I spent some time reading items I found after a Google search on male chastity. The vast majority of what came up are posts that are clearly written by people still in the pink haze of sexual fantasy. The thing is, these fantasies represent a male sexual fantasy.

Remember, male chastity is generally a game for two. To get started, the guy has to find a keyholder. Usually that’s his partner. He is obsessed by chastity devices. He’s been reading all about them. He may have even bought one. So, his conversation with his partner centers around putting hardware around his penis and locking it.

There are few, if any women who are particularly interested in chastity hardware. This includes Mrs. Lion. She locked me up because she wanted to make me happy; not because she likes the idea of my cock behind bars. I’m the one who likes that idea.

The reason for a chastity device, other than satisfying a sexual bondage kink, is to enforce orgasm control. Orgasm control? Yes, that’s what male chastity is all about. Just as BDSM isn’t based on tying someone up and then untying them. It’s abut what you do after they are restrained.

When you ask your partner to lock you up, the real request is to control your ejaculation and lock you in a device. You are asking for two very different agreements from your partner. This complicates things on your initial approach. I suspect this is why so many requests to a vanilla partner fail.

I know what you’re thinking. “But I want to wear a chastity device and be sexually controlled by my partner.”

I realize that. But there is a learning curve for her. Give her time to get used to the idea of a power exchange before you introduce the hardware. That’s quite a lot all by itself.

My suggestion is to talk to her about your desire to give her more control over sex. Ask her to be in charge of if and when you can come. There is no question that a discussion will follow. this request. She will want to understand what you are asking. That’s fair. This conversation will make all the difference. Here’s how it might go:

You: “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. It would be very sexy for me if you decide when I get to come.”

Her: “What do you mean?”

You: “I think it would be very exciting if you not let me come every time when we have sex. Let me please you, but you stop me before I can come. Also, I won’t masturbate.”

Her: “You masturbate? How often?”

(You probably didn’t think about this part.)

You: (Be totally honest!) “I jerk off  a couple of times a week when I get horny.”

Her: “I didn’t realize that. So, you are saying that you won’t do that any more ?”

You: “Yes, and I want you to make me wait to have an orgasm.”

Her: “Why in the world would you want me to do this?”

You: “It’s very exciting for me to feel your control. I love the idea of you making me wait before I get to come. Believe it or not, it turns me on.”

Her: “How long do you want to wait?”

You: “That’s up to you. But maybe start with a week?”

Her: “Really? A week?”

You: “Yes.”

Her: “What do I have to do?”

You: “If you want sex, I can please you. Just don’t let me come until the time you’ve decided. You can also tease me too. At least, that’s how my fantasies go.”

Her: “I don’t want to be mean to you.”

You: “You aren’t being mean. You are doing something I really want.”

It probably won’t go exactly like this, but you get the idea. She’ll want to know exactly what you mean, why you want this, and then how you expect it to work. The discussion is confined to orgasm control and nothing else. It’s very tempting to ask for more. Don’t. Avoid getting too deeply into your fantasies. Keep hardware out of the conversation.

When you think about it, the key part of this power exchange is controlling your orgasms, not locking your cock in a chastity device. If she agrees to try it, keep it about frustrating you. Let her see how much you like this. Over time, you can introduce edging and other teasing. It won’t be long before you can also suggest a chastity device. Again, the reason you want it is because it turns you on to wear one.

Keep away from the so-called benefits of orgasm control. Don’t suggest you will want to do housework. Don’t say you will be more sexually attentive to her because you are frustrated. No woman wants to learn that your interest in her is based on her stopping you from coming.

I suggest that if she agrees, you stop there. Obviously, you have to be honest and not jerk off. Don’t obsess over this. Resist endless comments about how horny you are. If she wants intercourse, remind her of your agreement. Ask her if she wants you to stop before you ejaculate. Offer to give her oral sex for her orgasm.

There is a lot of additional conversation that will be needed to help her understand what you want. Resist the impulse to discuss this. Let her get used to the idea. Gentle reminders of your agreement are fine if needed when she wants sex. Otherwise, just answer he questions. Don’t drive her crazy with anxiety about the power exchange,.

I realize this is very different from advice you may have read in the past. But, think about it. You are asking for a  big change in your sex life. The simpler you make it, the easier it will be for her to accept it and actually do it. She will ask questions when she is ready. Resist the temptation to show her websites, including this one.

One more point: Don’t ask her by email. I see a lot of sites that give you a form you can send her. Ask her in person, face to face.

Here’s the next step: Asking your partner to lock you up.


  1. Author

    Don’t ask her by email. I see a lot of sites that give you a form you can send her.

    Jeez, really? Many years ago I used to read about guys in the military who would make copies of a “form love letter” to send to their wives, gfs, etc. It’s funny that this kind of thing still happens.

    1. Author

      At least the guys in the army were far away. I think a lot of guys think the right incantation, in this case delivered by email, will magically bring their partners into their chastity fantasy. If you look at some of the “books” people on the net sell to help “train” wives, the sense of unreality just grows.

  2. Author

    I’m facing this dilemma presently and found this very helpful

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