5 Tests To See If You Are In a FLR
Mrs. Lion has been busy with her do-it-yourself projects. I am sure that the new mat for the naughty stool is going to be very difficult for me. I didn’t ask for this, Mrs. Lion figured it out. All I did was pick up the mat at Home Depot, the best BDSM toy store out there. I think she is having fun with her projects.
I don’t think the mat will slip off the stool. There is some very coarse sandpaper glued to the seat. If she feels the need for a better attachment, we have some industrial Velcro in the camper (in the drawer under the stairs, Sweetie). A bit of that should do the trick for sure.
Some people say our relationship is not truly a FLR. The vast majority of the time we are partners. We consult as well as make individual decisions. But, we aren’t quite vanilla either. On any matter she chooses, Mrs. Lion can put down her paw and overrule me. Sometimes, she carries a paddle in her purse to help me remember she gets the last word. And, she knows how to use it.
Some people like rituals. They want to address each other in role-supporting names, like Mistress, or Queen. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It’s not us and it isn’t required in a FLR.
I think a lot of people believe that a FLR has to include submissive/subservient full-time behavior. As a result, they don’t even consider that they might be having a lifestyle, female-led relationship while believing they just like BDSM play.
The way I see it, there is a very fine line between so-called BDSM play and a FLR for couples. I expect that we are at the less intense level of FLR than some of our readers. That doesn’t change the fact that we are in a FLR.
I’ve been thinking about how I would define FLR vs BDSM. There are a few simple tests to help make the distinction:
- Who has the final word in the case of a disagreement? If both people know and agree that She has the last word, that is one sign. However, there are FLR relationships where she actually doesn’t. It depends on how far into day-to-day living the FLR goes.
- Can the female partner require her male partner to do things that he wouldn’t do if she didn’t tell him? This is the blurriest of the tests. Many people who do BDSM scenes require the male to wear panties, etc. as part of the scenes. If she can also require him to wear them any time, scene or no scene, that suggests a male-submissive role.
- Can she punish him? By this, I don’t mean punishment scenes where he can stop it if he has had enough. I’m talking about punishment which he may get turned on thinking about, but in practice is anything but fun. I like to be spanked, but not as hard or as long as Mrs. Lion spanks me to teach me a lesson. There doesn’t have to be a reason for the punishment. It may just be Mrs. Lion making sure I know who is boss.
- Does she decide if and when he can ejaculate? Another tricky one. Some FLR’s don’t have any rule about the male jerking off. He can do what he wants with himself, but he also has to provide whatever sexual service his partner demands. I am not ever permitted to masturbate. The one and only way I can ejaculate is if Mrs. Lion provides the stimulation. I can be wild or locked in a chastity device. It doesn’t change the rule.
- Does he agree he always has to obey her? This is subtle too. I do agree I must always obey Mrs. Lion. But she doesn’t give me orders all the time. As I said before, most of the time we function as equals. But, when Mrs. Lion tells me to do something, I have to do it. If I don’t, I get punished.
These five tests should help you decide if you are in a FLR even though you may never considered it as your reality. The only reason I decided to write this list is that I see couples who say they just do BDSM scenes, but in fact are indistinguishable from us.
There is no set definition for any of this stuff. I’m suggesting that if you do fit into the model, you may be able to have more fun by acknowledging it. Besides, I always wanted to write a list post with 5 somethings that mean something. Indulge me.
[Mrs. Lion – Ironically, I asked Lion to buy a Powerball ticket because I thought it would be funny if we won something from opposite sides of the country. I forgot that his conference ran later Wednesday so he really can’t go buy a ticket. But at first I was annoyed. It seemed like a simple enough request. I went out of my way to buy one here. He could go out of his way to buy one there. Once he reminded me of his schedule it made sense. I still teased him in an email: “I still think you should go get one. Not that it matters. It won’t win. But because I asked you to. Do I have to meet you at the airport with a paddle?”]
[Lion – I wrote her that it would be a good idea to meet me with a paddle. She replied that she would have the hairbrush paddle in her bag. Uh oh, back-of-the-truck, airport spanking?]
Welcome to Your Sore Buns, Lion
I’m waiting for yet another repair/delivery person. I haven’t been sitting around twiddling my thumbs though. I’ve been marking and cutting the welcome mat for the punishment stool. We were wondering what we’d need to get through the rubber and coconut husk. It turns out a regular box cutter (razor blade) made it through the thin rubber without too much trouble and the coconut husk just went along for the ride.
I left three flaps to attach the mat to the stool to keep it from sliding when Lion sits on it. I’m still in the designing phase as to what the fasteners will actually be. I was thinking of buying some sort of strap. Then I thought I could make a strap. My concern is that the mat will tear once I cut slits for the strap. I may be overthinking. There shouldn’t be too much pressure on the slits. I’m only trying to hold it steady. Lion won’t want to wiggle very much I’m sure.
The longer flap on the right is for making contact with Lion’s balls and weenie. In the picture I have a piece of plastic holding the flap up. We need to find something to keep the flap from sagging. If the plastic is strong enough I can glue it in place. I’m a little unsure of the size and shape of the flap. I didn’t want it too big but I didn’t want it too small. I’m also wondering about rounding the end. I want a certain amount of Lion pain but I want to control the amount. I may want to keep my options open by having something that holds it up when I want it and doesn’t when I don’t.
Whatever I decide, Lion is in for some nasty corner time. Just what he wanted. Silly boy.
The Way It’s Supposed To Be
Maybe I can retire as the architect of my own demise. Mrs. Lion has picked up the mantle and is off and running coming up with new ways to torture me. This is very gratifying in one way and scary in another. When I come up with new ways she can get me, I have time to consider and fantasize about the activity before i suggest it to Mrs. Lion.
Now, unless she writes about it here, any new “ideas” will be surprises to me at the very time I experience them. That is totally new to me. If she hints about something new in a post, I’m free to imagine what fresh hell I will experience at a later time.
Mrs. Lion has come up with ideas before. She had a record of not following through. I know that’s changed now. For one thing, she is well aware how I count on things she tells me. For another, she has turned a new leaf. I don’t want to say that 2.0 has arrived full time. I’m not sure what that would mean. But I am positive that my sweet lioness has taken a much more active interest in what happens to me after a spanking.
Almost all spankings in our house are associated with me being naughty. We have some rules I am very unlikely to avoid breaking on a regular basis. Getting food on my shirt is the best example. That rule was adopted for the express purpose at giving us practice with punishment. It’s served very well.
And, it will continue to serve. Additionally, Mrs. Lion has become far more vigilant discovering infractions. As a result, punishment is a very frequent activity. I am spanked at least once a week; often more frequently. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned to hate being punished. But that isn’t the point at all.
We both need to learn how to function in a disciplinary relationship. It takes time to build the length and ferocity of a spanking. Similarly, it takes time to develop and execute spanking deserts, like corner time.
I am getting a lot of value from this program. I don’t know exactly why, but I am. Mrs.Lion appears to have noticed this. I wonder if she is also getting value as well. Changes, like adding domestic discipline, take time to establish. It also takes quite a bit of time to see if this practice fits into our lives.
It appears that, like enforced male chastity, it is fitting. Punishments have become an accepted part of our routine. There is no fuss or muss. Mrs. Lion gets her paddle of choice, I assume the position, and off we go. She generally tells me why I’m being spanked. I almost always know anyway. There is no ritual. It’s just another part of our life together. That’s how I think it’s supposed to be.
While the Lion’s Away
My better half is on the east coast. Travelling is rough on both of us. The day he leaves, we get up at 4 am so he can get to the airport with plenty of time for him to check his bag and make it through security. Consequently, we’re exhausted at the end of the day. Obviously we recover fairly quickly and a few days later Lion is home. In the meantime we’re both alone and hating it.
Since I’m the play-by-play reporter, I don’t have much to talk about while Lion is away. I always make a lot of plans. I’ll clean this, finish this project, read that book, etc. I rarely get to do them all. However, this time I do have a few projects I really want to work on. The first is getting the welcome mat cut to fit the top of the punishment stool. I have an idea of how I’ll strap it onto the stool. I just need the parts. I have the mat all marked out. Now I need to cut it. I also want to get started on the princess and the pea cushion. The one I’ll take the stuffing out of and replace with beads or whatever other hard-to-sit-on items I find.
Lion did very well Sunday night when I pegged him. I was able to move the dildo in and out further and much faster than the night before. It’s certainly easier because of the smoothness of the dildo. I think it was a good choice for the first round of pegging. We’ll continue with it for the foreseeable future. Even when we move to the Rodeoh. Once Lion gets used to the size and motion, we can try for texture.
I’m not sure I care so much about fisting him anymore. Perhaps we’ll get to a point that he is able to handle it, but I’m more interested now in being consistent. I didn’t mention it the other day but I did put Lion in panties. Can’t let him forget he has a pretty side. Each time we add something new I struggle to maintain things. It’s so easy for me to let things fall by the wayside. I’m going to do my best to keep Lion on his toes.
