How do you punish a masochist sounds like the start of a one-liner. Let’s see: make him watch Donald Trump speeches, throw him a party. You get the idea. Actually this is a problem, particularly with enforced chastity. In behavioral psychology the way to extinguish bad behaviors is to ignore them. It works with toddlers. When they don’t get the attention they crave, they give up the tantrums. Some keyholders reason that by extending wait time, they will let their caged males know they are not happy with their behavior. But wait! Didn’t the guys ask to be locked up and made to wait? Isn’t using extending wait time feeding the fantasy that got things started? In my case I don’t think it is. It will certainly get my attention and make me unhappy for a while. But after a day or two I will find the erotic value of this wait. I am not sure this strategy is as effective as guys say it is. I asked Mrs. Lion to use this as a punishment when we first started. I did this because much of what I read and my own fantasies featured extended waits as disciplinary retribution.
For a masochist, spanking is very unlikely to be useful either. A masochist likes pain. It doesn’t mean he likes it when the spanking is being administered, but chances are pretty good that he will get aroused anticipating it and remembering the pain later. In fact, spanking is a very popular form of BDSM play. I like to be spanked as part of BDSM play. When I get a disciplinary spanking from Mrs. Lion I hate it. Anticipating one scares me. It doesn’t arouse me. Remembering it inspires fear as well. Of course, I’m not really a masochist. I like some sensation play, but I am not fond of the sort of sudden, extremely painful swats I get for being naughty. At the same time I love it when Mrs. Lion slowly builds up and gets my endorphins going in a play spanking. Anticipating that gets me very aroused. The reason it works for me is that my interest in painful sensation play is pretty limited.
In less than two weeks, we will publish our 1,000th post. To celebrate this millennium, we have asked another couple practicing enforced chastity and FLM to write with us. We would like your questions. What would you like to know about enforced chastity and FLM? Ask your question in a comment to this post.
I know for a fact that most masochists do have a limit beyond which pain becomes truly pain and not erotic fun. Punishment spanking must go well past that limit to work. It is, by definition, not consensual. A die-hard pain slut is impossible to spank for punishment. It just isn’t worth trying. Since withholding orgasm is actually what most caged males want, extending waits for punishment has dubious value. In my case, I will hate having to wait more, but might mitigate that by my fantasies about my keyholder. Mrs. Lion doesn’t generally make me wait for too long. My kink has more to do with control than abstinence.
The biggest problem with discipline in the context of enforced chastity and BDSM is finding a way to send a message about his behavior that also doesn’t arouse him at some level. The fact is that you really don’t have to do that in many cases. Even if your punishment has an erotic effect on your masochist, if it causes him to change the undesired behavior, you have succeeded. Of course, in my opinion, the most valuable aspect of punishment is its ability to deter future breeches. If he genuinely fears and hates punishment, a stern look will be enough to kill any disobedience or undesirable behavior in its tracks. Unlike orgasm control which is largely an erotic game for two, behavioral conditioning requires effective punishment and rewards and very consistent application of both.
Let’s face it, many women aren’t signing up for serious behavioral modification of their males. They like the enforced chastity power exchange and want little or nothing to do with actual punishment. Fair enough. That’s a choice each couple has to make on their own. Mrs. Lion and I have decided to extend the power exchange to a female led marriage (FLM). That requires me to be conditioned to obedience and proper treatment of my lioness at all times. She has the power, period. I am not particularly docile or well behaved as a disciplined male. Mrs. Lion does find it necessary to punish me. To my surprise, her spankings are amazingly effective with me. I genuinely fear them and go out of my way to avoid them. Her challenge is to be a consistent leader who closely observes my behavior. That will take time to develop and I will take time to truly learn obedience. Stay tuned.