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We received a Contact Us message that touches on a subject that anyone considering domestic discipline should consider:

“My wife has severe anxiety and low self-esteem. If she were even willing to try to be my Domestic Discipline wife, would it help her or make things worse? I try to be very gentle with her, but there are times that I know that I upset her that she frequently won’t tell me about. I’m thinking that this might be a way for her to feel more in control and free to tell me what I do wrong so I can fix it. If we were to give this a try for one to three months, is there a place that we could go to train her how to spank me? Should I consider restraints so that she knows that she is completely in control and I can’t move out of the way or cover myself up? I would really like to help her, but just trying to be super nice to her doesn’t always work.

On the surface, domestic discipline appears to offer a wife an opportunity to express her displeasure more easily. I don’t think that’s true. First of all, she isn’t the one who wants the ability to punish her husband. He wants her to spank him. He is initiating it because he likes the idea of her dominating him.

That’s what I wanted too. But just because I want to be a disciplined husband doesn’t mean my wife wants to assume that role. I asked Mrs. Lion to try, and she agreed. I had hoped that she would use it to let me know when I do things that annoy her by giving her this ability. That hasn’t worked out. The issue isn’t that she doesn’t have the tools to express her displeasure. It’s that she has trouble expressing herself when I do something she doesn’t like. Domestic discipline isn’t really the point.

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The first step for her, and I expect your wife too, is to be able to growl when she is displeased. Mrs. Lion is trying hard to snarl or growl when I annoy her. Once she has learned to express her displeasure safely, she can move on to use her paddle to teach me better.

The spanking is for you, not her. You are disguising your desire to be spanked behind her low self-esteem. If you want to be spanked, then ask her to spank you. Be direct. She may be willing to paddle your bottom if you ask her nicely. Mrs. Lion spanked me for years just because I like to be spanked. We began DD years later.

The bottom line (see what I did?) is that DD is for you, not her. You want it. It’s unfair to try to tie it to a problem she might have. If you want her to communicate her feelings, then talk about that with her. If you want to be spanked, then ask her to spank you just because you want it. It isn’t very ethical to use domestic discipline to satisfy your need while pinning it on solving her problem.

In my post yesterday, I mentioned that Mrs. Lion has only been spanking me for not setting up the coffee pot. She doesn’t punish me for any other infractions, even if I point them out. Wouldn’t you know it, I forgot to set up the coffee pot for Sunday morning. She immediately informed me that I was going to be spanked. This proves my point.

What makes the coffee pot offense unique? I think it is because it is a binary crime. The coffee pot is either ready in the morning or it isn’t. There is no margin of error. The only decisions Mrs. Lion has to make are when to spank me and how severely to paddle me. Other offenses involve some level of judgment. Should I get spanked for a few drops of gravy on the hem of my shirt? Did I really interrupt rudely?  You get the idea.

I don’t understand why this has become problematic after all this time. I know that other disciplinary couples face similar issues. For example, in at least one case I’ve read, the disciplinary wife was warning when she used to punish. At times, she didn’t even warn her husband. Is it disciplinary fatigue? I suppose that’s possible. Or, is it something more serious: a sort of crisis of confidence? I wonder if that isn’t part of the issue here. I’ve suggested that Mrs. Lion could extend her binary approach to less black and white issues. That’s easier said than done. I don’t think the issue is a problem with spanking me. Mrs. Lion has no problem wielding her paddle.

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It might come down to her sense of fairness. She might be overthinking decisions regarding punishing me. For example, it’s easy to find reasons that I didn’t interrupt. Maybe I thought Mrs. Lion was finished expressing her thought. That could be true. If it is, then wouldn’t it be unfair to punish me for that? I imagine she thinks it would be. I disagree. If I step on something she is about to say, isn’t that my fault for not leaving enough time for her to continue? I may not be rude, but I would certainly be overanxious.

My point is that we’ve reached a difficult point. Mrs. Lion seems unable to make decisions like that. She can deal with physical omissions like the coffee pot. I don’t think that any advice I can offer will help her with this. All I can do is point out my observation and repeat that I won’t be wounded if I get some possibly unfair spankings. I understand how difficult her role can be.

It’s 2021 at last! In less than a month Donald Trump will become a bad memory. I’m hoping that memory will fade fast. Nothing has happened on the sexual front (or back) in about a week. I’m fine with that. I’ve managed to avoid punishment, though it was close at times. New Year’s Eve was very quiet. That’s no surprise. We never do much then. I haven’t made any resolutions other than to attempt to survive. One day I hope to eat in a restaurant again. That would be a welcome change. I’d even enjoy getting out of the house. It’s been weeks since I’ve been outside. I haven’t had pants on in about a month. Chalk it off to hibernation.

I am very excited that my first book is available in paperback form right now. The Kindle version will release on Monday (you can preorder now). This is the first time I have promoted anything I’ve done here on the blog. Mrs. Lion and Julie of helped me immensely. I am very grateful to them.

Obviously, I do a lot of writing. We are in our eighth year here. Our 5,000th post will publish before June. That’s a lot of writing. Even with all this blogging, I was unprepared for the challenge of creating fiction. A typical book is between 80 and 90 thousand words. It’s not easy keeping the plot and characters straight in 350 pages of text. Mrs. Lion and Julie caught my slips. Anyway, I’m learning a new skill. It took a while to learn to write a daily post. It is going to take me more than one book to come close to mastering fiction writing.

I’ve started the second book in the series. It’s going slow right now. Like blogging, writing of any kind requires consistent, daily effort. I try to write one post here and at least 10 pages of fiction every day. It’s my job. Consistency is critical for me. That also holds true in the other areas of my life. Our domestic discipline has been neglected. Neither of us seems to feel motivated. On Friday, I got some sauce on my t-shirt. Admittedly, it was on the very bottom; the part you would tuck in if you wore pants. When I informed Mrs. Lion, I got an “Mmmmf.” I absolutely wasn’t looking for a spanking. I was surprised that I didn’t even get a warning. Mrs. Lion must be tired of it too.

I’m not inclined to lobby for more punishments. They hurt. On the other hand, are we letting our disciplinary relationship wither on the vine? Both of us are good at that. We should either continue consistently or decide to stop for a while or forever. It’s something to talk about this new year.

One of the strangest ironies of the Christmas season is the intense focus on behavior. You know, Santa won’t visit if you’re naughty. In fact, the word “naughty” comes up more often at this time of year than at any other. Doesn’t it seem odd that in the time of year we are supposed to be most generous, we focus on transgressions?

It would be one thing if we did this because we could then announce, ta-dah you are forgiven. But forgiveness isn’t a feature of Christmas. How many kids go to bed worrying that there will be coal in their stockings on Christmas morning? I know that when I was a cub, Christmas was a time I was constantly warned not to be naughty. Apparently, when Santa Claus comes to town, it’s the day of reckoning for boys and girls. Makes a kid want to be Jewish!

Now that I’m an adult in a disciplinary marriage, the word “naughty” is used year-round. Santa is relieved of the annual responsibility of assessing my naughtiness. Mrs. Lion has that job and she performs it all year long. I no longer worry about coal in my stocking. Now, it’s a paddle on my butt. Deck the halls with Lion’s red rear, Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

There have been a couple of developments in the naughty lion department. The first was that Mrs. Lion found some chocolate fudge on my chest the other morning. The night before, we had hot fudge sundaes in bed. I almost never wear a shirt or anything else, so any spills end up on my skin. Mrs. Lion commented that maybe my rule should include spilling food on my chest. I wonder if she is going to make that change. [Mrs. Lion — If Lion continues to spill things on himself, it might have to be a rule.]

In her post yesterday, she observed that even though I had been punished for failing to set up the coffeepot only a few weeks ago, I nearly did it again on Saturday night. She had to give me several “hints” before I realized my error. She assumed that once I learned something, I would always remember it. [Mrs. Lion — I don’t assume. I just can’t believe he forgets so quickly.] I don’t do it on purpose, but apparently my ability to consistently do what I am supposed to fade over time. A fresh punishment renews my sense of responsibility. I’m not alone in this. I’ve read accounts by disciplinary wives that they had the same problem with their husbands.

Apparently, a disciplinary wife’s work is never done.