By:
In: Orgasm denial, Chastity hardware, Lion's Journal

People on the Internet are famous for having long discussions about labels. They debate the authenticity of how various people identify themselves. This has been going on as long as people have been chatting online. Forums are particularly fertile ground for this sort of debate. Male chastity forms endlessly discuss “purity” of the amount of time a man is locked in a chastity device, how many orgasms he is allowed, and the various physical aspects of the devices he may wear.

A topic of particular popularity centers around the subject of orgasm denial and the value of a chastity device in the enforcement of this denial. Tom Allen, who publishes the “Edge of Vanilla“, is also a moderator on one of these forums. He decided to come up with a way of classifying the essentially orthogonal practices of wearing a chastity device and orgasm denial. If you click on this link, you can read his post. He proposes that we plot degree of orgasm denial on one axis and amount of time spent in a chastity device on the other axis. I’m not going to go through the details. I suggest you read his post.

What interested me about this juxtaposition is the idea that somehow by relating one to the other, you could learn something interesting about the man involved. In my case, I spent three years locked up except for teasing and medical visits. The next three were divided between lockup and long periods of freedom. 100% of the time from December 2013 until now, I have been in orgasm denial managed by Mrs. Lion. I never get an orgasm that she doesn’t produce for me.

I never wore the chastity device as a way of assuring that I wouldn’t have any unauthorized ejaculations. Both Mrs. Lion and I were absolutely positive from the very start that once I surrendered sexual control to her, I would no longer masturbate. I like wearing a chastity device. It feeds into my kink about bondage. I have a lot of trouble wearing one lately because the devices I own make urination into the toilet a hit or miss proposition. Still, I do enjoy being locked in.

I think that most of us are way past the point where we believe that a male chastity device is required for orgasm denial. In the old days when people believed the mythology, they thought that a device that was not removable was the only way to assure control of their ejaculations. Our community has moved way past that point and we understand that orgasm denial doesn’t require hardware.

That brings me back to Tom’s thesis. I don’t believe he is claiming there is any direct relationship between orgasm denial and wearing a chastity device beyond the inconvenience of trying to get off while wearing one. It’s absolutely possible to do it. It’s just not all that easy. It’s my understanding that Tom wanted to provide a way of talking about the degree of acceptance of orgasm denial and wearing chastity hardware.

In that respect, I applaud him. Just because Mrs. Lion denies me orgasms when I want them, doesn’t suggest I don’t get any. I got 51 in 2019. That’s more than a lot of guys who practice orgasm denial, but it’s still less than I might have had if left to my own devices. Maybe, if Tom’s matrix catches on, part of our profiles will be a fraction. Mine is probably 5/7 which represents my use of chastity devices and orgasm denial on the X and Y axes of Tom’s matrix.

If nothing else, this effort to translate these activities into hard numbers offer opportunities to see if there aren’t other correlations. Could it be that if you plot degree of submissiveness against frequency of orgasms you get more insights? How about looking at type of orgasms: masturbation versus intercourse? Maybe consider the ratio between male orgasms and female partner orgasms? If you like numbers you can have a lot of fun with this. I wonder what percentage of people in each of the quadrants of Tom’s matrix keep spreadsheets that accurately record their orgasms and the amount of time they wait between them? This sort of stuff could provide years of fodder for chastity forum participants. Thank you, Tom. You’ve given a lot of people something to talk about.

By:
In: Punishment, Mrs Lion Comments

Lion is still somewhat under the weather. He’s feeling better than yesterday but being in pain took a lot out of him. He’s been snoozing on and off this morning and probably will be for most of the day. He’s been apologetic and very appreciative of me for taking care of him. What else would I do? He’s the love of my life.

Despite what James thinks in his comment to Lion’s post, I am not a monster. Ironically, James, before I met Lion I would have said you were a monster for living a BDSM lifestyle – consensual or not. How could one person do those things to another person? Who would want that done to them? Freaks! I didn’t understand. Maybe I still don’t. I admit that I still don’t get why Lion would want me to spank him even in play. I do it for him, but it doesn’t really make sense to me.

Why do I do it? It’s simple. It makes him happy. Does it make me happy? Not in the same sense. I like to make Lion happy. Having Lion tell me it was a good spanking or he had fun makes me happy. I guess my satisfaction comes from a job well done. I think the same is true of punishment. I don’t see the point in punishing him. I mean, I see the point. It’s to stop him from doing something. But I don’t see why he wants it. Can’t I just tell him to stop interrupting me? Yup. Can’t I just tell him to stop being a know-it-all? Yup. Can’t I just tell him to stop annoying me? Yup. I have. I do. Is it frustrating that he keeps doing those things? Yup. What can I do? I can either stuff it or tell him. I’ve done both in the past. However, Lion wants to feel my control. That’s why he wants me to punish him. Let me repeat that, James. He wants me to punish him.

When I punish Lion, I’m not some crazy-eyed, evil person waling away on Lion’s butt. On the contrary, I try to make sure I don’t actually injure him. If he bleeds, I check to make sure it’s not a severe bleed. Now we know it’s likely because his skin is dry. Lion wants to feel the spanking the next day. That’s a sign that I’ve done a good job. Do I want to do a good job? Wouldn’t you, James? I know he’ll feel it more if I hit on his sit spot so I try to concentrate on those areas. I also know if I continue on the same spots for too long, he won’t be able to hold still long enough for him to feel things the next day. I have to share the wealth with other parts of his butt.

The punishments last as long as I want them to. They usually don’t last as long as Lion wants them to. Of course, if you ask him, he wants them to stop as soon as they get painful. That’s the fight or flight response. In his BDSM-addled mind, he wants them to go on much longer than I am willing to do. He’s not looking to actually be hurt. He’s looking for lasting pain. No, not pain that requires medical attention. If you look at strictjuliespanks’ posts, my spankings are far less than hers. Would Lion like one of hers? I don’t think so. I think he likes the idea of her spankings. The reality would probably be too much. I know it would be too much for me to do to him.

So you see, James, Lion gets what he wants. I’m not a monster arbitrarily administering punishments. He has his rules, that we came up with together, and he “decides” when he gets punished based on how well he follows the rules. I’m an ordinary wife who steps into the role of punisher when it’s required.

By:
In: Erections, Health and safety, Mrs Lion Comments

We were considering dinner out last night but neither of us were very hungry. By the time we decided to eat something in, it was pretty late. As a result, play time was late.

I tied Lion’s balls to see if that would help with his slump. I’m sorry to say it did not. Tight, stretched out balls were not the answer. Of course, it was late. But Lion is more convinced than ever that he’s broken. He’s afraid he’s permanently broken. I’m not so sure. He’s still horny. I’m wondering if it has something to do with medications. He’s making a doctor appointment to check things out.

This morning, Lion isn’t feeling well. He’s not sure if it’s kidney stones again or what. He’s in a lot of pain and I’m not sure how to help him. I’m in the helpless position of waiting for him to tell me if he needs to go to the hospital. Health issues are not the way we wanted to start 2020. I’m hoping he has whatever I had the other day. It wasn’t fun but it didn’t last too long.

With him in a lot of pain, I’m not really thinking about causing him more pain. However, I know he probably needs pain to get over his slump. Barring any organic issues, it must be a play problem. He isn’t getting what he needs to fully turn him on. It’s possible that a change of venue would help. We spend all our time in the bedroom and I’ve argued in the past that there should be some separation. Aside from my moving over to snuggle, there’s no real signal that sex is beginning. You know, in the movies and on TV someone usually says “let’s take this to the bedroom” or words to that effect. I don’t know for a fact that that would work. I just know something has to change.

I guess I could start putting clothespins or Icy Hot on the bed to foreshadow the night’s happenings. But I sort of like surprising Lion. It’s fun to get him all riled up and then bring out those evil tiny clothespins and watch his face contort. Even if I don’t use them. Even if I just bring one out and run it over the tip of his cock like I might use it. I have no idea if that would break his slump. I don’t know what will or I would have done it by now. I’m grasping at straws here.

Lion feels bad that he can’t get hard for me like he’s wasting my time. I feel bad that I can’t get him hard like I’m wasting his time. Maybe I really did do a number on him when I stopped when I was tired. Maybe that sent a message that I won’t go the extra yard to get him to the edge. I have. And I will. We’ll figure this out. Maybe we just need to stop dwelling on it. Thinking is the enemy of an erection, after all.

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal, Lioness 3.0, Spanking

Thursday night Mrs. Lion spanked me for my thoughtless behavior on Wednesday. She mentioned it in her post the next day. It was an important punishment. Hopefully, that spanking is the beginning of Mrs. Lion becoming more aware of things I do that bother her. Most couples that implement domestic discipline with the wife as the disciplining spouse begin because there is a behavioral problem with the husband. The most common reason is excessive drinking. The husband will be punished each time he drinks more than his wife permits him.

The key is that both partners believe something needs to be corrected. In our context, domestic discipline is a consensual activity. Mrs. Lion’s decisions about why I am punished can’t be vetoed. I think that surrendering the right to argue is what frightens many men about entering the sort of relationship. Mrs. Lion’s word is absolute, and I have to accept her punishments.

Our reason for getting into this has more to do with Mrs. Lion than me. She has a lifetime habit of stuffing her feelings. In the past, I’ve done things that upset her. I’ve been thoughtless with something I’ve said to her. She never commented when I did. I only discovered her upset when she withdrew from me. When that happened, I’d have to pry what was going on out of her. I felt that ultimately these bad feelings would add up and could endanger our marriage. I talked about this with Mrs. Lion; you can read about that in past posts. She agreed that the problem is real and that my proposed solution made sense.

Since neither of us had any experience with disciplinary spanking, it made sense to try to establish our roles in less threatening situations. After all, Mrs. Lion isn’t just going to suddenly tell me what’s bothering her and then punish me for my offense. That’s why we have our misdemeanors. They provided her with experience catching me doing something wrong, and me accepting punishment. It’s taken a long time to build up to a level of discipline that makes a strong impression on me. Mrs. Lion is now very successful at spanking me.

What we refer to as lioness 3.0, is Mrs. Lion being aware of things I say or do that upset her. Then, she must tell me about it and follow-up with punishment. Identifying offenses has been incredibly difficult for her. The fact that she processed and then discussed the fact that I upset her on Wednesday was a big step. I suggested that it was a spankable offense. She agreed, and Thursday night, I was spanked for it. That’s a terrific step for us both. Yesterday, in an email, I said that my bottom still hurt. She replied that she hoped it would remind me to think about what I did. Perfect!

heart paddle
It may hurt but Mrs. Lion punishes out of love. Contrary to the saying, it definitely hurts me more than it hurts her.

I’m not happy that I got punished, but I am pleased that Mrs. Lion processed my behavior and took action to try to teach me to be more aware of her. One of our readers suggested that she respond to my offense by keeping me caged longer, or worse yet, take my cage off. That sort of punishment isn’t useful for us. Longer-term retribution loses its impact because the offense fades from memory. A timely punishment like spanking allows me to associate my thoughtlessness with a very painful spanking. It conditions me to avoid the behavior that got me punished. The longer-term disciplines wouldn’t have that effect if I repeated the act. Mrs. Lion would have nothing else she could do. In this case, if I repeat that behavior, I can expect a longer (10 or 15 minutes versus five minute) spanking.

Behavior that is deeply embedded in our psyches isn’t going to change after a single disciplinary event. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to suddenly be able to detect and react to everything I do that upsets her. It’s going to take her time and effort to do that. Similarly, I’m probably going to be thoughtless again. It’s doubtful a single punishment will condition me away from that behavior. If it does, so much the better. If it doesn’t, Mrs. Lion will deal with it in a way that will help me learn not to do it again.

Unlike our misdemeanors, which are mainly BDSM, these more severe offenses need serious punishment to be corrected. Only a consistent response will do that. We’ve both learned that I learn by being punished for an offense. We discovered that when I was punished for spilling food on my shirt, I went from doing it frequently to rarely getting food there. In the scope of my life, that’s not a big deal. But it is a big deal in terms of the fact that we’ve proven that I can make changes as the result of disciplinary action. Now, we have to apply that same level of consistency to these more serious behavioral issues.

The bottom line is that Mrs. Lion and I want to make each other happy. I don’t need rules to do things that make her life more comfortable. I want to do that. And I do. We both came to like our BDSM misdemeanor “game.” So Mrs. Lion looks for other reasons to catch me and then punish me. Those punishments we call funishments: unpleasant but not severe things like mouth soaping and corner time. We both find it fun and exciting. That’s the reason I got punished, or should I say funished for forgetting to set up the coffee pot. It wasn’t that I needed severe discipline to get me to do my chores; it was just another way to play the game.

Spanking is reserved for serious offenses or dealing with repeated minor offenses. Mrs. Lion spanked me because I forgot for the fourth or fifth time to remind Mrs. Lion that Saturday is punishment day. I can expect another spanking if I forget again. It was the only time something in the realm of our funishments leaks into the more severe and painful spanking arena.

Both of us have been writing about the fact that I bleed when spanked. I had several theories about this. The one that I believe is correct is that my skin was dry, and when it began to swell during spanking, it cracked and bled. The solution, I thought, would be to moisturize that skin so that it is more flexible; soften it up for the blow. When Mrs. Lion spanked me on Thursday night, there was only a tiny bit of bleeding. She had put me in cotton panties so that it was the same set of conditions we had for the last two spankings. In those spankings, there was considerable bleeding. She is sure that she was just as harsh Thursday night, and there was almost no blood.

I will continue moisturizing my lower cheeks. I believe Mrs. Lion is going to go back to spanking my bare buns. Swatting bare skin is more painful, and she can see the visible results of her work. Mrs. Lion strives to achieve an even, dark-red color on the bottom half of my bottom. She tries to get the same color inside my crack as well. That was impossible, with me covered by the panties.

Before this most recent theory, we were both convinced I needed to toughen my hide. Mrs. Lion proposed to do this through spankings for punishment, and in weeks when I didn’t earn one, maintenance spankings as well. Perhaps she still has to work on my hide, but it’s clear that I have to continue moisturizing to keep it soft and pliable. As far as I could tell on Thursday night, having a moisturized rear end doesn’t change how sensitive it is.

It may seem odd that our domestic discipline is a cooperative affair with both of us supplying input. A disciplinary relationship is something we both want and have incorporated into our marriage. I owe it to Mrs. Lion to help her observe my offenses and correct me when I commit them. We are both on the same side. It will indeed hurt a lot after I tell her of something I did wrong and remind her to punish me. However, our goal is the same. We both want her to be more aware of things that bother her and to realize she has the power and the obligation to punish me when I commit them. We both profit when she does. A sore butt is a small price to pay.