chastity tshirt

I have been reflecting on the foundations of the kinks we write about. The more I think about it, the more male chastity makes sense to me. I’m not talking about locking on a chastity device. That’s definitely more advanced than foundational. I’m referring to orgasm control.

Unlike most mammals, our females are in almost constant heat. Women are available for sex a large proportion of the time. Unlike other female mammals, they are available for sex during times when they cannot get pregnant. There are lots of theories as to why humans and some other anthropoids are different this way. One idea is that sexual availability keeps the males close to home. That makes sense to me.

Human males are sexually similar to other male mammals. We are always in heat and ready to have sex. Nature needs us to be ready to go when our mates ovulate. We have the capacity to ejaculate frequently until we reach an advanced and, arguably, non-reproductive age. Other mammalian males are the same.

Most of us males discover sex through masturbation. I learned how to do it when I was eleven. I didn’t have intercourse until I was eighteen. We develop the habit of supplying our own orgasms from an early age. Sure, we prefer a willing female, but our hands will get the job done in a pinch.

By the time we’re adults, the masturbation solution is firmly established as our easiest way to relieve being horny. It has biological value in that it keeps our equipment functioning. The problem is that it also takes the edge off our desire to mate. Women are less likely to masturbate. Being male, I can’t quite understand it, but while many women do it, they don’t do it as often.

Most males continue masturbating even after finding a mate. I did. It filled in between times that Mrs. Lion wasn’t available. Maybe she was available, but I didn’t feel secure enough to initiate. It was easier and safer to jerk off. This didn’t help our physical relationship. Maybe it’s why she lost interest in sex.

The point is that while masturbating is a sensible strategy for males without partners, it’s potentially destructive to a committed relationship. Every couple is different, but the decision to allow solo sex is one that both partners should make together. Mrs. Lion was not happy when she learned I masturbated and insited that I stop. She wanted to be my only sexual outlet.

This came up in the context of a discussion about my desire to wear a male chastity device. The idea of wearing one turned me on. Mrs. Lion agreed and made it clear that chastity device or no male chastity device, I was never to masturbate again. I reluctantly agreed.

The agreement not to masturbate was the most significant one I made. Wearing a chastity device is part of a fun, kinky game. Never masturbating again changed the entire direction of my sex life. As it turned out, wearing a male chastity device supported Mrs. Lion’s rule against masturbating. I couldn’t get myself off while wearing a device. She kept me locked up 24/7.  I was only released for sexual activity with her or occasional cleaning. This went on for more than three years. Wearing the device conditioned me to stop jerking off. It’s been a decade since the last time I did it.

The chastity game included making me wait for orgasms. The idea was that I would become more and more desperate for release. I did. Mrs. Lion helped this along by edging me every couple of days. She would bring me to the point that I was ready to explode and stop. She used her hand for this. She would wait until I calmed down and then do it again. And again. And again. Finally, she would lock me back up in the male chastity device. My interest in sex remained very strong.

Even after I stopped wearing a male chastity device, I didn’t masturbate, and Mrs. Lion rationed my orgasms. Since she remains my only source of sexual release, I have to wait until she is receptive before I can get a chance to ejaculate. Since she hasn’t been interested in sex for herself, the decision of when I should be allowed to ejaculate is based on what she thinks works best for me.

This is where the majority of people believe the kink lives. My mate decides when I can have an orgasm. In a sense, we are just behaving like other mammals. The male gets release when the female is in heat. He may be horny, but he has to wait for her. My mate believes that an orgasm every week or two is sufficient to keep me happy. I don’t necessarily agree, but then, like other mammals, it isn’t up to me.

I don’t think this is truly kinky. First, it makes sense for decisions about sexual activity away from one’s mate should be made jointly. Masturbating alone is certainly sexual activity away from my partner. She has a right to vote that down if she wants. Second, just because I can ejaculate more frequently doesn’t mean that I should. By allowing my mate to have a veto in this department allows her to help me have much more fun. It turns out that some sexual frustration is exciting. Think about when you were dating. Would she do anything with you? Would you go home horny or satisfied? Fun, right?

It’s the same inside our marriage. I never know when Mrs. Lion will green-light an orgasm. She may decide to play and tease me without letting me ejaculate. I’ll go to sleep frustrated and horny. Face it, guys, that’s fun. The point is that by making my ability to ejaculate a decision that has to be approved by my mate, I experience the same arousal and excitement that I felt when I was single and dying to get laid. Fun!

We are still waiting for our vanity license plates. The state wrote (in 2020) that the digital plate-making machine broke down. Apparently, it’s still broken. The state sent the registration, stickers, and a temp (paper) plate in April. There’s no sign of the actual custom plate yet. The paper plate expired last week and we went to the Department of Licensing to get a new temporary plate. The old one just had to be taped inside the car’s back window. The new one is printed on plastic and has to be put where the regular plates go. That’s not easy to do because the temps are paper-thin. I ordered double-faced tape to try to mount the new temps.

The lady at the DOL said that one customer has been waiting since July 2022 for his plates. The temporary license plates expire every 60 days. Hoo boy! I’m not going to say what our new plates say. We do need to protect our privacy. Let me just say that they are a fairly obvious reference to our domestic discipline relationship. Mrs. Lion came up with the idea.

We are still losing weight. I’m within fifteen pounds of my goal. Mrs. Lion has a bit further to go. I’m not sure how we will handle food when I’m done losing, and she is still dieting. The biggest reason we are so successful so far is that we are both on the same diet. If I start eating more Calories a day, I think she will, too. That would be terrible. She is doing so well, about 50 lbs so far.

I’m still amazed that I had an orgasm after only six days. As Mrs. Lion said last night, “That’s right inside the range you should be in.” I pointed out that she decided what that range should be (7-14 days). She feels that an orgasm every week or two is enough for me. She’s enforced that timing for ten years now.

That’s one of the main things about male chastity. The keyholder decides the appropriate number of orgasms her man should have. Mrs. Lion seems to favor about ten days as the optimum interval. She doesn’t stick to it religiously, but that seems to be her average. It’s rare when I get to come in less than a week, but occasionally, she gets me off in as few as five days. Most of the time, it’s at least ten.

Even though she says she doesn’t keep track, she’s been remarkably consistent. The key takeaway isn’t that I’m trained to wait as long as she wants. It’s that she pays attention to the frequency of my ejaculations and controls them. This is a radical change in behavior for her. It’s as radical as my change to let her.

Sexual control is an excellent expression of domination. It’s invisible to the outside world, yet represents a profound surrender on the part of the male. We males are used to orgasms on demand. I felt free to jerk off at any time I was horny. Mrs. Lion was generally happy to get me off if I asked. When we started male chastity, we both treated it as a game that used my need to get off as a fun way to keep things interesting.

Over time, controlling when I get to ejaculate became a normal part of our marriage. I know that Mrs. Lion didn’t do any conscious planning when she decided how often I should ejaculate. It just evolved over time. Once she became aware that she had developed a rhythm, she wrote that she was enforcing the seven-to-fourteen-day orgasm interval for me. I wasn’t consulted, just informed.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t read about male chastity or domestic discipline. I do. Over the years, I’ve read pieces by women who control their partner’s orgasms. Almost every single one writes that ten days is frequent enough for any man. They also point out that a longer wait isn’t going to hurt him.

These women appeared to be real practitioners of enforced male chastity. They independently came up with the same minimum interval. Mrs. Lion also came up with it too. Why that particular interval? Is there something about men in general that signals a ten-day wait is ideal? I would have expected that the women would be all over the map, with waits ranging from a couple of days to many weeks. The male partners always seemed to want unrealistically long waits. The women settled on an average of ten days. I don’t get it.

When I look back over the last seven years–that’s as long as I’ve been keeping records–the average wait is ten days. It’s the magic number.

Heartpaddleonbutt

Over the last decade, we’ve come full circle. We began by exploring enforced male chastity. I spent over three years locked in a male chastity device, only released for sexual attention and cleaning. I was trained not to masturbate. The emphasis was on controlling my sexual activities. We went through a lot of changes; all were documented here in our daily posts.

I think it makes interesting reading. I started with a rather naive view of the kink. My focus was on the removal of control that the chastity device enforced. I was all about security and my inability to get myself off. I suppose a lot of guys start off that way. I was very lucky that Mrs. Lion went along and became a strict keyholder. It took me a while to figure out the real dynamic under what we were doing.

As I now know, male chastity is a practice that is initiated by a man who wants to be locked into a male chastity device. In a decade, I haven’t found any examples where a wife demanded that her husband wear one. However, all of us want to pretend that we are surrendering sexual control to our keyholders. I don’t know of any men who weren’t released if they decided that they didn’t want to play anymore.

This discovery led me to a very important discovery: Chastity devices don’t need to be inescapable. They must be comfortable to wear. Fantasies aside, we want to wear male chastity devices. Often, guys stop because they buy male chastity devices that are uncomfortable and unwearable for more than a day or two.

A corollary to this revelation is that enforced male chastity isn’t a cheap hobby. Yes, there are tons of inexpensive Chinese male chastity devices that sell for less than fifty dollars. You’d have to be very lucky to find one that you could comfortably wear for long periods of time. Bespoke devices that cost upwards of three-hundred dollars offer the best chance of safe, comfortable long-term wear. Some guys don’t want to make that investment. I would argue that the high entry cost is a good thing. You can’t learn how well enforced male chastity will work in your life until you give it a fair try. If you invest a few hundred bucks in a device, it’s a good incentive to wear it. Right?

domestic discipline wasn’t so different

A few years after we started male chastity, I asked Mrs. Lion to be my disciplinary wife. I had been doing a lot of reading about domestic discipline. I was very attracted to and turned on by the idea of my lioness making and enforcing rules. I reasoned that if she would accept the rule of disciplinary wife, she would have a stronger voice in our marriage. I worried that she might be harboring deep-seated anger at me because she let me do things that upset her. If she could learn to punish me when I did something she didn’t like, the anger would be constructively expressed. Mrs. Lion agreed to try.

You can read about that worked out in our posts. Even now, after more than five years of DD, Mrs. Lion has a lot of trouble punishing me for annoying her. She has no problem spanking me for breaking a concrete rule, like missing a chore. It’s very hard for her to transfer that consistent enforcement behavior to things like me interrupting her or acting like a know-it-all.

A very important revelation for me is that I am the source of domestic discipline in our marriage. Based on what I’ve been able to learn, it seems that most, if not all, other DD relationships have similar origins. Also, based on what I’ve read, a lot of guys who are in disciplinary relationships don’t like to admit this origin. I think I have an idea why this is true. It’s hard to admit that you want your wife to punish you. If you are so inclined, it’s a lot easier to admit you want her to spank you because spanking is erotic. It’s entirely different to admit that you want her to punish you if you misbehave.

It’s way easier to revise history to say that she punishes you because she wants you to learn. That’s a lot easier to accept than the idea that you want her to do it. Obviously, all of us who are punished by our wives want them to do it. Very few women could really force us. Also, we believe that what we do is consensual.

I admit that there is a sexual component to my interest in domestic discipline. That’s not the important part. It might have drawn me to the practice in the beginning, but it has almost nothing to do with it now. I can’t explain exactly why, but ever since we began DD, there is a different flavor to some of the ways we interact. Even though Mrs. Lion has trouble spanking me for upsetting her, she knows that she can. She also has a way to help me remember to do what I’m supposed to do around the house. We have none of those annoying squeezing-toothpaste-from-the-middle habits here.

A good example of this came up just last week. Mrs. Lion makes coffee for us every day at 10 AM. She bought me an insulated stainless steel mug for this coffee break. More often than not, I would forget to bring the mug back to the kitchen after drinking the coffee. The next morning, Mrs. Lion would have to come into my office, fetch the mug, wash it, and fill it with fresh coffee. She got tired of doing this and made a new rule. I have to bring back the mug after I finish the coffee. If I forget, she spanks me.

This may seem like a small matter. It certainly doesn’t threaten our marriage, but it annoys her when I forget. Now, if I do, she’ll spank me. The spanking assures her that I know she is unhappy with having to get the mug at coffee-break time. Based on our experience, it doesn’t take too many spankings before I get a lot better at remembering what I need to do. Sure, it’s a small thing, but small things add up. For us at least, a sore butt makes for a happy marriage.

My ED doctor has prescribed a different drug for me to inject, Quadmix. This new drug includes the same three that are in Trimix, but adds one more, Atropine. The new drug relaxes the long muscles in the penis–who knew they were there? This mix is considered the most potent boner maker. I’m sure that the blend I’m getting is one of the weaker mixes. Hopefully, it will work. My first dose is supposed to be .30 ml.

I’m going to try it tonight after my shower. I’m writing this post on Tuesday afternoon. I have an unrelated doctor’s appointment at three. We’ll pick up the Quadmix after that. When we get home, I’ll shower and try the new drug. Maybe it will do its magic, and a nice, firm, long-lasting boner will result. I’m hoping for an insertion-grade erection that lasts at least an hour. Stay tuned for results.

I suppose that needing a drug like this is a very strong form of male chastity. I can’t masturbate or do anything else sexual without getting my injection of boner juice. Control my supply of the drug, and you control my ability to have sex, no hardware needed. While it isn’t a formal rule, I always ask permission to get an injection of the medication. Mrs. Lion has full control of my sexual abilities. We haven’t discussed this as part of her power to control sex. It isn’t necessary. She’s controlled that for the last ten years.

The fact that her sexual control is deeply embedded in our relationship makes it more difficult to write about male chastity. It isn’t a novelty for us. I haven’t masturbated in ten years. We couldn’t stop if we wanted to. She is in charge, and that’s that. It isn’t a fantasy for us. It doesn’t even feel sexy to me. It’s just the way we live. I wish it did feel newer and sexier. It’s a little unfair that the novelty has worn off. I still like it and I’m glad we started all those years ago.