Mrs. Lion didn’t feel like spanking me on Tuesday night. I had no problem with the reprieve. I was annoyed at myself for not getting her morning email out by noon. Stupid Lion! I know that she isn’t going to forget, and I will be riding the spanking bench tonight (Wednesday). I am not looking forward to that. I am glad that Mrs. Lion was paying attention and caught me. It’s a good sign that we are on the way back.

Looking at our archives and reading what we wrote a decade ago, you’ll see that our insights into male chastity and domestic discipline were very different. The actual practice hasn’t changed, but our views have. In the beginning, I was very excited by the loss of control and the wide range of options that Mrs. Lion had to take advantage of my surrender. I considered how she could use extending my wait for an orgasm as a disciplinary tool. It was very arousing to think about. The same was true about spanking. I was turned on by the idea that she could punish me.

If you read some of the other male domestic discipline blogs, you will see this same immature arousal under the guise of discussions of how the disciplinary wife will let her husband know he is in trouble. Or talking about including relatives and friends in knowing about the domestic spanking. It’s exactly how I used to think about what we do. The bottom line is that it is sexually exciting for me to surrender power to my wife. She demonstrates this power by punishing me for breaking the rules.

It’s very telling that very few disciplinary wives are comfortable punishing their husbands for things that represent serious issues. Mrs. Lion finds it nearly impossible to spank me for annoying her or making her feel bad. Things like this seem to me to be the most obvious useful reason to punish me. I think she finds it so difficult to spank me for these offenses because she doesn’t seriously believe that she has disciplinary control over me. I doubt that she wants it.

She is willing to make and enforce rules because she knows I want her to. She’s learned to efficiently punish me when I break a rule. It’s a sort of game. I don’t want to consider domestic discipline a game. I want to believe that Mrs. Lion has real authority over me. The punishments are real. I can’t escape them. Our agreement gives Mrs. Lion the right to punish me for any reason she chooses. Still, I can revoke consent. It’s something I asked for.

I think we make it much more difficult for our wives to accept domestic discipline because we insist on treating it as a lifestyle. We want to believe that we are under our wives’ control and that their authority is absolute. We know damn well that we can stop the game any time we want. WE just don’t want to admit it.

The point is that Mrs. Lion spanks me because she knows I want her to. Domestic discipline, as we practice it, is a service she provides me because I need it. It’s consensual. I can withdraw consent at any time. She is well aware of this. I don’t know of any  DD situation that is different. Don’t get me wrong, the spankings are painful and real. The rules are strictly enforced. Mrs. Lion is in charge…because it’s how I want it.

Hypocrisy seems to be the order of the day. It appears everywhere: in the government (they probably invented it), the news, and even in the kink community. I think the strangest expression of it is in the domestic discipline world. I started to call it a “community,” but it isn’t. It’s almost a religion. Domestic discipline is almost always expressed using spanking to punish the disciplined partner. As I wrote in my post yesterday, it’s been shown that a significant percentage of adults fantasize about being submissive and getting spanked.

Domestic discipline, by definition, puts one partner in a submissive position to the other. No, it isn’t the classic BDSM version of D/S, but it still counts. One partner gets to make and enforce rules. Sounds like someone is in charge. Right? Based on my surfing of the Web, a decent number of the guys who ask their wives to discipline them, learned about the practice from websites with decidedly sexual overtones. The old Disciplinary Wives Club website (currently unavailable) was filled with titillating stories of men being spanked by their wives. The focus was on the spankings, not the reason men should behave better.

Spanking seems to be the key. I haven’t seen any domestic discipline websites that talk much about timeouts and loss of privileges. Wouldn’t you imagine that those would be more appropriate adult punishments? If you believe that domestic discipline has nothing to do with sex, how do you explain that the primary punishment is always a practice that over a third of the population have sexual fantasies about?

The much bigger question is why does it matter if spanking is sexually arousing? As any adult who has received a serious spanking can attest, the only thing sexy about spanking is thinking about it. The actual activity is painful and not a bit sexy. Sure, BDSM spankings can be sexual fun. But even in that context, there are very few men who are aroused at the end of a spanking.

Women are different. I’ve known several women who orgasm during a spanking. Their sexual wiring is different from men’s. The paddling may hurt the buttocks, but the motion it creates can be very stimulating between the legs. Depending on the woman and the kind of spanking she is receiving, she can end up orgasming or being highly aroused at the end of a rather painful spanking.

Men can also get pleasure from spanking. If the spanker gradually increases the intensity of the spanking, the person spanked can become desensitized to the pain and enjoy being spanked. It’s an amazing feeling. Some call it sub space. I’ve known guys who actually fall asleep from the hormonal bath a BDSM spanking provides.

The difference between a disciplinary spanking and a BDSM spanking can be the slow buildup of the BDSM scene. That isn’t always true. BDSM scenes can be just as unpleasant as disciplinary spankings. When Mrs. Lion spanks me, she does “warms” me up with gentle swats. Her goal is to get me sufficiently used to being spanked so that I will remain willing to accept what she is giving me. It doesn’t take long before the swats hurt and hurt a lot. When she sees that I am near my limit, she will back off just a little, then push harder again. She makes sure that I am hating every moment of my punishment.

If her only goal were to punish me, she wouldn’t be concerned about my ability to take the pain. After all, I’m strapped down on the spanking bench, and I am unable to escape. She wants to punish me but also wants to be sure that I leave the spanking bench feeling that she didn’t abuse me. If domestic discipline were just about discipline, there would be little or no concern about my perception of my punishment.

Obviously, Mrs. Lion loves me and doesn’t like hurting me. She knows that I want and need the discipline and the spanking. I am sexually attracted to spanking. That doesn’t mean that I like being spanked. I don’t. But I like that she spanks me. See the difference? Without exception, every man I know about who is in a domestic discipline relationship gives full and continuing consent to his partner. This is a power exchange, willingly offered and accepted. Permission can be revoked at any time.

When you go beneath the “I need discipline” rationalizations, there is almost always a sexual attraction to being spanked and submitting in some way to the disciplinary partner. Women seem way more willing to admit the sexual connection than men. I’m not sure why. It could be the male ego and the unwillingness to admit the attraction to this maternal authority and the childish punishment that goes with it.

I’m pretty sure that our disciplinary wives get it. They understand our attraction to spanking and authority. Mrs. Lion accepts the role and does a great job as my disciplinary wife. I recognize the voluntary nature of what we do. I know that I’m sexually attracted to her female authority and being spanked.  It’s how I’m wired. I’m not unusual.

spanked with erection

Thursday night was a bust in terms of sex. Mrs. Lion had a 5:30 PM doctor’s appointment. She brought home burgers and fries, a big treat for us. She also brought me a chocolate milkshake. Yum! When we finished eating, I fell asleep for a while. All those carbs and sugar put me out. OK, a burger treat is better than sex sometimes. Maybe we will try a boner shot again tonight (Friday).

Much as I hate to admit it, my spanking on Wednesday put writing Mrs. Lion a daily email top of mind. I’m a grown man, for goodness sake. Spanking is absolutely effective as a way to get me to learn or remember. If you strip away the fantasy/kink rituals some people attach to domestic discipline, it turns out to be a useful marital aid.

I realize that most people say that they are unwilling to consider adult spanking for any reason, yet a large number of adults fantasize about it1. The study reported that 36.3% of women and 46.2% of men specifically fantasize about being spanked. Fantasies about getting or giving oral sex scored much lower for both sexes. Also, the number of participants who fantasized about being more generally submissive was much higher.

What this shows is that there is a significant sexual root in spanking. I’m not surprised, but I imagine a lot of “vanilla” people might be. Of course, few of these people actually turn their fantasies into reality. That’s true of most fantasies, especially sexual ones. As I see it, there is a lot of latent interest in spanking for fun and discipline. Since virtually all of the people in the study who fantasized about spanking also fantasized about being submissive, it’s fair to say that converting a man or woman who has a sexual desire to be spanked into the subject of domestic discipline is very easy.

I can’t prove it since there are no studies I can find that cover this subject, but I strongly suspect that non-religious domestic discipline is rooted in the sexual fantasy of being spanked. So far, I haven’t come across any men whose wives proposed spanking them, I think it is fair to say that the men (and women) who get disciplinary spankings requested them. That’s how it worked with us. I asked Mrs. Lion to make and enforce rules. She’s become very effective in doing it. I’ve come to appreciate her consistent, strict enforcement. My behavior has changed as a result.

I’ve also noticed that a lot of the men who like to have “serious” discussions about their domestic discipline practices also hate to admit any sexual connection. There appears to be a lot of rationalization around “needing” help correcting behavioral problems. I accept that they wanted/needed help, but why ask to be spanked as the mode of correction. If we’re talking about adult punishment, wouldn’t time-outs, removal of recreational activities, and even writing assignments be at least as effective as spanking? Those punishments have no sexual component and as far as I can tell, are rarely used.

That appears to be evidence that the spanking sexual fantasy combined with the submissive fantasy are significant components of domestic discipline. I don’t see anything wrong with this. From our experience, spanking has been effective in my behavior modification. Even though there are sexual roots, it’s still very unpleasant and sends a message that has changed my behavior.

I doubt spanking or any other adult punishment will cure substance abuse or serious behavioral problems.  But at least it does get me to do my chores and avoid pissing off Mrs. Lion. It’s not 100 percent effective. But if Mrs. Lion seriously spanks me each time I forget, it resets my behavior, at least for a while. Over time, my misses get fewer and fewer. The threat of the paddle works on my unconscious.

Occasionally, one of the “serious” discussions of domestic discipline touches on the fact that sex seems to improve after a spanking. This confirms the suspicion that there is a sexual component to the practice. I’ve read accounts by at least two disciplinary wives that they believe it’s the sexual component to spanking that makes it easy to get their men into position for punishment. They confirm that once the punishment begins and it’s too late to escape, the sexual component is forgotten by their partners, and they realize they are being punished. In other words, it’s our sexual attraction to spanking that helps make us docilely get into position for punishment.

That’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s true for me. I should realize that the spanking I’m going to get will not be sexy or fun. It will hurt and make me want to escape. Yet, every time Mrs. Lion gets out the spanking bench, I mount it and let her strap me down and spank me. Stupid, huh? No, it’s the way I’m wired and my acceptance of my lioness’ authority. In a very real sense, it’s a dream come true.


1Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328-340.

Lion's spanked butt

As I predicted, Mrs. Lion spanked me on Wednesday as soon as she got off work. It was a ten-minute-plus spanking that had me yelping all the way. Mrs. Lion said that there was lots of blood, but that didn’t deter her. She has long experience tanning my hide. I got the message that she was determined to let me know how important it is to send her a daily email before noon. This was my sixteenth spanking this year. I expect that Mrs. Lion will make up for lost time now that she is in disciplinary mode again.

The idea of adult spanking can seem incredibly strange and kinky to people unfamiliar with the practice. I admit that I have had an erotic attraction to being spanked. I can’t positively confirm it, but my only childhood spanking–pajamas down and over my mother’s lap–was cut short before she got off a single swat. I’m sure it was because I had an erection. She had no experience with spanking, and I imagine my hard little penis disturbed her. Women who come from spanking families are familiar with male erections before a spanking starts. I’ve read enough accounts of male spankings to believe this pre-spanking erection is common. It usually goes away once the pain begins. It does with me.

My erotic association with spanking is what motivated me to ask Mrs. Lion to spank me. She did it in BDSM scenes with me. It evolved into our current domestic discipline marriage. I don’t get hard before spankings anymore. Thinking about being spanked does turn me on. Being spanked is absolutely no fun at all. I work hard to avoid being spanked.

Adult spanking is very different than the more common parental spankings. For one thing, they are far more severe. That makes sense. Adults fully understand why they are being punished, and the punishment has to rise above any fantasy or erotic thoughts. In order to make the proper impression on my, Mrs. Lion has to make sure that she is causing me sufficient pain for me to realize that she is unhappy with my behavior. Adult spanking is a form of communication. Its purpose is to express unhappiness with something I’ve done in no uncertain terms. It also reminds me that I’ve granted my lioness the power to hurt me if she feels I need correction.

If a spanking isn’t strong enough to make me understand that it’s better to follow a rule than get punished, domestic discipline won’t work. Mrs. Lion has learned to make sure that I understand that breaking a rule is far worse than following it. That’s the entire point of domestic discipline. Punishment is unavoidable if I break a rule. I have a sore spot on each cheek to remind me to send that daily email.