Is It Punishment If He Wants It?

A recent comment from from Matt asked:

Is it really a punishment if he wants it? He should be the one reluctant to receive the punishment. Not you giving it.

Of course the question was directed at Mrs. Lion. He brings up an interesting point. On the face of it, his point makes sense. The person being punished isn’t supposed to want the punishment he is receiving. Right? The person administering it shouldn’t be reluctant to do it. Right too?

Actually, I don’t think that is the case at all. In the context of enforced male chastity and FLR, it’s the male who initiates it. In fantasies, once the female partner takes control, she authors rules and enforces them with clever punishments. This is not likely to be the case in a real situation. Take us, for instance.

I suggested enforced chastity. I also proposed FLR. Mrs. Lion had never given either any real thought. In both cases I told her how I thought it could work. She agreed to try. Still, I am the most motivated partner. So I continue to read and think about how these things could work. Each time I come up with something, I tell her about it. You read about it here as well. She tries some of my ideas. I suggested some of the rules she enforces. She came up with the others. Over the last couple of years I’ve written about punishment and how I think it should work.

Does that mean because I suggested these things, I want them? In a sense it does. Something appealed to me about what I suggested. A good example is semi-public punishment. I thought that would be very helpful and seemed like a hot idea. Mrs. Lion tried it and didn’t like it a bit; neither did I. She wouldn’t have dropped it if she found it acceptable and I didn’t like it. I may suggest a punishment and learn very quickly I hate it.

That’s the big point that Matt might not have considered. The reality of that mean paddle coming down full force on my butt is nothing like the sexy fantasy of my keyholder disciplining me. When she spanks me, my screams are real. I hate every second of those punishment spankings. I know that the femdom/chastity fantasies portray the male as a hapless victim at the mercy of the strict, objectifying mistress. At least in our case, that’s not even within a mile of our reality.

Mrs. Lion and I are partners. We share everything. She isn’t the one who wanted the enforced chastity or FLR. I did. I am the one who researched and suggested ways to do this. She, of course, decides which suggestions to try. She also has more and more ideas of her own. We are evolving. I just don’t think we will ever match those femdom fantasies.

The other point Matt made is that I should be reluctant to be punished, not Mrs. Lion. This is just not the case with us. Mrs. Lion, even 2.0, winces when she hurts me. You naturally don’t want to put a person you love in pain, even if he wants it. I know that as a parent, I always felt reluctant to punish one of my kids. I don’t want to see them unhappy. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to see me feeling badly even though she knows I asked for it.

There is a big difference between acting out a fantasy and real life. If nothing else, our enforced chastity and FLR are real life.



  1. Author

    I agree with you Lion. My wife spanks me for punishment and though I originally suggested it, I have never liked it! As time goes on she is using more and more force and I find it harder and harder to deal with. Eventually I will do everything in my power to avoid these spankings. Even now I try to avoid them! I suppose that means they are having the desired effect. Because to avoid them I must behave as she wishes.

  2. Author

    I had a difficult time administering punishment. At first it felt silly. I didn’t use any real force or serious effort. I spanked him, but giggled the entire time. It has gradually gotten more forceful. Once – once I used my hair brush. THAT hurt. I actually left marks and felt HORRIBLE. I mean choking back tears horrible. He was fine. He didn’t like it but that is what he asked for. I always make sure to remind him how much I love him after. That punishment was the worst for me. I didn’t like it. However, I do get the necessity. Over time I’ve gotten more accustom to the punishment process and have a better understanding of it. There is a very big difference in the fantasy and reality. That’s a lesson we both learned about chastity AND FLM. But we love it and are both very satisfied with the journey.

  3. Author

    Remember when your mother said punishment hurt her more than it hurt you? That always sounded crazy to me. Now I understand it.

    1. Author

      I wonder if eventually it will stop feeling badly to you and just became routine.

      1. Author

        It’s definitely getting better. I’m getting out of that “silly” feeling and starting to feel a more Dominant feeling. He laughs when I spank him. He says to keep from screaming. I guess my little whip stings a little! Turns out, it’s kinda fun.

    2. Author

      I certainly do. I was never big on corporal punishment with my kiddos let alone a grown man! It’s not so bad anymore. Getting use to it and more comfortable with it.

  4. Author

    I think what it boils down to is that a craving and need for true discipline collides with the fact that it being a sexual fantasy waters down the experience. I enjoy the milder spankings, being “manhandled”, but I found out and still find out that I really need to be disciplined and that only works if I hate it before, while and after it happens to be effective. I always masturbated to spanking videos, harsh ones, loved to see those welts from the cane appear on someones bottom and I thought that while I knew this must hurt like a sob it would be very erotic. I was not happy when the masturbation fantasy of a harsh spanking was so far away from the reality of it, especially as I was never spanked growing up and had zero pain tolerance. So receiving punishments as a genuine experience was easy, but after a few days when the pain gets less and the memory of the agony faded I mixed the erotic fantasies in again when masturbating. Chastity has put a stop to that as I cannot connect sexual pleasure or orgasms with the spankings any more. Isn’t that also true at least a little bit for you too Lion? I mean yes, the spankings are very harsh, but don’t you think that no access to your penis plays a role in it? I found myself looking forward to spankings, even though I knew I would be over my pain threshold almost all of the time, now I try to avoid them like the plague.

    1. Author

      That’s the way I sometimes feel too. Just as it can be uncomfortable for our disciplinarians to process spanking grown men, I think that I also run into some issues being spanked. Erotic spanking I understand and like; discipline is something else entirely. I think I am learning to process the difference.

      1. Author

        I’m only 3 years into getting disciplined and 2 1/2 years of being kept in chastity. It as been a steep learning curve though since I have been locked up. I think I have been very successfully retrained to see spanking as discipline only, but the price I had to pay, getting my most dear erotic fantasy taken is a very high price. But something in me desires me be be punished and humbled, which is odd as I never was a trouble maker or anything, I just must have underestimated how submissive I am. I wonder how many people turn away from discipline and proper chastity after their first reality check. I know it was a close call for me, I almost abandoned it all after my first taste of the cane and had I had any chance to get to the key during my first lock up that would have been the end of that too. If we succeed in these matters is in my opinion entirely down to how persistent and demanding our disciplinarians and keyholders are. I cannot be a game for them or it will become a game for us.

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