Males are always in heat. It’s nature’s way of ensuring species reproduce. Most mammal females are only interested in sex when they are fertile and ready to conceive. Males have to be ready when the female goes into heat. This is less true of humans and some other primates. Females are receptive even when not able to conceive. They can be convinced to fuck at any time in their fertility cycle. Sex, for us, is a way to bond. It’s also a way to keep males close to home.

Women who understand this can use our constant heat to control us. Vanilla women use sex as a reward for obedience. It’s not always obvious; do this, and you can have sex. It’s usually a passive-aggressive action where sex is withheld if he pisses her off. No wonder so many men cheat.

Sex as a reward can be a very positive part of a relationship. I think the key is to be upfront about it. I’m a little surprised that Mrs. Lion is comfortable punishing me when I need correction, but very reluctant to provide rewards when I’m good. She never withholds sex for any reason other than she feels ill or I’m not due for an orgasm. I don’t need to deserve an orgasm in order to get one. I just have to wait until Mrs. Lion decides I should have one

A lot of male chastity fiction is focused on delaying orgasms as a punishment. Not much suggests an orgasm as a reward. It seems that a lot of guys are more turned on by the punishment than the reward. Domestic discipline doesn’t include rewards, either. It’s all about punishment. I haven’t seen any posts or comments from men wanting rewards as well as spankings. Maybe adding rewards makes the power exchange too real.

Mrs. Lion says that she spanks me because I want it. Yes, I do. We both like spankings more if they are connected to me failing to do something I should. “Just Because” spankings tend to be milder and shorter. We never agreed to this. It’s just what happens. Obviously, Mrs. Lion is more motivated when I break a rule. Speaking of which, I’m long overdue for punishments for interrupting and forgetting to get my pill packets. Mrs. Lion hasn’t been feeling well and has had to put off all punishments and sex.

I suppose you could say that doing my chores and being respectful is expected of me. Why should I get a reward for doing what I should? If that’s true, are we saying that positive reinforcement isn’t useful in domestic discipline? Even in male chastity, we don’t hear of earning orgasms sooner than expected. We always hear about delaying them as a punishment.

It’s also harder to set up a system of rewards, at least for existing rules. What if Mrs. Lion makes a new rule? Should she reward me if I follow it? She punishes me if I don’t. I can’t answer that. The question doesn’t compute. All the behavioral psychology books tell us that positive reinforcement works better than negative to change behavior. Yet, we never use it.

The reason may have nothing to do with power exchange. I want to be spanked. I need it. In the past, I left relationships because it wasn’t something my partner would do. I also need sex. All of my partners provided that. I think that both male chastity and domestic discipline are adult games. Sure, they both have real value in a relationship, but they are consensual activities a couple practices. Maybe the reward is the game itself. That’s why the idea of adding rewards for good behavior makes no sense in our context. What do you think?

bare butt spanking

I don’t know about you, but I find it difficult to admit that I want to be spanked. I’m not alone. Outside of limited BDSM circles, where spanking enthusiasts meet in person, not too many people are willing to reveal this interest.

I haven’t seen any studies about how many adults actually get spanked versus the number who dream about it. We know that around 80 percent of US and Canadian adults have had spanking dreams. The large majority of those dreams had the dreamer being spanked, not doing the spanking. Wouldn’t that make those of us who actually get spanked the lucky ones? Shouldn’t we be bragging about it?

Well, no.

People who get spanked fall into two general groups: BDSM players and disciplinary spanking recipients. The BDSM folks freely admit (to other BDSM folks) that they want to be spanked. The second group is more interesting.

The recipients of disciplinary spankings exhibit a spectrum of rationalization. Take a look at the non-religious domestic discipline websites. Guys who want their wives to spank them and want to believe there is a reason for the spankings other than a deep desire for them create an interesting situation to frame the practice.

The key is that this group says that they need to be spanked to be better men. They consent to disciplinary spankings so their wives can train them to behave better. Does that mean they need maternal authority to flourish?

Mrs. Lion spanks me and punishes me when I break a rule she has made for me. Does that mean she is exercising maternal authority? She doesn’t think so, and neither do I. She may be playing a disciplinary maternal role because I asked her to, but she isn’t actually assuming that uncomfortable position.

The problem with the concept of a female-led relationship (FLR) is that it usually translates to the woman becoming an authoritarian figure (mommy?) who actively manages and punishes her partner. It’s a hot fantasy but not usually a viable reality.

reality checks help make DD work

While I realize that Mrs. Lion spanks me because I asked her to, it doesn’t change the fact that I get punished when I break a rule. Too many guys focus on the disciplinary process–let’s face it, it’s hot–and overlook that their wives are providing a needed service. It’s way more fun to stay in the role of disciplined husband.

Mrs. Lion and I have a balance when it comes to domestic discipline. While I’ve consented to her having broad authority over me, I lead more than I follow. It works better for us that way. Sure, it’s fun to write about my trips to the spanking bench. It’s more fun when there is a reason for the trip. So, yes, I am a disciplined husband. My wife spanks me to change my behavior. It’s true domestic discipline.

However, I’m a disciplined husband because I want it that way. Mrs. Lion is providing me with an important service by making sure she beats my bottom regularly. If I didn’t ask her to do it, she wouldn’t. It was my idea. I have to admit it; I need to be spanked regularly.

lion spanked red

Mrs. Lion seems determined to condition my rear end for full-scale, ten-minute spankings. On Monday, I was invited to ride the spanking bench again for another lesson. It was a very painful lesson with Mrs. Lion using one of her leather paddles. When she was done, she said she hit harder for five minutes.

She has developed a spanking style that maximizes my pain. She starts with light, almost pleasant swats. Then, without warning, wham, she hits hard for several. She backs off when I’m squirming and yelping, then does it again. Each series features harder, more painful swats. As she goes, the bursts of those painful swats get longer and longer.

I get the feeling that she is working up to nearly continuous hard swats. If she continues my daily lessons, I’m sure she will easily reach her goal. I realize that she doesn’t need to worry about how well I am taking the spanking. My new harness doesn’t let me do more than squirm an inch or two in any direction. It’s her kindness that limits how soon she will get to full-force spankings.

So far, the lessons have just been to train me. No rules are in effect yet. I assume that when Mrs. Lion restores the disciplinary portion of the program, punishment spankings won’t be as considerate of my tender rear. Those spankings are intended to teach me something else.

love, honor, and obey

Speaking of lessons, Mrs. Lion still has difficulty extending her game to any failure to honor or obey. I love her and that will never fade or need correction. This isn’t a serious domestic disciplinary issue. She gets to decide what she wants to enforce. I see it differently.

As I wrote yesterday (“Reflections On A Decade Of Male Chastity And Spanking“), Mrs. Lion finds it difficult to punish me for annoying her. She’s improved in letting me know when I’ve pissed her off. She will snarl now and then when I do. But we still haven’t reached the point that she will actually punish me.

I think that this goes back to her feelings of self-worth. She’s told me that she worries about being unfair to me if it turns out that I’m not the root cause of her unhappiness. I get it. The thing is that she also feels fine about spanking me for no reason at all. We both know I need those “Just Because” spankings.

She may not understand that spanking for cause is way more powerful for me. Call it the spanking fantasy, but in my mind, being punished reaches far deeper than a spanking without a reason. That’s the game side of domestic discipline: catch and spank. Mrs. Lion likes the game when it comes to simple rules like chores.

I suppose she may worry that I will feel I am being unfairly punished if she tells me that I’ve annoyed her and then spanks me. That’s not going to happen. I’ve asked for DD. I may not like a spanking while I’m getting it, but we both know that it meets a deep-seated need. After all, I never objected to being spanked for getting a little salsa on my shirt. Why would Mrs. Lion think I would analyze my offense of annoying her and then decide she was being unfair and resent her? I wouldn’t.

I’m not asking Mrs. Lion to stop my daily riding lessons. I need them. I’m saying that spankings for a reason, even if the reasons are flimsy, are way more powerful for me. Maybe we both need lessons. What do you think, Mrs. Lion.

So much has changed in the last ten years. In February, we celebrated this blog’s tenth anniversary. That also means it’s been over ten years since I’ve masturbated. That’s right, not one self-induced orgasm in over a decade. I’ve been true to the name of this blog. Of course, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had orgasms. I have. Mrs. Lion gives them to me when she decides I deserve them.

Mrs. Lion has complete control over my sex life. She also has the right to punish me if she feels I need correcting. This has evolved over the years. We don’t live in a full-time BDSM lifestyle with Mrs. Lion as dominatrix; far from it. We are a loving couple with a few, shall we say, adjustments in our marriage. We are both happy with how it works.

Fellow bloggers have evolved as well. A few have been forced to change because of the death of a beloved partner. Others have reversed roles. Spankers have become spankees. Tops are now bottoms. Menopause has slowed or stopped the sex drive of some women, including Mrs. Lion. Adjustments had to be made and written about. Sadly, some blogs have faded away completely. One or two had massive ego attacks and moved to pay-to-read platforms.

Blogging can become time-bound. A topic can be beaten to death. More often than not, the position of some sex bloggers becomes frozen in a fantasy they struggle to live. This seems particularly true in the domestic discipline blogosphere. That’s too bad. Real-life power exchange is a rare and interesting topic.

Mrs. Lion and I think about what we are doing. We both understand that we couldn’t live under a totally female-controlled marriage. The pressure on Mrs. Lion would be too great. I am way too much of a type-A personality to submit that way. I’m pretty sure that no marriage can flourish under an authoritarian model with either partner in complete control.

If you read some of the longer-surviving domestic discipline blogs you will find that most are marriages like ours. The male partner is active and shares control over marital matters with his wife. Domestic discipline comes in when he breaks a behavioral rule. Invariably, he is punished by being spanked. That’s how it works in our house as well.

Zooming out from the rhetoric, it’s interesting to observe that spanking and only spanking is used to punish the errant husband. Much more effective punishments like grounding and removal of privledges never get used. I think this is very significant. While most of the practitioners (the guys) insist they have purely disciplinary relationships, they overlook the obvious fact that spanking is probably one of the least effective correctional tools a wife can have.

A week or two without TV, early bedtime, and grounding are much more effective. The selection of spanking as the only punishment comes from the men. A very large percentage of adults have spanking fantasies, most as the person being spanked. Spanking has a strong sexual connection. There is a desire to be spanked. I have it, and so do they.

Don’t get me wrong, the use of spanking and its sexual connection doesn’t invalidate domestic discipline. It just explains why so many men want it. Over the years, consistent application of the paddle has caused me to change. The changes aren’t huge, but they are indisputable. I have to admit that I’m very surprised that I changed.

The most obvious is that I went from regularly spilling food on my shirt to almost never doing it. I didn’t try to change. I got spanked every time I did it. Within a month or two the spankings for spills were getting very infrequent. Spanking worked to change me.

From my reading, I’ve learned that spanking won’t cure more serious problems like anger issues and alcoholism. It will moderate disagreeable behavior. The key is consistent enforcement of rules. Only when Mrs. Lion spanked me each and every time I broke a rule, was change effected. It didn’t matter that spanking has a sexual overtone. It hurts and is humiliating. Yes, it turns me on to think about it. To my surprise, my unconscious works hard to avoid more spankings. I change without conscious effort.

This brings up another issue that the domestic discipline guys have a bit of trouble explaining in a disciplinary context. Many of us need regular spankings out of an inner need. I think it’s sexual, but maybe for some, it isn’t. The point is that once I nearly stopped breaking any rules and spankings became less and less frequent, I missed them. I need to be spanked whether or not I earned it by breaking a rule.

This need is usually rationalized as a “maintenance” spanking that reminds the man what happens if he is naughty. We call them “Just Because” spankings that are given “just because” I probably did something I shouldn’t and got caught. We both know that’s not really the reason. I need spankings to recharge some deep-seated sexual battery.

That’s what drives the domestic discipline crowd nuts. How can something with deep sexual roots also be a legitimate punishment? It can, and it is. No matter what sexual need spanking meets for me, when I get punished I know it is for doing something I shouldn’t. Humans are complex creatures who are capable of getting more than one message from a single activity.

We tried making disciplinary spankings more severe than “Just Because” spankings. That didn’t work for me. All spankings I receive meet a minimum severity level. The only time that changes is when I break more than one rule and am punished in a single session. My minimum spanking is ten minutes long. Each additional offense adds five minutes. I hate it when that happens.

I think Mrs. Lion is more severe when she punishes me. That’s fair. She needs to satisfy herself that I get the message. We never discuss this. I can’t confirm that she changes the intensity of her punishment. It’s just my perception.

Over the years, I’ve asked Mrs. Lion to punish me (spank) if I annoy her. She hasn’t been very successful at this. For a long time I wondered why this is so difficult for her. I think it comes down to the way she thinks about punishing me. If she believed that she was in a position of authority, spanking me for upsetting her would be no different than punishing me for not doing a chore. After all, she doesn’t mind spanking me, so why not do it when I piss her off?

The answer is that she doesn’t want to be unfair. She worries that her upset may be due to more than my behavior. If I forget a chore, there is no question that I earned a spanking. She’s happy to deliver one to punish me. Even though I’ve repeatedly said I am fine getting punished even if the circumstances may be cloudy or unfair, she still can’t do it. She is happy to give me “Just Because” spankings, which aren’t tied to any infraction, but unable to beat me if I make her snarl at me. I hope that will change over time.

Right now, I am rule-free. The spankings I’m getting are to recharge my sexual battery. We both agree that we want to restore the disciplinary aspects. Mrs. Lion is thinking about how to do this in our new house. In the meantime, she promises very frequent spankings “Just Because.”