Special Day
Today is our twelfth anniversary. In some respects it seems like we’ve been together for a very short time. In other respects it seems like we’ve been together forever. Whatever the case, we’re glad we’re together.
That may sound sappy or sugary-sweet, but I think that’s why we’ve gotten as far as we have with male chastity and female led relationship. If I didn’t love Lion as much as I do, I couldn’t “put up” with things he’s asked me to do. So far most of the things we do don’t turn me on like they turn Lion on. I do them because they make Lion happy.
Some people say, “I’d do anything for you.” I say that to Lion. Of course I have limits on the “anything” I’ll do and he’s hit a few of them. Some of them are soft limits. Sometimes I just have to get my head wrapped around the concept. Some of them are hard limits. I doubt I’ll ever get my head wrapped around those.
Luckily for Lion, I don’t have many of either limit. We’ve tried a lot of things. Some have worked. Others have not. Sometimes they don’t work as intended. We have to tweak things to make them work for us. And that’s important. What works for one couple won’t necessarily work for others. It’s all part of making male chastity and female led marriage your own.
We hope that by chronicling our journey here we help you in your own journey. We learn from you when you post comments. We try some of your suggestions and let you know how we’re doing with it. We love your encouragement too.
Tonight we’re going out to dinner to celebrate being married for twelve years and being together for fifteen years. It’s a short long time and we’re looking forward to many more years together. And many more adventures.
Let’s Have A Rodeoh
From time to time we try anal play. It’s almost always been with a butt plug. I’ve been asking Mrs. Lion to use a dildo instead. I admit that the idea of pegging is very interesting to me. Mrs. Lion has said she likes this idea too. Butt plugs, due to their shape, aren’t very good for training me to take a dildo.
I don’t particularly like the feeling of a dido up my ass. But I really like the idea of Mrs. Lion fucking me with one; ideally with a strap-on. The Rodeoh is a great invention. It is a secure harness built in to a panty. There are models to fit everyone as well as every diameter of dildo. I think this would work well for Mrs. Lion.
Pegging is something I like now, when I am sitting at the computer and feeling horny. When the time comes to be penetrated, I’m not that big of a fan. From my reading, this is pretty normal. Generally, pegging will provide sexual pleasure to the woman. The thrusting moves the base of the dildo against her clitoris. Many women report having orgasms when they fuck their husbands this way.
I wouldn’t be an honest reporter if I didn’t mention that many women also have their partners suck the dildo as well. This isn’t an attempt to train him to be gay. It’s an expression of power. If you have any experience with this, please leave a comment to this post about it. I understand the basic intent, but so far I haven’t been made to do this.
Mrs. Lion prefers to do anal play with me on my stomach or knees and she using her hand for the insertion or fucking. This is certainly her choice. I think it may be interesting for her to have me kneeling on the end of the bed. Then she can peg me wearing a Rodeoh. It may be something to try, I hope.
In the meantime, my request is to replace the butt plug with a dildo. I can roll over on my back and it will stay in. The dildo will get me used to larger diameter insertions. I am sure that before long, Mrs. Lion can peg me with one of our larger dildos. We have a good sized collection that gives her nice choices. I realize that anal play for me is performed because I requested it. It’s my hope that she can find a way to enjoy it herself. One reasonable possibility is with the Rodeoh on, she will get interesting stimulation while pegging me.
This may be one more case of me getting myself into a lot of discomfort while Mrs. Lion discovers a new, fun hobby.
NoTK
We tried OTK spanking again last night. Lion says the loveseat we have is too short. I think there must be a way but I can't come up with it. Instead, I had him lean over the bed. It was still somewhat awkward but not as bad as OTK. Since I wasn't pinned down by Lion as I would have been with OTK, I was able to move around and make sure I was hitting the sweet "sit" spot. I was even able to change hands when one arm got tired. I think we may have found our preferred spanking position.
I don't think Lion clenched his butt as much as he does when he's flat on his stomach. I'm pretty sure he was concentrating too hard on staying in position as the paddle was flying. He did move around a bit but I think I can cure that by letting him know that more swats will be added the more he moves. Of course I'm open to trying other positions. I'm just not a fan of OTK at this point.
I understand OTK makes the spankee feel like a child being punished by a parent or other authority figure. Unfortunately, it's not at all comfortable for me. I don't feel I have the leverage I have when he's on the bed or leaned over like last night. Part of it is that we're not as flexible as we used to be and we're also a bit rounder than we used to be. Our bodies are not made for OTK.
I was pretty sure I'd gotten Lion's buns pretty sore. I knew he was having trouble maintaining his position. As I said, we're not in shape. We'll have to work on his stamina. I got the punishment stool for him to sit his tender buns on. He stared ta the corner for at least fifteen minutes before I told him he was done.
While he was sitting there I decided we'd strayed from his requirement of thanking me after a punishment. After he'd stowed the punishment stool I reminded him of that rule. He thanked me immediately. Now all he has to do is remember to do it when I don't remind him. Otherwise he'll wind up owing me another punishment.
Advice About Creating A Long-Term Power Exchange
I believe that the vast majority of failed enforced chastity and domestic discipline attempts are due to an obvious-but-deadly mistake. I think it is safe to say that all of us have strong expectations when we ask our partners to begin kinks like these. We envision our mates turning into dominant sex monsters who will gleefully tease us about our inability to orgasm, while at the same time, demanding continuous oral attention. On the domestic discipline side, the fantasy is that our partners will become strict taskmasters. Even the slightest deviation from absolute obedience is greeted by painful punishment.
The problem with these fantasies is that they assume life will radically change as a result of agreement to engage in the kinks. This rarely happens. In our case, I had those expectations. Mrs. Lion knows me well enough to realize that if she gives me some time, I will figure out what will work for us. So, when we started enforced chastity, I was pretty obsessed with it. She gamely tried to fill the role I defined for her. We had fun with it. Very very slowly, my expectations changed to match hers and we have a lifestyle we both can enjoy.
I’m locked in my Jail Bird almost all the time. I have to wait for my ejaculations; how long isn’t important any more. When she decides to get me off, I come. It’s that simple. I report my frustration in our daily email conversations. It comes up most days at home as well. It’s fun for both of us. Frequent teasing sessions guarantee sexual contact. The result is we are closer. I think that’s perfect. My wish to be locked up has evolved into a permanent part of our marriage. My expectations have changed and are being met. Mrs. Lion finds value and enjoys the power exchange.
Inserting obedience and punishment into our relationship is evolving too. The main problem, like in enforced chastity, was my expectations. I had this vision of Mrs. Lion as a strict disciplinarian. I also envisioned punishment as very painful spankings with no warmup. We tried this for quite a while. Mrs. Lion lamented that she wasn’t meeting my expectations because she didn’t enforce her rules consistently. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t handle “disciplinary” spankings. Mrs. Lion could only get in eight to ten swats before it was too much for me.
This was really odd in our case. I am an expert at spanking, flogging, and other BDSM techniques. I was a practicing dominant and BDSM educator for many years. I taught spanking workshops. I set all that knowledge aside in order to realize my DD fantasy. Then I discovered the Strict Julie Spanks blog. Julie is a young woman who has been writing about her BDSM spanking scenes for years. She writes terrific, sexy posts about her adventures with her husband, sister, and friends.
What struck me about her descriptions was that she gave spankings the way I had been teaching for years. She used a buildup to get her husband’s endorphins up enough to accept harder blows. Her swats became harder in sync with his ability to take them. She also pushed him by frequently inserting much harder swats. The result was that she could have him in tears with a very red, sore bottom every time.
Technically, she doesn’t consider this punishment. My interpretation is that she is indulging her husband’s desire to be spanked with a twist. Yes, he gets the spanking he wants, but she gives him a lot more. The price for indulging his fetish is her much harder and longer sessions. She’s discovered she likes to beat him. So this is fun for her Of course, when the tears dry, he loves it too.
Her blog inspired me to suggest that Mrs. Lion use the same buildup that she did when we played in the past. Now that she does, my spankings last a lot longer with hundreds of swats. She still stops considerably short of where Julie stops. I think this will change very slowly as she “trains” me to take more. At least that is what I hope will happen.
The point of all this is that the kind of fantasy scene so many of us have will not play in real life. A pro-dom will be able to create your fantasy for an hour or two. If you want any of this to become part of your real life, you have to accept that your partner will decide how much she is willing to do. Mrs. Lion starts out by trying to do what I ask. Within a short time, she changes it to fit what works for her. I have to change my expectations to match what she is willing to do. If I fail to do that, she will feel like a failure and give up.
If you think about it, that’s exactly what should happen. These are power exchanges that give our partners control over us. That control is exactly what they are doing when they change the rules from our expectations to what they want. Our job is to obey.
Over time, Mrs. Lion has been getting much better at catching me breaking rules. Whether I’m in the mood or not, I get punished when it is convenient for her. Slowly, she is getting stricter. I imagine her spankings will get more severe too as she finds her way.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to do any of this stuff. There is one thing that has to happen for it to work: you have to truly surrender power to your partner. If that means your fantasy doesn’t turn magically into reality, that’s the way it goes. All you can do is negotiate the power exchange, explain what you think you want, and then have her agreement to try it.
I guarantee that it won’t end up the way you imagined it. I also guarantee that over time it will change if you are supportive and accept her vision. It’s happened that way for me. Mrs. Lion continues to grow in her role. I am growing in mine. We aren’t different people. I’m still her partner and she still respects me as her husband.
If you are a woman whose husband has asked you to do any of this, I have a little advice for you. First, listen to what he wants. He may have done a lot of reading, but it is unlikely he has any experience. He is telling you his fantasy.
If you agree to try it, let him know you won’t be doing exactly what he asked. Mrs. Lion agreed to lock me in a chastity device, but didn’t agree to be a greedy sexual monster. It was all about me and my frustration. I had to accept that. Domestic discipline started out with my fantasy of how it would be. She listened and agreed to make a few rules and spank me for breaking them. Since then, I still suggest all sorts of stuff. She is generally willing to try what I suggest at least once. But she only adds those things that work for her into her tool box.
Sometimes that frustrates me and I growl. Once in a while I get spanked for growling. I think she should do that a lot more often. In the end, she’ll do what she wants. The most important lesson is that for any of this to work, there has to be lots of communication. Both of us have to be willing to try new things. None of this is easy. But it can work. It has for us.
