By:
In: Edging, Mrs Lion Comments, Sex

Well I didn’t really lie. I had every intention of just edging Lion last night. His scheduled date wasn’t until next weekend sometime. I was all set to edge him nightly until then. After I edged him three times, I was encouraged by the pre-cum to continue on with a full orgasm. I told myself if I could edge him four times then I deserved to give him an orgasm. And it was yummy.

Lion told me it would cure his grumbliness. I hadn’t noticed any grumbling. He seemed fine all day. He said he wasn’t going to go around mumbling about being frustrated because he didn’t want to get in trouble. I had no idea he was so horny. He hasn’t been lately. I’m glad he is. I like a horny Lion.

I’ve decided that the frequency of his orgasms benefits us both. He loves getting them and I love giving them. It’s sort of a reward for getting through another day with all the issues we’re facing. Of course, he won’t get them every day, but for the time being more is better. As long as I am able to successfully edge him, that is. If I go through another period of ruined orgasms I may change my mind.

Our current version of male chastity probably isn’t anyone else’s idea of the perfect version. Too bad. It works for us and that’s all that matters. If I’m the one making the decisions then what I say goes. More orgasms. Fewer orgasms. I run the show. Lion will never argue with more orgasms unless I decide to do them nightly for more than two days in a row. And he wouldn’t necessarily be against trying. It just probably wouldn’t work. So for the time being, I will make no promises about the length of Lion’s wait. Schedule be damned! I’ll give him an orgasm when I think one of us deserves it. The lioness has spoken.

By:
In: Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Sex

We are back on the “Give the lion less orgasms” regime. I don’t get a vote, but if I did I would vote for the more frequent ejaculations; at least for a while. As I wrote yesterday, sex for me doesn’t include ejaculation anymore. When I actually get to come it is always a very welcome surprise. Because Mrs. Lion has no interest in orgasms, we haven’t had a chance to consider the logical next step in male sexual retraining: post-ejaculate sex.

Most caged males regularly provide orgasms to their keyholders (and perhaps others the keyholder authorizes) without ejaculating themselves. Providing sex is an activity that doesn’t require reciprocation. That is the conditioning I discussed yesterday. Stimulating my penis doesn’t set up an expectation that I will be allowed to ejaculate. Of course, I want to, but I truly don’t expect it. That in and of itself is a major change in male focus.

The next step — yes there is a next step — is post ejaculation sex. It’s difficult to learn to no longer expect an orgasm, but when we finally get one, our orgasm is the end of the festivities. This is no different than it is for most other males. Once we come we are done. But should we? After all, we’ve learned to separate our ejaculation from penile stimulation as well as providing others with multiple orgasms. Very few of us, if any, have had post-ejaculation sexual activities. If we have truly separated our own pleasure from sex we give, then it shouldn’t matter what state of arousal or satiation we are in when we are told to provide sexual pleasure for others.

For example, let’s say the keyholder decides to edge the caged male and then finally let him have a full orgasm. She finds this very arousing and is now ready for some orgasms herself. He should be ready, willing and able to do anything sexual she requires. I think that would be difficult for most guys, at least in the beginning. I know keyholders who “use” their males without any direct teasing or other stimulation. That’s different. At that point he is capable of orgasm if allowed, so he will be aroused providing pleasure even without anything for him. Just stimulating his keyholder is exciting and satisfying. I wonder if that would be equally true if immediately after he ejaculates, she has him go to work giving her orgasms.

I think this kind of sexual service is completely for her pleasure. He isn’t ready to be aroused again unless he is very young. He wants to bask in the afterglow of his orgasm but can’t. He has to get to work giving his keyholder orgasms since she found making him come was arousing. I know I would be willing to do this for Mrs. Lion but it would be challenging. Just as I have been conditioned to expect an orgasm every time I am stimulated, I am conditioned to expect sexual activity to stop, at least for a while, after I come. I’ve been broken of the expectation that I get to come every time I am stimulated. The next step is to learn to separate providing sexual pleasure from my interest or arousal.

Once a male has been trained to completely separate giving orgasms from his own arousal, he is truly trained to give without any sexual pleasure for him at all. I know I am willing to do this, but it isn’t automatic once I come to immediately look for opportunities to provide (more) sexual pleasure to Mrs. Lion. This, of course, requires conditioning for the keyholder too. Most, like Mrs. Lion, are fully able to tease and enjoy sex without reciprocation. But how many have considered giving the caged male an orgasm as foreplay for her own orgasms? I know that Mrs. Lion and others have said that they love giving their males orgasms. I wonder if part of that enjoyment isn’t a feeling of sexual power that is also arousing? If it is, what better way to enhance the pleasure than teasing him and finally giving him an orgasm, they lying back for extended oral stimulation. Sound like fun? Maybe the new male orgasm routine should include post-ejaculation orgasms for the keyholder.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

Since enforced chastity is, at least in my case, a permanent state of affairs, it creates some interesting feelings in me. Most of the time I am unaware the device is even there. When naked, my normal state when home, my balls are pushed by the base ring in front of my body. As a result, I have to find a comfy place for them when I sit down. Mrs. Lion likes their prominence and often comments how nice they are always available to her. For my part, I have to always assure there is a comfortable resting place for their tender underside.  There are many little adjustments to make in order to make permanent chastity device wearing work.

I bought a bunch of new underwear until I could find some that accommodated the cage comfortably. I’ve learned to make slight adjustments as needed without looking like a baseball player grabbing his crotch. I think I have even adapted sexually. While I never got many unprovoked erections, they have nearly disappeared when the cage is locked on. Even the usual early morning erection seems to have disappeared. Of course, since my cage is so comfortable, erections never woke me from a sound sleep. It seems my penis has learned the futility of arousal while caged.

That doesn’t stop me from mental arousal and frustration. Unless I am fully occupied with an activity, my mind keeps wandering to how good it feels when Mrs. Lion rides me, sucks me, or plays with me. I count the days between each orgasm. I also count the days between teasing sessions. After all, teasing is most of my sex life now. I am edged at least twenty times for each orgasm I get. Another change I have made that puzzles me is the amount of noise I make during stimulation. For most of my life I have been almost silent during arousal and orgasm. Since being caged I am quite noisy. I hear myself making sounds that surprise me. I’m not trying to make them. They just happen. Maybe the edging has provoked them. My body is getting very frequent chances to experience the climb to ejaculation.

Before enforced chastity, orgasm was a simple, expected result of penile stimulation. Whether it was Mrs. Lion’s body, mouth, her hands, or my own; stimulation always climbed reliably to ejaculation. No surprises. No edging. Now, I have no expectation of ejaculating. The excitement builds and builds and builds, then stops without warning. Maybe I am learning to make the most of what I get. I certainly want the edging. I look forward to it. After all, I never know when  I will get an orgasm. The only route to one for me is to savor edging and hope for an ejaculating surprise.

I’m not sure I realized how routine orgasms were to me. Before caging, they were just part of sex. Get hard and come. That’s it. Times when I was teased without release were very rare. Of course I knew that once caged, I would have far fewer opportunities to ejaculate. Knowing and experiencing are very different. It took me a long time to finally internalize the fact that sex for me doesn’t usually include an orgasm. Without very regular teasing and edging, I think I would just push sex into the background until it became a fond memory. But since I am constantly reminded through teasing, this blog, and things Mrs. Lion says and writes, I can’t forget how much I want sex. The funny thing is that now when I think of sex for me, I think of edging. I don’t even consider ejaculation. It’s just so rare.

You may be thinking that it really isn’t that rare for me. I get to come every 7 to 15 days. Sometimes I may have to wait longer. But consider that I am teased and edged between 3 and 7 days a week. Each session, including those when I get an orgasm, contains at least two edging massages first. When I am unlocked and teased, the only reliable assumption is that I will be edged, not that I will ejaculate. When I have given Mrs. Lion orgasms, I remained in my cage and received no stimulation myself. I love those sessions. I get hard inside my cage when I can lick her. I can’t wait until she has her libido back. Prior to enforced chastity, I would have been disappointed if she didn’t provide me with an orgasm after she had hers. That no longer even crosses my mind. I suppose that makes me a better lover. My focus is no longer on the rush to ejaculate. I like this. What’s your experience with changes after being caged?

The one thing that sometimes concerns me is whether or not a change this basic to my male nature will have some side effects that leak out in other areas of my life. I’m no more submissive than I was before being caged, so that aspect of my personality is unchanged. That, in a way, is too bad. In some ways I am not surprised at these changes. They make sense in the context of the conditioning I am receiving. If we ever stopped enforced chastity, I suspect I won’t revert. I think these changes are permanent.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

There’s no doubt about it, sex is a highly loaded topic. It has gigantic political and social loading. Kinks like enforced chastity push a lot of buttons. In my opinion, enforced chastity is not about sex at all. It’s about power. Now if you think that sex is politically and socially loaded, consider power. In the 70’s the mantra was sexual equality. Go back to the 50’s and it was “father knows best.” Socially acceptable power exchange is variable depending on where you are and who you talk with. Even in the heyday of women’s lib, the idea of female domination would raise eyebrows and incur political wrath.

Political correctness supplies a lot of fuel to sexual fantasy. In a world where men are expected to head the household, rich fantasies of male submission abound. Don’t believe that? Google “male submission”, “male slave”, and similar terms. There are endless fantasies guys have written. Chastity fantasies form a classic male fantasy genre. The Internet has made it very easy to read and write sexual fantasies. All this juicy reading got me thinking about enforced chastity. It simmered in my subconscious for fifteen years. During those years I reviewed chastity devices online. It was fun but too uncomfortable for me.

I was a hotbed of contradictions. I was a lifestyle dominant — I “owned” a BDSM slave for a decade. At the same time I imagined surrendering power to a strong woman who spanked me, tied me up,  and kept me in enforced chastity. I came to think of this contrast as my personal Yin and Yang. The longer I lived in the lion-as-dominant world, the stronger the submissive fantasies became. I had an advantage over most guys: I was actually living with a power exchange where I was dominant. That reality kept my fantasies from getting too extreme to ever work in real life. My fantasies were possible. I knew what could and couldn’t work. That was a big advantage.

About ten years ago my master/slave relationship ended. I met Mrs. Lion and we fell in love. She was as vanilla as they come. She never considered any of the stuff that I had been living for decades. Very fortunately, she is extremely intelligent and open minded. Within a few months of meeting, we were experimenting with spanking and other BDSM activities. Over time these activities tapered off. The reasons are buried in this blog if you are interested in digging them out. But the outcome was that we had a nearly sexless marriage. Fortunately, we are best friends and love each other more than anything, so sexual issues didn’t drive us apart. During those years, fantasy and masturbation were my sexual mainstays.

Over those years, my fantasies were very well developed so when I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge, I had a vivid movie playing in my head. Of course, the reality was nothing like my fantasies. For one thing, in my fantasy I earned my orgasms by giving Mrs. Lion many before being entitled to one. It turned out that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want orgasms right now and the she had little interest in my fantasy exchange. Most enforced chastity fantasies are filled with rules and rituals. Most keyholders are uninterested in reading the fantasy script. They want to manage things their way.

And herein lies the key to all this: A power exchange is surrender of power to someone else. Offering to surrender and then presenting the top with a list of exactly how things should work isn’t a power exchange at all. The “submissive” is in charge and expects his keyholder to follow his carefully crafted script. This doesn’t mean that keyholders don’t want suggestions. Most women take on the role to make their partners happy. They are interested in what their expectations might be. In the beginning they may even follow the script. But sooner or later they will either quit because acting out someone else’s fantasy 24/7 is just too much, or they will truly take charge and then things will happen their way. In the beginning, Mrs. Lion followed my suggestions. It didn’t take long for her to decide that she would be calling the shots. She still likes me to make suggestions, but I don’t expect them to be followed. That’s what power exchange is all about.