By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training), Sex

I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.

As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.

I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.

If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.

I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages.  We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.

The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.

I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.

That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.

Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Spanking
spanking spoon
Mrs. Lion’s wooden spoon is about 24 inches long and very thick and heavy. She spanks me with the back of the spoon. I can’t help but squirm with each swat.

Yesterday, I was extremely horny. Mrs. Lion’s tease on Sunday night had a strong effect on me. Mrs. Lion said that she would give me an extra tease and deny last night. First, she told me to roll over for spanking. She asked if there were any items on my list that needed discipline. When she asked me, I realized that there was now one: I forgot to remind her that Monday night is punishment night. So, in addition to her “practice” spanking, she had to discipline me for forgetting to remind her.

She used the large wooden spoon last night. Each swat really hurt. I squirmed away a few times. She patiently pulled me back into position and continued. This went on for some time. My bottom stung for an hour after she finished. She reminded me that I got more swats because I forgot to remind her about punishment night. I will be sure to remind her on Thursday.

A half hour later, she did a long tease and deny. She edged me over and over. At the end she used her mouth. Her last oral edging went a bit too far. I ended up with a ruined orgasm. She was genuinely sorry she did that. I wasn’t upset. That ruined orgasm reduced the tension I had been feeling.  It was my fault. I didn’t signal the oncoming orgasm soon enough. I’ll have to ask her if I should add that omission to my list for Thursday.

Over the last year of so we’ve learned a lot about enforced chastity. I thought I knew all I needed, but I was wrong. Mrs. Lion, being much smarter about these things, understood that we both needed a lot of training before we were seriously pursuing enforced chastity. I had to learn to handle the emotional roller coaster that being kept horny and unable to come causes. Mrs. Lion had to learn to harden up and try to enjoy my frustration. That is very difficult to do.

The problem is that when I asked her to lock me up, I had done lots of research and had thought about enforced chastity for over fifteen years. I figured that I was truly ready. Mrs. Lion agreed because she knew that she would make me happy by locking me up. Neither of us understood what it would really be like. We went through considerable pain and difficulty. It turned out that I need gradually increasing waits to help me learn to handle the frustration. Those same waits taught Mrs. Lion to handle me.

Based on my email and what I read on forums and other blogs, it appears that the majority of men starting out with enforced chastity expect to be where I am today. They believe the same things I did; enforced chastity is easy to do and a keyholder only had to tease and set release dates. I think that one reason so many couples quit is failure to realize that enforced chastity requires substantial training for both partners.

When I sprung domestic discipline on Mrs. Lion, she immediately realized that we both had a lot to learn if we want to succeed in our FLR (Female Led Relationship). I have to agree. There are quite a few new things for us in FLR: We both have to get used to Mrs. Lion observing and correcting my behavior; we both have to learn how to handle serious discipline; and, we have to make her authority second nature to both of us.

Each of these challenges flies in the face of our life experience. Mrs. Lion is a giver. She works hard to accommodate and make people happy. She doesn’t like being in charge and certainly doesn’t like to punish. I am a very autonomous person who is generally in charge of things. I have no real experience being submissive. I have experience being spanked, but only for fun where the sensation builds slowly and the entire experience is erotic. In the past, Mrs. Lion has punished me with a few hard swats that hurt a lot. I had a hard time accepting them and generally squirmed away after four or five.

Successful domestic discipline goes way past the level of spanking we ever tried. This video shows a reasonable domestic discipline spanking. Neither of us is prepared for that. The objective of any domestic discipline punishment is to emphasize the authority of the top and to provide a real deterrent to future misbehavior. There are many kinds of punishment other than spanking. But Mrs. Lion has selected spanking as her first method.

Last week she decided to give me a nightly spanking. Her plan is to get practice doing punishment spankings and to give me a chance to learn to take them gracefully. Her plan was to do this every day for a week. Progress has been slow. This isn’t easy for either of us. I think she might want to extend her daily sessions until we both reach a point closer to that video. I suspect I will need to be restrained for much of this. She learns much more quickly than I do.

I realize that I am in for a painful period of learning. But if FLR / domestic discipline is going to work for us, we have to take discipline to an entirely new level. Clearly, neither of us can handle the kind of spanking I need to get. In the process of learning domestic discipline, we both have to learn to be more aware of my behavior and for Mrs. Lion to begin developing a standard she wants me to meet. That will not happen quickly.

At least the process itself is familiar. We’ve had the same sort of challenges with enforced chastity. In the process of learning, we discovered significant benefits for our relationship; so many benefits, that we won’t be quitting for any reason. That’s positive feedback and suggests that if we seriously pursue FLR/domestic discipline. we may discover new benefits for our marriage.

As with enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion needs to remember and to remind me that I asked for this change. As each practice spanking gets more severe, I may need to be reminded that I asked for this and there is no backing out. Yes, Mrs. Lion, I understand and accept that. I am willing to have difficulty sitting while we learn about domestic discipline.

By:
In: Advice to caged males, Chastity device fitting, Lion's Journal
original cb2000 chastity device
This is one of the very first CB2000’s. It was hand made from cast acrylic rings and rods. After a while the maker earned enough money to buy an injection molding mold and the more familiar CB line was born. This particular device is one of the very first he ever made.

I’ve been reviewing chastity devices since the mid 1990’s. I’ve worn both custom and off-the-shelf designs. To be fair, in the mid 90’s, the only off-the-shelf product was the CB2000. It had two very significant advantages: It was relatively inexpensive (less than $200 USD) and you could have one immediately. Custom tubes and belts were much more expensive and required weeks before you would receive it.

Both the price and ease of purchase spurred a lot of interest in enforced chastity. I think it is safe to say that the vast majority of purchases were used a few times and forgotten. The CB2000 was fine to wear for a weekend, but longer periods were uncomfortable.

The device, right from the start, came with a variety of base rings and spacers (to control the gap between the base ring and the cage). The idea was, and still is, to try different combinations to discover the most comfortable and secure fit. Unfortunately, no combination fit me very well at all. The model in the image is the one I tested and the rings and spacers were the best fit I could find.

Nothing’s really changed much since then. Off-the-shelf devices are available with a variety of base ring sizes. Some have cages for shorter or longer cocks, some let you adjust spacing. But given how individual each of our penises is, the chances that you will get a good fit with one of these devices is remote.

Chastity devices are like musical instruments. If you buy one (a musical instrument) just to learn the basics and then play now and then at a party, you don’t need concert quality. But if you make your living playing the violin, for example,  you want the best you can afford. This analogy holds true for chastity devices. If you are buying one just to try out being locked up and plan to use it as part of a weekend or evening activity session, good fit isn’t that important. The device just has to not fall off or hurt you too much to wear it.

If you are like me and wear a chastity device full time, fit is critical. The smallest mistake in fit will, over time, become intolerable. Also, since the device is your full time companion, any issue becomes impossible to miss. That’s why so many guys who are more serious about being caged, choose a custom device. Measuring for this device is a challenge ( see our long article on measuring for chastity here). I have years of experience with this and yet I had to get my device adjusted three times.

Let me explain. I followed all the instructions on our Getting A Good Fit page. Even so, I overestimated the length of my cock. I know, how typically male of me. The truth is that the human penis is very adapt, at least when soft, at squishing down to an incredibly small size and at other times, hang there like a banana. So, like many guys, I overestimated the length of cage I need by a full 1/2″. So what? Well that gap in the front allowed pee to spray all over the place. These devices are design to have the head of your penis firmly pressed against the bars at all times. Fortunately, Mature Metal, who makes the Jail Bird I wear, will adjust devices for a reasonable cost. So, I had the cage shortened by 1/2″. Voila La! Great fit.

I’ve heard people say that after a while the scrotum adjusts and stretches a bit and the base ring that fit perfectly in the beginning starts becoming too large. Sure enough, after about ten months, my base ring was pretty loose. I set the cage back and ordered a new ring (they could have resized the original, but I wanted a “safety” in case the new one was too small). The old ring was 1 3/4″. The one I ordered is 1 5/8″ — just 1/8″ smaller.

When I got the new ring and put it on, after a few hours it started to pinch. After wearing it for 24 hours, I had to go back to the 1 3/4″ ring. Boy was I glad I didn’t have it reduced and bought a new ring instead. Ok, a tiny change, only 1/8 inch in diameter took me from too big to painful. All I could do is send everything back again and have the 1 5/8 inch ring reduced to 1 11/16″. That felt stupid to me. Such a small change!

I got the resized base ring back on Friday. I’ve been wearing it ever since. It fits perfectly. What the hell? A lousy 16th of an inch is enough to go from agony to perfection.

There’s a message here. That message is that when it comes to full time chastity device wear, close enough is not good enough. Tiny adjustments in cage size can be the difference between a comfortable and effective device and one that doesn’t fit well at all. So, if you are just starting out in enforced chastity, measure very carefully and come as close as you can with an inexpensive device. Use it to learn what sizes you need to change. When you decide you will be locked up full time, then order a custom device. Expect to send it back a couple of times (at least) for adjustment. Perfection isn’t easy to attain. Now that I have things just right I am a happy and very horny lion.

By:
In: Advice to caged males, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

My interest in enforced male chastity began on the Internet. In the mid 1990’s I read newsgroups. These were the predecessors of today’s forums. The web was just getting going at that time. Prior to the web you communicated using newsgroups. You dialed into servers that you addressed with newsgroup names. These names looked like “alt.sex.spanking”, for example. The taxonomy was clumsy, but it helped sort out people by interest. By and large the dialogue was very similar to what you see in the forums today. One post referenced a web site about chastity. It was altair boy’s site. This was a very simple site with reader-submitted pieces on chastity devices, fantasies, etc. Remember, there were no such things as blogs back then.

Reading about enforced chastity turned me on. When I masturbated I fantasized about being locked up. Even back then I wondered why I got hard thinking about not being able to get off. It really makes no sense at all. I was equally bemused at my reaction to spanking fantasies. By the 90’s I had been involved in BDSM for many years. My first experiences were in the mid 80’s. I had been on both sides of the paddle by then. As I learned, experience didn’t make my reactions any less confusing. Spanking hurt, yet I unfailingly got hard whenever I received it or thought about receiving it.

In the 90’s I was a top with very few opportunities to be on the receiving end of a spanking. Oddly, giving a spanking didn’t get me hard the way receiving one did. However, there were lots of other things about topping that not only got me hard, they got me off. But even when I was a 24/7 master, I still thought about enforced chastity. Those thoughts still had the expected effect on my penis.

In the late 90’s I decided to review chastity devices. I had a full-time bottom living with me, so there was no chance I could be locked up for more than a day or so. Still, I loved the idea of at least trying toys out. I was able to get a large number of devices. I still have one of the original, hand-made CB2000’s. Truthfully, none of the devices I reviewed were comfortable enough for me to consider full time wear. Still, it was fun.

Over eleven months ago this chastity adventure began. When we started it, I wondered if the appeal would wear off once I had spent weeks locked up. Obviously it didn’t. Now I don’t fantasize about being locked up when I masturbate. There is a good reason for that; I can’t masturbate. However, when my mind wanders to my caged state, I feel that tingle and pressure inside my cage. The appeal hasn’t worn off,  but what happens if it does?

I’ve given that some thought too. At this point, my interest in being caged is no longer the reason I am locked up. The reasons now go to the roots of our sexual relationship. My enforced chastity is a key component of our renewed sexual activity and my contentment. Mrs. Lion still acts as my keyholder out of love for me, but there are hints that my lockup is becoming more fun for her. She recently wrote that she doesn’t want to stop being my keyholder, which of course means I won’t be running around wild for the foreseeable future.

Enforced chastity has developed in stages for me. It started out as an amazingly erotic activity. It’s evolving into a necessary component of my relationship with Mrs. Lion. Is this what I fantasized would happen? Absolutely not! I never considered that I would be in a chastity device permanently. That thought never crossed my mind. Now, however, it is my reality. I can’t imagine things being different. As they say (who is “they”?): Be careful what you wish for.