By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

It is obvious that I am male. The evidence is all over this blog. Unless locked in a chastity device, it’s very difficult to hide when I am sexually aroused. Females have a much easier time. There are few outward signs of female arousal. For example, erect nipples can signal arousal or a cold room.

Because our penises very obviously signal our interest in sex, males are thought of as lacking in sexual subtlety. Oh, look! He has a stiffy. He wants to ejaculate.

There is a generally undeniable connection between an erection and a strong wish to use it in a way that will produce semen. That’s our genetic imperative. We are programmed to respond to females with sexual arousal and then mount willing females in an attempt to breed.

Human society has tempered this primitive drive into a much more complicated mating dance that more often than not, results in frustration. Darwinian selection puts other male mammals in the same boat. We are built to handle it. We don’t have to like it, but evolution has conditioned us to accept sexual rejection.

Even in situations when we are mated to a female, sex isn’t assured. Males in vanilla relationships don’t have as much sex as they want. That’s why virtually every male masturbates even after marriage.

From puberty onward, women are trained to avoid encouraging males unless they plan to have sex with them. They view this as a kindness. It’s considered poor form to make a poor male mad with desire only to reject him in the end. That means the good form is to avoid sexually provocative behavior when there is no desire to accept him.

My years in a male chastity marriage have changed the rules significantly. For one thing, masturbation is forbidden. No matter how much I want to, I am not allowed to jerk off. That means my only authorized sexual outlet is my lioness.

The second big change is that she encourages me to be sexually aroused. She likes it when I am hard. She enjoys teasing me by masturbating or sucking my cock until I am just about to ejaculate. It’s fun for her to see my reaction when she stops just short of my orgasm.

She has no fear that I will find a way to finish. Male chastity has trained me to accept being just ready to ejaculate and then stopped.  I’ve learned to feel very lucky that Mrs. Lion teases me.

I know that eventually, she will let me have an orgasm. I’m lucky that she is very fond of making me ejaculate. Since she’s also very fond of teasing me, there are a lot of dripping, unsatisfied erections in our house.

Our behavioral changes are very significant. I’m trained to enjoy being sexually aroused without expecting to ejaculate. That means Mrs. Lion can use sexual stimulation as a way to show affection without being concerned that she has to let me “finish”.

That works out well for both of us. By preventing ejaculation, Mrs. Lion keeps me ready and able to get hard and fully aroused. There is no refractory period if there is no ejaculation. She can stimulate me to the edge over and over as often as she wishes. I will be ready.

Once she lets me ejaculate, we have to wait until my batteries are recharged before we can begin again. Nowadays that can be several days. As long as I don’t ejaculate, I’m always ready. That’s a strong incentive to space my orgasms further apart. Mrs. Lion seems to be doing that. I don’t believe it is a plan. The longer waits allow a lot more playtime.

By:
In: CBT, Lion's Journal

Way back in the distant past when I experienced BDSM for the first time, my partner and I relied on books to learn what we could do. One of our favorite resources was the Leatherman’s Guide. This was a book intended for a gay male audience. At the time, we couldn’t find very many resources. Since we decided that I would be the bottom, this book was actually perfect for our purposes.

She tried techniques from the book that caught her attention. One of her favorites was penis piercing. She was taken by the idea of a frenum piercing. She envisioned using it as a connecting point for a leash. At the time, we had no idea about finding professionals to do this. She went to our local BDSM store, The Pleasure Chest in Greenwich Village. They obliged with a piercing needle and a ring to insert in my penis.

I was pretty apprehensive about this rather permanent operation on my favorite body part. After calming me down and tying me spread eagle on the bed, she did the deed. It wasn’t particularly painful or bloody. She had a little bit of trouble threading the ring through the new hole she made. She didn’t know that she was supposed to insert the ring into the hole in the hollow needle and let it follow her as she went through the skin. Somehow, she got it in.

This is the second frenum piercing done by professionals.

This piercing took several weeks to fully heal. I developed an infection and the site and it was pretty sore. After a couple of weeks, she removed the ring and let it heal. Before it came off, she only had one opportunity to play with it. She attached a leash to my ring and tied it to a doorknob. My hands were fastened behind my back. She liked that I had to stay there and wait for her to release me. She was disappointed we couldn’t do other things.

I liked the idea of having the piercing. It was sexy and fun. I think she liked the way it felt inside her. It wasn’t long after the ring came out that we broke up. A few months later after I was fully healed, I read an article about a San Francisco piercing studio. My curiosity was aroused. It turned out that they had a branch in Manhattan. I wasn’t with anyone at the time so it seemed like a good opportunity to get my ring back.

I made an appointment and went for my piercing. The operator noticed the scar from my last attempt. I explained what happened. She said that regular care with antibiotic ointment would prevent that from happening this time. She suggested a 12gauge piercing. That looked about the same as the one I had before. I agreed.

When she pushed the needle through my skin it felt like a small electric shock. Again there was no pain and almost no blood. This time everything worked. I applied the antibiotic ointment daily and worked it through the hole. It took about six weeks to fully heal. I enjoyed how it felt.

I decided a thicker ring might look better. I purchased a 10 gauge ring and the appropriate tools to remove and replace the existing one. It was no problem. I wore either that ring or a barbell for the next 15 years. The piercing came in handy when I reviewed some of the chastity devices that require that sort of fastening.

In the early 2000’s at a BDSM convention, I met a renowned piercer and discussed what else I might do. I was feeling adventurous. She suggested a Guiche piercing. This is a ring placed through the perineum. It’s quite private and I thought sexy. I went up to her hotel room to have it done.

I was naked on all fours. She gently touched different spots on my perineum reaching it from behind me. At one point she said, “Aha, there it is.”

This shot with me on the sling shows both my frenum and guiche piercing. I thought the little barbell would be immune to twisting. It wasn’t.

I asked her what was? She replied that I “winked” at her. Apparently, there is a spot on the perineum that when touched will cause the anus to tighten. That’s where the piercing goes. She kept her finger on the spot, got her alcohol wipe, and pierced me. This is a pretty easy piercing. It isn’t painful and heals quickly. Sadly, my ring kept twisting painfully under my clothes. At one point it actually twisted itself out. That hurt, but not a lot.

At a subsequent convention, I had it re-pierced. This time I had a barbell put in. Unfortunately, the same thing happened again. I’ve wondered if I replaced the ring with a barbell if that wouldn’t prevent losing it. It didn’t. I still would love to try again. I think the placement was too low. Also, a curved barbell would have probably stayed out of the way. If you look at the picture, you can see that the piercer placed the piercing vertically. Traditionally this piercing is horizontal. That might’ve also contributed to my difficulty.

barbell on frenum penis piercing
This is the barbell on my penis. I wore this almost all the time for the last five years I had the piercing.

For at least five years before I finally removed it, I had a barbell in the frenum piercing. It was less trouble because they ring twists uncomfortably once in a while. Finally, Mrs. Lion didn’t seem interested in that piercing, I removed it and let it heal over.

I know that a lot of the male chastity crowd likes the Prince Albert piercing. I’ve never been a fan of it. It puts a hole in the urethra and is prone to leakage. It’s also a long-healing piercing. There are male chastity devices explicitly created to use the Prince Albert as a fixing point. Connecting the cage to a genital piercing certainly gives an increased sense of security.

I’ve never lost my interest in genital piercings. My partner before Mrs. Lion had a small ring through the hood of her clitoris. It was quite attractive. It wasn’t a particularly useful piercing. It didn’t provide her sexual stimulation and had no value in bondage or BDSM, but it was pretty.

It might be fun to have another piercing. I don’t think I would do a frenum. It would get in the way of the chastity devices I own and I am not sure Mrs. Lion would like working around it. On the other hand, every partner I had while the piercing was in place enjoyed it, particularly for oral sex. They also said they could feel it during intercourse.

Those two piercings are the only body modifications I’ve ever had. I don’t have or want tattoos. I certainly don’t want a piercing that is visible to the general public. I imagine I will continue the status quo. Of course, it’s all up to Mrs. Lion.

By:
In: Oral Sex, Lion's Journal

Various women, including Mrs. Lion, have told me that they like putting my soft cock in their mouths and feel it as it gets hard. Obviously, I like that too — a lot. It is a feeling of power for the woman. She can make me change physically just by the simple act of holding my penis in her mouth. Oral sex gives the woman, at least temporarily, control of sex for her partner.

The first woman I had sex with commented on that sense of power. Before then it never occurred to me. Is oral sex the first form of orgasm control a couple enjoys? The male has a lot of control over his arousal and ejaculation during intercourse. If he is getting a handjob, he can always take over. But when his penis is ensconced securely in his partner’s mouth, she is in charge. She can slow down, stop, speed up, and finally push him over the edge. He is powerless.

Before Mrs. Lion, when my penis entered my partner’s mouth, a very happy ending was assured. I would usually finish in her mouth. A few times she might take me out of her mouth and finish with her hand. Or, she might have me enter her and finish in her vagina. One way or another, an oral start assured an ejaculatory finish.

Then, along came Mrs. Lion. As my keyholder, she has sexual control wherever my penis is residing. For a long time, she would only suck my cock if she intended to let me ejaculate in her mouth. She loves that. At some point, she decided that she could tease me to the edge as well with her mouth as she could with her hand.

The first few times she tried, I managed to ejaculate. Eventually, she learned my warning signs and was able to edge me as efficiently with her mouth as she could with her hand. That’s when a blow job stopped being the signal for a happy ending. She starts and stops leaving me panting and sweating.

So far she hasn’t waited until I get soft to resume sucking. I suppose that she is too impatient for that. Being in sexual control means she can bring me from soft to hard in her mouth as many times as she wants in a single session. It will be slow because I tend to stay hard a while after being pushed to the edge. I don’t know why I even thought of that idea. It is pretty impractical.

I’ll bet that very few women realize how close oral sex is to male chastity. The only difference is time. With oral sex, the wait between wanting an orgasm and getting one is brief. With male chastity, it’s much, much longer. I think it’s the same thing despite that difference. In both cases, the male is desperate for an orgasm. He has no ability to bring it on. He must wait until his partner decides to let him come. She is in charge and most of the time she knows it and likes it.

There’s a good chance that she might enjoy more extended control. What do you think?

By:
In: Punishment, Domestic discipline, Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion growled at me on Thursday night and again on Friday. I asked if I had earned a spanking and was told I had. She was too tired on Friday night and told me that I would be spanked soon. She also said the spanking would reflect the two offenses. I suppose it’s my own fault for asking her if I had punishment coming. I want to be sure that we get past the inertia covering enforcing annoying my lioness. Perhaps we are on our way.

The other day I mentioned a Disciplinary Wives Club (DWC) saying, “The more it hurts him, the more he will love you.” It has been on my mind. The DWC context is a clear encouragement for wives whose husbands asked for their discipline. It isn’t easy to hurt someone you love. It took Mrs. Lion years to learn to spank me strongly enough to be meaningful.

I don’t think I am in any danger of her becoming abusive. She understands what works for me in terms of spanking. I don’t always agree with her assessment. I shouldn’t. By definition, if I am comfortable with the level of spanking I receive, it most certainly means that it is too mild to be useful. The entire point of punishment, even adult, husband punishment is to hurt enough to effectively deter future wrongdoing.

As for loving her more as the pain increased, I don’t think so. I also don’t love her less because she makes my bottom sore. After being punished, I am much more aware of how I am acting. I want to avoid another spanking.

When the enforcement is new, like annoying Mrs. Lion, I realize that I will get frequent spankings. It will take me time to learn what I have to change and internalize those changes. Here is where a slight modification of the DWC saying makes sense: “The more you make him hurt, the faster he will improve.”

We have learned this over the years. Each time Mrs. Lion became more consistent with punishing me, I learned. As her spankings got more painful, I learned more quickly. I’m not trying to explain why this works with me. I like to consider myself fairly smart and capable of learning without a paddle to help. Apparently, when it comes to habitual behaviors, I’m not.

Just as important, when the paddle is used, Mrs. Lion doesn’t hold on to negative feelings. She appears to get a sense of closure when she beats me. We clean the slate and hopefully, I also will avoid repeating my sin.

If I do repeat it, Mrs. Lion doesn’t feel helpless and angry. She has recourse; painful recourse. She knows that if she consistently punishes me, I will learn. In the meantime, she knows she is being heard. Don’t underestimate that. It means a lot to unmistakably know you are being heard. That may be one of the big reasons she missed our domestic discipline when we temporarily suspended it after my surgery.