I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.
As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.
I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.
If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.
I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages. We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.
The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.
I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.
That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.
Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?