I have been reflecting on the foundations of the kinks we write about. The more I think about it, the more male chastity makes sense to me. I’m not talking about locking on a chastity device. That’s definitely more advanced than foundational. I’m referring to orgasm control.
Unlike most mammals, our females are in almost constant heat. Women are available for sex a large proportion of the time. Unlike other female mammals, they are available for sex during times when they cannot get pregnant. There are lots of theories as to why humans and some other anthropoids are different this way. One idea is that sexual availability keeps the males close to home. That makes sense to me.
Human males are sexually similar to other male mammals. We are always in heat and ready to have sex. Nature needs us to be ready to go when our mates ovulate. We have the capacity to ejaculate frequently until we reach an advanced and, arguably, non-reproductive age. Other mammalian males are the same.
Most of us males discover sex through masturbation. I learned how to do it when I was eleven. I didn’t have intercourse until I was eighteen. We develop the habit of supplying our own orgasms from an early age. Sure, we prefer a willing female, but our hands will get the job done in a pinch.
By the time we’re adults, the masturbation solution is firmly established as our easiest way to relieve being horny. It has biological value in that it keeps our equipment functioning. The problem is that it also takes the edge off our desire to mate. Women are less likely to masturbate. Being male, I can’t quite understand it, but while many women do it, they don’t do it as often.
Most males continue masturbating even after finding a mate. I did. It filled in between times that Mrs. Lion wasn’t available. Maybe she was available, but I didn’t feel secure enough to initiate. It was easier and safer to jerk off. This didn’t help our physical relationship. Maybe it’s why she lost interest in sex.
The point is that while masturbating is a sensible strategy for males without partners, it’s potentially destructive to a committed relationship. Every couple is different, but the decision to allow solo sex is one that both partners should make together. Mrs. Lion was not happy when she learned I masturbated and insited that I stop. She wanted to be my only sexual outlet.
This came up in the context of a discussion about my desire to wear a male chastity device. The idea of wearing one turned me on. Mrs. Lion agreed and made it clear that chastity device or no male chastity device, I was never to masturbate again. I reluctantly agreed.
The agreement not to masturbate was the most significant one I made. Wearing a chastity device is part of a fun, kinky game. Never masturbating again changed the entire direction of my sex life. As it turned out, wearing a male chastity device supported Mrs. Lion’s rule against masturbating. I couldn’t get myself off while wearing a device. She kept me locked up 24/7. I was only released for sexual activity with her or occasional cleaning. This went on for more than three years. Wearing the device conditioned me to stop jerking off. It’s been a decade since the last time I did it.
The chastity game included making me wait for orgasms. The idea was that I would become more and more desperate for release. I did. Mrs. Lion helped this along by edging me every couple of days. She would bring me to the point that I was ready to explode and stop. She used her hand for this. She would wait until I calmed down and then do it again. And again. And again. Finally, she would lock me back up in the male chastity device. My interest in sex remained very strong.
Even after I stopped wearing a male chastity device, I didn’t masturbate, and Mrs. Lion rationed my orgasms. Since she remains my only source of sexual release, I have to wait until she is receptive before I can get a chance to ejaculate. Since she hasn’t been interested in sex for herself, the decision of when I should be allowed to ejaculate is based on what she thinks works best for me.
This is where the majority of people believe the kink lives. My mate decides when I can have an orgasm. In a sense, we are just behaving like other mammals. The male gets release when the female is in heat. He may be horny, but he has to wait for her. My mate believes that an orgasm every week or two is sufficient to keep me happy. I don’t necessarily agree, but then, like other mammals, it isn’t up to me.
I don’t think this is truly kinky. First, it makes sense for decisions about sexual activity away from one’s mate should be made jointly. Masturbating alone is certainly sexual activity away from my partner. She has a right to vote that down if she wants. Second, just because I can ejaculate more frequently doesn’t mean that I should. By allowing my mate to have a veto in this department allows her to help me have much more fun. It turns out that some sexual frustration is exciting. Think about when you were dating. Would she do anything with you? Would you go home horny or satisfied? Fun, right?
It’s the same inside our marriage. I never know when Mrs. Lion will green-light an orgasm. She may decide to play and tease me without letting me ejaculate. I’ll go to sleep frustrated and horny. Face it, guys, that’s fun. The point is that by making my ability to ejaculate a decision that has to be approved by my mate, I experience the same arousal and excitement that I felt when I was single and dying to get laid. Fun!