We didn’t do anything BDSM-related last night. I did, however, give Lion the beginnings of a nice handjob. He’d have preferred that I keep going to an orgasm. You can’t always get what you want. Besides, if I’d given him an orgasm last night, he wouldn’t be horny tonight. I have to keep him wanting more. Isn’t that the premise of male chastity? He can’t have an orgasm unless I say he can have an orgasm. And I say, giving him an orgasm only four days after the last one doesn’t necessarily make him desperate.

I know. No one ever said he has to be desperate. There’s a fine line between making him wait to keep him horny and making him wait till he’s not really interested anymore. I don’t know that there’s an exact timing for it either. Sometimes he’s horny the day after an orgasm. Sometimes it takes a few days. He may stay horny for two weeks or he could lose interest after a week. When I say he loses interest, I don’t mean he can’t be aroused. It just takes a bit more doing.

In the past, I’ve varied his wait times, but the average is twelve days, I think. His longest wait is 28 days. That’s me actively making him wait. He’s waited longer when he’s recovering from surgery or when I’ve completely fallen down on the job. We both decided waiting that long isn’t necessary. He’s not turned on by the idea of waiting months on end for an orgasm. He’s not trying to prove anything to anyone. I usually make him wait 7-15 days.

This time around, since I’m trying to get back in the swing of things, I haven’t decided if it’s better to make him wait or not. On one hand, I seem to get into trouble when I give him an orgasm after a short wait. I tend to think he’s not horny right away, so I don’t have to give him attention, and then inertia sets in. In that case, it might be better to make him wait, so I get better at teasing him at least every other day. On the other hand, is it fair to make him wait till I get my act together? Assuming I tease him regularly, it’s not like he’s missing out on anything. Well, yes, he’s missing out on orgasms, but he’s still getting all revved up. Let’s not forget that I love giving him orgasms. And, of course, I love the elusive cream filling. What to do? What to do?

I’m sure Lion will be happy no matter what I decide to do as long as he gets the attention he needs. Well, maybe not exactly happy. He’ll like the attention. He’ll love the orgasms.

Back in March 2021, I wrote “True Orgasm Control” about my self-discovery that orgasm control (male chastity) isn’t about making the male horny and frustrating him. It’s about giving someone else the ability to decide when he gets to orgasm. Most of the guys who want to be locked in a chastity device or get orgasm control without the hardware assume it’s about having to suffer through long periods of abstinence before finally getting release.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. With or without hardware, the game is about control, not sex. Yes, from my perspective, it’s all about sex. That doesn’t mean it is. Sex is the instrument of control. Since most of us consider sexual release to be a private activity that we like to do when we are horny, we are challenged when our partner takes control.

This came to mind when one of my Twitter followers happened to read the True Orgasm Control post and wanted to inform me that she saw a difference between male chastity and orgasm control. I  disagreed because trying to split pubic hairs about terminology is an Internet disease. To illustrate her point, she linked to a story (“Control“). It’s a bit of porn fiction about a newcomer to orgasm control being told to jerk off in a restaurant men’s room. The point, I assume, was that orgasm control has less to do with restricting orgasms than it does with controlling when and where the male has one.

I agree. Mrs. Lion has never been particularly concerned with how long I had to wait between orgasms. She makes me come when she feels the time is right. She has never changed locations. I always get off in our bedroom or on our massage tables. I don’t get to decide when. She is sometimes too much a creature of habit. Other than when she waxes me, I can’t remember the last time anything sexual happened before dinner.

Male chastity doesn’t require hardware. I learned that long-term male chastity device wearing trained me not to jerk off. I’ve been conditioned away from that behavior. It isn’t because I will get punished if I masturbate. I no longer see it as a sexual outlet for me. I haven’t masturbated in nine years. Mrs. Lion is my only source of release.

Because this has been going on for so many years, neither of us considers this arrangement unusual. It’s the way things are. I’m happy with it and I will continue to have my orgasms when and where my lioness wants.

Our heat wave started yesterday. We were stuck in cooler weather while most of the country sweltered. It’s our turn now. However, our heat wave only takes us up in the 90s. I find it difficult to handle that. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I was in Texas like my son and his wife. Blech. Heat.

Stupidly, I have been mowing the lawn. It really needed it and I’ve been doing it in the morning, before it gets too hot. It may be too hot already today, but I don’t have that much left to do. I came inside for some water and to sit in front of the fan before my final push. This may be the last time the grass will need mowing this summer. We’re entering the three months of the year that it doesn’t rain much.

We’ve been going to bed at midnight and waking up at 6 am. Well, Lion did that for a few days and then I started yesterday. He slept in. Today we were both up at 6. Why? It’s Sunday. Let me sleep! Between the heat, lack of sleep and still being achy from cleaning out the camper and all of that running around, I’ve been wiped out. I don’t normally nap. I did a little bit on Saturday afternoon. We had the air conditioners on and it was very pleasant.

After dinner, I snuggled close to Lion and fondled my weenie. I wasn’t actively trying to get him hard. I was letting him know the offer was on the table. Eventually, I asked if he’d be very upset if I sucked him. I was teasing, of course. I figured he’d jump at the chance. We haven’t been very physical since his orgasm last weekend. I sucked him less urgently than I have in the past. I can see how he’d think I was just trying to get it over with. This time I used less suction and let my tongue wander a little more. I don’t know if he noticed. I think I’m doing all these great things and when I ask him about it, he says he didn’t notice. I know blood has left his brain, but I’d think he’d feel some difference.

[Lion — I do feel differences but I can’t really identify what has changed. Some of Mrs. Lion’s tricks feel amazing. I hate to break my concentration to comment. Next time I will so she knows what works best. It all feels great!]

The past few times I’ve played with him, he’s gotten an orgasm. I take pity on the poor boy because sometimes he has trouble getting anywhere near the edge. I’m afraid if I stop, he won’t be able to get back. Last night I didn’t care. Well, I did care. I just didn’t think he should get an orgasm every time he gets attention. That’s not the way his world works. Orgasm denial doesn’t mean I don’t give him sex for a while and then he gets an orgasm. It means I get him all riled up and sometimes leave him hanging. And that’s exactly what I did to him last night. I don’t know if he was surprised or not. He’s got to watch out for me. I’m a tricky one.

[Lion — Teasing like that is what I signed up for. It’s effective because I don’t masturbate. If I could, I would have to go back into a male chastity device.]

Some bloggers number their posts. I’m not sure why. If you’re curious, this is post 5,652. That’s of no significance to me, but there you go. Anyway, I’ve noticed that almost every chastity or spanking blog was founded and is written by the person on the bottom. It is exceptionally rare to hear from a keyholder or spanker.

One notable exception, other than us, was Juile of Strict Julie Spanked (It used to be Spanks). Before she decided to switch and become a disciplined wife, she wrote about spanking her husband. Mrs. Lion is contributing, and she is my disciplining wife and keyholder. Though consistent with the trend, I started this blog.

There must be exceptions out there, but almost every couple who spanks does it at the request of the spanked spouse. The same is true for male chastity and orgasm control. The male wishing to be locked up introduces it to his partner. Similarly, the vast majority of BDSM toys are bought by bottoms. The same is true of domestic discipline and female-led marriages. The concept is almost always introduced by the partner who will be disciplined.

We started this blog to give a more balanced picture of these power exchanges. Mrs. Lion regularly tempers my ideas with her reactions. We’ve settled in to a very manageable power exchange. Orgasm control and domestic discipline are now unremarkable, routine parts of our life together. Butt-blistering spankings are administered without so much of a comment by either of us. Punishment is a fact of life for me.

The same is true of orgasm control. Mrs. Lion gives me orgasms when she decides I should have them. There is no argument or discussion. I never masturbate. That’s it. I don’t think either of us believed that this was how things would turn out when we started male chastity in 2014. Somehow, they have. We are both happy with how things are working.

I understand that some of our readers find it hard to believe this. Orgasm control and domestic discipline seem exotic. A lot of men fear the loss of sexual control. Guys who are turned on by the idea of being spanked wouldn’t consider letting their wives punish them. I get it. I felt the same way at first.

The simple fact is that I need spanking. I need it for sexual reasons. It also turns out that I need it as a reminder to do my chores. Let me put that another way. I need to know that Mrs. Lion isn’t building resentment and anger over things I may have done or said that upset her. She set a couple of simple rules that make things easier for her and for us. Not performing these things upset her. No, she isn’t boiling mad if I forget to set up the coffee, but it annoys her at 7 AM when she has to put the coffee pot together.

If she couldn’t punish me for forgetting, she would most likely stuff her feelings and go on with her day. In the past, when she’s done that, at some point, she boils over and gives me the silent treatment. A crack appears in our relationship. If I forget, she smiles and lets me know that I’m in trouble. Later, she will spank me. That helps me remember. It also resolves any feelings that Mrs. Lion might have stuffed.

Other things upset her. She hates to be interrupted and gets upset when I am a know-it-all. We’ve discussed this, and I’m on notice that doing either of those things can earn me a spanking. So far, Mrs. Lion almost never punishes me for this. When she gives me a “just because” spanking, she will sometimes tell me that it is for interrupting or annoying her. Last week, she said she might become more consistent about punishing that kind of behavior. So far, she hasn’t.

Orgasm control is more of a game. It’s fun for both of us to play with my need to get off. There’s a subtle, more serious side to this. Mrs. Lion knows that she and she alone gives me sexual pleasure. I can’t do it myself and certainly can’t let another woman do it. There’s a nice sense of security. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to worry that she has lost her libido. She knows that I still need her to find ways to get me off. She does a very good job with that.

Domestic discipline isn’t so much a dominant/submissive practice. It’s more of a construct that balances the power in our marriage. I’m as much of a leader as ever. I now have a boss who makes sure that I keep things in good order. Both orgasm control and domestic discipline are pressure-release valves in our marriage. They work well for us.