I think enforced chastity is growing up. More and more people are opening the windows to let the dank, sweaty smell of perversion out of the chastity room and letting in the sunshine and fresh air of orgasm control. More and more reality is surfacing. Yesterday, Thumper wrote a post on the realities of becoming a keyholder. It’s a refreshing view of how he sees the role. I’ve written a few posts about this too. Thumper has a wide readership and good search engine coverage. I am very happy to say we do too. What that means is that more people will get a realistic view of enforced chastity instead of the fantasy crap that turns so many people off. There’s a new blog that presents what I think is a honest view of one woman’s introduction to being a keyholder. The Adventures of Miss Kitty and Rover is only three posts old. A woman who has been learning to top her partner is starting out as a keyholder. It’s an interesting read. If you haven’t seen it, I keep a list of interesting blogs on the right column of this blog. It’s updated to show the most recent posts. I regularly read these blogs and I think they offer useful and interesting insights into enforced chastity and FLM. I also think it is high time that we bloggers promote one another. I don’t lose you as a reader if I help you find other, more interesting things to read. It’s a sign of maturity that we promote one another.
This is one of those posts that will make things harder and more painful for me. I am writing it out of my desire to be completely honest about what I think is right for us. Mrs. Lion and I have been maturing in enforced chastity as well. Power has gradually shifted from my suggestions sort of topping from the bottom, but really education to Mrs. Lion independently owning my penis and its use. As Thumper pointed out in his post, this doesn’t often make me very happy, but it is exactly what I need. Use of my penis is completely up to her. For a long time she used it in the way she believed would make me happy. I did enjoy all the orgasms that yielded. But I didn’t like the degree of control I exercised over getting them. Mrs. Lion has taken firmer control. At my request, she has told me the earliest date I can expect my next orgasm. Currently, it’s August 15th, our anniversary. I still have nine days go to. It will be one of my longest waits. Mrs. Lion edges me every night just to keep my interest up. She is edging me many times each time. Before, she would edge me three or four times and lock me up. Now she keeps going way past that number. Before she is done, I am bucking hard trying to get past the edge. I think she likes that.
In fact, I get the feeling she is enjoying her keyholder role more and more. At least I hope she is. She seems to be learning that making me frustrated and unhappy with my wait is a good thing. She is definitely learning that making my spankings as painful as possible is the right way to do them. Monday night her spanking created a sore spot that I told her about. She made a point of hitting that spot harder and more often. On Tuesday night, our maintenance spanking night, she asked about the spot and then made sure she hit it. I really hated it each time she found it, but I have to admit I am proud of her for disregarding my complaints and doing her job as my disciplinary wife and keyholder.
I admit it; I’m spoiled. I’m very used to calling the shots. I resist when things go past the point I want. I don’t think I top from the bottom, but I let Mrs. Lion know when she has gone “too far”. I am unhappy with my current 18 day wait. That is longer than I want to wait. To quote an online friend, “Suck it up, buttercup.” I was unhappy with a sore spot continuing to be hit hard. It went past what I wanted; way past. My internal limit for a wait is 11 days. Anything past that feels like too much. Spankings should hurt, but not *really* hurt. Yes, I see the problem with that. These are soft limits that define the boundaries of my comfort zone. When we started out, it made sense to respect those soft limits. It gave both of us a chance to fit into our roles.
Enforcing soft limits is a form of control. Intentionally violating them transfers control from me to my lioness. I absolutely hate waiting 18 or more days, especially with more and more teasing. It’s horrible! But, you know what? It’s establishing Mrs. Lion’s role as keyholder. Ignoring my soft limits establishes her authority. Exceeding my soft limit on spanking pain is another good way. It’s harder to do. She may have to tie me down and gag me (to avoid my complaining and screaming) to do it, but the effect it will have is profound. I need to know without any doubt that I have no control; none. This hasn’t happened up until now for two reasons: First, it’s a lot of extra work to tie me down and gag me. Second, it’s very difficult to hurt someone past the point they want or expect it.
For this to happen consistently, Mrs. Lion has to embrace her role. I think she has made remarkable progress. Since she can’t add her own orgasms to the mix, any satisfaction she can get out of being my keyholder and disciplinary wife has to come from a different well. I know she has no love of power or control, so controlling me more completely won’t provide her with any new joy. One source of joy can be giving me what I need. That’s a lot different than giving me what makes me happy or what I want. By definition, her roles aren’t intended to make me happy, or for that matter, unhappy. They are roles of ownership and control. Does that equate with the more unhappy I am the better she is doing her job? It sounds that way, doesn’t it? I don’t think so. Yes, some pain and frustration is needed. Inflicting them is the only way to see if the power exchange is, in fact, working. My reaction to this 18 day (or more) wait will inform her about my acceptance of her control. I can complain a bit, even whine. If I get on her nerves, then she needs to let me know. She knows how to do that.
I freely admit that I have not let go of my wish to control or at least influence when I can come. I like to think I can stop Mrs. Lion from hurting me “too much” when she spanks me. I know I have to learn that I can’t do either, ever. This will take time and a lot of unhappiness on my part. Lions are stubborn and are not easy to tame. Poor Mrs. Lion.