By:
In: Lion's Journal, Punishment

Sometimes I’m not too bright. I’ve been going on for some time about how difficult it is for Mrs. Lion to punish me for annoying her. I’ve partially convinced her that it’s her problem. It’s true that there is a problem to be solved, but it isn’t the one I’ve been discussing. Let me go back to the beginning.

When I suggested adding discipline to our relationship I had two things in mind: The first was that I like to be spanked and I figured it might make sense to do something useful with this kink. I read about couples who use spanking to help domestic bliss. I discussed this with my lioness and she agreed. If you’ve been reading our blog you know that I get punished for not doing a chore or breaking a rule. It’s very clear cut and Mrs. Lion punishes me every time I don’t do what I should.

My second reason was more difficult. I know that Mrs. Lion has trouble expressing her anger. If I upset her, it generally leaks out as a passive-aggressive silent treatment for a while. The bad feelings fester. My thought was that if she punished me the same way she does for breaking a rule when I upset her, that she will have a positive way of expressing herself. Also, I will learn to avoid doing those things.

Even though we’ve discussed this for years, it’s never really happened. Mrs. Lion agrees to punish me for annoying her, but almost never does. The reason it doesn’t work the way I envisioned turns out to be pretty simple: Mrs. Lion doesn’t feel comfortable spanking me for those things, at least not the way I imagined.

The lightbulb went on after we talked yesterday. I did several things that upset her. She was going to post about them but decided it wasn’t fair to do that. The reason it wasn’t fair is also the reason that punishing me isn’t necessarily the right thing to do when I piss her off. I blame myself for being so binary about spanking. I tend to see it as the only way to let me know I did something wrong. It isn’t. It also isn’t the best way for Mrs. Lion to express her feelings.

Looking back, I remember that Mrs. Lion objected to punishing me when I annoyed her. She suggested that first, she should growl at me. That would serve as a warning. Should I persist, then the paddle would come out. That makes sense. A growl is a form of immediate communication that something I’m doing is wrong. If I’m smart, I will stop. If I’m not, Mrs. Lion can correctly assume that I had been warned and more explicit communication is needed.

What I wanted from the beginning was for Mrs. Lion to let me know when I upset her. Her silence was the problem, not how she should let me know. All I really want is for her to express herself. It’s up to her if she wants to growl or paddle me. I don’t get a vote.

By:
In: Communication, Edging, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm denial

Lion and I haven’t been on the same page lately. My lack of a sex drive has been bothering him. He’s not able to reciprocate and that makes him sad. I can understand it. I’d feel bad if I wanted sex and Lion didn’t. I’d miss sucking him and giving him orgasms. I think eventually I’d probably give up sex. I hope Lion doesn’t give up sex. We talked a bit about it yesterday and actually listened to what the other was saying. I think maybe we might be back to a good place.

He didn’t flinch when I brought out the rope last night. He didn’t say he wasn’t in the mood. He just asked if I needed him to move over so I had more room. I tied his balls so they were separated and he was hard fairly quickly. When I told him to lay across the bed so I could suck him, he didn’t hesitate.

Sometimes I go right for the kill. Lion doesn’t like that so much. He needs a bit more time to get in the mood. It’s also why, I assume, sometimes he thinks I’m in a hurry. I’ve been trying to take my time. I let my tongue sweep across him and linger in certain areas I know are sensitive. I start sucking him slowly. I let the feelings build up before I go faster.

I used to go very slow. Lion didn’t really like that either. I mean, the quickness of my movements. Slow in, slow out. My theory was that it made him crazy with all the build up. I guess it drove him crazy, but not because of the build up. He wanted me to go faster. Obviously, there’s a time to go slow and a time to speed up. And it doesn’t need to be all fast or all slow. For example, last night I got Lion to the edge and then slowly let my tongue dance around the head of his penis. That seemed to be torture for him. He wanted more.

Normally, when I untie his balls, it means I’m done with him. Last night, I untied him and he was already starting to get soft when I sucked him to life again. I got him close and then I was done with him. I always like to keep him guessing. I was tempted to give him an orgasm, but I thought he was thinking I would. The last time he had an orgasm it was of the ruined variety. I wanted to make up for that. On the other hand, we’re just getting back in the swing of things and I want to torture him a bit longer. I think we can both wait.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

Mrs. Lion hates it when I ask her how she feels about something. I’m not sure why. We’ve gone round and round about her feelings on domestic discipline. That’s not to say that she doesn’t fulfill her role as my disciplinary wife. She does. But I have no idea how her feelings toward this have evolved over the years. Does it matter? I suppose it doesn’t.

There’s a much more important question: Is domestic discipline of value in our marriage. Let’s skip the elephant in the room: I want/need it. Instead, we can consider if it contributes to things beyond my interest in spanking. We get a number of comments about how trivial our rules are. For example, how big a problem would I create if I forget to set up the coffeepot the night before? It would be a minor inconvenience when Mrs. Lion makes breakfast. I think we can agree about that.

The problem isn’t so much the extra time and effort to set up the pot. It’s the frustration caused. It’s like the classic leaving-the-toilet-seat-up complaint. It isn’t a big deal on the surface, but it shows a lack of consideration and respect. Little things like this can fester and grow over time. If there is a consequence for failures of consideration, two benefits accrue. The offended party gets to express her frustration in a way her partner can’t ignore. She had an outlet for her frustration. She gets a sense of closure.

Obviously, punishing me for failing to do something is no guarantee I will not forget again. When I do, I get punished, sometimes more severely. Sooner or later I will decide it is easier to do my chore than suffer through a spanking. Certainly that’s a real benefit. Much more important, the process is a very valuable form of communication.

My desire to be spanked facilitates this. It opens a door that Mrs. Lion can walk through and use to sand off any bumps in my behavior that bother her. My kink assures that I will present my bare bottom as required. Her ability to push the sensations way past what I want from a BDSM perspective, converts the kink to punishment. I’m successfully chastised. Consistent punishment for failures almost certainly assures I will learn.

Some people think this technique will work for more serious infractions like drinking too much. I don’t think it works very well. There are many deeper problems at work that cause addictive behaviors. They can’t really be spanked away.

Fortunately for us, we don’t have any of those serious problems. We do have some that aren’t being helped by DD. The reason we don’t make progress isn’t because I don’t respond to punishment. It’s because I don’t get punished when I commit them. Mrs. Lion, who is amazing in her ability to catch every offense I commit, seems unable to catch and punish the set of offenses that involve her feelings.

She has no problem at all punishing me for any of our other rules. She is silent if I interrrupt her or otherwise frustrate her when we talk. There must be a deeper issue at work that we haven’t identified. I can usually tell when I’ve upset her. She’s agreed that she should punish me when I do. But she doesn’t. Maybe this sort of problem isn’t correctable by punishing me. I don’t think it’s because punishing me won’t work. It may be that the act of punishing me for annoying her strikes some deeper issue that prevents her from doing it. If that’s true, I wonder if we can figure out how to fix it.

I want to fix it. I think we wil be happier if we do.

By:
In: CBT, Sex

Does writing about sex make me want more? You could argue that writing about sex focuses the mind and activates the libido. I’ve wondered if writing this blog isn’t an aphrodisiac. I think you can agree that reading about sex can be a turn on. But what about writing?

When I write about things I’ve experienced or want to experience, I frequently get hard. When I write fiction that includes sex (not on this blog), I don’t get excited. I think that my interest in sex decreases. The difference is that I am inventing sex; it’s pure imagination. Perhaps that focuses me on the craft of creating arousal in others instead of what turns me on.

Many years ago, I was introduced to a very famous science fiction writer. We met for coffee several times. He shared some of his knowledge of writing. The one thing I remember most vividly is that he said you couldn’t get involved in the story. If you do, it will suffer. I think I understand. Writing is hard work for me. It’s much easier to write this blog where I can tell you about my experiences and reactions than it is to invent situations and story arcs.

Writing this blog doesn’t require me to know what’s going to happen next. Writing fiction requires understanding the characters as well as what will happen to them. I foolishly decided to go for a full-length story as opposed to a set of shorter adventures. I am worried that I will be authoring bad fiction. I do promise there is no symbolism. I hated classes that dissected books to find secret symbols. Moby Dick, anyone?

A new icy hot to torture my balls

Mrs. Lion commented on a new product we saw advertised on TV: Icy Hot dry spray. It’s an aerosol version of that very nasty CBT toy that she seems to be very fond of using. Being my usual helpful, curious self, I went to the manufacturer’s website to learn more. I did. It’s 15% menthol with an alcohol carrier. This is the maximum menthol strength permitted. I imagine the alcohol facilitates absorption into the skin.

Maybe it’s good to relieve sore shoulders, but I am sure it is even better at making me hate the way it burns my balls. Being a good lion, I ordered some for her from Amazon. I think this is the same strength as the IcyHot roll-on. When Mrs. Lion paints a racing stripe down the seam of my balls all the way to my anus, it is miserable. The burning subsides after 20 minutes and is gone after another 10. It’s a very unhappy half hour for me. Mrs. Lion finds it mildly amusing.

still no action

Because Mrs. Lion’s stomach has been bothering her, we hadn’t done anything sexual since my ruined orgasm 4 days ago (This is as of Thursday afternoon). Mrs. Lion still seems to hold off if I nap during “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy”. I have no idea why that turns her off. I can’t really help it. It’s an after-dinner snooze, I guess. We’re back to me needing to ask, I guess. I don’t want to do that. Rather than let this fester, I’ll talk to her about it after she’s done with work today (Thursday). Stay tuned.

[Mrs. Lion — His snoozing doesn’t turn me off. I was trying not to move too much so I wouldn’t annoy my stomach. It had nothing to do with Lion snoozing. My thought lately is that he should be good to go no matter how late it gets since he’s had a nap. And since we got to the bottom of why he’s sad, I don’t even ask if he’s in the mood. Granted that was only one night and either one or both of our stomachs has been finicky since then. But rest assured, when my stomach is good, it won’t matter if he’s had a nap or not. When I’m ready to give him attention, he’ll take attention. (Unless he’s not feeling well.)]