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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment

A recent comment from from Matt asked:

Is it really a punishment if he wants it? He should be the one reluctant to receive the punishment. Not you giving it.

Of course the question was directed at Mrs. Lion. He brings up an interesting point. On the face of it, his point makes sense. The person being punished isn’t supposed to want the punishment he is receiving. Right? The person administering it shouldn’t be reluctant to do it. Right too?

Actually, I don’t think that is the case at all. In the context of enforced male chastity and FLR, it’s the male who initiates it. In fantasies, once the female partner takes control, she authors rules and enforces them with clever punishments. This is not likely to be the case in a real situation. Take us, for instance.

I suggested enforced chastity. I also proposed FLR. Mrs. Lion had never given either any real thought. In both cases I told her how I thought it could work. She agreed to try. Still, I am the most motivated partner. So I continue to read and think about how these things could work. Each time I come up with something, I tell her about it. You read about it here as well. She tries some of my ideas. I suggested some of the rules she enforces. She came up with the others. Over the last couple of years I’ve written about punishment and how I think it should work.

Does that mean because I suggested these things, I want them? In a sense it does. Something appealed to me about what I suggested. A good example is semi-public punishment. I thought that would be very helpful and seemed like a hot idea. Mrs. Lion tried it and didn’t like it a bit; neither did I. She wouldn’t have dropped it if she found it acceptable and I didn’t like it. I may suggest a punishment and learn very quickly I hate it.

That’s the big point that Matt might not have considered. The reality of that mean paddle coming down full force on my butt is nothing like the sexy fantasy of my keyholder disciplining me. When she spanks me, my screams are real. I hate every second of those punishment spankings. I know that the femdom/chastity fantasies portray the male as a hapless victim at the mercy of the strict, objectifying mistress. At least in our case, that’s not even within a mile of our reality.

Mrs. Lion and I are partners. We share everything. She isn’t the one who wanted the enforced chastity or FLR. I did. I am the one who researched and suggested ways to do this. She, of course, decides which suggestions to try. She also has more and more ideas of her own. We are evolving. I just don’t think we will ever match those femdom fantasies.

The other point Matt made is that I should be reluctant to be punished, not Mrs. Lion. This is just not the case with us. Mrs. Lion, even 2.0, winces when she hurts me. You naturally don’t want to put a person you love in pain, even if he wants it. I know that as a parent, I always felt reluctant to punish one of my kids. I don’t want to see them unhappy. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to see me feeling badly even though she knows I asked for it.

There is a big difference between acting out a fantasy and real life. If nothing else, our enforced chastity and FLR are real life.

 

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In: Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Rules, Spanking
new small paddle
This is the small, purse-sized paddle we ordered. It is thick oak; heavy and painful, according to Lion. (Click image for larger view.)

We went out to eat last night at a deli that Lion loves. They served us pickles before our meal. Lion picked one up and, apparently without thinking, took a bite. I said, “Uh oh!” At first I couldn’t tell if he knew what he did. Then he looked at me with his I’m-in-trouble-now look. He knew he was in for it later, but I made a point of taking out a penny. I dropped it on the table and then put it in my pocket. Lion loves showmanship.

I noticed while we were eating that he didn’t have his collar on. Sometimes he wears it when we’re out. It all depends on if it can be seen easily or not. Last night we left the house as soon as he got home so I knew he didn’t forget it. There just wasn’t time to put it on. I was proud of myself for noticing he didn’t have it on even if it didn’t mean he’d get punished. My pride was short lived though. Once we got home and Lion undressed he forgot his collar. I also forgot. It wasn’t until he said, “Uh oh.” and put it on that I realized our mistake. It’s our mistake because we both forgot. Unfortunately for Lion, I don’t take any of the blame when the paddles starts flying.

We got yet another paddle in the mail the other day. It’s oak, I think, and it’s very small. It’s painted/stained black and has a rougher finish than most of our paddles. To me it looks almost like a hard plastic paddle with woodgrain molded in. I’m not sure I like it. I’ve only used it twice so I may be premature in my review, but something doesn’t feel right about it. More testing needs to be done. Poor Lion.

To his credit, Lion did not make a mess at dinner. He didn’t spill anything on himself. He didn’t spill anything on the table. The only thing he did was growl about the service. In his defense, we had a bad waitress. The owner apologized, saying the deli was quite busy, but we’ve been there when it’s been far busier and service was not as bad. Lion growled sooner than I would have but, truthfully, I’m not sure I would have growled at all. That’s just me though. He did hold it far longer than he would have in the past. I guess my don’t-growl-at-the-wait-staff-who-could-spit-in-your-food suggestions are helping.  [Lion – Actually it’s the don’t-growl-at-the-wait-staff-or-I-will-spank-you threat that kept me quiet as long as I managed.] It took a long time for our order to be taken, a long time for any food (other than pickles) to arrive, and a long time to receive a check. In the end, we never did get the check. Lion complained again and the manager (with the owner’s approval) gave us our meals for free. He agreed that the waitress did a poor job. And Lion maintained a relatively calm demeanor. He didn’t cause a scene. And we were fully prepared to pay for the food. Lion actually went looking for the manager to pay the check. My Lion was a very good boy in a bad situation.

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In: 2.0, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Rules

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. That’s the essence of our chastity and FLR lives. We have a bunch of ideas, but we never know what will work until we try each one. I haven’t kept score, but I’d bet we have more misses than hits. And that’s OK. We don’t expect to be perfect. There’s no way to know if you like sushi unless you try it. (I did. Twice. The first time was gross. The second time was better but I’m still not sold.) [Lion — By my reckoning we are batting considerably better than .500. I think we are up at .750 or so]

My recent foray into rule making produced three new rules:

  • Lion has to thank me for punishing him. We like this one. It makes sense.
  • Lion has to stand when I enter a room or stand up from the table. This one seems too artificial to me. I know it’s good manners, but in our day-to-day life, it’s too much.
  • Lion has to ask to be excused from the table or when leaving a room. This is fine. Also good manners and doesn’t seem forced.

So two out of three rules will stay. That’s a pretty good batting average.

Our other discovery over the weekend was that public punishment, at least the family bathroom type, is too difficult. I’m uncomfortable with it. We may have tried to fly too close to the sun with this idea. Maybe by the time 3.0 shows up she’ll be swatting Lion in the middle of the produce section. Right now we’re putting it on the back burner.

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Neither one of us mentioned that fact that Lion’s long, dry spell ended on Sunday night. His last scheduled date was the tenth. Unbeknownst to Lion, his next scheduled date was the seventeenth. He’d made it to the next scheduled date. 2.0 decided that all the edging leading up to and occurring on that day should culminate in an orgasm. A wonderful, mouth-filling orgasm. And I was fully prepared for him not to be horny last night, but there seemed to be little more than a small blip in his horniness level. Obviously he’s not as horny as he was on Saturday or Sunday, but he was hornier than I would expect for the day after an orgasm. I’m glad about that. His next wait is fairly short. Only nine days. Of course, that’s just the earliest he can come. He may be waiting a lot longer. He’s just got to keep on 2.0’s good side.

2.0 has been punishing him closer to the time the infraction occurs. Sometimes that’s not feasible. That’s what pennies are for. Lion got a few swats yesterday for forgetting things. He also had some pennies in his bank. And it was punishment day. Poor Lion butt. So many swats, so little butt. And 2.0 hasn’t been taking it easy on him. Maybe they weren’t full force swats but they made their point. And some very red marks. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how well Lion took those swats. I didn’t tie him down but he managed to stay still the entire time.

I’d say the weekend was a mixed bag. Lots of punishment. Lots of new rules. Lots of communication about those rules. Some worked. Some failed. Chastity and FLR are living organisms. They have to change to survive.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Punishment

As Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday, we may have gone overboard on the rules and enforcement strategy we are trying out. It’s clear that we can’t sustain the “instant punishment” we were trying, at least for public infractions. Then there is the matter of rules that make Mrs. Lion uncomfortable. I admit that prior to her making the rule requiring me to stand when she enters the room or come to the table, I was much more casual. Yes, I was brought up to do that when a lady comes to the dinner table or leaves it. But I agree with her that it feels uncomfortable at home.

Maybe we have to reconsider what we want to do in terms of FLR. Or, perhaps we need to give ourselves a little breathing room. The at-home rules and punishments felt to me a bit like what we did years ago. The rules were equally trivial. We had no underlying motive beyond BDSM play. However, there was something fun and satisfying, to me at least, about what we did.

This time we are trying to extend the success we have had with enforced chastity. In my mind at least, I am hoping to correct some bad habits like interrupting. I also hope that Mrs. Lion will learn to express her expectations and her and immediately voice her displeasure when I do something she doesn’t like. I figured that if we went back to more immediate enforcement of the rules, it might help me learn more quickly and help Mrs. Lion feel good about letting me know when I displease her. I don’t think we failed. I just was a bit too enthusiastic about doing the semi-public punishment. The rules themselves need a little tuning too.

It also might be that FLR may be too much for her, even the abridged version we are trying to establish now. On the other hand, maybe we tried to bite off too much all at once. I think that the rule that requires me to stand is probably a mistake. I don’t think it is because we came from opposite sides of the tracks. It is uncomfortable for me as well. This rule disrupts the great comfort we have with one another and puts a kind of formality barrier between us. Live and learn.

We had fun with the other stuff we have done. We both like the new rules that I have to excuse myself when leaving her presence and my thanking her for punishment. I asked and she said spanking me at home was fine, but it was uncomfortable at the supermarket. I agree. We both favor administering spankings as close to the offense as possible. We’ve agreed to drop the standing up rule as well as the public punishments; at least for now. Mrs. Lion informed me that all the other rules stay in effect. Live and learn.