LIon in thong panties

Why do I want it? This is a question that Mrs. Lion has decided not to explore. The “it” in question presents a moving target for her. It includes male chastity, domestic discipline, and many BDSM activities. In all of them, she does things to me that I’m almost sure to dislike when I get them. Almost all of them are my idea. What the hell?

The simplest and most logical answer is that I’m wired that way. Dig a little deeper, and things get more difficult. Is it that I like pain? Possibly. I do get hard when Mrs. Lion masturbates me while Icy Hot is burning my perineum and balls. I also sport an erection while she covers the same areas with clothespins. Is an erection an expression of pleasure? It signifies sexual arousal even when activities aren’t fun. After all, a woman being raped will often get wet and even have an orgasm. That doesn’t mean she welcomed the activity.

We are different. Everything Mrs. Lion does is consensual. I’ve agreed to the painful fun. The erection, while my balls burn, isn’t necessarily a signal that I’m having a good time. I’m not sure what it means. I know that I want her to do things like that to me. The same is true of male chastity. I get turned on thinking about being edged and going to sleep frustrated. Crazy, huh? Of course, it isn’t. I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.

A much more difficult-to-understand kink is domestic discipline. I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge and punish me when she sees fit. She creates rules I must follow. Disobedience gets me punished. Mrs. Lion strongly prefers spanking me with a paddle. My last spanking hurt for three days. These are real punishments. DD has become part of the fabric of our marriage. Mrs. Lion expects obedience. She doesn’t behave like some BDSM dominant in black tights. She is a loving wife. When I break a rule, she either gives me “the look” or says, “Uh oh.” I know what that means. There is no drama. Punishments are also very routine. She tells me to get into position and then spanks me—no fetish at all,  a lot of pain.

This is how she chooses to conduct our disciplinary relationship. It works because she is consistent. I’ve learned that disobedience earns punishment with no drama. She does appear to be a little amused when it hurts for me to sit down. There is no sympathy and no scolding. It’s a very simple cause-and-effect situation. Break a rule and get punished.

Another related kink is when Mrs. Lion makes me wear panties or a diaper. I dislike either. Having to wear them is a very clear signal of who’s in charge. This is another situation that is way more fun to think about than to endure. Both are uncomfortable. She has also put nail polish on a toenail or two. That’s not uncomfortable, but it looks weird to me when I see my feet. These things are humiliating and not what I would do on my own. There’s a whole bag of ugly panties and tons of diapers ready for her to make me wear when the mood strike. She’s never made me wear panties for more than a few hours at a time. I’m not sure why we bought so many. Every so often, Mrs. Lion gets creative and thinks of something new for me. I like that a lot.

All of this has a rather simple common denominator: they demonstrate her control. She doesn’t have to walk around wearing boots and carrying a whip. She doesn’t have to bark orders or scold me. Ten minutes with her paddle is enough to make sure I remember who is in charge. In case you wondered, it’s how I want it.

Our lifestyle is a little unusual. It’s also very stable. In my experience, relationships with defined power exchanges tend to decompose after a few years. I think the reason for this is that all of us are both tops ad bottoms. Yes, I am the bottom in our marriage. We don’t switch. That would suggest I will eventually need an outlet for my dominant side. I spent most of my adult life as a top. This is different.

We are very much like our allegorical namesakes: lions. Males are bigger and stronger than females. They eat first and defend the pride. For a long time, it was assumed that they also ruled the roost. After all, they are the king of beasts. The reality is much more complex. The correct definition of a pride is a group of lionesses who stay together. They are often sisters. Lions are not really members of the pride. The females decide if a male will be allowed in. They will drive away any male they don’t like. Overly aggressive male behavior is not tolerated.

Wild lions get sex when a lioness goes into heat. If none are in heat, he goes without. There is usually only one or two lionesses and a single lion in zoos where males and females share quarters. In those situations, the females will allow the lion to mount them when they are not in heat. However, the lioness decides when he can do it. If he is too aggressive, he will get a painful bite on his hindquarters.

This is very much like the way we live. It wasn’t intentionally designed to mimic lions. It just worked out that way. We started with me asking Mrs. Lion to take charge of sex by locking me in a male chastity device. She agreed. From that point until now, she decides what sex I get. If I’m horny and Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to be sexual with me, I do without. If I get annoying about it, I get spanked.

I’m very independent. Like the lion, as long as I avoid getting in trouble with Mrs. Lion I’m free to do what I want. She’s made rules I follow. If I don’t, well, you know what happens. We are still working on the disciplinary aspect of our marriage. I think the main reason things are so stable is that our agreement regarding our power exchange is a little different from what most people do.

The agreement is not about my role. I haven’t agreed to be submissive. Mrs. Lion hasn’t taken on the role of a dominatrix. The agreement is behavioral. I agreed to defer to Mrs. Lion. She can make any rules she wants, and I will obey them. I agree to let her punish me in any way she wants if she feels I need it. There are no exceptions. That’s it.

I get input. Mrs. Lion, let’s me offer feedback and suggestions. She frequently takes my advice. If she adopts something I offer, I don’t get to back out. I have to be careful about my suggestions. In a way, I help build the structure. Of course, Mrs. Lion has the final say. What we have is a special kind of partnership. We have a very clearly defined authority structure. We can debate, but if I get annoying, the paddle comes out and settles the debate.

This is difficult for Mrs. Lion. Frequently at moments when I cross the line, she forgets how to resolve the situation. This results in hurt feelings, and she withdraws into passive-aggressive anger. She’s working on that. She wrote several posts about how to signal me when I get out of line. Hopefully, we will get to try some of them soon. These signals are similar to the rump bites a lion gets when he pisses off one of the girls.

I’m not suggesting that what we have is easy to sustain. We both have to actively work to build the habits that support how we choose to live. Over time the habits do form. For example, I don’t even think about getting off on my own. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think twice about spanking me if I break a rule. There is no discussion. Now, we are working on extending this automatic punishment to behavior that upsets her. We both want this, and we will keep working until it is automatic. Meanwhile, I’m free to do what I want as long as my lioness lets me.

Thank you for all the comments on my post yesterday. They ranged from a gentle tap on Lion’s arm to ZAP HIM! Maybe I’ll give him a gentle tap for the less serious infractions and punch him in the head for a major one. (I’m kidding.) I was concerned about his jumping in the air when I zapped him too. Of course, the level of shock is controllable to a certain extent. It can vary based on the contact with the electrodes. Sometimes a low level can send him into orbit if the electrodes are placed just right. [Lion — It depends on whether the electrodes are in firm contact with the underside of my balls. When I’m dressed, they usually are.]

In his post this morning, Lion wondered if the zap would be the extent of his punishment. Nope. The zap is just to let him know he’s in deep doo-doo. A vibration may let him know he’s getting close to the line. The zap means he’s gone over the line. Isn’t that how an invisible fence works for dogs? They get a little vibration to let them know they’re getting close to the fence and then zapped when they’re near it. Years ago, a neighbor put in an invisible fence for their dog. It was funny to watch him walk up to the fence and get zapped. He seemed to like it. And then he figured out that he only got zapped for a short time if he got a running start and went through the fence. So much for the invisible fence.

The biggest problem with the shock collar is finding it. It might be on Lion’s dresser. I think the issue is that we have no idea where the charger is. Until we solve that, I’ll have to rely on some verbal cue. I was even thinking of counting to three as you do with kids. “One” might be the signal he’s heading into dangerous territory. “Two” might let him know he hasn’t fully appreciated “one.” And “three” would be too late. We could put that into effect right away. It’s not limited to when we’re out in public. As a matter of fact, it might be good to practice it, so he’s used to it when we’re out. [Lion — That’s an excellent idea.]

I’m uncertain, at this point, if I should continue at “one” if he corrects himself but does something unrelated later on. Would it be fair to give him a “one” for being snarky to a waiter, have him correct it, and then give him a “one” later for interrupting me? I know Lion will say fairness has nothing to do with it. It’s hard for me to agree with him. But I’m trying.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been tired and achy, especially in the afternoon. I’ve had almost nonstop sinus pressure. Part of me wonders if it’s my body adjusting to coming off of the anxiety drug, and part of me wonders if it’s all in my head. I was home all day Thursday, so I can’t blame the afternoon blech on the difference between home environment and work environment. It’s not even just the sinus headache, tiredness, and achiness. For some reason, whatever I eat feels like a brick in my stomach. It seems okay when I eat and turns to a brick afterward. Even the salad we ate last night did it. I’m a mess.

The worst part about being a mess is that it takes time and energy away from Lion. Thursday night, I was able to suck him for a while before he said he wasn’t getting anywhere. I didn’t feel so bad that night. Last night was a different story. If right now is any indication, tonight doesn’t look very good either. I had to lift our portly golden retriever into the car so that she could get a bath. I’ll likely have to lift her in when we pick her up. Neither shoulder is happy about it. I can take some Tylenol later, and that may help the achiness. It has worked before. Maybe I’ll take some with dinner so it will be working by the time we’re ready to go.

Lion is wondering about new rules or even enforcement of the rules already in place. Indeed, I haven’t been enforcing the interrupting or know-it-all issues. I consider his steamrolling a form of know-it-all-ism. He knew the best way to schedule our flights for our trip. He knew the best day to go and return. He knew the best hotel to use. And then he complained when it was so expensive. I went on Expedia and found it cheaper, but he doesn’t trust sites like that. Know-it-all lion.

I don’t want to expend the energy to punish him for those things because I’ve been so tired and achy lately. I need to pick my battles. Why do I say “whatever” when we start to disagree? It’s just not worth it. Unless I have a very strong opinion on a subject, I let it go. At the most, I growl at Lion. He was short with a pharmacy tech a little while ago. I told him to relax. He even complained to the pharmacist about her, and the pharmacist defended her. Beyond that, I didn’t say anything. Maybe I need to find a phrase that I can use in public to let him know he’s getting close to a growl or punishment. It could be as simple as asking him if he’s sure he wants to go there. That’s innocent-sounding enough not to raise any eyebrows. On the other hand, maybe he needs to be shamed in public. I’ll have to think of what that might be.

Maybe Lion has some suggestions. He’s pretty good at coming up with ideas he’ll hate in the long run.

[Lion — I know that Mrs. Lion uses spanking for punishment. Maybe at times, she needs to postpone the punishment, she can just let me know. I think a sort of appetizer punishment like mouth soaping is a way to respond immediately until she is ready to spank me. I agree that it’s important to let me know that trouble is coming. I think the key is that regardless of how she chooses to communicate it, she needs to respond every time she “catches” me. Otherwise, she will never form the disciplinary habits we both want.]