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In: Edging, Orgasm denial

The other day I was debating whether to change things up and tell Lion when his scheduled orgasms are. For a long time I did, and then we went to scheduled dates but he was not privy to the information. I wondered if not knowing made him always think “tonight’s the night.” On the other hand, knowing the date might allow him to get into the mindset of waiting. In his post this morning he said he thinks he wants to know again. Why not? There’s no reason I can’t tell him. And, of course, no reason I can’t change my mind at a future date. So yesterday I changed his orgasm calendar date to August 18 and then immediately realized that August 15 (our anniversary) made much more sense.

What was Lion’s first response? “That’s so far away!” I knew he didn’t want to know. Yes, it is one of his longer waits. Yes, it would have been a few days longer had I kept the August 18 date. Yes, it will be difficult to make it. Yes, I know he can do it. And then within a few minutes he was telling me that he can do it. He also told me that I would probably give him a bonus orgasm before then. A few minutes later he said that if I hadn’t told him the scheduled date, he’s pretty sure I would have given him an orgasm last night or tonight. Well, he’s right that he’ll probably get a bonus orgasm before his scheduled date. But, since he said the other day that he would rather wait a while, I wasn’t planning on giving him an orgasm at least until next weekend. Depending on how he handles his knowledge of the scheduled date, I may wait the full amount. It’s up to him. And not in the he’s-calling-the-shots way, but in the how-much-does-he-whine way. I already told him if he’s on his best behavior and earns a reward, he might get an orgasm early. Of course, then he said there was no way for him to earn a reward. True. I’ll have to think of something.

In the meantime, he had a double dose of teasing yesterday. And he’s likely to be teased tonight, after his punishment swats. And every night for the foreseeable future. What more could a Lion want? (I know what more a Lion could want.)

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

I’ve made frequent reference to other guys who take great pride in how long they wait for their orgasms and how different I am. It’s true that I get no pleasure thinking about  how long I have held out. But I don’t like it when I get an orgasm because I tell Mrs. Lion I really want one. For me, at least, what I truly want is the power exchange. So, if I get to come because Mrs. Lion knows I am really horny, it feels a bit like topping from the bottom. On the other hand, extending my wait doesn’t feel to me like more control over my sexuality. I think that’s where I am different from some of the other guys. More desperation doesn’t equate with feeling more submissive. I know this feels like a problem for Mrs. Lion: give him an orgasm and he feels that he is topping; don’t give him one for a long time and he still doesn’t feel submissive. It sounds like a lose/lose.

Mrs. Lion wrote about reconsidering letting me know when I might come again. At first, I really didn’t like the idea. Not knowing does add some spice to the game, but then I gave it more thought. If the earliest date I can orgasm is announced in advance, I can’t claim that I am topping from the bottom when I finally do get that orgasm. My expectation is set for the scheduled date. If Mrs. Lion decides to give me a bonus orgasm, it won’t feel like topping from the bottom because I am convinced my next orgasm is engraved in stone. If Mrs. Lion decides to extend the scheduled date as part of a punishment, I will feel it strongly because I have been looking forward to the announced date.

There is a key phrase in my thinking about a schedule: “not before”. That means there is no guarantee that on the appointed date I will actually get to come, just that I have no hope before that date. That keeps the uncertainty under Mrs. Lion’s control. I realize that if she sets a schedule, Mrs. Lion is more likely to make my waits longer. It just seems to work that way. I’m not happy about that. Right now, I’m not too happy about waiting for many days or weeks. I’m also not too happy about anything. Financially, things are coming to a head. I only have one more unemployment check, and it will be for about half of the previous payment. We have no savings. I have a series of job interviews for a company in a couple of days. I’m worried that they will think I am too old. I’m pretty sure this is why I haven’t had much luck yet. So that reality definitely colors all of my thoughts and feelings.

When it comes to my orgasms, I’m beginning to think that wanting them can be more fun than having them. Well, maybe not. But when the time comes for my orgasm I know I really enjoy a big buildup and uncertainty right to the point of no return whether or not this is It. I’ve noticed that after a long wait, my orgasm actually hurts. Others have reported this too. If the wait is too short, the orgasm is very nice but less, well, climatic. All this varies considerably each time. The more buildup, the more exciting. Or, in the case of a long wait, potentially more painful. It doesn’t hurt every time I ejaculate after a long wait (over 10 days), but about 25% of the time it does. If I get another orgasm the next day, it feels really good. I rationalize this by thinking that my body lost it’s sexual tone and after a chance to ejaculate uncomfortably, is restored. I have no idea if this is true. I only know that I never have a painful orgasm if I come every few days (3 days to about a week). I know that other guys have written about this as well. This in no way should affect how Mrs. Lion schedules my ejaculations; just sayin’ this is what seems to happen with me.

While on the subject of feeling Mrs. Lion’s control, it is both exciting and frustrating when she says no to me. This, I know is very difficult for her. In a way it’s like a play spanking; I get aroused thinking about getting one, and aroused remembering it, but hate it while it is being administered. To be clear, I get no feelings of arousal or anticipation for punishment. I just hate those spankings and try my best to avoid them. On those occasions Mrs. Lion spanks me right after I do something wrong, I feel her power acutely. Even if the spanking is for a silly rule, like not dropping food or ice cubes, the immediate response sends my brain the unmistakable message that she is in complete control. If she goes back to announcing orgasm dates and I do something that warrants it, letting me know then and there that the date has moved sends a very powerful message to me. Without an announced date, telling me I have to wait longer has no real effect since I had no anticipation of any specific chance to come. I guess I am asking for a return to scheduled orgasm days. They provide a continuous reminder that I don’t get a vote on when I can come.

By:
In: Edging, Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments, Sex

That has a few meanings for us lately. You all know about our financial problems and why don’t we just shut up about that already. I agree. I’m talking about edging Lion. He’s been a very horny boy lately and, rather than give him orgasms, I’ve decided to return to edging him. Not that I didn’t edge him before each orgasm, but I mean just edging him. Stopping just short of his promised land, so to speak.

He made a comment the other day that it’s possible to have too many orgasms. He wanted to wait. I thought I was being nice. I was taking pity on him because if nothing else seems to be going right, at least he could have an orgasm. He didn’t think I was not being nice. He just voiced an opinion. And I know he likes to wait sometimes, although he’s not a fan of an extended wait. I think 21 days is the longest he’s waited. That’s a mini wait for some caged males. Not even the blink of an eye. So far he’s been waiting five days and, if memory serves, he’s got quite a while to wait till his next scheduled orgasm. It certainly won’t happen tonight. But he will get edged.

Today is manscaping day. I’ll unlock him and get rid of all that extra fuzz cluttering up my play area. He’ll be hair free from belly button down and around back to his buns. While he’s wild, I usually play with him a bit. Sometimes it’s just a quick feel. Other times it’s a full edging. When he’s very horny, it takes very little touching to get Mr. Weenie to full attention. If the mood strikes me I can be very mean to my pet and ignore him altogether. Just let his erection fade into the sunset without even acknowledging it. I can do my trimming and hand him his ring to put on when he’s able to. But what fun would that be? Ignore him? No, no, no. I want to let him know I see his dilemma and I can help. Of course, by helping I know I’ll only make it worse. Because, you see, he said he wants to wait. Silly boy.

So if I do actually play with him (and why wouldn’t I?) while I manscape him, then I might even decide to edge him again tonight. Double whammy! Poor Lion. I can hear him grumbling already.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Female led relationship with discipline, Punishment, Spanking

How do you punish a masochist sounds like the start of a one-liner. Let’s see: make him watch Donald Trump speeches, throw him a party. You get the idea. Actually this is a problem, particularly with enforced chastity. In behavioral psychology the way to extinguish bad behaviors is to ignore them. It works with toddlers. When they don’t get the attention they crave, they give up the tantrums. Some keyholders reason that by extending wait time, they will let their caged males know they are not happy with their behavior. But wait! Didn’t the guys ask to be locked up and made to wait? Isn’t using extending wait time feeding the fantasy that got things started? In my case I don’t think it is. It will certainly get my attention and make me unhappy for a while. But after a day or two I will find the erotic value of this wait. I am not sure this strategy is as effective as guys say it is. I asked Mrs. Lion to use this as a punishment when we first started. I did this because much of what I read and my own fantasies featured extended waits as disciplinary retribution.

For a masochist, spanking is very unlikely to be useful either. A masochist likes pain. It doesn’t mean he likes it when the spanking is being administered, but chances are pretty good that he will get aroused anticipating it and remembering the pain later. In fact, spanking is a very popular form of BDSM play. I like to be spanked as part of BDSM play. When I get a disciplinary spanking from Mrs. Lion I hate it. Anticipating one scares me. It doesn’t arouse me. Remembering it inspires fear as well. Of course, I’m not really a masochist. I like some sensation play, but I am not fond of the sort of sudden, extremely painful swats I get for being naughty. At the same time I love it when Mrs. Lion slowly builds up and gets my endorphins going in a play spanking. Anticipating that gets me very aroused. The reason it works for me is that my interest in painful sensation play is pretty limited.

In less than two weeks, we will publish our 1,000th post. To celebrate this millennium, we have asked another couple practicing enforced chastity and FLM to write with us. We would like your questions. What would you like to know about enforced chastity and FLM? Ask your question in a comment to this post.

I know for a fact that most masochists do have a limit beyond which pain becomes truly pain and not erotic fun. Punishment spanking must go well past that limit to work. It is, by definition, not consensual. A die-hard pain slut is impossible to spank for punishment. It just isn’t worth trying. Since withholding orgasm is actually what most caged males want, extending waits for punishment has dubious value. In my case, I will hate having to wait more, but might mitigate that by my fantasies about my keyholder. Mrs. Lion doesn’t generally make me wait for too long. My kink has more to do with control than abstinence.

The biggest problem with discipline in the context of enforced chastity and BDSM is finding a way to send a message about his behavior that also doesn’t arouse him at some level. The fact is that you really don’t have to do that in many cases. Even if your punishment has an erotic effect on your masochist, if it causes him to change the undesired behavior, you have succeeded. Of course, in my opinion, the most valuable aspect of punishment is its ability to deter future breeches. If he genuinely fears and hates punishment, a stern look will be enough to kill any disobedience or undesirable behavior in its tracks. Unlike orgasm control which is largely an erotic game for two, behavioral conditioning requires effective punishment and rewards and very consistent application of both.

Let’s face it, many women aren’t signing up for serious behavioral modification of their males. They like the enforced chastity power exchange and want little or nothing to do with actual punishment. Fair enough. That’s a choice each couple has to make on their own. Mrs. Lion and I have decided to extend the power exchange to a female led marriage (FLM). That requires me to be conditioned to obedience and proper treatment of my lioness at all times. She has the power, period. I am not particularly docile or well behaved as a disciplined male. Mrs. Lion does find it necessary to punish me. To my surprise, her spankings are amazingly effective with me. I genuinely fear them and go out of my way to avoid them. Her challenge is to be a consistent leader who closely observes my behavior. That will take time to develop and I will take time to truly learn obedience. Stay tuned.