also believe this is only necessary after a relatively long wait. I think it gives my endocrine system time to secrete enough hormones to restore physical horniness. This could all be wrong, but it’s my theory for now.

By:
In: Edging

The other day when I asked, in my post, if I had to play with Lion every night to maintain his horniness level, I thought taking a day off might adversely affect him. Thursday night was so jam packed getting ready for our trip, it was 10:30 before we realized it. It was late and we were tired so we didn’t play. Coupled with the fact that I had given him a ruined orgasm Wednesday night, by Friday night, he wasn’t very horny. I think one thing alone would have been all right. Never, ever skip a play day right after a ruined orgasm. Even my powers of oral excellence couldn’t bring Mr. Weenie to life. And we tried a few times. On the plus side, we had fun trying. Despite not being very arousing, he did admit that it felt wonderful.

Saturday was rainy and cool. Not really beach weather. Then again, it’s very rarely beach weather around here. We went for chowder and explored a little bit. Then we both took naps while watching TV. I know it’s not much different from what we’d be doing at home, but somehow it’s incredibly different. Hearing the waves, smelling the ocean breeze, yeah, it’s different.

Lion reported being moderately horny by mid-afternoon. Last night I got Lion to the edge several times. It just proves you can’t keep a good weenie down. I think I may have gotten him as close to the edge as he can get before going over. There were a few times he was pounding on the bed with his hand after I stopped. Normally, that behavior is reserved for a ruined orgasm. I even allowed him to buck himself to the edge once. Maybe he thought I’d let him come since I normally do when he works so hard. Sadly, for him, it was not to be.

Today, the weather looks like it has improved. It’s beach day for the dog. Tonight it might be restraint night for the Lion. The question is, will it be front side or back side up? Lion still has a few days to wait so if it’s front side up he knows he won’t get an orgasm anyway. But we can still have fun. Either way he wins. Poor, lucky Lion.

By:
In: Edging, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Orgasm denial, Ruined orgasm, Sex

Male orgasm control is largely exercised by depriving the male of wanted orgasms. His keyholder or top only allows him to come when she wishes. Most of us who are under orgasm control, aside from waiting, are teased to the edge of orgasm. Sometime we get a ruined orgasm which is carrying edging just past the point of no return. Both practices are virtually the same thing. I decided to do some research on male arousal and orgasm to get a better handle on these orgasm control practices. Males and females have very different arousal patterns. Females slowly build excitement that climaxes with at least one orgasm. The buildup is steady. Males, on the other hand, have a very different pattern. We start to get aroused and become erect. Continued stimulation feels good but doesn’t necessarily build up excitement very much. Finally, we get very excited and ejaculate. The time it takes to go from hard to ejaculation is generally less than ten seconds. Once we ejaculate, we lose interest. That takes a minute or two at most.

When we are at the top of the curve, the brain initiates a sequence of events. Starting ejaculation takes about two seconds. In that time various glands begin releasing components of semen and they start mixing and moving toward the penis. Muscle spasms are triggered the next few seconds that moves the semen up and out. The ejaculatory phase can take from one to ten seconds or more. In some men like me, the initial ejaculation is followed with semen dripping out for some time. Occasionally, it looks like I am not producing any semen. I have an orgasm with no apparent ejaculate. However, as I calm down, semen starts dripping out. It’s probably a natural part of getting older.

Edging is fairly tricky. The idea is to get the male as far up that steep curve as possible without triggering ejaculation. When Mrs. Lion edges me, I feel a rapid buildup of excitement. I mentally prepare to ejaculate. I can’t help but thrust and try to get over the top. Of course, Mrs. Lion knows that and stops just before I can get that satisfaction. My arousal level will gradually go down. When it does, she starts stimulating me again right to the point I will come. And she stops. That’s the process. Grrrr! In order to do this, she needs to read me like a book. I think that I do some involuntary things just prior to orgasm. Even when I fight to remain perfectly still and breathing evenly, she can tell. As far as I can see, edging gives me all the work of sex without that final note. Each successive time she repeats it, the frustration grows. I never want to tell her to stop. Maybe this time she will take me over the top. When she finally stops, I gradually lose my erection. Oddly, I never feel compelled to finish on my own. I guess I am getting well trained. The more times you edge in  a session, the shorter the time becomes between almost ejaculating and the start of orgasm.

A ruined orgasm is edging that goes a bit too far. Just one stroke past the point of no return will trigger the brain to start the launch process. When stimulation suddenly stops, everything shuts down. I do feel muscles tensing and I can feel the PC muscles trying to ejaculate. Generally some semen will seep out. Depending on just how soon she stops stroking, the ruined orgasm can be almost as good as a full one. It’s very tricky to stop at exactly the right time. A few seconds after the ruined orgasm, I rapidly get soft. We haven’t really tried it, but I’ve been told that if Mrs. Lion keeps stimulating my penis, eventually I will get hard again and ready for more edging or another ruined orgasm.

There is a risk with ruined orgasms. Contrary to claims to the opposite, any ejaculation will have an effect on the cumulative frustration the male feels. I’ve heard tales it makes a guy hornier. In my case it doesn’t. The next day I either feel the same way I do after a full orgasm or no different than if I were edged the night before. Some keyholders provide only ruined orgasms as release after long waits. They never give their male the opportunity for a full one. They guys who live this way seem pretty happy with the situation. When I think about it, I realize that women are often in sexual situations that don’t result in an orgasm for them. Either their partners finish too soon or they have some other issue that keeps them from coming. However, they report still enjoying sex a lot. Of course the female orgasm builds in a linear manner, so a lot of arousal is fun too. Males can experience the same thing when edged. I, for example, know I’m not getting to really come, but I am getting a lot of the pleasure anyway. It’s both frustrating and enjoyable. It’s enough fun for me to want more. I think that is why many guys are content with just edging and ruined orgasms. They are fun and are certainly better than nothing. I’m grateful that Mrs. Lion teases me almost every night. Nevertheless I am counting the days until I can come again.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Edging, Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Orgasm, Punishment, Spanking

I think enforced chastity is growing up. More and more people are opening the windows to let the dank, sweaty smell of perversion out of the chastity room and letting in the sunshine and fresh air of orgasm control. More and more reality is surfacing. Yesterday, Thumper wrote a post on the realities of becoming a keyholder. It’s a refreshing view of how he sees the role. I’ve written a few posts about this too. Thumper has a wide readership and good search engine coverage. I am very happy to say we do too. What that means is that more people will get a realistic view of enforced chastity instead of the fantasy crap that turns so many people off. There’s a new blog that presents what I think is a honest view of one woman’s introduction to being a keyholder. The Adventures of Miss Kitty and Rover is only three posts old. A woman who has been learning to top her partner is starting out as a keyholder. It’s an interesting read. If you haven’t seen it, I keep a list of interesting blogs on the right column of this blog. It’s updated to show the most recent posts. I regularly read these blogs and I think they offer useful and interesting insights into enforced chastity and FLM. I also think it is high time that we bloggers promote one another. I don’t lose you as a reader if I help you find other, more interesting things to read. It’s a sign of maturity that we promote one another.

This is one of those posts that will make things harder and more painful for me. I am writing it out of my desire to be completely honest about what I think is right for us. Mrs. Lion and I have been maturing in enforced chastity as well. Power has gradually shifted from my suggestions — sort of topping from the bottom, but really education — to Mrs. Lion independently owning my penis and its use. As Thumper pointed out in his post, this doesn’t often make me very happy, but it is exactly what I need. Use of my penis is completely up to her. For a long time she used it in the way she believed would make me happy. I did enjoy all the orgasms that yielded. But I didn’t like the degree of control I exercised over getting them. Mrs. Lion has taken firmer control. At my request, she has told me the earliest date I can expect my next orgasm. Currently, it’s August 15th, our anniversary. I still have nine days go to. It will be one of my longest waits. Mrs. Lion edges me every night just to keep my interest up. She is edging me many times each time. Before, she would edge me three or four times and lock me up. Now she keeps going way past that number. Before she is done, I am bucking hard trying to get past the edge. I think she likes that.

In fact, I get the feeling she is enjoying her keyholder role more and more. At least I hope she is. She seems to be learning that making me frustrated and unhappy with my wait is a good thing. She is definitely learning that making my spankings as painful as possible is the right way to do them. Monday night her spanking created a sore spot that I told her about. She made a point of hitting that spot harder and more often. On Tuesday night, our maintenance spanking night, she asked about the spot and then made sure she hit it. I really hated it each time she found it, but I have to admit I am proud of her for disregarding my complaints and doing her job as my disciplinary wife and keyholder.

I admit it; I’m spoiled. I’m very used to calling the shots. I resist when things go past the point I want. I don’t think I top from the bottom, but I let Mrs. Lion know when she has gone “too far”. I am unhappy with my current 18 day wait. That is longer than I want to wait. To quote an online friend, “Suck it up, buttercup.” I was unhappy with a sore spot continuing to be hit hard. It went past what I wanted; way past. My internal limit for a wait is 11 days. Anything past that feels like too much. Spankings should hurt, but not *really* hurt. Yes, I see the problem with that. These are soft limits that define the boundaries of my comfort zone. When we started out, it made sense to respect those soft limits. It gave both of us a chance to fit into our roles.

Enforcing soft limits is a form of control. Intentionally violating them transfers control from me to my lioness. I absolutely hate waiting 18 or more days, especially with more and more teasing. It’s horrible! But, you know what? It’s establishing Mrs. Lion’s role as keyholder. Ignoring my soft limits establishes her authority. Exceeding my soft limit on spanking pain is another good way. It’s harder to do. She may have to tie me down and gag me (to avoid my complaining and screaming) to do it, but the effect it will have is profound. I need to know without any doubt that I have no control; none. This hasn’t happened up until now for two reasons: First, it’s a lot of extra work to tie me down and gag me. Second, it’s very difficult to hurt someone past the point they want or expect it.

For this to happen consistently, Mrs. Lion has to embrace her role. I think she has made remarkable progress. Since she can’t add her own orgasms to the mix, any satisfaction she can get out of being my keyholder and disciplinary wife has to come from a different well. I know she has no love of power or control, so controlling me more completely won’t provide her with any new joy. One source of joy can be giving me what I need. That’s a lot different than giving me what makes me happy or what I want. By definition, her roles aren’t intended to make me happy, or for that matter, unhappy. They are roles of ownership and control. Does that equate with the more unhappy I am the better she is doing her job? It sounds that way, doesn’t it? I don’t think so. Yes, some pain and frustration is needed. Inflicting them is the only way to see if the power exchange is, in fact, working. My reaction to this 18 day (or more) wait will inform her about my acceptance of her control. I can complain a bit, even whine. If I get on her nerves, then she needs to let me know. She knows how to do that.

I freely admit that I have not let go of my wish to control or at least influence when I can come. I like to think I can stop Mrs. Lion from hurting me “too much” when she spanks me. I know I have to learn that I can’t do either, ever. This will take time and a lot of unhappiness on my part. Lions are stubborn and are not easy to tame. Poor Mrs. Lion.