By:
In: Anal play, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Christmas is always a very emotional time for most people. Mrs. Lion and I like the idea of celebrating it. We like the decorations, the music (for short while anyway), and of course the food. Around Thanksgiving and Christmas the local supermarkets stock up on turkey breasts. It’s difficult to find one the rest of the year. So we bought three and put them in the freezer. We ate one yesterday. It was a nice dinner. Mrs. Lion invited one of her friends who was going to be alone, and the three of us enjoyed a quiet celebration.

Holidays aren’t a big deal for us. Our kids are grown and live far away. I’m an only child and Mrs. Lion’s sister is on the East Coast. As for us, we celebrate every day. I don’t mean that in some sappy way. As you might gather from our posts, every day is special. Mrs. Lion works hard to make me happy and I try to do the same for her. We got our Christmas gifts some time ago. Neither of us is very good at withholding something from the other. That’s not entirely true. Mrs. Lion is absolutely wonderful at withholding orgasms from me.

mrs. lion jerking lion off

Over the years, I’ve come to enjoy the suspense of being aroused, teased, and then having to wait and see whether or not Mrs. Lion will let me ejaculate. I know that some guys prefer to be horny rather than to be satisfied. I am not in that club. But I’m definitely in the vagina-is-in-charge sex-play club. I really like when Mrs. Lion teases me. I also like it when she mentions that she’s going to tease me.

While Christmas and other holidays aren’t actually different from our regular day-to-day life, they are still big fun because we get to be home together. Since we both like to do nice things for one another, sometimes the pleasure can become a little routine. As I’ve mentioned before, sex and play seem to always be the last activities of our day. I wonder what it would be like if on a day we are home together, Mrs. Lion would take a break and lead me into the bedroom for some activities. I would love that! [Mrs. Lion — Before I moved in with Lion, we usually played in the afternoon.]

We took a break from anal on Christmas Eve. Mrs. Lion was worn out and achy from working around the house. I don’t think we need to do this daily. We also talked a little bit about cleanout. Insertion play is more fun for both of us (for obviously different reasons) if everything is free of matter inside my body. We use 7 ounce Fleet enemas for this purpose. They were the largest capacity disposables I could find.

The smaller disposables are designed to help people who are constipated. Anal, pegging, and other rear-end activities for either sex need more cleanout than stimulation for a bowel movement. Many people use enema bags which hold about a quart of water. These are a good idea but require preparation and quite a bit of time to expel all the water. Mrs. Lion doesn’t like that. She prefers something quick and easy. Fleet has been selling 7-ounce disposables on Amazon. This is enough liquid to provide a cleanout for our anal play. [Mrs. Lion – I only remember using the enema bag once and I don’t remember a strong preference one way or the other.]

Aren’t you glad you’re reading this post?

I bring this up because it’s a subject that is often overlooked. Anal is exciting and fun for both partners. The problem isn’t so much that you might encounter poop when doing penetration. It’s that being penetrated when you do have the material in the way, causes an uncomfortable feeling. Getting cleaned out vastly improves the enjoyment of being anally penetrated. It also makes it more pleasant for your partner.

I like it when Mrs. Lion engages in anal activities with me. Not only is it exciting that she does, but it is also another way she can show her sexual control. It’s a very intimate activity that we share. I think that makes it particularly special for both of us. She doesn’t have any particular fascination with my asshole. I don’t have a lifelong craving to be anally fucked. Let’s face it, it’s uncomfortable to learn to relax and allow insertion of whatever Mrs. Lion chooses.

The fact that she is choosing and I am willingly accepting is very exciting to me. No, it doesn’t make me hard. It’s a different kind of arousal. She sees evidence of it later when she plays with my penis. A side benefit of this anal fun is that it stimulates my prostate, which in turn helps generate more semen. On occasions when she allows me to have an orgasm, she considers that extra cream her reward. On other occasions, the prostate stimulation seems to generate precum. She really likes that.

I tend to be a goal-oriented guy. Mrs. Lion is much less focused on results. Years ago, long before we considered male chastity or a Female Led Relationship with Discipline, we did do BDSM play. When she strapped me into the sling, she liked to do anal play. When she first started, she would use her fingers. She said she wanted to be able to get her whole hand inside me. Each time we played that way she would try. While I was able to take larger and larger dildos, I seemed to be stuck on three lioness fingers.

full hand inserted in anus
Mrs. Lion is very close to achieving this. Our new training technique really makes this possible for the first time.

Now that we have decided to take a more focused approach, Mrs. Lion doesn’t stop just because I make some uncomfortable sounding noises. Just as she has learned to ignore my yelps when she spanks me, she ignores the sounds I make when she is penetrating me. Instead, she gauges her progress on how much resistance she feels. She’s learned to use just enough additional pressure to make me relax. When I reach a point when I don’t seem to be able to open wider, she usually either backs off or stops.

This technique has been very successful so far. A few days ago she was able to get four fingers all the way up to her knuckles as well as some of her thumb into me without too much discomfort. She’s learned to begin by letting me get accustomed to the feeling of something inside me by pegging me with the large, training butt plug.

It’s amazing how switching from using dildos to help me relax to using butt plugs has made all the difference in the world. When I think about it, it makes sense. All the dildos do is teach me to relax enough to accept them and then since they are inside, I can close down against them. I don’t learn to be able to relax once they are removed.

large butt plug

Being able to stay open without pressure is critical for fisting. The butt plug, on the other hand, is pyramid-shaped so that I am forced to learn to accept an increasingly larger object and then it suddenly turns into a narrow object when I reach the shoulders of the plug. Then when Mrs. Lion pulls it out I’m forced to open suddenly to the full with and then feel it shrink smaller and smaller as she withdraws it.

Then she inserts it again, essentially pegging me with it. I’m forced to open for the increased width and then feel the pressure to expand suddenly disappear. If I don’t learn to relax and stay relaxed even when the pressure to expand has stopped, it will be uncomfortable when it has to suddenly expand again as the plug is pulled out. Using the plug teaches me to stay open and relaxed.

I watched some porno videos of male anal fisting. I noticed that when the woman withdrew her hand, his anus remained wide open. He had learned to relax and stay relaxed. This made the insertion of her hand or another large object easy and comfortable for him.

Some people think that by learning this relaxation, or as some think, stretching, the anus loses its ability to close tightly. This is untrue. I know several people who have been fisted regularly for many years. They don’t have any problem with incontinence.

I like that Mrs. Lion is teaching me this. Being able to accept her hand is a very intimate thing to do. Male chastity is a negative form of control. By that, I don’t mean it’s bad or wrong. It’s negative because it’s the removal of something: the orgasm, that demonstrates control. Being prevented from pleasure is a way of demonstrating power. Theoretically, the male has no choice but to accept this.

Anal penetration is a positive form of control. It requires cooperation. That doesn’t mean it’s voluntary. Whatever Mrs. Lion chooses to shove up my ass is going to go there whether I want it to or not. However, I have a strong incentive to cooperate. In fact, I will cooperate whether I want to or not. My body will become trained to relax as a way of reducing discomfort. It’s a form of conditioning that will turn something uncomfortable into something very pleasant over time.

This is very similar to my experience with enforced male chastity. In the beginning, while I found it exciting that I was wearing a chastity device, I was also frustrated and annoyed that I kept being teased and not allowed to ejaculate. This was what I wanted to do. But at the same time, I really wanted to come.

That’s the way anal play is going to turn out too

By:
In: Lioness 4.0, Anal play, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

Merry Christmas! Santa Lion was good to me this year. While Mrs. Lion and I didn’t have a tree this Christmas — no kids around and too much unpacking to do — it didn’t stop us from enjoying the holiday spirit. On Monday night we had leftover Chinese takeout. When we get Chinese food, we always get a little more than we need plus an extra container of wonton soup.

It was a little chilly in the kitchen, so I had a T-shirt on. Big mistake! As you know, I’m not the neatest eater. It didn’t take me long to splash some soup on my shirt. To my dismay, a stain appeared. Mrs. Lion gave me that special look that means she noticed and I’m in trouble.

Sure enough, after dinner, Mrs. Lion invited me into the bathroom. She had thoroughly lathered up her hands. She told me open my mouth and soaped the inside of it very thoroughly. Then she inserted a bar of soap (one of her stubs) and told me to bite. I did.

It felt like hours as I stood over the sink, white foam dripping from my chin. Fortunately, the Dove hypoallergenic soap is almost tasteless. So it wasn’t very bad having a mouth full of it. The only problem came after it had been in my mouth for a while. It started to burn.

We’ve had this problem before with keeping soap in my mouth too long. Soap, even gentle soap, is alkaline and can burn the delicate lining of the mouth if left inside too long. We’ve learned that 10 minutes is a safe-but-effective length of time to savor soapy flavor. I think it might be a good idea for Mrs. Lion to select a more flavored soap. I suppose it would be safe to go back to the dreaded Ivory Soap so long as my duration is kept to 10 minutes or less. I’m famous for offering suggestions that make things worse for me. I don’t know why I keep doing it.

Anyway, Monday night had a full program of lion fun. Following the not-so-pleasant mouth soaping, we went directly to a session of anal training. I can’t tell what Mrs. Lion is doing back there. I can only tell that it feels full and hurts a little. She’s gotten very good at keeping the pain level low while expanding my horizons, so to speak. She told me that she got four fingers in all the way to her knuckles as well as some of her thumb. This is much more than I have taken before.

In all things Lion, it’s clear that the trick is consistency and persistence. When Mrs. Lion tells me to get on my knees for anal training, I’ve learned that she will use me until I reach a point that satisfies her for the session. It’s not about what I want anymore. I may have suggested doing this, but that’s the end of my involvement. After that, my role is to get in position and docilely accept whatever Mrs. Lion wishes to do.

My role as the docile recipient extends to pleasure too. Since I began having trouble getting to the edge, Mrs. Lion has decided that sexual stimulation no longer includes automatic edging. Now, like her anal activities, she stimulates my penis until she decides she’s done. If it means that I get an orgasm, that’s fine with her. If it means that I just get very aroused and frustrated, that’s even better. The point is that while these activities are for my benefit, they are completely at Mrs. Lion’s pleasure. I no longer have a vote in how long or how much I get. I should just consider myself lucky that I get attention at all.

The best gift this year, and every other year for almost 2 decades, is Mrs. Lion’s love. This past year has been the most difficult in my life. Thanks to my spinal surgery and glaucoma coming together, I’ve lost considerable ability to do things I’ve taken for granted all my life. Mrs. Lion has taken wonderful care of me. She’s had to shoulder substantially more work than she normally does. She has done it without complaint. She’s done everything necessary to keep me healthy and happy.

She’s also learned how to effectively deal with me as my disciplining wife. Her increasing assumption of control, especially in terms of the things she does for me, is teaching me how to be more docile. I’ve learned that I can provide input, but it’s largely ignored when things are happening. This is a wonderful gift. It’s exactly what I need, even if it isn’t what I like at the time.

You’d think that activities like anal training would be just fun BDSM. It’s much more than that for me. Aside from being something that I like, it’s also a way of teaching me to submit. Now that Mrs. Lion has assumed full control, the time I spend simply accepting what she wants to give is very satisfying.

I think it’s important to get past labels. I am not just “a submissive”. I don’t think there is any such thing anyway. It’s far more complicated than that. I’m feeling great emotional satisfaction in surrendering. It didn’t feel like real surrender when I could call the shots. Yes, Mrs. Lion could withhold orgasms as long as she wished, but I did set the ground rules. I expected to be edged every time she played with my penis. Similarly, I expected anal training to end when it got a bit uncomfortable. I expected to be able to tell her I wasn’t in the mood to do it on a given day and she would put away the toys.

She believed that since the play was for my benefit, I should be able to decide whether or not we did it at any given time. I should also be able to decide when I’ve had enough. I think she finally understands that that isn’t the point. I may say I want anal training and she may agree to do it. My hope was that once she agreed, everything else was completely out of my hands.

Now, she gets out her gloves, lube, and toys; then tells me to get on my knees. She no longer gives me an opportunity to tell her I’m not in the mood. It’s not about my mood, it’s about the availability of my butt for training. This is exactly the way I hoped things would go. I think this is the beginning of lioness 4.0. What a wonderful Christmas gift!

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Power Exchange, Punishment
lion spanked by heart paddle

Things are a little different around here. I’m not claiming that Mrs. Lion has morphed into lioness 4.0. It’s nothing that drastic. But there is a change that I sense. It’s subtle and I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion is even consciously aware of it. Let me explain. Most every night, Mrs. Lion will come over and snuggle with me and will tease me sexually. Until recently, she teased me until I reached the edge of orgasm several times. In the last few weeks, it’s been very difficult to get me to the edge. I can’t explain it, but it’s been very difficult. In the last week or so, she stopped trying. Essentially, she played with my penis, or should I say her weenie, for a while until she decided she was done.

She stopped worrying about whether or not I reached the edge. Her recent program of oral stimulation follows the same pattern. She gets me very excited and stops whenever she decides she’s done enough. The big change is that she doesn’t worry about my reaction.

At the same time, she’s been taking a more matter-of-fact view of discipline. Most recently, I forgot to do one of my chores: I didn’t get the coffeepot set up for the next morning. I also forgot to remind her that Saturday was a punishment day. In a very ordinary, routine way, after her shower on Sunday night, Mrs. Lion told me to get into position to be spanked. She got her paddle and proceeded. She stopped for a bit because there was some blood. It turned out it was just a couple of tiny spots, so she continued.

Before she started, she moved my punishment stool into a corner near the bedroom. After my spanking she told me to go sit on my stool facing the corner. She was kind this time because she removed the coir welcome mat from the stool. I just had to sit on rough, stair tread tape. She made me stay there for a very uncomfortable 10 minutes. When I got up she commented that my butt was very red. I could feel the heat.

My point is that she treats this is a routine part of her day. It gives me a sense that she has internalized her disciplinary role. Additionally, as you may have noticed in a recent post, she told me I was a bad boy. In an email yesterday, I referenced the fact that it hurt to sit down. She replied that was because I was a bad boy. I wrote back that I would try hard to be good.

I like this change. I don’t think Mrs. Lion perceives me differently. I just think that she’s more fully into her role. All of us play different roles in life. These roles aren’t fake the way actors create characters in a play. They are the way we relate to each other and to different situations. For example, in terms of my relationship with Mrs. Lion, she is my disciplining wife. That means wherever she chooses to impose rules, I must follow them. Failing to follow them results in punishment. At other times I am her husband and partner.

These roles exist in parallel. I can be offering my opinion and acting as Mrs. Lion’s partner and then, I say something that crosses a line. At that point Mrs. Lion’s disciplining wife role surfaces and she disciplines me. It’s not very complex at all. It just takes time, patience and a lot of love to make it work.

Mrs. Lion and I were talking about spanking on Sunday night. She had patted my bottom gently and commented that was probably harder than my first spanking from her. I asked her why she was so gentle that first time. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt me. It’s taken a lot of years for her to change her approach. Now, when she spanks me she wants to hurt me. She knows that it’s necessary for me to feel her displeasure. Her focus is on the technique to most effectively give me a sore bottom that will continue hurting for a day or two afterward.

It’s not that she likes to hurt me. She’s learned that she has to spank me with enough intensity to deter me from future infractions. A good example of this is my continuing problem with remembering Saturday punishment day. Normally, forgetting that I should remind her would get me one of those little funishments. However, I have forgotten at least three out of the last five weeks. She felt that a more meaningful punishment was called for. So, I got spanked.

That spanking made a real impression on me. I can tell you that I made a special point of reminding her that Monday was punishment day and first thing Monday morning I set up the coffee pot for Tuesday. I consider this very fair. After all, I’ve been asking Mrs. Lion to be completely consistent in terms of helping me improve my behavior. She has worked hard to do this. Shouldn’t I work equally hard to do the things she wishes? I think so. My penalty for failing is physically painful. Hers is probably more severe; she feels guilty for not doing what she knows I need.

We both have very positive incentives as well. She lets me know she’s pleased when I’m a good boy. I know she feels good when she sees how happy she makes me in her role as my disciplining wife.

The biggest change is that all of this used to be more artificial like a BDSM scene. It didn’t feel to me like it was a normal part of our lives. It was something that Mrs. Lion did because she knew I wanted it. Her role felt divided from her normal day-to-day behavior. Now, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. She’s my disciplining wife all the time as well as being my partner and lover. Just as sexual control has become a natural part of our lives, I think that our disciplinary relationship has reached that level as well.

I’m not claiming that we’ve arrived. Mrs. Lion still has to work on letting me know when I say things that annoy her. We still have to integrate administration of punishment more smoothly into our lives. Right now, it’s a sort of event that happens many hours after the offense. I think eventually we will reach the point when Mrs. Lion will just lead me into the bedroom after I say something or do something wrong, tell me to assume the position, and administer my punishment. I don’t know how far we are from that step. I think when she does that, we’ve reached lioness 4.0. I think that will be when she has completely integrated her role as disciplining wife into her day to day activities.

There are two steps before she reaches that point. The first is becoming aware of and reacting to things that annoy her. Up until now, she simply growls a little if she has any reaction at all. When she begins letting me know what I’ve been doing in a more disciplinary way, I believe that we will both experience another change. This change will be very positive for me. Just as I learned to keep assigned chores top of mind, I will become much more consciously aware of the way I speak to her. I think it will overflow into the way I speak to others as well. I will learn to be much more respectful and polite. I’m not going to like it in the beginning, but I believe it will make me a better person.

By:
In: Punishment, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Spanking

W

When we started out with enforced male chastity over six years ago, we didn’t have any idea how life would change for us. Now that we are approaching our 4000th post, I guess I’ve grown more reflective. Change has a way of sneaking up on me. Something starts out as a sexy novelty, like male chastity. It feels weird and fun in a sexy way. Over time, the novelty wears off. By then, it’s become a habit. It’s just the way we are.

I’ve been required to be naked at home for so long I just don’t notice. I have learned to stand back when cooking to avoid hot fat hitting my protrucing penis.

This came home to me on Sunday morning. We were lying together in bed watching “In the Kitchen with David” on QVC. We like to see the new products and enjoy the silly demos. The show is a combination of, “I can’t believe anybody would want that!”, and “Let’s order that.” Yesterday we ended up with some delicious cinnamon bread and a couple of sliding stands for our coffee pots. By the way, I have decided to start adding information about exactly what we use to do things.

Apropos of nothing, Mrs. Lion turned to me and said,

“You forgot something, didn’t you?”

I thought for a second and nothing came to mind. I gave Mrs. Lion a blank look. She reminded me that I didn’t set up the coffeepot. One of my daily chores is to add water to the coffeepot put a new filter in and put the washed coffeepot into the coffee maker. I replied,

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

In a very matter-of-fact voice, Mrs. Lion said,

“Yes you are. You also forgot something else. Yesterday was punishment day.”

“Oh shit.”

I asked her what was going to happen. In that same matter-of-fact tone she said you are going to be spanked. I made a vague reference to the fact that these were minor offenses. She simply said,

“You forgot punishment day.”

I didn’t say anything else. Clearly, forgetting to set up the coffee maker is a misdemeanor, but to Mrs. Lion continuing to forget punishment day on Saturday has become a more serious offense.

Cuisinart coffeemaker that grinds beans and brews coffee automatically. We use Peter’s Blend from Porto Rico Coffee in New York. They ship.

That’s what got me reflecting. It wasn’t that I’ve earned a spanking. It was that this entire process has become a routine event. There is nothing notable about earning and delivering punishments. They are simply part of our lives. I did ask when I was going to be spanked. Mrs. Lion told me it would be today (on Sunday). That’s it. I will also get a punishment for forgetting the coffee maker. I suppose I’ll find out what that is when she decides to administer it.

In most other people’s homes, this would be a fairly notable event. How many husbands and wives routinely receive and administer punishments? No discussion is required or expected. At the proper time Mrs. Lion will tell me to get into the bedroom. I will assume the position and she will punish me. Routine. No different than making the bed or letting the dog out.

Since we have been together, I have had a rule that I’m not allowed to wear clothes while home. There are exceptions: I can wear a T-shirt if I’m cold, and if we have company, I can be dressed. This is so ingrained that it’s not even noted anymore. Only at times like yesterday morning, when I’m thinking about how things were a decade earlier, I realize that things other people might consider incredibly odd are routine parts of our lives.

We aren’t the only people doing things like this. In a recent post on another blog, the blogger noted that her husband isn’t allowed to wear clothes at home either. That blog’s been around about as long as ours.

Over the years, we’ve evolved these practices to work for us. It’s true, while being spanked maybe routine, I still think about it and I am not pleased that sitting down tomorrow will be uncomfortable. I also feel angry that I forgot such an obvious pair of chores. I’m going to work much harder to avoid making those mistakes again.

the hanson ferule paddle in bloodwood. ouch!
The Hanson ferule paddle. This bloodwood model is the most effective spanker she owns. If Bloodwood isn’t available, they usually have a 1/2″ Maple. Select the thickest, hardest wood for best results. They have a model with holes. Totally unnecessary. Ouch!

That last paragraph is a very good example of how something is working for us. A year ago, I would’ve been focusing on how hot it was to be spanked on my bare bottom. I might even get a little aroused thinking about it. Now, I think about how simple it would’ve been to just prepare the coffeepot and remind Mrs. Lion of punishment day. Stupid lion!

That’s not to say I’m not going to forget again. But I felt a really strong incentive to be have a better memory. I know that a spanking of Mrs. Lion’s new variety is really horrible. It’s serious enough to incentivize me to be a lot more careful about what I do. As I reflect, I realize that this is exactly the reason she does it. Domestic discipline (FLRD) is fully integrated into our marriage. It’s no joke.

I’ve learned that it takes a while to transition from novelty to an integral part of our relationship. If something we do has potential to improve our lives, we have learned to pursue it even though in the beginning it’s difficult. The best example of this is Mrs. Lion and spanking. She’s evolved from a timid, gentle spanker, to a full-fledged disciplinarian. She has told me that her focus is to effectively send her message. She’s doing a good job. She’s tried a lot of different paddles. I think she settled on one that is absolutely the most painful. She’s not worried about me having a good time anymore. She’s interested in helping me learn to do what I’m supposed to.

We are still in the very early stages of Mrs. Lion punishing me for doing things that annoy her. I can think of several times that I cut her off or changed the subject before she could finish her thought. She didn’t do more than growl a little when I did. I’m not sure why she didn’t punish me. She said she would even for the slightest thing. I guess more work is needed there.

Anyway, my Sunday reflections feel good. We’ve changed a lot over the last six years. We’ve made lifestyle changes that neither of us considered in the past. They’ve successfully helped me to change, helped Mrs. Lion express her feelings, and helped us keep the romantic fires burning. I guess in our house we use a paddle to light the Yule Log.