By:
In: Lion's Journal, Orgasm denial

While it is a lot of work writing daily posts, it also provides me with unique opportunities. For one thing, I don’t have to compress events into infrequent posts. I have the ability to explore many sides of our interests through these daily exercises. I’m taking advantage of that now.

I like to read other blogs on the subjects of male chastity, sexual control, and female domination. The vast majority of what I read is written by men. A few blogs are authored, I believe, by women. Most of the readers of all of our blogs, are men. I know that many of our readers like reading Mrs. Lion’s posts because they like to read what a dominant woman has to say.

Most of what she writes isn’t about being dominant, at least in the BDSM sense. She reports on our activities and how they affect her. She sees herself as a journalist. I think of myself as a columnist. Between us, you get a good sense of what is happening in our relationship. I’m her most avid reader.

Occasionally, I read a post that amazes me with its authoritative voice and the misinformation it preaches. I recently read one such post that prescribes how long a man should wait between orgasms. It’s filled with pseudoscience to rationalize ejaculatory spacing. I’ll bet you a nickel that the only readers who actually accept this stuff are male. In fact, I’m pretty sure women don’t spend much time at all thinking about the frequency of their partner’s orgasms. Ask Mrs. Lion. She’ll tell you that it isn’t something she particularly cares about.

Men, submissive men, love to obsess about orgasm spacing. Some, who wear chastity devices, take great pride in how few orgasms they have in a year. It’s an exciting concept to them. Some, revel in the number of orgasms they give their partners while they remain dry. That’s all cool.

As long as we remember that male chastity is a male fetish, it’s easy to understand why orgasm infrequency is such an important topic. It’s even more fun to rationalize that infrequent orgasms have health benefits. That misinformation is fairly recent. Four years ago it was all about how a male will become sexually attentive only if he is stopped from ejaculating.

If a woman stays with a man who is only willing to please her when he is desperate to ejaculate, she has a poor self image. It’s true that most of us get a bit sleepy and lose interest in too much activity immediately after we ejaculate. But we all recover our energy and ambition in a short time and we are ready to please our lovers. We may not be able to ejaculate for a while and we may not be able to get erect, but our tongues and fingers work just fine.

There is no real medical evidence that ejaculation is harmful in any way. In fact, men who have 30 orgasms a month have been shown to have reduced incidence of prostate cancer. The improved odds are statistically significant, but largely not worthy of serious consideration as rationalization for daily orgasms. Similarly, there is absolutely no evidence that spacing ejaculation out over days or weeks has any medical benefit.

It all comes down to what works for each of us. Mrs. Lion has some fun edging me and making me wait. I like that she does it. I like the frustration and uncertainty I feel when she starts stimulating me. We have yet to find any particular wait that is magical. I like to wait at least three days. That’s because after three days, the orgasms tend to feel better to me. I never complain if they come more or less often. I wasn’t any crazier after I waited three weeks than after one week.

We had fun playing with the extended wait. But we also have a lot of fun when I am allowed to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion decides. That’s because I want her to. I like when she is in control. There’s no science involved. It’s just what we do.

By:
In: Bondage, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm denial

I didn’t unlock Lion last night. I just didn’t. There was no thought to it. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t achy. Lion wasn’t itchy. I just decided to have a night off. A little while before bedtime, Lion said I hadn’t touched him sexually at all. We’d snuggled but nothing more. He wondered why. Again, no special reason.

By bedtime, Lion was doing his comical grumbling. “Buh, buh, buh, horny.” He said his arm hurt for some reason. I asked if he’d lifted anything or strained it somehow. He said it hurt due to lack of sex. I agreed that definitely must have been it. Such a comedian! He blames all sorts of things on lack of sex. The TV show he wanted to watch didn’t record – lack of sex. He’s hungry despite eating a lot at dinner and having a snack later – lack of sex. The dog needs to go out for a third time – lack of sex. I had no idea so much was tied to Lion’s sex life. Or rather lack-of-sex life.

I promised him yesterday that we’d find time today for the sling. The dog woke us up way too early and then she went back to sleep. We lounged around watching old movies and after we both write our posts, we’ll watch a football game. Either right before or right after dinner we’ll head downstairs to the dungeon for some play. Today is Lion’s third day in captivity. He hasn’t been out of the house since Thursday night. I think he deserves some bondage and whatever else I can think of while he’s in the sling.

Tomorrow we’ll have a nice quiet dinner by ourselves. I didn’t give my friend any opening to invite herself over this time. We’re having Thanksgiving part 2. Turkey dinner with all the fixings. Yum!

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Orgasm denial

I spent some time reading items I found after a Google search on male chastity. The vast majority of what came up are posts that are clearly written by people still in the pink haze of sexual fantasy. The thing is, these fantasies represent a male sexual fantasy.

Remember, male chastity is generally a game for two. To get started, the guy has to find a keyholder. Usually that’s his partner. He is obsessed by chastity devices. He’s been reading all about them. He may have even bought one. So, his conversation with his partner centers around putting hardware around his penis and locking it.

There are few, if any women who are particularly interested in chastity hardware. This includes Mrs. Lion. She locked me up because she wanted to make me happy; not because she likes the idea of my cock behind bars. I’m the one who likes that idea.

The reason for a chastity device, other than satisfying a sexual bondage kink, is to enforce orgasm control. Orgasm control? Yes, that’s what male chastity is all about. Just as BDSM isn’t based on tying someone up and then untying them. It’s abut what you do after they are restrained.

When you ask your partner to lock you up, the real request is to control your ejaculation and lock you in a device. You are asking for two very different agreements from your partner. This complicates things on your initial approach. I suspect this is why so many requests to a vanilla partner fail.

I know what you’re thinking. “But I want to wear a chastity device and be sexually controlled by my partner.”

I realize that. But there is a learning curve for her. Give her time to get used to the idea of a power exchange before you introduce the hardware. That’s quite a lot all by itself.

My suggestion is to talk to her about your desire to give her more control over sex. Ask her to be in charge of if and when you can come. There is no question that a discussion will follow. this request. She will want to understand what you are asking. That’s fair. This conversation will make all the difference. Here’s how it might go:

You: “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. It would be very sexy for me if you decide when I get to come.”

Her: “What do you mean?”

You: “I think it would be very exciting if you not let me come every time when we have sex. Let me please you, but you stop me before I can come. Also, I won’t masturbate.”

Her: “You masturbate? How often?”

(You probably didn’t think about this part.)

You: (Be totally honest!) “I jerk off  a couple of times a week when I get horny.”

Her: “I didn’t realize that. So, you are saying that you won’t do that any more ?”

You: “Yes, and I want you to make me wait to have an orgasm.”

Her: “Why in the world would you want me to do this?”

You: “It’s very exciting for me to feel your control. I love the idea of you making me wait before I get to come. Believe it or not, it turns me on.”

Her: “How long do you want to wait?”

You: “That’s up to you. But maybe start with a week?”

Her: “Really? A week?”

You: “Yes.”

Her: “What do I have to do?”

You: “If you want sex, I can please you. Just don’t let me come until the time you’ve decided. You can also tease me too. At least, that’s how my fantasies go.”

Her: “I don’t want to be mean to you.”

You: “You aren’t being mean. You are doing something I really want.”

It probably won’t go exactly like this, but you get the idea. She’ll want to know exactly what you mean, why you want this, and then how you expect it to work. The discussion is confined to orgasm control and nothing else. It’s very tempting to ask for more. Don’t. Avoid getting too deeply into your fantasies. Keep hardware out of the conversation.

When you think about it, the key part of this power exchange is controlling your orgasms, not locking your cock in a chastity device. If she agrees to try it, keep it about frustrating you. Let her see how much you like this. Over time, you can introduce edging and other teasing. It won’t be long before you can also suggest a chastity device. Again, the reason you want it is because it turns you on to wear one.

Keep away from the so-called benefits of orgasm control. Don’t suggest you will want to do housework. Don’t say you will be more sexually attentive to her because you are frustrated. No woman wants to learn that your interest in her is based on her stopping you from coming.

I suggest that if she agrees, you stop there. Obviously, you have to be honest and not jerk off. Don’t obsess over this. Resist endless comments about how horny you are. If she wants intercourse, remind her of your agreement. Ask her if she wants you to stop before you ejaculate. Offer to give her oral sex for her orgasm.

There is a lot of additional conversation that will be needed to help her understand what you want. Resist the impulse to discuss this. Let her get used to the idea. Gentle reminders of your agreement are fine if needed when she wants sex. Otherwise, just answer he questions. Don’t drive her crazy with anxiety about the power exchange,.

I realize this is very different from advice you may have read in the past. But, think about it. You are asking for a  big change in your sex life. The simpler you make it, the easier it will be for her to accept it and actually do it. She will ask questions when she is ready. Resist the temptation to show her websites, including this one.

One more point: Don’t ask her by email. I see a lot of sites that give you a form you can send her. Ask her in person, face to face.

Here’s the next step: Asking your partner to lock you up.

By:
In: Edging, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm denial

I didn’t do a post yesterday. I was in the middle of investigating a mystery at work. Who did what? Why? How can we fix it? And then Lion called me about going with him on his next business trip and what’s my frequent flyer info and what’s my TSA number? And everything required a password that I didn’t remember. Too much turmoil to be able to come up with a post.

Plus I had nothing to report. We hadn’t really played in days. I suggested using the sling on Wednesday and Lion wasn’t really interested. He’d rather wait for the weekend. OK. That works.

Last night, however, Lion was on his game. He was hard within a few minutes of my iutouching him. I don’t know why but I decided to be ruthless with him. As soon as he got to the edge I stopped but I didn’t take my hand away. And within a minute of stopping I was starting again. Over and over and over. I’m not sure I’ve ever edged him so many times.

We both thought I’d gone too far a few times. Not quite. It didn’t stop me from continuing on. Afterwards Lion wondered how many days his wait had been. His last orgasm was Sunday. It’s a four day wait so far. Not long at all. He’s got another few days to go. At least.

But as we were settling in for bed Lion said I was mean for not giving him an orgasm. I told him he asked me to do this for him. He said he didn’t ask last night. It was more of a general statement in the beginning of all this chastity talk. He asked me to make him wait. Silly boy. If he didn’t want me to make him wait he shouldn’t have asked. He said he’s just frustrated and I make it all worse. And isn’t four days long enough?

Nope. It isn’t.