Mrs. Lion hates it when I ask her how she feels about something. I’m not sure why. We’ve gone round and round about her feelings on domestic discipline. That’s not to say that she doesn’t fulfill her role as my disciplinary wife. She does. But I have no idea how her feelings toward this have evolved over the years. Does it matter? I suppose it doesn’t.
There’s a much more important question: Is domestic discipline of value in our marriage. Let’s skip the elephant in the room: I want/need it. Instead, we can consider if it contributes to things beyond my interest in spanking. We get a number of comments about how trivial our rules are. For example, how big a problem would I create if I forget to set up the coffeepot the night before? It would be a minor inconvenience when Mrs. Lion makes breakfast. I think we can agree about that.
The problem isn’t so much the extra time and effort to set up the pot. It’s the frustration caused. It’s like the classic leaving-the-toilet-seat-up complaint. It isn’t a big deal on the surface, but it shows a lack of consideration and respect. Little things like this can fester and grow over time. If there is a consequence for failures of consideration, two benefits accrue. The offended party gets to express her frustration in a way her partner can’t ignore. She had an outlet for her frustration. She gets a sense of closure.
Obviously, punishing me for failing to do something is no guarantee I will not forget again. When I do, I get punished, sometimes more severely. Sooner or later I will decide it is easier to do my chore than suffer through a spanking. Certainly that’s a real benefit. Much more important, the process is a very valuable form of communication.
My desire to be spanked facilitates this. It opens a door that Mrs. Lion can walk through and use to sand off any bumps in my behavior that bother her. My kink assures that I will present my bare bottom as required. Her ability to push the sensations way past what I want from a BDSM perspective, converts the kink to punishment. I’m successfully chastised. Consistent punishment for failures almost certainly assures I will learn.
Some people think this technique will work for more serious infractions like drinking too much. I don’t think it works very well. There are many deeper problems at work that cause addictive behaviors. They can’t really be spanked away.
Fortunately for us, we don’t have any of those serious problems. We do have some that aren’t being helped by DD. The reason we don’t make progress isn’t because I don’t respond to punishment. It’s because I don’t get punished when I commit them. Mrs. Lion, who is amazing in her ability to catch every offense I commit, seems unable to catch and punish the set of offenses that involve her feelings.
She has no problem at all punishing me for any of our other rules. She is silent if I interrrupt her or otherwise frustrate her when we talk. There must be a deeper issue at work that we haven’t identified. I can usually tell when I’ve upset her. She’s agreed that she should punish me when I do. But she doesn’t. Maybe this sort of problem isn’t correctable by punishing me. I don’t think it’s because punishing me won’t work. It may be that the act of punishing me for annoying her strikes some deeper issue that prevents her from doing it. If that’s true, I wonder if we can figure out how to fix it.
I want to fix it. I think we wil be happier if we do.