Sometimes I’m not too bright. I’ve been going on for some time about how difficult it is for Mrs. Lion to punish me for annoying her. I’ve partially convinced her that it’s her problem. It’s true that there is a problem to be solved, but it isn’t the one I’ve been discussing. Let me go back to the beginning.
When I suggested adding discipline to our relationship I had two things in mind: The first was that I like to be spanked and I figured it might make sense to do something useful with this kink. I read about couples who use spanking to help domestic bliss. I discussed this with my lioness and she agreed. If you’ve been reading our blog you know that I get punished for not doing a chore or breaking a rule. It’s very clear cut and Mrs. Lion punishes me every time I don’t do what I should.
My second reason was more difficult. I know that Mrs. Lion has trouble expressing her anger. If I upset her, it generally leaks out as a passive-aggressive silent treatment for a while. The bad feelings fester. My thought was that if she punished me the same way she does for breaking a rule when I upset her, that she will have a positive way of expressing herself. Also, I will learn to avoid doing those things.
Even though we’ve discussed this for years, it’s never really happened. Mrs. Lion agrees to punish me for annoying her, but almost never does. The reason it doesn’t work the way I envisioned turns out to be pretty simple: Mrs. Lion doesn’t feel comfortable spanking me for those things, at least not the way I imagined.
The lightbulb went on after we talked yesterday. I did several things that upset her. She was going to post about them but decided it wasn’t fair to do that. The reason it wasn’t fair is also the reason that punishing me isn’t necessarily the right thing to do when I piss her off. I blame myself for being so binary about spanking. I tend to see it as the only way to let me know I did something wrong. It isn’t. It also isn’t the best way for Mrs. Lion to express her feelings.
Looking back, I remember that Mrs. Lion objected to punishing me when I annoyed her. She suggested that first, she should growl at me. That would serve as a warning. Should I persist, then the paddle would come out. That makes sense. A growl is a form of immediate communication that something I’m doing is wrong. If I’m smart, I will stop. If I’m not, Mrs. Lion can correctly assume that I had been warned and more explicit communication is needed.
What I wanted from the beginning was for Mrs. Lion to let me know when I upset her. Her silence was the problem, not how she should let me know. All I really want is for her to express herself. It’s up to her if she wants to growl or paddle me. I don’t get a vote.
Listen to this post.