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In: Punishment, Lion's Journal, Spanking

It seems that now we have moved more trivial offenses out of the domestic discipline column, we have returned to a much lighter approach toward so-called misdemeanors. I think Mrs. Lion is having fun with them. Me, not so much, but certainly not as unhappy as I would be with full-scale spanking. All I can say right now is that it’s a good thing Dove Hypoallergenic soap doesn’t taste horrible. Mind you, it doesn’t taste good either. Mouth soaping has become a go-to punishment for misdemeanors. Of course, I’m fine with that; I have to be.

Actually, we are both having a lot more fun. Yesterday, on the way to my doctor’s appointment to get a steroid injection in my shoulder joint, we talked about the more serious domestic discipline issues. Mrs. Lion is having a similar issue starting up as she had when we began with the entire idea of punishing me. I reminded her that it didn’t start to work until she agreed to make no exceptions and work very hard to observe any infractions I might commit. It took her a little while, but she quickly got up to speed and I got away with nothing.

She’s been struggling with the idea of fairness when it comes to the more serious “spankable offenses”. She gave the example of something that happened last weekend: We were both in the kitchen. I was trying to fill up our coffee maker and Mrs. Lion was working on preparing some food. I got underfoot a couple of times. Yesterday in the car, she said that that annoyed her. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay out of her way. I asked why she didn’t punish me for that? She replied, that it seemed to be too small a matter to warrant spanking me. I agreed that under other conditions that wouldn’t warrant more than a growl. However, we are in the same sort of growth mode we were when we first started all this stuff.

I suggested that even relatively trivial annoyances become spankable offenses. Her “fairness” filter works too hard to excuse me. I suggested that it might be better to just turn it off entirely for a while. I realize that some of our readers are going to scream that she is brutally attacking me for trivial matters. In the absolute sense, they are right. However, both of us are trying to expand the most important area of our FLRD. What we are doing now, after all, was the initial goal we wanted to reach by instituting Mrs. Lion’s authority and ability to punish me.

For the last couple of years, we tried to get her to do this with her fairness filter in place. It just hasn’t been working. So, we are going to begin the same process we used when we instituted discipline in the first place. Rather than have trivial rules that I am almost guaranteed to break on a regular basis, we aren’t focusing on specific rules but rather times that I irritate her or piss her off. We both recognize that the large majority of the time my offenses are not serious enough to be considered spankable. However, until Mrs. Lion gets a good grip on observing her feelings and my behavior, even the slightest irritation results in a spanking.

A couple of weeks ago we talked about managing the severity of punishments. We had been working with the idea that all spankings would be equal in intensity and that more severe offenses would earn me multiple days of spankings. We discovered this approach had a significant problem: If I was sentenced to three or four days of spankings, by the third day both of us had pretty much forgotten why I was being punished.

A comment on a domestic discipline blog discussed controlling the duration of a spanking as a way of reflecting the severity of the offense. For example, the “base” spanking might be five minutes in duration (this is just an arbitrary number. Mrs. Lion is going to experiment to decide on how long a base spanking should be.). Then, if the offense warranted more than just this base level, additional time would be added. For example, if the offense was more severe, Mrs. Lion might add an additional five minutes to the base and my spanking would take 10 minutes to complete. Given her level of skill, this is a significant escalation.

We don’t know exactly how this will end up working. I’m very sure that the minimal level will be at least five minutes long; probably more. I would suggest that additional increments would be multiples of that base duration. Mrs. Lion pointed out that this can only go so far. That’s true. At some point I’ll be numb and additional swats won’t have much value. In those cases, she suggested that we add a second day of spanking. The idea is that we would never get past two days.

This is particularly important now in the beginning of our training. It’s very likely I will rack up a lot of punishments during this startup. Based on our previous experience, it won’t take me too long to get my behavior more and check and reduce the frequency of spankings. For those in our readership who decry the unfairness of all this, I would point out that within a week or two of starting such a severe routine, my behavior tends to improve drastically. There is nothing like consistent, unpleasant consequences to teach a lion new tricks.

It’s interesting to note that all of the comments about the unfairness of my punishments has come from males who are subject to punishment themselves. Most of them, don’t get punished but seem to want that to happen to them. However, they seem very anxious to draw strict boundaries around just how much swatting their bottoms will receive.

Based on my experience, it’s almost a requirement that spankings seem like “too much”. The entire purpose of punishment is to provide a strong deterrent for undesired behavior. It’s really not up to me, or any spanked male, to decide how much is too much. Most women are way too considerate to start off with particularly nasty spankings. It will take them time and experiment to get to the point that is truly effective.

It’s relatively easy for a disciplining wife to determine how much is enough. Mrs. Lion has two metrics: The first, is how long after she is done I continue feeling discomfort. Her standard is that a good spanking hurts me at least a day or two after I receive it. The second, is how effective the punishment has been in deterring a repeat of the negative behavior. If I repeat the offense within a week or two of being punished, she knows that her punishment wasn’t severe enough to actually deter me. So, the second spanking and any subsequent spankings for the same offense will have the volume turned up substantially. In this respect, I control how severely I am spanked.

This approach is very fair. I control just how severe my punishments become. It’s true, I can’t earn less than the minimum. That means any punishment spanking I receive will leave me with a sore bottom for a day or two after Mrs. Lion completes her work. I think that’s fair. She doesn’t care whether I do or not. I always hate the idea of more severe punishment. However, she is not shy about reminding me why it got more painful. She points out that if I had learned my lesson the first time, I not only wouldn’t be getting a more severe spanking now, I wouldn’t be getting one at all. It’s hard to argue with that logic.

I would suggest to people who get upset by this idea that they aren’t really reacting to the severity of my punishment. Instead, I think they are reacting to my loss of control and how they would feel if they were in my place. It’s very arousing and fun to think about being spanked for breaking a rule. However, it’s much less exciting to realize that the spanking will be completely unpleasant and is not under any control at all by you. Then, the wannabe disciplined males start trying to negotiate fairness. As Mrs. Lion has been fond of saying, if I don’t want to be punished all I have to do is not get in trouble.

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In: Punishment, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Spanking

Yesterday, I talked about a comment I received from James. He responded with a very interesting point. He observes that Mrs. Lion appears to enjoy punishing me. The way it’s written, it seems that he feels that’s wrong. Moral judgments aside, the question of whether or not my disciplining wife should enjoy punishing me is a very interesting and important concept to think about.

Let’s start off with BDSM play. I spent a couple of decades as a BDSM top. I certainly bruised my share of butts and inflicted other discomfort on very willing bottoms. Without any question, I enjoyed doing it. Why would I bother if I didn’t? The people I did it to had a lot of fun as well. Does that make me a sexual sadist? It does to some extent. People nowadays associate the word sadist with someone who inflicts pain and injury for fun. Generally the reference is in the context of a criminal behavior.

This is a very narrow view of a very complex topic. Those of us who practice BDSM get sexual pleasure out of inflicting or receiving uncomfortable stimulus. That’s why it’s called sado-masochism. I don’t want to get into the psychological issues underneath that but suffice it to say as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t cause permanent injury, I think it’s fine to do.

That brings us to the topic of Mrs. Lion and me. When we started all this, Mrs. Lion absolutely hated the idea of hurting me. It didn’t matter that I wanted her to, she just hated the idea. Over time she learned that I enjoyed it when she spanked me (for playing). I also got aroused when she put clothespins on my balls and did other things that caused me considerable discomfort. She realized that this was fun, sexual play for me and she enjoyed providing me with this pleasure. It’s a gift. I think she’s learned to have fun as well.

When it comes to punishment, there is an interesting dynamic at work. I don’t think Mrs. Lion ever said she enjoyed punishing me. She knows it hurts. She knows it needs to hurt. If she is totally repelled by this idea, she would be unwilling to punish me. And this is where we come to a very common situation: Is it wrong for a disciplinarian to feel good about punishing?

There are quite a few wives who punish their husbands when necessary. I’m pretty sure that none of them look forward to doing it. However, I think they get a sense of satisfaction when they do. If Mrs. Lion absolutely hates punishing me, she is going to work hard to avoid seeing offenses that require it. For me to grow and improve, she must consistently observe and react appropriately to any offense I commit. She knows that for me to actually learn, she must be completely consistent and her punishments must be meaningful.

It’s important that while she may not have fun doing it, she must feel something positive when she punishes me. I think she should get a sense of satisfaction for a job well done when she administers a spanking that has sufficient force to make it memorable to me. She knows that I won’t learn unless she does.

It’s taken her a long time to learn how to administer a severe enough spanking to actually make an impression on me. Some wives come from families where disciplinary spanking was performed throughout their childhood. They have a much easier time administering truly disciplinary spankings. Mrs. Lion and I both come from families that never spanked. She had to learn how to do it for both play, and more recently for discipline.

In a way I would be very happy if she learn to enjoy punishing me. It isn’t because I want her to be a brutal sadist. I want her to feel good about observing infractions, no matter how trivial, and punishing them appropriately. The better she feels about the entire disciplinary process the more likely she is to use it.

I would be very happy if she had real fun being a disciplinary wife. I know she won’t. I hope she will get satisfaction out of the process of observing misbehavior and dealing with it as she sees fit. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the disciplining wife enjoying spanking her husband. This is a fully consensual activity. It also has an extremely helpful purpose. Whether or not you agree with the method, I know in my case, it teaches me to be better. It also brings us closer because Mrs. Lion is learning to express her feelings both positive and negative, and knows she can do things to correct behavior she feels is inappropriate.

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In: Lion's Journal, Punishment, Sex, Spanking

Every so often, we get a comment from a reader who doesn’t understand why Mrs. Lion or I write about a punishment I may have received in terms of it being something I like. I thought I put all this to bed in an earlier post (Funishments). In this post I explained that I’m turned on when I bottom in BDSM activities. Mrs. Lion and I both like when it is also a sort of game. For example, I have a rule that says I get punished if I spill food on my shirt. I’m pretty good at breaking that rule without even trying. Mrs. Lion made it up because of that very fact. So, when I get food on my shirt I am “punished”.

When we first started our Female Led Relationship with Discipline, my punishments for these trivial offenses were real disciplinary spankings. The reason for this was because Mrs. Lion needed practice developing a spanking that was truly domestic discipline. Once she perfected it, we decided to no longer punish these trivial rules with something so painful. Instead, I earn funishments. These are things that are far less serious and turn me on to think about.

For example, I might get my mouth washed out with soap or have to wear a diaper all day, or some other BDSM type activity. You might consider those things very unpleasant and something you would want to avoid. I’m not crazy about them, but I’m turned on by the idea that they will happen to me. So, while I wasn’t exactly walking on clouds when I had to wear a wet diaper all day Sunday, I was pretty turned on thinking about being made to do it. Yup, I’m a perverted lion. I thought you knew that. Similarly, I get turned on about spanking; not the punishment sort Mrs. Lion has perfected, but play spankings which can be pretty painful but not on the same level as her DD spanking.

I work hard to avoid getting disciplinary spankings. They are very unpleasant and designed to make me think twice before breaking whatever rule I broke again. Those rules are much more serious. They involve doing things that hurt Mrs. Lion’s feelings or make her angry. She doesn’t get angry if I get food on my shirt or forget to tell her about a punishment day. She gets angry if I interrupt her or act like a know-it-all. I will get a disciplinary spanking if I do those things.

A few of our readers like to judge us. One of them, James, wrote this the other day:

“Why is it that ‘any opportunity for punishment of any sort is welcome’? I thought the idea was for him to Improve and avoid it. Do you enjoy punishing him? Would you rather have him mess up so you have an excuse to do it to him? Does that include the severe spankings that he dreads?”

He’s written similar comments in the past. Apparently, he can’t fathom the difference between rough play and punishment. For the record, I think Mrs. Lion does enjoy giving me those punishments for trivial offenses. She likes to give me play spankings and I think she enjoys seeing me deal with soap in my mouth or diapers. She knows I don’t really mind them. I actually find them exciting. Sometimes, she will make me do some of this stuff without even breaking a rule. It’s a kind of play we like.

It’s fun for us. We also play games that frequently result in me having some discomfort. For example, when we play our NFL game, I get two swats for every point either team scores. A high-scoring game can leave me with a very red bottom. It’s fun for us both. I get aroused thinking about playing it.

You could ask similar questions about enforced male chastity. Why would I want Mrs. Lion to withhold orgasms from me? Isn’t that cruel? The vast majority of our readers think it’s a fun thing to do. My point is that Mrs. Lion and I are very well matched. We have fun doing the things we do. I think that most of our readers enjoy hearing about it.

A very large number of people fantasize about the sorts of things we do. Several studies reveal that over 80% of both men and women fantasize about being spanked. I’m lucky enough to actually have it done to me. Sexuality covers a wide range of behaviors. Everything Mrs. Lion and I do is consensual. We both feel that our marriage has grown and actually improved because we do them. We are having a good time.

By:
In: Anal play, Lion's Journal
njoy butt plug
Mrs. Lion had the energy to plug my ass with this toy on Sunday night. It felt good and made me feel more connected to my lioness.

We had a really great weekend. Mrs. Lion did a lot of work that resulted in me having a new credenza in my home office that will allow us to put away a lot of stuff still in boxes. She also worked in the living room and we can actually get in now and start unpacking there too. I’m very happy she did all that work and sorry I couldn’t do too much to help.

Despite all this nesting activity, Mrs. Lion found time to insert the Njoy butt plug both Saturday and Sunday nights. I had a little discomfort on the way in and out. That’s to be expected. It was fine once in and actually felt good. The Njoy butt plug is solid metal, stainless steel. It’s very heavy and the weight feels good nestling inside me. Mrs. Lion was too tired to begin the anal training.

Based on the discomfort I feel when I have to accept the conical shape of the plug and then it’s removal, I’m starting to understand why using plugs instead of dildos is the best way to do anal training. Mrs. Lion said that she likes using her fingers. She says it feels very intimate. I agree. I don’t get hard when she does that, but I imagine I will if she wants to work on that with me.

She also wants to peg me. I think that’s a great idea too. So far, she has not expressed any interest in doing it with a strap-on. I’m hoping at some point she will. Nevertheless, if she uses her hands to peg me the sensation is the same for me. I’m glad that she enjoys these anal activities. She’s absolutely right about the intimate feelings this play produces. I feel it as well. It’s a connection that may be similar to what a woman feels when a man is inside her.

This may be a little difficult to understand. In my case, once I get past the pain of her fingers or an object entering me, I feel a sense of closeness, of being possessed. She is inside my body and possesses me in a way no one else can. It isn’t the pain of entry and removal so much. It’s the fact that we are connected. It doesn’t matter that this connection is via a very unusual place. It’s just that she is possessing me and I am helping her do it.

I’m not entirely sure how all these emotional/physical/sexual sensations arrange themselves. But I do know that I get turned on thinking of being penetrated. A lot of people blur the amazing depth of these feelings by simply labeling them as “submissive”. Yes, letting someone insert things into my ass is definitely what the Internet folks call submissive. But that’s almost trivializing a much deeper, emotional experience. Skipping the reference to submission, anal activity is deeply sexual.

The big word here is “accept”. As a male I usually expect my mate to accept my penis inside her. It’s very intimate, of course. I am penetrating her body and she is willingly accepting me. This is my genetic programming; my role if you will. Now, the tables have turned. While my sexual equipment doesn’t permit accepting her into me the way I can enter her, my willing acceptance of her hand, toy, etc. into my anus is certainly an analog to her accepting my penis in her vagina. Actually, she has enjoyed accepting my penis in her anus as well. That’s not only analogous to my experience, it’s identical. Clearly there is a sexual and intimate connection with our rear ends.

I think that tangling these experiences with BDSM trivializes the significance of these activities. Women understand the significance of allowing another person into their bodies. That’s why rape is such a serious offense. It’s the ultimate violation of the most intimate activity a woman can enjoy. As a male, allowing my mate inside me is just as intimate and emotionally important.

I’ve always focused on the purely physical/BDSM submissive qualities of anal play. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t. Mrs. Lion brought out a much more significant dimension to these activities. She identified the sense of intimacy she got when penetrating me. Once she mentioned that, I realized that I feel the same thing. Yes it’s painful at times. The pain doesn’t mean that the activity is wrong. It’s just my body adjusting to something unexpected. It’s no different than learning a sport. There will be considerable pain as your body adjusts to the new activities.

Once I get past the pain and adjustments, I feel a deep sense of sexual intimacy. I feel a new, deeper connection to my mate. She feels it too. I knew a woman years ago who always made fisting her partner the first thing she did with any man she wanted to have a physical relationship with. I never understood why she wanted to take that considerable time and effort to get her entire hand up his ass. I know it wasn’t a desire to dominate him. He may have felt that way, but I know she didn’t. She didn’t label why she wanted to do this. She just said that it was very important to her.

I think Mrs. Lion and I are starting to understand why people learn to love anal play. In the beginning it may be an expression of dominance and submission. There’s no question that it’s uncomfortable at first. However, some people make this stuff a regular part of their sexual connection. I finally understand why.

Mrs. Lion was exhausted on Sunday night. Nevertheless, she inserted the Njoy butt plug. I understood that this was as much sexual activity as she could manage. Under different circumstances I might have felt a little cheated. I had to endure the discomfort of anal training without the payoff of getting my penis stimulated.

I didn’t feel that way on Sunday night. I felt warm and loved with that plug nestled inside me. Would I have enjoyed being masturbated? Of course. Did I feel badly that my penis did not even get touched by Mrs. Lion? To my surprise, I didn’t. I was happy that she put something inside me.

Some people will say that’s me acting like a female. We associate uncomplaining acceptance of insertion a female attribute. After all, we males are the penetrators. I think that’s a very narrow perspective. I don’t consider myself submissive. I recognize that welcoming Mrs. Lion inside me is analogous to what a woman does. So what! It’s what I do too. It’s a connection between us. It doesn’t require either of us to be sexually aroused. It could very well result in sexual activity, but it doesn’t have to.

I’m hers. Happily, I have the ability to penetrate and be penetrated. I’m learning to enjoy being the catcher instead of the pitcher. Eventually, it won’t hurt. I’ll learn to accept penetration comfortably. Then we can both enjoy this amazing intimacy without any discomfort on my part. I look forward to that.

My role has changed. Mrs. Lion doesn’t enjoy being penetrated. She does enjoy penetrating me. My penis gets stimulated and I get to ejaculate without penetration. This has been the case for several years. I’ve learned to accept this change and even enjoy it. Now that Mrs. Lion is making a renewed effort at our anal connection, we can restore an important piece of sexual intimacy by reversing our sexual roles. That doesn’t turn her into a male or me into a female. It just rearranges the way we use our equipment. The result is a combination of sexual pleasure for me and a strong sense of intimacy for both of us. I am excited by the prospect of learning to comfortably accept Mrs. Lion penetrating me. I know it will happen and it will add to both of our pleasure.