5 Tests To See If You Are In a FLR

Mrs. Lion has been busy with her do-it-yourself projects. I am sure that the new mat for the naughty stool is going to be very difficult for me. I didn’t ask for this, Mrs. Lion figured it out. All I did was pick up the mat at Home Depot, the best BDSM toy store out there. I think she is having fun with her projects.

I don’t think the mat will slip off the stool. There is some very coarse sandpaper glued to the seat. If she feels the need for a better attachment, we have some industrial Velcro in the camper (in the drawer under the stairs, Sweetie). A bit of that should do the trick for sure.

Some people say our relationship is not truly a FLR. The vast majority of the time we are partners. We consult as well as make individual decisions. But, we aren’t quite vanilla either. On any matter she chooses, Mrs. Lion can put down her paw and overrule me. Sometimes, she carries a paddle in her purse to help me remember she gets the last word. And, she knows how to use it.

Some people like rituals. They want to address each other in role-supporting names, like Mistress, or Queen. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It’s not us and it isn’t required in a FLR.

I think a lot of people believe that a FLR has to include submissive/subservient full-time behavior. As a result, they don’t even consider that they might be having a lifestyle, female-led relationship while believing they just like BDSM play.

The way I see it, there is a very fine line between so-called BDSM play and a FLR for couples. I expect that we are at the less intense level of FLR than some of our readers. That doesn’t change the fact that we are in a FLR.

I’ve been thinking about how I would define FLR vs BDSM. There are a few simple tests to help make the distinction:

  1.  Who has the final word in the case of a disagreement? If both people know and agree that She has the last word, that is one sign. However, there are FLR relationships where she actually doesn’t. It depends on how far into day-to-day living the FLR goes.
  2. Can the female partner require her male partner to do things that he wouldn’t do if she didn’t tell him? This is the blurriest of the tests. Many people who do BDSM scenes require the male to wear panties, etc. as part of the scenes. If she can also require him to wear them any time, scene or no scene, that suggests a male-submissive role.
  3. Can she punish him? By this, I don’t mean punishment scenes where he can stop it if he has had enough. I’m talking about punishment which he may get turned on thinking about, but in practice is anything but fun. I like to be spanked, but not as hard or as long as Mrs. Lion spanks me to teach me a lesson. There doesn’t have to be a reason for the punishment. It may just be Mrs. Lion making sure I know who is boss.
  4. Does she decide if and when he can ejaculate? Another tricky one. Some FLR’s don’t have any rule about the male jerking off. He can do what he wants with himself, but he also has to provide whatever sexual service his partner demands. I am not ever permitted to masturbate. The one and only way I can ejaculate is if Mrs. Lion provides the stimulation. I can be wild or locked in a chastity device. It doesn’t change the rule.
  5. Does he agree he always has to obey her? This is subtle too. I do agree I must always obey Mrs. Lion. But she doesn’t give me orders all the time. As I said before, most of the time we function as equals. But, when Mrs. Lion tells me to do something, I have to do it. If I don’t, I get punished.

These five tests should help you decide if you are in a FLR even though you may never considered it as your reality. The only reason I decided to write this list is that I see couples who say they just do BDSM scenes, but in fact are indistinguishable from us.

There is no set definition for any of this stuff. I’m suggesting that if you do fit into the model, you may be able to have more fun by acknowledging it. Besides, I always wanted to write a list post with 5 somethings that mean something. Indulge me.

[Mrs. Lion – Ironically, I asked Lion to buy a Powerball ticket because I thought it would be funny if we won something from opposite sides of the country. I forgot that his conference ran later Wednesday so he really can’t go buy a ticket. But at first I was annoyed. It seemed like a simple enough request. I went out of my way to buy one here. He could go out of his way to buy one there. Once he reminded me of his schedule it made sense. I still teased him in an email: “I still think you should go get one. Not that it matters. It won’t win. But because I asked you to. Do I have to meet you at the airport with a paddle?”] 

[Lion – I wrote her that it would be a good idea to meet me with a paddle. She replied that she would have the hairbrush paddle in her bag. Uh oh, back-of-the-truck, airport spanking?]


  1. Author

    I like your list, and agree with it. I passed it by my wife and Mistress. She said, “yep that is pretty much it!”

    1. Author

      Thank you! I was waiting for the yowls of objections. I’m glad you agree.

  2. Author


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