The Hand That Holds The Paddle…

lion spanked by heart paddle

Things are a little different around here. I’m not claiming that Mrs. Lion has morphed into lioness 4.0. It’s nothing that drastic. But there is a change that I sense. It’s subtle and I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion is even consciously aware of it. Let me explain. Most every night, Mrs. Lion will come over and snuggle with me and will tease me sexually. Until recently, she teased me until I reached the edge of orgasm several times. In the last few weeks, it’s been very difficult to get me to the edge. I can’t explain it, but it’s been very difficult. In the last week or so, she stopped trying. Essentially, she played with my penis, or should I say her weenie, for a while until she decided she was done.

She stopped worrying about whether or not I reached the edge. Her recent program of oral stimulation follows the same pattern. She gets me very excited and stops whenever she decides she’s done enough. The big change is that she doesn’t worry about my reaction.

At the same time, she’s been taking a more matter-of-fact view of discipline. Most recently, I forgot to do one of my chores: I didn’t get the coffeepot set up for the next morning. I also forgot to remind her that Saturday was a punishment day. In a very ordinary, routine way, after her shower on Sunday night, Mrs. Lion told me to get into position to be spanked. She got her paddle and proceeded. She stopped for a bit because there was some blood. It turned out it was just a couple of tiny spots, so she continued.

Before she started, she moved my punishment stool into a corner near the bedroom. After my spanking she told me to go sit on my stool facing the corner. She was kind this time because she removed the coir welcome mat from the stool. I just had to sit on rough, stair tread tape. She made me stay there for a very uncomfortable 10 minutes. When I got up she commented that my butt was very red. I could feel the heat.

My point is that she treats this is a routine part of her day. It gives me a sense that she has internalized her disciplinary role. Additionally, as you may have noticed in a recent post, she told me I was a bad boy. In an email yesterday, I referenced the fact that it hurt to sit down. She replied that was because I was a bad boy. I wrote back that I would try hard to be good.

I like this change. I don’t think Mrs. Lion perceives me differently. I just think that she’s more fully into her role. All of us play different roles in life. These roles aren’t fake the way actors create characters in a play. They are the way we relate to each other and to different situations. For example, in terms of my relationship with Mrs. Lion, she is my disciplining wife. That means wherever she chooses to impose rules, I must follow them. Failing to follow them results in punishment. At other times I am her husband and partner.

These roles exist in parallel. I can be offering my opinion and acting as Mrs. Lion’s partner and then, I say something that crosses a line. At that point Mrs. Lion’s disciplining wife role surfaces and she disciplines me. It’s not very complex at all. It just takes time, patience and a lot of love to make it work.

Mrs. Lion and I were talking about spanking on Sunday night. She had patted my bottom gently and commented that was probably harder than my first spanking from her. I asked her why she was so gentle that first time. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt me. It’s taken a lot of years for her to change her approach. Now, when she spanks me she wants to hurt me. She knows that it’s necessary for me to feel her displeasure. Her focus is on the technique to most effectively give me a sore bottom that will continue hurting for a day or two afterward.

It’s not that she likes to hurt me. She’s learned that she has to spank me with enough intensity to deter me from future infractions. A good example of this is my continuing problem with remembering Saturday punishment day. Normally, forgetting that I should remind her would get me one of those little funishments. However, I have forgotten at least three out of the last five weeks. She felt that a more meaningful punishment was called for. So, I got spanked.

That spanking made a real impression on me. I can tell you that I made a special point of reminding her that Monday was punishment day and first thing Monday morning I set up the coffee pot for Tuesday. I consider this very fair. After all, I’ve been asking Mrs. Lion to be completely consistent in terms of helping me improve my behavior. She has worked hard to do this. Shouldn’t I work equally hard to do the things she wishes? I think so. My penalty for failing is physically painful. Hers is probably more severe; she feels guilty for not doing what she knows I need.

We both have very positive incentives as well. She lets me know she’s pleased when I’m a good boy. I know she feels good when she sees how happy she makes me in her role as my disciplining wife.

The biggest change is that all of this used to be more artificial like a BDSM scene. It didn’t feel to me like it was a normal part of our lives. It was something that Mrs. Lion did because she knew I wanted it. Her role felt divided from her normal day-to-day behavior. Now, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. She’s my disciplining wife all the time as well as being my partner and lover. Just as sexual control has become a natural part of our lives, I think that our disciplinary relationship has reached that level as well.

I’m not claiming that we’ve arrived. Mrs. Lion still has to work on letting me know when I say things that annoy her. We still have to integrate administration of punishment more smoothly into our lives. Right now, it’s a sort of event that happens many hours after the offense. I think eventually we will reach the point when Mrs. Lion will just lead me into the bedroom after I say something or do something wrong, tell me to assume the position, and administer my punishment. I don’t know how far we are from that step. I think when she does that, we’ve reached lioness 4.0. I think that will be when she has completely integrated her role as disciplining wife into her day to day activities.

There are two steps before she reaches that point. The first is becoming aware of and reacting to things that annoy her. Up until now, she simply growls a little if she has any reaction at all. When she begins letting me know what I’ve been doing in a more disciplinary way, I believe that we will both experience another change. This change will be very positive for me. Just as I learned to keep assigned chores top of mind, I will become much more consciously aware of the way I speak to her. I think it will overflow into the way I speak to others as well. I will learn to be much more respectful and polite. I’m not going to like it in the beginning, but I believe it will make me a better person.